The anger fallacy : uncovering the irrationality of the angry mindset

257 Pages·2013·1.55 MB·English

by  Laurent

Anger Fallacy cover.x_Layout 1 18/12/13 11:26 AM Page 1
T
THE ANGER FALLACY
H
E
A life without anger is attainable — A
if you understand The Anger Fallacy. N
G
Anger is everywhere — behind everything from road rage to wrap rage, E
domestic violence to international conflicts. People cling to their anger, as a
R
tool of influence and a driver of revenge. But is anger really ever useful? And
can we learn to overcome it?
F
A
In this entertaining and ground-breaking book, two of Australia’s leading
clinical psychologists take a radical approach to anger management, L
exploding the irrational beliefs that fuel this noxious and misunderstood
L
emotion. Through numerous examples from popular culture and the
A
consulting room, and with a sizable dose of humour, the authors show how to
combat anger by substituting empathy and understanding for righteous angry C
judgments. Along the way, readers will learn a new way of viewing people and
Y
their actions that is at once powerful and serene.

S
t
e
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Steven Laurentis a clinical psychologist with extensive experience in treating e
psychiatric disorders. He is a regular guest lecturer at the University of Sydney, n
L THE
and also works in private practice in the Inner West of Sydney. Laurent’s interest a
in anger arose in the 1990s during the completion of undergraduate degrees in u
r
Philosophy and Formal Logic at the Sorbonne in Paris. e ANG ER
n
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Ross G. Menzies has been providing cognitive-behaviour therapy for anxiety, a
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depression, couples conflict and related issues for over two decades and is d
currently Associate Professor in Health Sciences at the University of Sydney. He R
o
is an active researcher and is regularly invited to speak at conferences and leading
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universities and institutions around the world. He also runs a thriving private s
FALLACY
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practice in Sydney.

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i Uncovering the Irrationality of the Angry Mindset
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ISBN 978-1-922-11719-9
90 >
www.
AUSTRALIANACADEMICPRESS 9 781922117199 Steven Laurent and Ross G Menzies
.com.au
THE
ANGER
FALLACY
Uncovering the Irrationality of the Angry Mindset
Steven Laurent and Ross G Menzies
AUSTRALIANACADEMICPRESS

AUSTRALIANACADEMICPRESS
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Title: The anger fallacy: uncovering the irrationality of the angry(cid:0)
mindset / Steven Laurent and Ross G Menzies.(cid:0)
ISBN: 9781922117199 (paperback)
Notes: Includes bibliographical references.(cid:0)
Subjects: Anger—Psychological aspects(cid:0)
Anger—Popular works.(cid:0)
Emotions—Psychological aspects.(cid:0)
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Contributors: Menzies, Ross G., author.(cid:0)
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iii
Contents
About the authors.....................................................................................v
Acknowledgments.....................................................................................vi
1. Anger is everywhere...........................................................................1
2. But anger gets results ….................................................................33
3. But anger motivates me…..............................................................63
4. But anger is part of my image …...................................................99
5. Shoulding: The cognitive basis of anger.......................................115
6. What are you really angry about?................................................127
7. Anger Treatment 101: Get your facts straight!...........................143
8. Anger Treatment 102:The arbitrariness of ‘shoulds’...................155
9. Anger Treatment 103: Seeing the machine..................................175
10. Anger Treatment 104:The empathy solution..............................203
11. Getting past unfairness.................................................................217
12. Respect: A closer look..................................................................235
13. Recap and conclusion...................................................................247
iv
v
About the Authors
Steven Laurent is a clinical psychologist with extensive experience in
treating psychiatric disorders. He is a regular guest lecturer at the
University of Sydney, where he has taught on Mood Disorders,
Anxiety Disorders, and Drug and Alcohol Disorders. At present he
works in private practice in the Inner West of Sydney. Steven com-
pleted a Masters in Clinical Psychology at UNSW, where his thesis
centred on emotion perception in ‘psychopaths’. Laurent’s interest in
anger arose in the 1990s during the completion of undergraduate
degrees in Philosophy and Formal Logic at the Sorbonne in Paris.
Ross G. Menzies has been providing cognitive-behaviour therapy for
anxiety, depression, couples conflict and related issues for over two
decades and is currently Associate Professor in Health Sciences at the
University of Sydney. He is an active researcher and currently holds
over $5 million in national competitive research grants. He has pro-
duced four books, over 140 international journal manuscripts and
book chapters and is regularly invited to speak at conferences and
leading universities and institutions around the world. He continues to
attract patients from across metropolitan Sydney, rural NSW, interstate
and from overseas, with many individuals and families travelling thou-
sands of kilometres to receive treatment at his private practice. The
present book is his first major work on anger.
vi
Acknowledgments
To my prodigiously unangry friend and ally, Francis.
To my spiritual mentor, Josh.
And to my ever-encouraging father, Frank
— S.L.
To my great loves - Margot, Rachel, Henry, Matilda and Jude.
And in memory of my greatest teacher, J. Christopher Clarke
— R.G.M.
Anger is everywhere | 1
Chapter One
Anger is everywhere
Almost all of us long for peace and freedom; but very few of
us have much enthusiasm for the thoughts, feelings, and
actions that make for peace and freedom.
— Aldous Huxley
Anger is everywhere. On a given day, your average man or
woman will get angry once and annoyed several times. We say
‘man or woman’ by the way, because women get angry just as
often as men, and just as intensely. They even get angry about
very similar things, on the whole. The only gender differences
that have ever been established with regard to anger over many
studies and surveys are that in the heat of anger men are more
violent, and women cry more.
2 | The Anger Fallacy
The anger paradox
Anger itself is a noxious feeling state — few would deny that. All
along the spectrum, from barely noticeable finger-tapping impa-
tience, through eye-rolling annoyance, all the way to door slam-
ming rage, anger is an unpleasant feeling. As a colleague of ours
likes to say, no one hopes to wake up angry.
And when most episodes have passed, the feelings we’re left
with aren’t much better. Benjamin Franklin once quipped that
‘whatever is begun in anger ends in shame’. It turns out he was
actually somewhat understating the case. The psychologists R.
Chip Tafrate, Howard Kassinove and Louis Dundin, in a 2002
study, examined the emotions people reported feeling immedi-
ately after an anger episode. Straight after the incident had passed,
44% of the sample reported feeling still irritated or annoyed; 34%
said they felt depressed, 30% disgusted, 27% sad, 24% concerned, 23%
How do you generally feel right after getting angry?
Tick all that apply.
• (Still) angry............................c
• Guilty......................................c
• Ashamed................................c
• Foolish....................................c
• Sad..........................................c
• Disgusted...............................c
• Relieved.................................c
• Satisfied..................................c
• Triumphant............................c
• Joyous....................................c
Any more you can think of?
Anger is everywhere | 3
guilty or ashamed, and 19% foolish. At the positive end, 23% of the
sample reported feeling relieved. As for satisfied, happy, triumphant
or joyous, these were ticked by only 9%, 5%, 4% and 1% of the
sample respectively. So it’s safe to say that after an anger episode,
most people are feeling something negative — if not still
annoyed, then probably sad or appalled or guilty about what
happened. The only positive emotion they’re likely to be feeling
is relief: ‘Thank god that’s over …’
And yet (and this is where anger is so unique), despite all this,
people seem to cherish and cling to their anger. Among the neg-
ative emotions (like fear, sadness, guilt or disgust), anger has been
shown to be the one people least want to reduce or control
when they are feeling it, and the one they most wish to verbalise
or express.
When we discuss the emotion with clients or friends, it
becomes clear many of them like their anger, or think it’s useful
to get angry. This comes as no surprise. We live in an era where
you can log onto Facebook and join the ‘I Dont Need Anger
Management, You Just Need To Stop Pissing Me Off !!’ club.
Where a popular Internet poster reads: Why is ‘Patience’ a virtue?
Why can’t ‘Hurry the fuck up’ be a virtue?An era many are describ-
ing as the Age of Entitlement. So an anger management book
like this has two tasks essentially: First to convince you that
reducing your anger is a good idea, and secondly to actually
reduce it.
Oh, but we can hear you objecting.
Surely a little anger’s normal and appropriate sometimes?
‘Normal’ and ‘appropriate’, perhaps, on occasion; but rarely
helpful, as we shall see. Our aim is not to help you cultivate normal
prejudices, typical hang-ups, or average levels of intolerance. We are
going for something, we dare say, a little more ambitious.
This book represents a path to greater peace of mind and
functioning, not merely a guidebook to conformity.
Few would disagree that it’s annoying to be made to wait 11
minutes for an espresso. We say such annoyance is perhaps