What We Say Matters: Practicing Nonviolent Communication

177 Pages·2009·0.69 MB·English

by  P.T. Judith Hanson Lasater Ph.D.

yoga/communication/relationships $14.95
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Praise for What We Say Matters
What We Say Matters shows how speech can be a spiritual practice.
A language of the heart has the power to create a world of con-
nection, peace, and compassion in our own lives and in the whole
human family. I am excited and inspired by how Judith and Ike
present the NVC principles from the context of yoga philosophy
and Buddhism in a way that is simple, clear, and practical, yet
filled with depth and wisdom. I highly and enthusiastically rec-
ommend this book.
—John Kinyon, trainer and mediator, The Center
for Nonviolent Communication
As a longtime student of NVC (thanks to Judith and Ike), I am
grateful for the clarity and wisdom of the material presented in
What We Say Matters. I was inspired and encouraged by their per-
sonal stories and am excited to experiment with the practical sug-
gestions and exercises. When I imagine the people who will read
and use this book, I feel hopeful that we can all contribute to cre-
ating a more peaceful world.
—Marcia Miller, co-owner of Yoga on High, Columbus, OH
When I read Judith and Ike’s book, I feel happy, as though I have
friends who speak to me and for me (rather than at me or down to
me) and who will coach and counsel me through the intricacies of
communicating more clearly and carefully, heart to heart, so that
we may flower in each other’s presence. Thank you for this offer-
ing, a treasure that helps me to unfold inside.
—Edward Brown, Zen teacher, author of The Tassajara
Bread Book and The Complete Tassajara Cookbook
This book reminds me of conversations around the dinner table at
Judith and Ike’s house, exploring ways to deepen our conscious-
ness and more fully live this one precious life. Now everyone is
invited to be at that table.
—Kit Miller, Director/Celebrator, Bay Area
Nonviolent Communication
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What We Say Matters:
Practicing Nonviolent Communication
Judith Hanson Lasater, Ph.D., P.T.
Ike K. Lasater, J.D., M.C.P.
rodmell press
berkeley, california ▾ 2009
What We Say Matters: Practicing Nonviolent Communication,
copyright © 2009 by Judith Hanson Lasater, Ph.D., P.T,
and Ike K. Lasater, J.D., M.C.P. All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in
any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including
photocopying, recording, or by an information storage or
retrieval system, without written permission from Rodmell Press,
2147 Blake St., Berkeley, CA 94704-2715; [phone],
[phone] (fax), www.rodmellpress.com.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
is available.
Printed and bound in China
First edition
ISBN-10: 1-930485-24-7
ISBN-13: 978-1-930485-24-2
13 12 11 10 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Editor: Linda Cogozzo
Associate Editor: Holly Hammond
Indexer: Ty Koontz
Design: Gopa & Ted2, Inc.
Lithographer: Kwong Fat Offset Printing Co., Ltd.
Judith Author Photo: Elizabeth Lasater
Ike Author Photo: Melissa Walker-Scott
Text set in Palatino LT Standard 9.8/17.4
Distributed by Publishers Group West
For our children and their loved ones

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Contents
Acknowledgments xiii
Introduction: Why We Wrote This Book 1
1. Satya and Right Speech 7
2. Nonviolent Communication 13
3. Four Communication Choices 35
4. Listening to Ourselves and Others 57
5. What We Say Matters 69
6. Talking to Our Partners 85
7. Talking to Our Children and Parents 101
8. Talking at Work 117
9. Talking in the World 137
Resources 145
About the Authors 149
From the Publisher 153
Index 155
ix