Stories We Live By, With, and In

366 Pages·2017·3.44 MB·English

by  Muna Saleh

Stories We Live By, With, and In:
A Narrative Inquiry into the Experiences of Canadian Muslim Girls and their Mothers

by

Muna Saleh

A thesis submitted in partial fulfilment of the requirements for the degree of

Doctor of Philosophy

Department of Elementary Education
University of Alberta

©Muna Saleh, 2017
ii
Abstract
Drawing upon my experiences as a Canadian Muslim woman, mother, and researcher, I
engaged in a two-year multiperspectival narrative inquiry (Houle, 2012; Huber, Clandinin, &
Murphy, 2011) alongside three Canadian Muslim girls and their mothers as girl co-inquirers
transitioned into adolescence. Together, co -inquirers and I asked: What personal, familial,
intergenerational, institutional, linguistic, cultural, temporal, faith -based/religious, and social
narratives do we live by, with, and in (Clandinin, 2013)? What stories have been planted in us,
what stories are we planting in ourselves and others, and what stories are being relationally
shaped and reshaped?
Drawing attention to our familial curriculum-making (Huber et al., 2011) practices, co-
inquirers and I engaged in telling, living, retelling, and reliving stories (Clandinin & Connelly,
1998) alongside each other through multiple one-on-one and shared conversations within
familial curriculum-making landscapes. For over two years, co-inquirers and I composed and
inquired into diverse field texts (Clandinin, 2013; Clandinin & Connelly, 2000) in the form of
researcher field notes of events and meetings, researcher and co-inquirer reflective writing,
recordings and transcripts of conversations, digital communications, and artifacts. Three
narrative accounts, one for each daughter and mother co-inquirer pair, were relationally
composed alongside co-inquirers with attentiveness to the three-dimensional narrative inquiry
space of temporality, sociality, and place (Clandinin, 2013; Clandinin & Connelly, 2000).
Reverberating across the stories co-inquirers and I shared and inquired into are threads of
our experiences of living in the midst of, and in relation to, multiple arrogant perceptions
(Lugones, 1987) and single stories (Adichie, 2009). However, sharing, living, and inquiring into
iii
these stories alongside one another foregrounded the many ways we lived stories of relational
resistance. Co-inquirers and I call attention to how we are continually composing ou r lives with
imagination and improvisation (Bateson, 1989) amidst a multiplicity of ongoing transitions.
While Muslim girls and women are often storied as victims of oppression in mainstream
Canadian media and literature (Bullock & Jaffri, 2000; Sensoy & Marshall, 2009), little is known
about our diverse experiences – particularly within familial and community landscapes. This
research contributes a unique and important perspective to the academic literature, one that
possesses the potential to shift dominant narratives of the experiences of Muslim females in
Canada. It will also provide insights into ways families, teachers, and community members can
help shift dominant narratives and better support Canadian Muslim girls, youth, women, and
families in the many places we compose our lives.
iv
Preface
This thesis is an original work by Muna Saleh. The research project, of which this thesis is a part,
received research ethics approval from the University of Alberta Research Ethics Board, Project
Name “A Narrative Inquiry into the Experiences of Canadian Muslim Girls and Mothers During
a Time of Transition”, No. Pro00053938, 01/09/2015.
v
Dedication

1
Bism’Allah Al-Rahman Al-Raheem

For Malak, Ahmad, and Maya.

May the stories we plant together
root and sustain you
the way they sustain me,
and may Allah (SWT) grant you innumerable blessings
in this life and in the next.
I love you.

And in loving memory of Jiddee Mahmoud (Abu Hussein) Saleh, Sittee Khadijah (Um Ahmad)
Tarshahani, and my dear cousins and brothers Billal and Yehia Al-Bekai.
Allah yirhammun wa yija3l mathwahun al Jannah ya Rubb. Ameen.

1
This Quranic invocation, translated from Arabic, means “In the name of God, The Most Gracious, The Dispenser of
Grace” (as translated by Muhammad Asad, 1980). This phrase is used by Muslims throughout the world before
praying, eating, writing, reading, and many other activities, including embarking upon a challenging task.
vi
Acknowledgements
Safaa, Rayyan, Ayesha, Zahra, Layla, and Maya
Being alongside you as a friend and co-inquirer has been one of the greatest honours of my life.
Thank you for your love, time, friendship, and for trusting me with your stories– I love you all.
My incredibly loving and supportive husband Wissam El-Haj
Words cannot express how much your love and encouragement have meant to me over the last
several years. Thank you for the early morning and late-night Tim’s coffee runs, letting me sleep
in after countless sleepless nights, and your unparalleled patience. I love you so much .
My beloved parents, Nadia and Hussien Saleh
May Allah (SWT) bless and guide you and keep you in His mercy now and forever. Thank you
for your love and everything you continue to do for me. I am who I am because of you .
My beautiful grandmother, Sittee, the strongest woman I know
I have been so blessed to have grown up in your light. May Allah (SWT) continue to grant you
countless blessings and may we all continue to derive sustenance from your love and wisdom .
My best friends and sisters Suha, Fatima, and Eman Saleh
Thank you for being mothers to my children and for everything else you do. There is no way I
could have engaged in this work without you. I am so blessed by your presence and love .
My brothers Mohamed and Walid Saleh
Thank you for always being just a phone call away (I know you both will understandt his
reference to an inside joke). Love you both.
Jean, Janice, and Vera, three incomparable scholars, mentors, and friends
Thank you for all your time, love, and support over the last several years. I have been so blessed
to grow as a scholar alongside you an d am forever grateful.
Jinny and Hiroko, the most amazing friends, sisters, and response community
Thank you for your love, the laughs, and for the breakfasts, lunches, dinners, desserts (especially
the ones in Toronto!) and – of course – coffees. I have been so blessed to be alongside you both.
I know we will continue to be friends/sisters wherever our futures take us.
My wonderful extended family
All my wonderful Aunts, Uncles, and cousins, Alhamdulillah for you all. And especially to
A3mty Fatima and A3my Hassan – I am honoured to still think of myself as Muna Abu-Ka3kee.
Allah khaleekun wa yizjeekun kul khair ya Rubb. Ameen.
My dear friends and sisters of the heart (in alphabetical order)
Amanah, Amany, Angie, Cristina, Deebe, Esra, Fatima, Hiba, Janine, Kali, Linda, Marina,
Mariam, Nahla, Nanna, Nariman, Nawal, Nouhad, Rodaina, Samar, Siraj, and Zahra. I love you
all so much and look forward to many more years of love, laughter, and friendship insha’Allah.
I would also like to acknowledge the generous funding of this research by Killam Trusts
Receiving the Izaak Walton Killam Memorial Scholarship allowed me to focus upon researching
alongside co-inquirers for over two years and I am eternally grateful.
vii
Table of Contents

Chapter 1: Rooting (Autobiographical) Stories to Live By, With, and In .................................................... 1
Spring 2014 ............................................................................................................................................... 1
Rooting a Research Puzzle ........................................................................................................................ 2
(place-ing myself with) A Beginning Story .............................................................................................. 6
(revisiting) What I Knew First .............................................................................................................. 8
Sittee’s Stories of Being Uprooted.......................................................................................................... 10
(revisiting) What Sittee Knew First .................................................................................................... 12
Scattered About Like Leaves .............................................................................................................. 13
Sittee’s Stories Live in Me .................................................................................................................. 14
Dear Mama.............................................................................................................................................. 17
Mama Teaching Me to See the Forest for the Trees ............................................................................... 17
(revisiting) What Mama Knew First ................................................................................................... 18
Travelling to Mama’s Worlds ............................................................................................................. 19
Planting Seeds of Home .......................................................................................................................... 23
(revisiting) What I Knew First ............................................................................................................ 24
Keeping It All in Perspective(s) .............................................................................................................. 26
Things Aren’t Always What They Seem ............................................................................................ 27
Learning to Travel to (real and imagined) Worlds .............................................................................. 27
Worlds Forever Changed ........................................................................................................................ 30
Disrupting Single Stories .................................................................................................................... 34
Salam … Is So Hard to Live ................................................................................................................... 36
On (mis)Representation(s) and Community ....................................................................................... 37
Go Home (???) ........................................................................................................................................ 43
Home is Where the Heart (and soil) Is ................................................................................................ 45
Prayers through the Storm................................................................................................................... 47
Growing (maternal) Stories of Uncertainty ............................................................................................ 48
On (not) Sharing (single) Stories ........................................................................................................ 50
Growing Forward … and Rooting a Narrative Inquiry ........................................................................... 51
Chapter 2: Rooting (and growing) a Narrative Inquiry ............................................................................... 53
Growing Forward … Always in Relation and in the Midst of Stories ................................................ 56
Growing an Inquiry Rooted in Relational Ethics ................................................................................ 57
viii
Growing Forward … and Thinking of Transitions ............................................................................. 59
Growing Forward … Alongside Co-inquirers .................................................................................... 60
Rooting and Growing Relational Field Texts Alongside Co-Inquirers ............................................... 62
Growing from Field Texts to Interim Research Texts ........................................................................ 64
Chapter 3: A Narrative Account of Inquiring Alongside Rayyan and Safaa .............................................. 70
Rooting a (research) Relationship – Winter 2015 ................................................................................... 72
Rooting Stories of Being and Becoming Alongside Safaa – Spring 2015 .............................................. 74
Safaa in Her Words ............................................................................................................................. 76
Retellings ................................................................................................................................................ 80
“I made a family” (Safaa, Spring 2015) .............................................................................................. 80
The Two R’s ....................................................................................................................................... 82
Trying to (slowly) Plant Seeds of Trust – Spring 2015 .......................................................................... 83
Rayyan in Her Words .......................................................................................................................... 84
Retellings ................................................................................................................................................ 85
“I’m quiet sometimes, but not shy” (Rayyan, Winter 2016) ............................................................... 85
“She learned that your language is not only at home” (Safaa, Spring 2015) ...................................... 87
“Why Girls?” (revisited) – Summer 2015 ............................................................................................... 88
Retellings ................................................................................................................................................ 90
“A mother’s conversation is always there” (Safaa, Winter 2016) ...................................................... 90
“I always tell my kids, ‘Nobody knows what you want, you have to ask’” (Summer 2015) ............. 91
Growing into Grade 7 … and in Comfort Alongside Each Other – Fall 2015 ....................................... 95
Retellings ................................................................................................................................................ 98
“That’s how we learn, it’s through living” (Safaa, Winter 2016) ....................................................... 98
“Not every Muslim is like what you see in the news” (Rayyan, Winter 2016) ................................ 100
Continuing to Grow and Nurture Trust – Fall 2015 .............................................................................. 102
Retellings .............................................................................................................................................. 105
“Me and Marwa are always together” (Rayyan, Fall 2015) .............................................................. 105
“She really makes us laugh, she has a great sense of humour” (Safaa, Spring 2016) ....................... 107
Sowing Seeds (and filling buckets) with Kindness – Winter 2015 ....................................................... 108
Retellings .............................................................................................................................................. 112
Travelling Across Familial and School Curriculum-Making Worlds ............................................... 112
Rooting Stories of Motherhood - Winter 2016 ..................................................................................... 113
Retellings .............................................................................................................................................. 117
ix
“Everybody is different” (Safaa, multiple conversations) ................................................................ 117
Growing Forward (and looking back) with Rayyan and Marwa – Winter 2016 .................................. 118
Retellings .............................................................................................................................................. 121
“It’s good to see your family” (Marwa, Winter, 2016) ..................................................................... 121
“Muslims this and Muslims that” (Rayyan, Winter, 2016) ............................................................... 122
Continuing to Grow Our Relationship and Inquiry – Spring 2016 ....................................................... 123
Retellings .............................................................................................................................................. 125
“The kids who are raised here think differently” (Safaa, Spring 2016) ............................................ 125
“She is more confident” (Safaa, Spring 2016) .................................................................................. 126
Growing into Grade 8 – Summer 2016 ................................................................................................. 127
Retellings .............................................................................................................................................. 130
“Being mature means being responsible” (Rayyan, Summer 2016) ................................................. 130
Epilogue: Tending to Each Other (with love and care) – Winter 2017................................................. 131
Chapter 4: A Narrative Account of Inquiring Alongside Zahra & Ayesha .............................................. 134
Will You Be My (research) Friend? – Winter 2015 ............................................................................. 136
Planting Beginning Stories – Winter 2015 ........................................................................................... 137
Retellings .............................................................................................................................................. 143
“At some point we need to let go and accept our children’s choices” (Ayesha, Winter 2015) ........ 143
“We were parallel” (Ayesha, Winter 2015) ...................................................................................... 144
Planting Seeds of Trust – Summer 2015 ............................................................................................... 146
Retellings .............................................................................................................................................. 150
(eldest) Sister Stories ........................................................................................................................ 150
Rooting Beginning (in Canada) Stories – Summer 2015 ...................................................................... 152
Retellings .............................................................................................................................................. 154
“It’s hard to go back to the way we used to be” (Ayesha, Fall 2016) ............................................... 154
“My parents signed The Parent Contract” (Zahra, Fall 2016) .......................................................... 157
Retellings .............................................................................................................................................. 162
“My friends are different now” (Zahra, Winter 2016) ...................................................................... 162
“I could imagine myself with her” (Zahra, Fall 2015) ...................................................................... 163
Rooting (hard) Stories Alongside Ayesha – Winter 2015 .................................................................... 164
Retellings .............................................................................................................................................. 168
“I sometimes don’t know how to help her” (Ayesha, Fall 2015) ...................................................... 168
“We can’t live in fear” (Ayesha, Winter 2015) ................................................................................. 169
x
Deepening our Inquiry - Winter 2015 ................................................................................................... 171
Retellings .............................................................................................................................................. 175
“I wouldn’t do it again, I’ll tell you that” (Zahra, Summer 2016) .................................................... 175
“I learned that I have to stand up for myself” (Zahra, Fall 2016) ..................................................... 177
Continuing to Grow Alongside Zahra - Winter 2016 ........................................................................... 179
Retellings .............................................................................................................................................. 180
“You’re better than this” (Zahra, Winter 2016) ................................................................................ 180
“You shouldn’t force someone to do something” (Zahra, Summer 2016) ........................................ 181
Growing Stories to Mother By Alongside Ayesha – Spring 2016 ........................................................ 182
Retellings .............................................................................................................................................. 185
“She has an old soul” (Ayesha, Fall 2015) ....................................................................................... 185
“I understand why my Mom doesn’t think it’s a good idea” (Zahra, Summer 2016) ....................... 186
Growing Forward Alongside Zahra – Summer 2016 ............................................................................ 187
Retellings .............................................................................................................................................. 191
“You’re a woman now, you have to do this and that” (Zahra, Fall 2015) ........................................ 191
Epilogue: Negotiating Our Narrative Account [and boundaries] – Fall 2016 ...................................... 193
Chapter 5: A Narrative Account of Inquiring Alongside Maya & Layla .................................................. 198
How Do Friends Become Co-Inquirers? – Summer 2015 .................................................................... 200
Retellings .............................................................................................................................................. 203
“We Trust You” – (Layla and Maya, Multiple Conversations) ........................................................ 203
Rooting a Research Relationship – Summer 2015 ................................................................................ 205
Retellings .............................................................................................................................................. 210
“We have so much stuff going on” (Layla, Winter 2016) ................................................................ 210
“I wish for our daughters something different” (Layla, Fall 2016) .................................................. 211
(in the Midst of) Tending to Life and Relationships– Fall 2015 ........................................................... 212
Retellings .............................................................................................................................................. 218
“Don’t judge a book by its cover” (Maya, Summer 2015) ............................................................... 218
“Good for you for speaking up” (Layla, Fall 2015) .......................................................................... 220
Facing (internal and external) Arrogant Perception(s) Alongside Maya and Layla ......................... 222
Growing Forward Alongside Layla and Maya … in the Shadows of Loss – Winter 2016 .................. 224
Retellings .............................................................................................................................................. 228
“We learned to appreciate life and our family a little bit more” (Layla, Summer 2016) .................. 228
“I worry sometimes about how hard she pushes herself” (Layla, Winter 2017) ............................... 231