Strong Couples: Basic Skills that Elicit Connection and Transform Relationships

227 Pages·2019·5.589 MB·English

by  Kirsten Winther Murray

STRONG COUPLES
Strong Couples: Basic Skills that Elicit Connection and Transform Relationships intro-
duces an intelligent and flexible framework to guide sessions with
couples. Informed by grounded theory research, this book provides a
foundation for understanding couples’ needs and advancing sessions
toward lasting and meaningful change.
Drawing on illustrated case examples throughout, Murray demon-
strates the value of couples counseling for all by providing an adaptive
structure to be applied across diverse contexts and circumstances.With
chapters focused on areas of self and relational awareness, genuine
engagement, vulnerability and responsiveness, sharing responsibility,
and valuing one another, this book will help counselors guide couple
discoveries and new relationship experiences. Each chapter is fully
integrated with therapeutic techniques to realize this process.
Mobilizing the couple’s initiative to explore and develop their rela-
tionship, this book will aid counselors and marriage and family thera-
pists alike to implement purposeful steps for helping couples change.
Kirsten Winther Murray, PhD, LPC is Associate Professor of Counse-
lor Education at the University of Montana. A licensed counselor, she
has taught, supervised, and practiced for 14 years, concentrating on
present-focused relational work with couples and families.
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STRONG COUPLES
Basic Skills that Elicit Connection
and Transform Relationships
Kirsten Winther Murray
Firstpublished2019
byRoutledge
52VanderbiltAvenue,New York,NY10017
andbyRoutledge
2ParkSquare,MiltonPark,Abingdon,Oxon,OX144RN
RoutledgeisanimprintoftheTaylor&FrancisGroup,aninformabusiness
©2019Taylor&Francis
TherightofKirstenWintherMurraytobeidentifiedas authorofthisworkhas
beenassertedbyherinaccordancewithsections77and78oftheCopyright,
DesignsandPatentsAct1988.
Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthisbookmaybereprintedorreproducedor
utilisedinanyformorbyanyelectronic,mechanical,orothermeans,now
knownorhereafterinvented,includingphotocopying andrecording,orinany
informationstorageorretrievalsystem,withoutpermissioninwritingfromthe
publishers.
Trademarknotice:Productorcorporatenamesmaybetrademarksorregistered
trademarks,andareusedonlyforidentificationandexplanationwithoutintent
toinfringe.
Libraryof CongressCataloging-in-PublicationData
Acatalog recordforthistitlehasbeenrequested
ISBN:978-1-138-05782-1(hbk)
ISBN:978-1-138-05783-8(pbk)
ISBN:978-0-429-03178-6 (ebk)
TypesetinJoanna
bySwales&WillisLtd
To my boys. May you build relationships in life that are
sources of joy, learning, and love. And may you discover
your best selves there.
To my husband and partner in creating just such a
relationship.
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CONTENTS
Introduction 1
TheCaseofJoelandLisa 3
PartI.Hold 5
1 SettingtheFoundationsforCouplesCounseling 7
PartII.Discover 31
2 KnowingOne’sSelf 33
3 HistoriesandContextsofRelating:UnderstandingFamily
PatternsandStages 56
PartIII.Change 89
4 GenuineandAuthenticEngagement 91
5 ResponsivenessandVulnerability 119
VIII
CONTENTS
6 SharingResponsibilityandModelingTransformation 153
7 ValuingOneAnotherandtheRelationship 177
PartIV.Integrate 197
8 ConsiderationsforApplication 199
References 205
Index 208
If there is light in the soul, there will be beauty in the person. If there is beauty in the
person, there will be harmony in the house. If there is harmony in the house, there will be
order in the nation. If there is order in the nation, there will be peace in the world.
~Chinese Proverb