The Hostile Hospital

272 Pages·2001·2.49 MB·English

by  Lemony Snicket

A Series of Unfortunate Events 
BOOK the Eighth
THE HOSTILE
HOSPITAL
by LEMONY SNICKET
Illustrations by Brett Helquist

Dear Reader,
Before you throw this awful book to the ground and run
as far away from it as possible, you should probably know
why. This book is the only one which describes every last
detail of the Baudelaire children’s miserable stay at
Heimlich Hospital, which makes it one of the most
dreadful books in the world.
There are many pleasant things to read about,
but this book contains none of them. Within its pages are
such burdensome details as a suspicious shopkeeper,
unnecessary surgery, an intercom system, anesthesia,
heart-shaped balloons, and some very startling news
about a fire. Clearly you do not want to read about such
things.
I have sworn to research this story, and to write
it down as best I can, so I should know that this book is
something best left on the ground, where you undoubted-
ly found it.
With all due respect,
Lemony Snicket
For Beatri ce—
Summer without you is as cold as winter.
Winter without you is even colder.
Contents
DEAR READER iii
FOR BEATRICE— iv
CHAPTER ONE
There are two reasons why a writer would
end a … 1
CHAPTER TWO
Of all the ridiculous expressions people
use—and people use… 21
CHAPTER THREE
We are Volunteers Fighting Disease,
And we’re cheerful all day… 35
CHAPTER FOUR
Whether you have been sent to see the
Principal Of… 53
CHAPTER FIVE
“I just don’t understand it,” said Klaus,
which was not… 71
CHAPTER SIX
This is not a tale of Lemony Snicket. It is… 89
CHAPTER SEVEN
“I never thought I’d live to see the day,”
Violet… 111
CHAPTER EIGHT
Heimlich Hospital is gone now, and will
Probably never be… 129
CHAPTER NINE
“Recazier?” Sunny asked dumbfoundedly. The word
“dumbfoundedly” here means “wondering… 151
CHAPTER TEN
At this point in the dreadful story I am
writing,… 169
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Operating theaters are not nearly as popular
as dramatic theaters,… 189
CHAPTER TWELVE
I am alone this evening, and I am alone
because… 213
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
When Violet Baudelaire was five years old,
she won her… 231
ABOUT THE AUTHOR AND ILLUSTRATOR
TO MY KIND EDITOR
A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS
CREDITS
COVER
COPYRIGHT
ABOUT THE PUBLISHER