The Art of Connecting: How to Overcome Differences, Build Rapport and Communicate Effectively With Anyone

241 Pages·2006·1.19 MB·English

by  Raines C.

THE ART OF
C O N N E C T I N G
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THE ART OF
C O N N E C T I N G
How to Overcome Differences, Build Rapport,
and Communicate Effectively with Anyone
CLAIRERAINESandLARAEWING
AMERICAN MANAGEMENT ASSOCIATION
NewYork(cid:129)Atlanta(cid:129)Brussels(cid:129)Chicago(cid:129)MexicoCity
SanFrancisco(cid:129)Shanghai(cid:129)Tokyo(cid:129)Toronto(cid:129)Washington,D.C.
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LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationData
Raines,Claire.
Theartofconnecting:howtoovercomedifferences,buildrapport,andcommunicate
effectivelywithanyone/ClaireRainesandLaraEwing.
p. cm.
Includesbibliographicalreferences(p. )andindex.
ISBN-10:0-8144-0872-9(hardcover)
ISBN-13:978-0-8144-0872-8
1. Interculturalcommunication. 2. Interpersonalcommunication.
3. Communicationinmanagement. I. Ewing,Lara,1954– II. Title.
P94.6.R34 2006
302.2—dc22
2005033223
(cid:2)2006ClaireRainesandLaraEwing
Allrightsreserved.
PrintedintheUnitedStatesofAmerica.
Thispublicationmaynotbereproduced,
storedinaretrievalsystem,
ortransmittedinwholeorinpart,
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10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
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CONTENTS
Acknowledgments ix
INTRODUCTION 1
CHAPTER 1. MASTERS OF CONNECTION 7
Terry Gross 8
Richard and Michele Steckel 15
He´ctor Orc´ı 23
The Titanium Rule 30
The Core Principles 34
Chapter 1 at a Glance 37
CHAPTER 2. THE CORE PRINCIPLES 39
There’s Always a Bridge 45
Curiosity Is Key 52
What You Assume Is What You Get 57
Each Individual Is a Culture 60
No Strings Attached 64
Chapter 2 at a Glance 66
V
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Contents
CHAPTER 3. PATHWAYS TO CONNECTION 69
Clarify Your Intention 70
Notice Your Own Reactions 75
Search for Similarities 82
Use Cues 85
Experiment and Adjust 94
Putting It All Together: Lindsey Speaks to the NRA 97
Chapter 3 at a Glance 101
CHAPTER 4. POINTS OF VIEW 103
Me: First-Person Perspective 108
You: Second-Person Perspective 119
Them: Third-Person Perspective 125
Putting It All Together: A Profile of Nikki Moss 128
Chapter 4 at a Glance 130
CHAPTER 5. WORKING WITH DIFFERENCES IN
GROUPS 131
Opening Your Presentation 132
Reading Cues in Groups 136
Helping Diverse Groups Connect 138
Bridging Disagreement in a Group 140
Putting It All Together: A Conversation with Jonathan
Fox 144
Chapter 5 at a Glance 149
CHAPTER 6. TWENTY QUESTIONS 151
CHAPTER 7. CROSSING THE BRIDGE—THREE
CASE STUDIES 179
Lynn and the Line Managers 179
VI
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Contents
Joe and the New Kid 181
Michele and the Data Wonks 183
CHAPTER 8. LEARNING ACTIVITIES 187
Activity 1. Spectrum of Perspectives 188
Activity 2. Primary and Secondary Aspects of Diversity 191
Activity 3. Points of View 193
Activity 4. Case Study: Converging Networks 195
Activity 5. Clarify Your Intention 199
Activity 6. The Titanium Rule 202
Activity 7. Preclass Interview 205
Assessment 211
Notes 215
Related Reading 219
Index 221
About the Authors 229
VII
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
W
e are grateful to those who helped with this project. Our
deepest thanks to those who participated in focus groups at La
Agencia de Orcı´, at the California State Automobile Association,
andinDetroit;yourstoriesandyourwisdommadeourideascome
alive. We hope we’ve told them accurately, at least in spirit.
HectorandNormaOrcı´andRichardandMicheleSteckelgave
us some of their most precious resource—time—to offer insights
into their mastery in connecting.
Our clients are our greatest source of energy and inspiration.
We learn as much from you as you do from us.
Mentors kindly inviteus to stand ontheir shoulders. Nathaniel
Branden, Mark Clarke, Chuck Kelley, John Grinder, Judith De-
Lozier, Nikki Moss, and Ila Warner may recognize some of their
wisdom in these pages. We hope we got it right.
We couldn’t get our work done without the continual support
andadviceofoureditors,PhyllisHunt,RobertHimber,andAllen
Alderman. We’re grateful to Adrienne Hickey at AMACOM for
her insights and counsel.
Mary Holt, Leslie Jaffe, and Linda Williamson helped us with
the story about Nikki Moss. Stevy Merrill added her insights to
the answers in chapter 6, ‘‘Twenty Questions.’’
Family is where we first learn about connecting. Thanks to
Ken and Mary Mick, Lara’s parents, and to Robert, Allen, Dale,
Shannon, and Caitlin for putting up with us.
IX
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