Success From The Inside Out - John Assaraf

21 Pages·2007·0.1 MB·English

Success From The
JA: Hi, everybody. This is John
Inside Out Assaraf. This is our weekly
expert interview where we bring

you great ideas for making more
money and, as always, so you
can live an extraordinary life, a
life filled with contribution,
passion and fun. Barbara has
been one of the most influential
teachers of our time in the field
of personal and spiritual growth.
In the personal transformation
and self-help arena, she’s
absolutely a pioneer. You’ve
heard her since the eighties and

has she been successful? You
bet! She’s not only built

numerous of her own companies,
but she’s generated almost a
quarter of a billion in revenue,
fourteen best-selling books. I’ve
Expert Interview with
probably been a phenomenal
Barbara De Angelis
client of hers prior to us being

friends. I bought all of her stuff.
Hosted by John Assaraf
She’s got almost ten million
Broadcast on March 14, 2007 copies in twenty languages.
She’s been on CNN, Oprah,
Edited by Vey Linville, Luanne Linville, Jeff Good Morning America,
Narucki Geraldo, you name it she’s been
on it. She walks down the street,

they do the wave now because
they’ve known her for so many
years. She’s talked all over the
world. But most importantly,

she’s got a phenomenal spirit and

phenomenal heart of giving and

caring for other people. That’s

why she’s been so successful.
Barbara, welcome. Thanks for as is John’s, which is why I
trying so hard to be on the call. really love, admire and respect
him. This is the kind of energy
BA: I’m thrilled to be here. I didn’t that happens when people who
want anyone to think I kept them are living and breathing
waiting. This is a great lesson in transformation, are committed to
life, which I know you teach as helping others really…I call it
well. Just because things appear crossing the threshold into your
not to work doesn’t mean that greatness. Our job as teachers is
they’re not meant to work. And to hold open that door and point.
it doesn’t mean that you’re And when you say, “I’m not sure
supposed to particularly take a what’s in there. It doesn’t look
detour. Sometimes you just need good. Maybe it’s the wrong
to keep trying. door.” We just go, “GET IN
THERE! Because amazing
JA: That’s a great lesson for things are going to happen.” But
everybody. I’m sure there are what you just said just to start off
people on the call that are saying, the topic of probably where you
“I can’t believe it’s late. This is were going to start is that I, one
my first call…this is my tenth of things I have with my
call or my hundredth call. We coaching clients is don’t look for
usually get started on time.” Be evidence to disqualify yourself or
aware of the story you’re telling to disqualify others. It’s one of
yourself. One of the great things the things the mind does. My
I learned many years ago is to work as a transformational
never, ever, ever allow outside teacher and a psychologist and
circumstances control my feeling all the other things I’ve done in
and my thinking because it has my life, all the different roles I
power over me if I do. played, has been to particularly
look at what we do to get in our
BA: I agree with you, John. And by own way, to get in the way of our
the way, I have to preface success, our mastery. Whether
everything by saying this is it’s our business mastery or our
what’s going to happen. John personal mastery, or even
and I, this is how we first met spiritual mastery. My favorite
and first began talking. This was quote as a teacher is the great
practically within three Carlos Castenada, the wonderful
sentences; we were down to the mystic. He says, and everyone if
truth of life. We didn’t even say, you’re going to write anything
“Where do you live? What do down, this is it, “We either
you do?” We were right there make ourselves miserable or
because that’s my teaching, my we make ourselves strong. But
work as a transformational the amount of work is the
teacher is totally principled work, same.” Isn’t it fantastic? We

2
either make ourselves miserable We’re always going to find
or we make ourselves strong. evidence that says “no” and
The amount of work is the same. we’re always going to disqualify
What is this saying? It is saying, ourself or others. By the way,
“Nobody is more powerful than when you are constantly looking
you.” And I’m talking to you at evidence that others are going
and I’m feeling you. I’ve been to let you down, of course, that’s
thinking about all of you all day when you do it yourself.
long, actually all week long.
And tuning into you. That’s part JA: Barbara, you and I prepared for
of what I do. I know a lot of you this call by talking a few weeks
get on calls like this and you hear ago and talking again last night.
somebody with a great success I’ve got some questions that I
story and you think, “Gosh, you want to ask on behalf of the
know I haven’t really gotten that individuals. The first part of
much accomplished this week.” your career you were heavily
Somebody else is listening to involved with relationships.
John and thinking, “I could never You’re one of the most respected
be as great as John.” And I want relationship experts in the world.
you to know, do not disqualify I know in the last eight to ten
yourself. Neither John nor I nor years you’ve shifted your focus
any of the great people John has to really focus on personal
had on nor any of your mentors professional mastery. One of
has had more power than you. your most recent books,
We are all equally powerful. fourteenth, is How Did I Get
This is part of what I teach. Just Here, Finding Your Way To
like every drop in the ocean is Renewed Hope and Happiness
just as wet. It’s just what are you When Life and Love Take
doing with that power? We Unexpected Turns. Give us a
either make ourselves miserable little bit about this evolution.
or strong. We either block
ourselves or remove the blocks. BA: The evolution was something, as
We either find evidence that we most evolutions are, that was
are not deserving, or we honor unexpected. I have always been
ourselves and really hear our a tremendous believer in personal
assignment and allow it to come transformation. I began my own
through us. That’s exactly what personal process when I was
John was saying. People can get eighteen and became a
on this call and look for any meditation teacher and I began a
evidence: that they’re in the very intense and serious journey
wrong place, it’s not them, it’s toward self-discovery. It just so
not me, the call is late, anything. happened, and I know some of
If that’s what we do in life, we’re you can relate to this, perhaps
going to do it across the board. somebody that is listening who

3
had a family business or really about recommitting to
happened to get a good job at a what I’ve always been here to do
certain point and you suddenly which is to truly help people
find yourself in the hardware become free and live the best life
business or something else. And they can and to broaden that. To
you kind of go, “It’s not exactly do that I had to make some very
where I thought I would be. I did bold choices. I had to stop
really well this way, but it just writing books about love, sex and
happened.” For me I happened intimacy, which were making me
to write my first book How to a lot of money. My agent would
Make Love All the Time. It say, “Write another book about
became a huge success. I sex; it’ll get on Oprah.” I had to
became known as a relationship say, “No, no…I’m more than
teacher. I created incredible that.” I can’t squeeze back into
technology about relationships, something that’s too small for
intimacy, love and went on to me. Which again I know a lot of
write many, many best sellers you are feeling and acting on in
and have a best selling your life. So, for me the
infomercial on all of that. It was evolution has been more of a
all wonderful and I loved it. But revolution. It’s been a very
it was just a piece of me. It was powerful process over the last
always just a piece of me. Kind seven, eight years. When I wrote
of like an actor who happens to How Did I Get Here?, my last
make four hit comedies and says, book, it touched so many people
“But I really am great at and made such an impact. And
Shakespeare.” I had to actually the kind of mail I get from it and,
come to a place where in a by the way, I’m going to let you
strange way I had to turn my know at the end of the call how
back on my own success. I had all of you can get a free excerpt,
to really say, “I need to come out it supported me in that decision.
of the closet as more of who I My work is focused mostly now
am. “ I know a lot of you are in on really helping people what I
that same situation where there’s call living their life and
more of you that has not revealed mastering their life from the
itself. More of you as perhaps a inside out. It was not an easy
speaker. More of you as an shift. It was not an easy shift.
entrepreneur. More of you as a And I still have people say,
visionary, as a creative person. “Well aren’t you the love
And you feel the more-of-you person?” It took me awhile to
calling. It’s like pieces of you even get invited to the kind of
saying, “Can we join the party?” conferences where I met John.
There are only a few of these
characters that you are that JA: It’s interesting. You didn’t have
people get to see. For me it was to reinvent yourself. You just

4
chose a bigger purpose for about ourselves, it’s what our ex-
yourself, did you want to trade wife told us about ourselves, our
your life for, it sounds like. pictures are our prisons. For a lot
of us, what’s missing is an
BA: Actually it’s the other way understanding not anything in
around. I believe that purpose effect; there’s nothing missing
chooses us. I always say, “Even that you need to get somewhere.
my books come through me, not It’s a recognition of what’s
from me.” You know that, John. already there and how to use it so
Of course everyone knows that you’re not just swimming in a
who listens to John. There’s little circle. You get to ask
always something greater. All of yourself hard questions, “How
you who are listening who have am I actually manifesting the
made a commitment to working goldfish effect in my life?
with John, who have made a Where am I playing too small?”
commitment to your process, I had someone call me the other
know that there comes a time in day and say she was giving
your life when it’s impossible to conferences and she wanted to
stay in the small area you’re in. invite me. She said it took her
You know this great story I tell six months to get up the courage
about a little boy and a gold fish. to invite me because she thought
His mother gives him a goldfish I was too “big” for her
as a pet and his job is to clean the conference. She was in the bowl.
bowl out every week. The first She was still thinking small. She
week when he doesn’t he says, was thinking, “Why would
“Mommy, mommy, something is Barbara DeAngelis come to my
wrong with the goldfish!” She conference?” And of course, that
told him to put it in the tub and thought itself is the problem, not
clean the bowl and put it back. whether I come or not. That’s
And she comes in and he says, part of what I know what John’s
“Look, something is wrong with work is about which I love
the goldfish!” She says, “Honey, because we’re so resonant. What
it looks fine.” He says, “No, my work is about is looking at
no…look, it’s swimming around the places, finding out those
in little circles and there’s this places, I tend to have a gift for
huge tub.” And she says, “That’s seeing them in people, where we
because it still thinks it’s in the are holding ourselves back. Even
bowl.” I love that story. if we have the best systems in the
world, you are the one using the
JA: That’s a great story. system. If you are contracted, it
doesn’t matter how great the
BA: How many of us still think we’re system is.
in the bowl? What is the bowl –
it’s what our parents told us

5
JA: Let’s talk about something you nothing compared to what’s
just mentioned, mastering your happening inside. Notice the
life from the inside out. I know voices that are talking to you.
you have some principles you We all have kind of a committee
teach. Can you give us a few of inside of all the different pieces
these? I’m lobbing the ball for of us: the visionary, the cautious
you. That’s what preparation person, the artist, and the
does for you. I’m lobbing the practical person. They’re all
ball for you. different pieces of what makes us
successful. And they all have a
BA: One of the first ones and I’m place and a time. What I do
going to make it little bit more of when I work with people is ask
a principle than a story is to start them the question to ask
being aware on a daily basis of themselves, “Who’s at the end of
the ways you are disqualifying your table? Who is running the
yourself. A thought you might committee in your head? Is it the
have, “Maybe I should call this visionary? Or is it the fearful
person in network. Well no, he’s part of you?” Not that some of
probably busy.” Bang…there those pieces aren’t always going
you’ve done it. “Maybe I should to be present. But who’s in
write this. Well I don’t really charge? I’ll give you an example
have experience.” from my own life, when I’m
Bang…you’ve done it. Just start about to do an important TV
noticing all the ways in which show or a huge seminar,
you opt out. Even though I know something really essential for
a lot of my clients have bought me, there’s always a little voice
every system, they’ve done all that’s saying, “What if people
this stuff and yet with all of that don’t show up? What if you
they opt out every day on their don’t do well? What if this
own. happens? What if the phone
number is wrong? Whatever it
A second thing. Become aware is. I hear that part. I don’t try
of the inner power struggles. I to…
talk a lot and teach a lot about the
power struggles going on inside And here’s another principle I’m
of us all the time. No one is about to introduce. I don’t try to
going to get in your way in life tune it out. I don’t try to power it
more than you. No one is going away, which I know a lot of
to try to hold you back in people teach and it’s a mistake.
business more than you. No one I’ll tell you why in a second. I
is going to thwart your vision acknowledge it. Just like you
more than you. No matter how have your own child coming to
much you think somebody else you and saying, “Daddy, I’m
might be in the way, they are afraid if I…this is going to

6
happen.” You say, “That’s fine, The other says, “You curse the
honey. Let me give you a hug darkness.” The other says, “You
and now daddy has to go to scare the darkness and say, ‘I
work.” That’s what I do. I hear banish you forever.’” It’s all
that little voice. I say, “Thank these different things. And, of
you for sharing. I hear what course, the one intelligent, wise
you’re saying. I understand. man says, “You don’t pay
And now you go sit over there attention to the darkness. You
because I’m going to work. I am introduce the second element, the
the visionary. I am that force.” light.” The principle of the
second element is a principle I
JA: You have a dialogue with the teach a lot. It’s miraculous how
inner dialogue. it works in your life. That means
I honor my fear. I acknowledge
BA: It’s a conscious dialogue. It’s it. I understand where it’s
not a dialogue of denial. It’s not coming from. If I don’t, it will
a dialogue of overpowering. take me down in a way that I’m
This is something that has not aware of. Rather than try to
distinguished my work from get rid of it, push it out, scream it
certain people, not John, but out, power it out, I bring in the
other people who really say, second element. I make my
“Just smash that voice.” I totally visionary stronger than my fear.
disagree with that. That voice is I learn to feed the visionary.
connected to something very
important. It’s called your heart. And this is the fourth principle,
It’s called your compassion for learn what contracts you and
people. It’s called your what expands you. These may
vulnerability. Many of the things sound like spiritual
that will make you very principles…they are. This is the
successful in business, that will basis of my being. I’ve applied it
make people trust you, feel you, to business, work, and writing.
and connect with you. To force It’s made me very, very
that voice out you become an successful. I believe these are
automaton. just very profound and universal
principles. Expansion and
Now we’re at the third principle. contraction create every single
I’m giving a lot really fast. The experience in the universe.
principle of the second element. Think right now. Everyone can
The old story about the Wise do this in two seconds. Scan the
Men being posed a question. people in your life and just ask
“How do you banish the darkness your inner wisdom, say, “In
in a barn?” One of them says, whose presence do I feel
“You pray to God and angels and expanded?” Get a name. Get a
you ask them to bring the light.” face. John Assaraf, of course.

7
Think of a few other you do this you will begin to
people…you expand in their monitor inside yourself, when
presence. I don’t just mean a you are expanding yourself,
mentor. A friend. A loved one. when you are contracting
And now ask, “In whose yourself. That’s just one of the
presence do I contract? Who ways. I’m going to stop because
contracts me” And you’ll think I could give a hundred more
of somebody. Maybe it’s principles.
someone who works for you.
Maybe it’s someone you’re JA: I could listen to you for a
dating. Maybe it’s a friend or a hundred more. Whenever you’re
family member. As much as you in my presence, my dear, I
love them, this is not about love. always love to listen to you
In whose presence do you because you’re so profound and
expand? In whose presence do so enlightened. I love it. Let me
you contract? We can go on shift for just a moment. Actually
from there. What thoughts I’m not going to shift because
expand me? What thoughts we’re talking about success and
contract me? What actions? mastering your life from the
Beginning to understand inside out, which I believe if you
expansion and attraction, again don’t master the inside, you can
this is not judgment. This is the forget about the outside. You
trap a lot of people fall talk a lot about people sabotaging
into…these things are bad for me their success and happiness
these are good. These thoughts without even knowing or
are bad. These are good. Not realizing it. Let’s elaborate on
true. That will create more some of that.
power struggles inside. What
expands me? What contracts BA: This is one of the main things I
me? You are noticing and then work with people on because
to begin to make lists in your life. none of us…we might think, “I
When you get off the phone need more systems. I need more
tonight you can literally sit down investment information. I need
and make a list of all the people more ability to speak.” Most of
who expand you, all the activities us never actually believe that we,
that expand you. Activities and ourselves, are sabotaging
thoughts that expand you. And ourselves. There is something in
then the opposite: people that each person called a success
contract you, thoughts that barrier that I discovered years
contract you, and foods that ago. A success barrier is a place
contract you. Whatever it is. inside of us that has a particular
Just this alone, if you really paid standard about how successful
attention to this would be the we actually think we deserve to
road toward enlightenment. As be. This may be something that

8
you all teach and work with. I can’t believe this just happened.
have been amazed to see that I made more than this every year.
people are out there doing But then I lose the exact amount
everything, they’re studying, to get me back down to about
they’re joining. There’s a $275,000. I never could
stuckness and they can feel it. understand why.” I said, “You
They’ve done well. But there’s have a success barrier.” We
something holding them back. went to work on where it came
They can’t figure out what it is. from, when he decided that was
They hire. They fire. And it has his limit, why, what it had to do
nothing to do with anything on with all kinds of things in his life.
the outside. It has to do with That’s more delving into each
something on the inside. I was person’s inner psychology. It’s
on a cruise called the “Wealth just shocking. I did some things
Cruise” a few weeks ago, all real to work with him and clear. He
estate investment people. called me yesterday, he’s only
They’re all talking about flipping been working with me for two
houses and selling and going in weeks, he lives in Wisconsin. He
and going out, getting paid, all had just sold three more
this kind of stuff. There I was properties. He was up to like
talking about everything we’re $400,000. He said he could feel
talking about. And I got this guy this fire in himself of
up there, he must have weighed determination and something that
about three hundred pounds, felt freer without this dread. He
huge guy, very successful in the was absolutely not going to fall
real estate business. But he had a back down again. We all have
feeling he just was not quite barriers: psychological barriers
where he wanted to be. I decided to being more of what we want to
to actually muscle test him which be, believe it or not. Some of
some of you may have seen them have to do with people in
experienced at your our lives. Some of them have to
chiropractor’s or somewhere, just do with not wanting to leave
to see how the mind, the body certain people behind. Some of
and his consciousness were them have to do with our own
connecting. I had him go understanding of what success
through the different levels of means and judgments about it.
financial success that he felt he There’s a huge list of them.
deserved…a hundred thousand a They’re different for everyone.
year, two hundred thousand. We Finding out what your success
got to $275,000 and his entire barrier is and how it plays out for
body went weak. This guy was you particularly is really
huge. He could have picked me important because then you’re
up with a finger and he had no not pulling the rug out from
strength in his body. He said, “I underneath yourself.

9
stop at success? Why not go on
JA: A lot of people sabotage to true fulfillment? These are
themselves with their self-talk, different values and they don’t
their behaviors, what they necessitate getting rid of one of
believe about themselves. It is them. I’ve been very successful,
amazing how we’re really at the but I’ve been successful in a very
helm. When we start to realize balanced way. That’s what has
that we are in control whether we allowed it to grow and grow and
like it or we don’t, it’s to our grow and to have me be able to
taste or it’s not, we have that say at this point in my life that
option. I know one of the things the thing that is the most valuable
you speak a lot about to people to me in terms of an asset is my
who are wealthy, whether they’re own inner sense of well-being,
CEOs or millionaires, is if peace and my consciousness.
they’re only focused on making That’s worth everything to me.
money then they’re ripping
themselves off because there is JA: That shows wisdom. When I
so much more. was in my early twenties I ended
up with ulcerative colitis.
BA: Abundance and wealth are two Somebody that I had sought
different things. I should say counsel from said, “Well, why
money and wealth are two are you working so hard?” I
different things. I go in and am said, “Because I want to make a
very politically incorrect talking lot of money.” They said, “Why
to really, really wealthy people don’t you make a lot of money in
talking about how poor they are less time?” I said, “What?”
if they aren’t feeling inner They said, ”Make the same
freedom. Three-quarters of these amount of money in less time,
people are in miserable take care of your health, get
relationships and are about to connected to your source and
take all that nice wealth they spend time with your family.” I
worked so hard on and divide it said, “Well how am I going to
in half at least in the State of make a lot of money?” They
California and give it away in said, “You have to understand
their divorce. So many of them that you need to change your
are starving for a sense of true paradigm. You need to change
fulfillment, which is not the same what you believe is possible and
as success. It doesn’t matter what you believe is true.” And
what happens. They can become that’s why when I wrote in my
successful, they can get wealthy first book, I know you’re at
and there’s something that’s still fourteen, I’m at one with another
empty. I always say to people, one on its way, was Having It All
“Why stop at money? Why not was all about having the health
go on to true abundance? Why and the relationships and the

10