This Ain't No Picnic: Your Punk Rock Vegan Cookbook

192 Pages·2014·11.675 MB·English

by  Joshua Ploeg, Vice Cooler, Dalton Blanco

This Ain’T no Picnic
Your Punk rock VegAn cookbook

Joshua Ploeg
First Printing, April 1, 2014
ISBN 9780977055753
This is Microcosm #76124
Photography by Vice Cooler + Dalton Blanco
Cover design by Joe Biel
Illustrated and Designed by Meggyn Pomerleau
All content © Joshua Ploeg, 2014
This edition is © by Microcosm Pubishing, 2014
This Ain’T
Printed on post-consumer paper in the U.S.
Distributed by IPG, Chicago and Turnaround, UK
Microcosm Publishing no Picnic
2752 N Williams St.
Portland, OR 97227
www.microcosmpublishing.com
so
Thanks to The Minutemen for inspiring much deliciousness.
your Punk rock
vegan cookbook
JOshUA PlOEG
with photography by
VICE COOlER & DAlTON blANCO
This Ain’T no Picnic
Your Punk rock VegAn cookbook

Joshua Ploeg
First Printing, April 1, 2014
ISBN 9780977055753
This is Microcosm #76124
Photography by Vice Cooler + Dalton Blanco
Cover design by Joe Biel
Illustrated and Designed by Meggyn Pomerleau
All content © Joshua Ploeg, 2014
This edition is © by Microcosm Pubishing, 2014
This Ain’T
Printed on post-consumer paper in the U.S.
Distributed by IPG, Chicago and Turnaround, UK
Microcosm Publishing no Picnic
2752 N Williams St.
Portland, OR 97227
www.microcosmpublishing.com
so
Thanks to The Minutemen for inspiring much deliciousness.
your Punk rock
vegan cookbook
JOshUA PlOEG
with photography by
VICE COOlER & DAlTON blANCO
INTRO 8
ONE 10
TWO 32
THREE 44
FOUR 64
FIVE 78
SIX 94
SEVEN 108
EIGHT 124
GLOSSARY 146
ABOUT THE
AUTHOR
(AND
161
CONTRIBUTORS)

IDEAS FOR MENUS 170
NNNNNOOOOOTTTTT YYYYYOOOOOUUUUURRRRR GGGGGRRRRRAAAAANNNNNDDDDDPPPPPAAAAA’’’’’SSSSS
888 INDEX 186
HHAARRDDCCOORREE VVEEGGAANN SSLLOOPP
INTRO 8
ONE 10
TWO 32
THREE 44
FOUR 64
FIVE 78
SIX 94
SEVEN 108
EIGHT 124
GLOSSARY 146
ABOUT THE
AUTHOR
(AND
161
CONTRIBUTORS)

IDEAS FOR MENUS 170
8 INDEX 186
RREECCIIPPEESS
Filthy Fruit Queercore Ring...................................................................82
Pop Punk Rainbow Popcorn Punch Cupcakes..................................83
Bouncy Black and White Ska Pie.......................................................84
Anarchy Burger......................................................................................14
Skrakky Crust Punk Brickle................................................................85
Chickn Vindaloo.....................................................................................18
Emo Sour Lemon Drop.........................................................................86
Weinerschnitzel.............................................................20
Art Noise Core Performance Art Deconstructed Sushi......................87
Pot Roast...............................................................................................21
No Rilly Tho’, Here’s Some Deconstructed Sushi..............................88
Shonen Knife Brown Mushrooms.......................................................22
Abrasive and Sweet Sour Riot Grrrl Bites.......................................89
Chop Suey...............................................................................................24
Molasses Gel Sludgey Doomcore...........................................................91
Massive Enchilada.................................................................................26
Durian Soup with Seaweed Crisps...................................................92
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps......................................28
Beef Baloney.........................................................................................30
Old Dumpstered Bagel Rarebit......................................................98
Donuts..........................................................................31
40 Oz. Mimosa.......................................................................................99
Beer Caramel.......................................................................................100
Dashboard Jerky..................................................................................35 Bagel French Toast........................................................................101
Dashboard Kale Chips........................................................................36 Crusty Cupboard Special Surprise................................................102
Snack Bar Salad...................................................................................36 Old Dumpstered Bagel Bread Pudding...............................103
Engine Block Casserole.......................................................................37 Beer and Uncheez Soup with Bagel Croutons........................104
Zippo S’mores........................................................................................38 Coffee Sauce for Everything...................................................105
Soaked Thai Noodles............................................................................41
Coffee Pot Curry..................................................................................42 Big Stuffed Biscuit and Milkshake..............................................110
Vegan Escargot and Black Quinoa Caviar.........................................112
Credit Card Sandwich.........................................................................48 Peach Melba............................................................................................114
Or-Curry Banana Sandwiches.............................................................49 Kir Royale................................................................................................115
Beer Tempura........................................................................................51 Refried Beans Pizza.............................................................................115
Marinade Wilting and Curing..........................................................52 Lavender Tea Cakes with Earl Grey .................................................116
Saucepan Cornbread...........................................................................53 Exploding Volcano Hot Dog Surprise..............................................117
Microwave Blanching.........................................................................54 Tomatoes Four Way: Tomato Bread, Tomato Sauce, Fried Tomatoes,
Stovetop Smoking...............................................................................55 Tomato Salad...........................................................................................118
Stovetop Pizza.....................................................................................56 Rip Her To Shreds................................................................................121
Frybread.......................................................................60 Tidy Henry..............................................................................................122
Flatbread......................................................................60
Ol’ Veggie Fried Chickn, Mashed Potatoes, Gravy, & Greens Re-Envisioned...128
Pancakes......................................................................61
Zucchini Bread........................................................................................130
Dumplings...................................................................62
Mate Latte..............................................................................................131
Jicama Potato Salad.............................................................................132
Fishnet Tarts.........................................................................................69
Lentil Loaf...............................................................................................133
Bright Green Tomatoes.....................................................................70
Mac n Cheez With TVP Chili & Acoutrements.................................136
A Trio of Flashy Dips........................................................................72
Nutritional Yeast Mac n Cheez...........................................................137
Seaweed Liberty Spikes.......................................................................73
Tofu Scramble.........................................................................................138
Leopard Mezza.....................................................................................73
Burrito with Cucumber Salsa.............................................................140
Safety Orange Delight........................................................................74
Baked Squash.........................................................................................143
Black and Silver Wristband Bar.......................................................76
Bloodstains.....................................................................77
RECIPES
Filthy Fruit Queercore Ring...................................................................82
Pop Punk Rainbow Popcorn Punch Cupcakes..................................83
Bouncy Black and White Ska Pie.......................................................84
Anarchy Burger......................................................................................14
Skrakky Crust Punk Brickle................................................................85
Chickn Vindaloo.....................................................................................18
Emo Sour Lemon Drop.........................................................................86
Weinerschnitzel.............................................................20
Art Noise Core Performance Art Deconstructed Sushi......................87
Pot Roast...............................................................................................21
No Rilly Tho’, Here’s Some Deconstructed Sushi..............................88
Shonen Knife Brown Mushrooms.......................................................22
Abrasive and Sweet Sour Riot Grrrl Bites.......................................89
Chop Suey...............................................................................................24
Molasses Gel Sludgey Doomcore...........................................................91
Massive Enchilada.................................................................................26
Durian Soup with Seaweed Crisps...................................................92
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps......................................28
Beef Baloney.........................................................................................30
Old Dumpstered Bagel Rarebit......................................................98
Donuts..........................................................................31
40 Oz. Mimosa.......................................................................................99
Beer Caramel.......................................................................................100
Dashboard Jerky..................................................................................35 Bagel French Toast........................................................................101
Dashboard Kale Chips........................................................................36 Crusty Cupboard Special Surprise................................................102
Snack Bar Salad...................................................................................36 Old Dumpstered Bagel Bread Pudding...............................103
Engine Block Casserole.......................................................................37 Beer and Uncheez Soup with Bagel Croutons........................104
Zippo S’mores........................................................................................38 Coffee Sauce for Everything...................................................105
Soaked Thai Noodles............................................................................41
Coffee Pot Curry..................................................................................42 Big Stuffed Biscuit and Milkshake..............................................110
Vegan Escargot and Black Quinoa Caviar.........................................112
Credit Card Sandwich.........................................................................48 Peach Melba............................................................................................114
Or-Curry Banana Sandwiches.............................................................49 Kir Royale................................................................................................115
Beer Tempura........................................................................................51 Refried Beans Pizza.............................................................................115
Marinade Wilting and Curing..........................................................52 Lavender Tea Cakes with Earl Grey .................................................116
Saucepan Cornbread...........................................................................53 Exploding Volcano Hot Dog Surprise..............................................117
Microwave Blanching.........................................................................54 Tomatoes Four Way: Tomato Bread, Tomato Sauce, Fried Tomatoes,
Stovetop Smoking...............................................................................55 Tomato Salad...........................................................................................118
Stovetop Pizza.....................................................................................56 Rip Her To Shreds................................................................................121
Frybread.......................................................................60 Tidy Henry..............................................................................................122
Flatbread......................................................................60
Ol’ Veggie Fried Chickn, Mashed Potatoes, Gravy, & Greens Re-Envisioned...128
Pancakes......................................................................61
Zucchini Bread........................................................................................130
Dumplings...................................................................62
Mate Latte..............................................................................................131
Jicama Potato Salad.............................................................................132
Fishnet Tarts.........................................................................................69
Lentil Loaf...............................................................................................133
Bright Green Tomatoes.....................................................................70
Mac n Cheez With TVP Chili & Acoutrements.................................136
A Trio of Flashy Dips........................................................................72
Nutritional Yeast Mac n Cheez...........................................................137
Seaweed Liberty Spikes.......................................................................73
Tofu Scramble.........................................................................................138
Leopard Mezza.....................................................................................73
Burrito with Cucumber Salsa.............................................................140
Safety Orange Delight........................................................................74
Baked Squash.........................................................................................143
Black and Silver Wristband Bar.......................................................76
Bloodstains.....................................................................77
Punk means different things to different
A
people, with the general rule being that you can
fter all of these years, even though some people call
recognize a punk because they love to argue about it,
me “the punk rock vegan chef” because I tour with food
subcompartmentalize, and judge non-judiciously. That’s
and still do buffets and demos at shows, at one point did
nice, have fun in your mom’s basement. Reminds me of
a live cooking show with a backing band, and everything
when Varg Vikernes killed Euronymous. We’re better than
is still overly DIY and sketchy much of the time, I’ve
that—so stop being such a hesher about it!
still never done a punk-themed cookbook or zine. So we
As someone who entered punk culture after punk
thought it would be fun to give it a whirl. Of
was already dead...it tends to take on a life of its own,
course merely having recipes was not going to be enough,
and you get the chance to tailor it to your own needs and
so we thought it would be entertaining to have photos.
circle of friends. That’s some versatile shit, and it also
But, of course, if they were just of food that would be
becomes personal. That’s probably why so many people
pretty passe, so people and their finery, dogs, and mess
are uptight about it. Oh well, I’m pretty over it—I play
must also be included. Some of it must have little to do
hardcore, go to and put on shows, cook and tour DIY and
with anything.
still live in warehouses and dirty-ass punk houses where
A mish mash of random quotes, playlists, and intros
bands practice so if you don’t dig what I’m laying down
by various people from my life that range from zany to
here, mosey on. Or in the immortal words of Brett Frost
academic also needed to be included. There needed to be
“fuck you if you doubt me!”
some interesting tips and methods for cooking without
Particular interests, like crusties, that I find amusing:
basic needs. This represents the circumstances that can
using what’s in the cupboard, making something out of
come about from a series of bad choices. But that’s nothing, tongue-in-cheekly paying tribute to “idols” (which
one nice thing about punk and other DIY of course we’re not supposed to have—yet there are college
courses and whole books on these people!?), smashing
“cultures”—winding up in a tough spot at the end of the
tradition, ushering in half-baked concepts and fully-formed
day doesn’t stop you from having a good time, sustaining
manifestations of crazy ideas—that’s what punk-themed
yourself, or being able to do what you need to do...one way
cookbooks are made of, or at least this one.
or another.
It is what it is, enjoy it for that, rather than what
So voila, this tome came to be.
it ain’t. I know that’s a tall order in this day and age, but
You may wonder why there isn’t also a picture for similarly to my life, this book is meant to be random, kinda
this and that, or why there is one of something else, or fun and moderately useful. So try to have some fun, okay?
why this or that person isn’t in here...well live my life and With its confluence of fashion, design, music, food, and
you would know the answer—Haha! Seriously, what part concept, it’s like you have a crappy little gallery opening
of “on no budget,” “when I say I’ll get that to you in a week right here in your hand. So please sit back with a few hors
I actually mean never,” or “what’s scheduling?” don’t you d’ouvres and a 40 oz. and enjoy the party!
understand?! It’s shocking we managed to accomplish this
much! In an attempt to keep it real, some mistakes are much love,
catalogued. Life ain’t pretty, punk ain’t pretty, and food
ain’t always pretty either. Neither are crusties.
Joshua Ploeg
Punk means different things to different
A
people, with the general rule being that you can
fter all of these years, even though some people call
recognize a punk because they love to argue about it,
me “the punk rock vegan chef” because I tour with food
subcompartmentalize, and judge non-judiciously. That’s
and still do buffets and demos at shows, at one point did
nice, have fun in your mom’s basement. Reminds me of
a live cooking show with a backing band, and everything
when Varg Vikernes killed Euronymous. We’re better than
is still overly DIY and sketchy much of the time, I’ve
that—so stop being such a hesher about it!
still never done a punk-themed cookbook or zine. So we
As someone who entered punk culture after punk
thought it would be fun to give it a whirl. Of
was already dead...it tends to take on a life of its own,
course merely having recipes was not going to be enough,
and you get the chance to tailor it to your own needs and
so we thought it would be entertaining to have photos.
circle of friends. That’s some versatile shit, and it also
But, of course, if they were just of food that would be
becomes personal. That’s probably why so many people
pretty passe, so people and their finery, dogs, and mess
are uptight about it. Oh well, I’m pretty over it—I play
must also be included. Some of it must have little to do
hardcore, go to and put on shows, cook and tour DIY and
with anything.
still live in warehouses and dirty-ass punk houses where
A mish mash of random quotes, playlists, and intros
bands practice so if you don’t dig what I’m laying down
by various people from my life that range from zany to
here, mosey on. Or in the immortal words of Brett Frost
academic also needed to be included. There needed to be
“fuck you if you doubt me!”
some interesting tips and methods for cooking without
Particular interests, like crusties, that I find amusing:
basic needs. This represents the circumstances that can
using what’s in the cupboard, making something out of
come about from a series of bad choices. But that’s nothing, tongue-in-cheekly paying tribute to “idols” (which
one nice thing about punk and other DIY of course we’re not supposed to have—yet there are college
courses and whole books on these people!?), smashing
“cultures”—winding up in a tough spot at the end of the
tradition, ushering in half-baked concepts and fully-formed
day doesn’t stop you from having a good time, sustaining
manifestations of crazy ideas—that’s what punk-themed
yourself, or being able to do what you need to do...one way
cookbooks are made of, or at least this one.
or another.
It is what it is, enjoy it for that, rather than what
So voila, this tome came to be.
it ain’t. I know that’s a tall order in this day and age, but
You may wonder why there isn’t also a picture for similarly to my life, this book is meant to be random, kinda
this and that, or why there is one of something else, or fun and moderately useful. So try to have some fun, okay?
why this or that person isn’t in here...well live my life and With its confluence of fashion, design, music, food, and
you would know the answer—Haha! Seriously, what part concept, it’s like you have a crappy little gallery opening
of “on no budget,” “when I say I’ll get that to you in a week right here in your hand. So please sit back with a few hors
I actually mean never,” or “what’s scheduling?” don’t you d’ouvres and a 40 oz. and enjoy the party!
understand?! It’s shocking we managed to accomplish this
much! In an attempt to keep it real, some mistakes are much love,
catalogued. Life ain’t pretty, punk ain’t pretty, and food
ain’t always pretty either. Neither are crusties.
Joshua Ploeg
1
This Ain’t No Picnic Joshua Ploeg
10 • • 11

A
PUNK’S
Every punk loves
to either collect
records or at least a vast, smarmy
GOLDEN
knowledge, or pretend knowledge, of said
records. Punks love food, they are always
hungry, starving if you will. Many songs
are odes to the morsels that we crave after
SHOWER playing a show or pogoing like the dickens
all night. Late night and fast food fare rule
the school of songs that mention edibles.
We thought it would be fun to make recipes
OF out of a good sampling of some of these

delicious tunes, so you can add them to your
collection. So here are the various foods
RECIPES mentioned in punk rock songs and titles,
brought to life for your enjoyment!