The Connected Father: Understanding Your Unique Role and Responsibilities during Your Child's Adolescence

241 Pages·2007·5.28 MB·English

by  Carl E. Pickhardt Ph.D.

THE CONNECTED FATHER
UNDERSTANDING YOUR UNIQUE ROLE AND
RESPONSIBILITIES DURING YOUR
CHILD’S ADOLESCENCE
Carl E. Pickhardt
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THE CONNECTED FATHER
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OTHER BOOKS BY CARL E. PICKHARDT
The Everything® Parent’s Guide to Children and Divorce
The Everything® Parent’s Guide to Positive Discipline
The Everything® Parent’s Guide to the Strong-Willed Child
Keys® to Single Parenting
Keys® to Successful Stepfathering
Keys® to Parenting the Only Child
Keys® to Raising a Drug-Free Child
Keys® to Developing Your Child’s Self-Esteem
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THE CONNECTED FATHER
UNDERSTANDING YOUR UNIQUE ROLE AND
RESPONSIBILITIES DURING YOUR CHILD’S ADOLESCENCE
Carl E. Pickhardt, Ph.D.
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THECONNECTEDFATHER
Copyright © Carl E. Pickhardt, 2007.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any
manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief
quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.
First published in 2007 by
PALGRAVE MACMILLAN™
175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010 and
Houndmills, Basingstoke, Hampshire, England RG21 6XS.
Companies and representatives throughout the world.
PALGRAVE MACMILLAN is the global academic imprint of the Palgrave
Macmillan division of St. Martin’s Press, LLC and of Palgrave Macmillan
Ltd. Macmillan® is a registered trademark in the United States, United
Kingdom and other countries. Palgrave is a registered trademark in the
European Union and other countries.
ISBN-13: 978-1-4039-7904-9
ISBN-10: 1-4039-7904-9
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available from the
Library of Congress.
A catalogue record of the book is available from the British Library.
Design by Letra Libre.
First edition: May 2007
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Printed in the United States of America.
All quotations and case examples used in this book are fictional, made up
by the author to illustrate psychological points. Any resemblance to real
people or situations is coincidental.
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To all those fathers who despair their
teenagers will never grow up,
and to all those teenagers who prove them wrong.
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CONTENTS
Preface ix
Chapter One: Critical Distinctions for Readers to Understand 1
Chapter Two: Why Fathers Disconnect from Adolescents 19
Chapter Three: The Problem with Work 31
Chapter Four: Clarifying Expectations for Adolescent Change 41
Chapter Five: Fathering in Early Adolescence (ages 9–13) 55
Chapter Six: Fathering in Mid-Adolescence (ages 13–15) 69
Chapter Seven: Fathering in Late Adolescence (ages 15–18) 87
Chapter Eight: Fathering in Trial Independence (ages 18–23) 101
Chapter Nine: Maintaining Authority 119
Chapter Ten: Conducting Communication 145
Chapter Eleven: Fathering a Teenage Daughter 167
Chapter Twelve: Fathering a Teenage Son 191
Further Reading 215
Helpful Websites 217
Helpful Support Groups 219
Index 221
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PREFACE
This is a “to do” book. It attempts to answer the question: “What are
some actions a father can take and words he can say to stay connected
to his children during the normal challenges and changes of adoles-
cence?” It discusses a father’s “job,” a father’s “work,” a father’s “role” as
parent and family man. Through numerous explanations, examples,
and dialogues, it describes many ways a father can maintain a helpful
presence during the ups and downs of the adolescent passage, that pe-
riod of growth that begins when our sons and daughters start their trial
and error journey toward adult independence.
While reading, please keep four provisos in mind.
• First, understand that no father could take every salient stand
described in this book. Not only are there too many, but they
won’t all fit every family situation. Select those ideas and pieces
of advice that work for you.
• Second, there are many more ways to stay involved with your
teenagers than I describe in this book. My examples are only
meant to help you consider a range of fathering choices.
• Third, the gender differences between a father and a mother I
describe reflect tendencies, not certainties, with plenty of room
for gradations and exceptions.
• And fourth, remember that there is no single definition of fa-
therhood that fits every father, nor should there be. Past experi-
ence, personal makeup, cultural diversity, family traditions, life
circumstance, religious training, human nature of the father
and the baby, and marital partnership all contribute to the real-
ity that no two fathers define and discharge their role in exactly