Parenting in the Screen Age: A Guide for Calm Conversations PDF
Preview Parenting in the Screen Age: A Guide for Calm Conversations
"Parents will greatly benefit from all the solutions in this remarkable book!' LAURA KASTNER, PHO, Psychologist and Author, Gelling ro Calm Parenting in the Screen Age Calm Delaney Ruston, MD From the maker of the acclaimed SCREENAGERS movies Parenting in the Screen Age A Guide for Calm Conversations Delaney Ruston, MD From the maker of the acclaimed SCREENAGERS movies STARHOUSE 001.1'.•. Copyright © 2020 Delaney Ruston Starhouse Media, LLC 121 San Anselmo Ave Box 2832 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be San Anselmo, CA 94960 reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any www.screenagersmov1e.com means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or 415-450-9585 mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher, addressed "Attention: Permissions Coordinator," at the address below. ISBN: 978-1-7356396-0-4 (Paperback) ISBN: 978-1-7356396-1-1 (eBook) Front cover images © Shutterstock.com Book cover and layout design by theBookDesigners Printed in the United States of America. First printing edition 2020. Publisher: Dedicated to Peter, Chase, and Tessa with immense love. 2 Video Games Contents Recognizing the Positives of Video Games What Video Game Develo12ers Learn From Casinos Beware of Loot Boxes • • • Different Parent A1212roaches Concerning Violent Video Games The U12sides of Having Intermittent Breaks From Gaming Video Games and Making the World a Better Place Strategies for Effective Video Game Limits Introduction Clues To Uncover True Addiction to Video Gaming Advice to Parents From a Recovered Gaming Addict 1 Social Media A1212reciating Positive As12ects of Social Media 3 Mental Health What is the Right Age To Give a Phone With Social Media? In a World of Ha1212Y. Posts-Whx Ex12ressing True Emotions is Whx Teens Choose Different A1212s for Communicating so lm12ortant Feeling Lonelx in a Hx12erconnected World? How Tech lm12acts Teens' Stress and How To HelP., Distress Signals on Social Media Hel12ing Youth Understand Clinical De12ression "Cxberbullxing," Reworking Conversations so Kids Eng g~ 2 Ex12loring Whx De12ression Rates are Increasing The Risk of Su12erficial Social Lives Anxietx -What Everx Family, Should Know The Need To Be Seen and the Allure of Fame Talking About Our Emotions Builds Their Resiliency, Skills College and Other Transitions Does Social Media Hel12 or A Dozen Ideas for Finding Su1212ort Hurt? When Thex are Feeling Rejected, How To Hel12 Should Social Media Not Have Likes? SleeP- DeP-rivation -A Major Public Health Issue 6 Contracts and Family Rules Have Kids Think Like Public Health Officials and Devise Solu- Four SteP-s Before Making or Revising a Screen Time Agreement tions Sam12le Contracts, lncluding..MY. Daughter's Whx Screens and SmartP-hones in the Bedroom is a Riskx Act Our Famil}'.'s Tech Rules - Alwaxs a Work in Progress Creating Healthx Slee12 Habits in Younger Kids Peo12le Share Their Summer Screen Time Rules How To Hel12 Safeguard Slee12 for Teens Creating Conseguences is Hard but Necessary_ Peo12le Share Their Rules for Slee12 Time Using More PositivitY. to Get More of What We Want Ideas To Hel12 When Struggling With Screen Time Rules 5 Essential PreP-aration for Screen-Related Conver Co-Parenting Tech Time: Working Through Differences sations Tech Tools To HelP- With Screen Time Limits MY. RoadmaP- for Productive Conversations How To Model lm12roving Screen Time Balance We Worry_ Our Youth are Losing Communication Skills, Let's 7. Hel12 Them Gain Them Challenging Conversations The Four Kex Cs Drug~. Alcohol and Social Media Working To Prevent Emotional De12endence on Tech Talking About Sexting With Non-Judgemental Curiosi!Y. "I Hate That I Wasted the Dax Awa}'.'' A Confusing Legal Sxstem and Sexting Setting Boundaries is Hard for Manx of Us, Including Me Girls Feeling Pressured Online The Science of Creating New Screen Time Habits Talking With Younger Kids About Pornog@P-hY. When Thex Know Thex are Being Mani12ulated - It Can Hel12 Talking With Teenagers About [email protected]. FamilY. Meetings ReP-lace FamilY. Fights (Ihe lns12iration Behind lxing About Screen Time Tech Talk Tuesdaxs). Being Crude and Swearing Online To Track or Not To Track 8 Screens in Schools and Homework 10 Cultivating Creativity, Insight, and Focus When Com12uters Re12lace Textbooks, How Do We O12timize Fostering CreativitY. in Their Online and Offline Lives Benefits and Decrease Downsides? Creating Via Tech To Make a Difference Addressing Cell12hones in Middle Schools Un12lugging- Restful or Stressful? Em12owering Parents With Our "Away_ for the Day_" Cam12aign Phone and Device-Free Vacations - Possible? High Schools Get Students To Put Their Phones Away_ Gaining Insights Through Hack Challenges Hold That Text How To lm12rove Mental Focus in Our Kids and Ourselves Multitasking: When is it Effective and When is it Not? Building Brain Attention Skills With Mindfulness Ti12s for lm12roving Study_ Time That Work During and Post Covid-19. Notes Acknowledgments 9 Fostering Human Bonds Ex12anding Their Connections With Humanity_ Siblings and Screen Time Building Communication Skills Via jobs The Art of Asking Peo12le To Put Their Phone Away_ Why_ Talk To the Cashier? Building Good In-Person Digital Eti~uette Raising Hel12ers Starts at Home Confessions of a Distracted Parent (i.e., Me). The Power of HelP-iog Others and Feeling Needed of screen supremacy. Introduction It also goes without saying, but I will say it anyvvay, screen time is not "ruining a generation," a phrase I have heard and read • • • repeatedly across news outlets. Dooming a generation is unfair, untrue and downright mean. Our kids are wonderful and doing the best they can with the inner and outer resources they have at any given time. It goes without saying Well, it goes without saying, but let me say it anyway. Our tech This book is relevant during and post Covid-19 revolution is incredible beyond words - the ability to get and When Covid-19 hit, we all became more grateful than ever about share information is beyond anything I could ever have imag the upsides of our tech revolution. In a matter of weeks, screen ined, the ability to connect with others around the world is re time became our lifeline, allowing for ongoing learning, the abil markable, and the list goes on and on and on. I would not go ity to connect with others, entertainment, news and much more. back, but I do think things can be improved upon. I often think Tech often allowed for classrooms to go online and for work for that the new stresses of parenting and the new challenges we us parents to continue. face are high prices we pay for all the millions of "goodies" the At the same time, the challenges of screen time balance be revolution has brought us. I see these parenting challenges as came even more pronounced. This book is all about how we, as opportunities - reading this book will help you change the parents, can feel as empowered as possible to help our kids "price" of technology into "pay off" by exploring ways to raise maintain healthy screen time - whether during summer vaca kids in the digital age who will be better communicators, more tion, a busy school year, or stuck quarantined through a pan emotionally aware, and more mindful and compassionate than if demic. The skills and strategies parents need around screen time we weren't encouraged to parent more intentionally in this world endure. I wrote the vast majority of this book from the perspective of not being in a "shelter-in-place" situation, but worried about how it was such a time suck, as well as the crude there are suggestions woven throughout that are useful if you are and often offensive things he was seeing on the site, such as sheltering in place. The book is full of hundreds of ideas around things being shared from a site called 9GAG. how to approach tech-themed conversations with your child and This was the early period of "social media," and I was not yet these themes are timeless. thinking of the deeper issues to come. Meanwhile, screen time in general made me worry about all How it all started the things my kids could be exposed to - all sorts of things in My stress around screen time issues and my kids began to form the media like violence, harsh words, intense shows, the risk of in 2011 when my son Chase was 12 and my daughter Tessa was seeing pornography and more. What if they put up a little 10. They started asking for more and more screen time. We had YouTube video that was not well-received? Would they feel left struggles when it was time to get off a screen. I felt at a loss of out of things others were doing? Would exposure to violent what to say or do. video games change them? Would video gaming overtake their I would think to myself, "If only there was a book like 'What free time? To Expect When You're Expecting' that included a chapter called Between my husband, Peter, and myself, there was mounting 'Expect a technology revolution and here are all the solutions you tension because we saw things differently when it came to screen need."' But alas, no such book existed. time. Peter would say, "They just need to learn how to manage Tensions could flare suddenly around all of this screen time screen time themselves." Allowing our kids to learn from expe confl ict. It caused me to feel so many emotions - sadness, frus rience, with guardrails, of course, has always been something my tration, anger and then guilt for being angry. And, of course, husband and I greatly value. So, I understood his logic, but I worry. would respond, "Wait, the pull towards screens is so strong, At the time, Facebook was just starting and Chase, in seventh aren't we just setting them up for failure?" grade, was using it to interact with friends. At that time, I was As the days rolled forward, I was increasingly aware that this
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