Nurture the Nature: Understanding and Supporting Your Child's Unique Core Personality

370 Pages·2007·1.56 MB·English

by  Michael Gurian

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Nurture
the Nature
u n d e r s t a n d i n g a n d s u p p o r t i n g y o u r
c h i l d ’ s u n i q u e c o r e p e r s o n a l i t y
Michael Gurian
John Wiley & Sons, Inc.
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ffirs.qxd 2/27/07 12:51 PM Page i
Nurture
the Nature
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previous books by michael gurian
parenting
The Wonder of Children (previously published as The Soul of the Child)
The Wonder of Girls
The Wonder of Boys
A Fine Young Man
The Good Son
What Stories Does My Son Need? (with Terry Trueman)
psychology
What Could He Be Thinking?
Love’s Journey
Mothers, Sons and Lovers
The Prince and the King
education
The Minds of Boys (with Kathy Stevens)
Boys and Girls Learn Differently! (with Patricia Henley and Terry Trueman)
The Boys and Girls Learn Differently Action Guide for Teachers
(with Arlette C. Ballew)
business/corporate
The Leading Partners Workbook (with Katherine Coles and Kathy Stevens)
for young adults
Understanding Guys
From Boys to Men
fiction and poetry
The Miracle
An American Mystic
The Odyssey of Telemachus
Emptying
As the Swans Gather
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Nurture
the Nature
u n d e r s t a n d i n g a n d s u p p o r t i n g y o u r
c h i l d ’ s u n i q u e c o r e p e r s o n a l i t y
Michael Gurian
John Wiley & Sons, Inc.
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Copyright © 2007 by Michael Gurian. All rights reserved.
Published by Jossey-Bass
A Wiley Imprint
989 Market Street, San Francisco, CA 94103-1741 www.josseybass.com
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permissions.
Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: While the publisher and author have used their best ef-
forts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warranties with respect to the accu-
racy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties
of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. No warranty may be created or extended by
sales representatives or written sales materials. The advice and strategies contained herein may not
be suitable for your situation. You should consult with a professional where appropriate. Neither
the publisher nor author shall be liable for any loss of profit or any other commercial damages, in-
cluding but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages.
Readers should be aware that Internet Web sites offered as citations and/or sources for further in-
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Jossey-Bass books and products are available through most bookstores. To contact Jossey-Bass
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Jossey-Bass also publishes its books in a variety of electronic formats. Some content that appears
in print may not be available in electronic books.
In nearly every case, the names appearing in case histories, family stories, and anecdotes have been
changed to protect privacy. Certain details have also been changed for this purpose. In some cases,
composites have been used. Whenever possible, however, parents and other caregivers have been
quoted verbatim.
The information in this book does not constitute medical advice. Please consult your family physi-
cian or other local resources for medical advice regarding your child.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Gurian, Michael.
Nurture the nature : understanding and supporting your child’s unique core
personality / Michael Gurian.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN-13: 978-0-7879-8633-9 (cloth)
1. Child psychology. 2. Child development. 3. Individual differences in children.
4. Child rearing. 5. Parenting. I. Title.
HQ772.G87 2007
649'.1—dc22 2006038696
Printed in the United States of America
FIRST EDITION
HB Printing 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
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contents
acknowledgments xiii
introduction: rediscovering our children 1
Your Child’s Nature 5
Nurture the Nature of Your Child 7
Essential Parenting 12
a special feature for moms and dads with newborns:
Ten Tips for Nurturing the Nature of Your Baby 15
p a r t o n e
protecting the nature of YOUR child 19
1 escaping the social trends parenting system 21
What Is Chronic Stress in the American Family? 24
The Social Trends Parenting System 32
Nurturing Your Child’s Nature 37
Getting Started 39
v
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vi contents
2 understandinging the core nature of your child 43
Using Nature-Based Theory in Your Family 46
The Myth of the Blank Slate Child 47
Eight New Sciences That Can Help You Understand
Your Child’s Core Nature 52
Creating a Profile of Your Child’s Core Nature 63
Your Essential Parenting Blueprint 77
“Who Am I?” 78
p a r t t w o
nurturing the nature of your child 83
3 nurturing the nature of your infant 85
Preview of Essential Developmental Tasks 86
Information Essential to Nurturing the Core Nature
of Your Infant 87
Natural Differences Between Infant Boys and Girls 92
A Revolution in Parenting 94
Essential Mothers, Essential Fathers 95
Parents-Beyond-Parents 100
The Importance of the Mother-Infant Bond 104
Burning Question: Can Vaccinations Harm My Infant? 112
Parenting as a Spiritual Discipline 113
4 nurturing the nature of your two- to
three-year-old 116
Preview of Essential Developmental Tasks 117
Information Essential to Nurturing the Core Nature
of Your Toddler 117
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Contents vii
Natural Differences Between Toddler Girls and Boys 121
The Importance of Play, Order, and Discipline 125
Self-Awareness of Your Own Core Nature 132
Burning Question: How Do I Handle Tantrums? 133
“She Was a Handful!” 136
5 nurturing the nature of your four- to
six-year-old 138
Preview of Essential Developmental Tasks 141
Information Essential to Nurturing the Core Nature of
Your Four- to Six-Year-Old 142
Natural Differences Between Boys and Girls Age Four to Six 146
Handling Sibling Rivalry 148
Helping Your Self-Educating Child Ask, “Who Am I?” 151
Redefining Food, Shelter, and Clothing 156
Burning Question: How Do I Find the Best School for
My Four- to Six-Year-Old? 162
Moving Forward with Both Peace and Excitement 166
6 nurturing the nature of your seven- to
ten-year-old 170
Preview of Essential Developmental Tasks 171
Information Essential to Nurturing the Core Nature of
Your Seven- to Ten-Year-Old 172
Natural Differences Between School-Age Girls and Boys 175
Focusing on the Art of Relationship to Protect Your
Child’s Core Nature 178
Protecting a Child’s Core Nature by Creating Symbiotic
Marriage or Symbiotic Divorce 182
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viii contents
Burning Question: How Much Media Is Too Much? 193
The Courage of Parents 197
p a r t t h r e e
nurturing the nature of your adolescent 201
7 nurturing the nature of your eleven- to
fourteen-year-old 203
Preview of Essential Developmental Tasks 205
Information Essential to Nurturing the Core Nature of
Your Pubescent Child 206
Natural Differences Between Early Adolescent Boys
and Girls 211
Helping Your Pubescent Child Through Early Adolescent
Adaptations of Core Nature 214
Joining Together to Link Fathers and Men to Early Adolescents 221
Burning Question: How Do I Protect My Early Adolescent’s
Self-Esteem? 226
Moving Forward with Pride 231
8 nurturing the nature of your fif teen- to
eighteen-year-old 235
Preview of Essential Developmental Tasks 238
Information Essential to Nurturing the Core Nature of
Your Middle Adolescent 239
Natural Differences Between Middle Adolescent Girls
and Boys 244
Adapting Your Family to Accommodate Your Middle
Adolescent’s Individuation of Core Nature 247
Helping Adolescents Through Crisis 254