New Families, Old Scripts: A Guide to the Language of Trauma And Attachment in Adoptive Families PDF
Preview New Families, Old Scripts: A Guide to the Language of Trauma And Attachment in Adoptive Families
New Families, Old Scripts bythesameauthors Trauma,AttachmentandFamilyPermanence FearCanStopYouLoving EditedbyCarolineArcherandAlanBurnellforFamilyFutures ForewordbyDanielA.Hughes ISBN1843100215 FirstStepsinParentingtheChildWhoHurts TiddlersandToddlers,SecondEdition CarolineArcher AdoptionUK ISBN1853028010 NextStepsinParentingtheChildWhoHurts TykesandTeens CarolineArcher AdoptionUK ISBN1853028029 of relatedinterest ReachingtheVulnerableChild TherapywithTraumatizedChildren JanieRymaszewskaandTerryPhilpot ForewordbyMaryWalsh,Co-founderandChief ExecutiveofSACCS ISBN184310329X TheChild’sOwnStory LifeStoryWorkwithTraumatizedChildren RichardRoseandTerryPhilpot ForewordbyMaryWalsh,Co-founderandChief ExecutiveofSACCS ISBN1843102870 FosteringNow MessagesfromResearch IanSinclair ForewordbyTomJeffreys,DirectorGeneral,Children,FamiliesandYoungPeopleDirectorate,DfES ISBN1843103621 ConnectingwithKidsthroughStories UsingNarrativestoFacilitateAttachmentinAdoptedChildren DeniseB.Lacher,ToddNicholsandJoanneC.May ISBN184310797X ASafePlaceforCaleb AnInteractiveBookforKids,Teens,andAdultswithIssuesofAttachment,Griefand Loss,orEarlyTrauma KathleenA.CharaandPaulJ.Chara,Jr. IllustrationsbyJ.M.Berns ISBN1843107996 New Families, Old Scripts A Guide to the Language of Trauma and Attachment in Adoptive Families Caroline Archer and Christine Gordon Foreword by Alan Burnell Jessica Kingsley Publishers London and Philadelphia Firstpublishedin2006 byJessicaKingsleyPublishers 116PentonvilleRoad LondonN19JB,UK and 400MarketStreet,Suite400 Philadelphia,PA19106,USA www.jkp.com Copyright©CarolineArcherandChristineGordon2006 Forewordcopyright©AlanBurnell2006 Coverillustrationcopyright©AndrewGordon2006 Reprintedtwicein2006 TherightofCarolineArcherandChristineGordontobeidentifiedasauthorsofthisworkhasbeen assertedbytheminaccordancewiththeCopyright,DesignsandPatentsAct1988. Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthispublicationmaybereproducedinanymaterialform(including photocopyingorstoringitinanymediumbyelectronicmeansandwhetherornottransientlyor incidentallytosomeotheruseofthispublication)withoutthewrittenpermissionofthecopyright ownerexceptinaccordancewiththeprovisionsoftheCopyright,DesignsandPatentsAct1988or underthetermsofalicenceissuedbytheCopyrightLicensingAgencyLtd,90TottenhamCourt Road,London,EnglandW1T4LP.Applicationsforthecopyrightowner’swrittenpermissionto reproduceanypartofthispublicationshouldbeaddressedtothepublisher. Warning:Thedoingofanunauthorisedactinrelationtoacopyrightworkmayresultinbothacivil claimfordamagesandcriminalprosecution. LibraryofCongressCataloginginPublicationData ACIPcatalogrecordforthisbookisavailablefromtheLibraryofCongress Archer,Caroline,1948- Newfamilies,oldscripts:aguidetothelanguageoftraumaandattachmentinadoptivefamilies/ CarolineArcherandChristineGordon,forewordbyAlanBurnell. p.cm. Includesbibliographicalreferencesandindex. ISBN-13:978-1-84310-258-8(pbk.:alk.paper) ISBN-10:1-84310-258-7(pbk.:alk.paper) 1. Adoptiveparents--Handbooks,manuals,etc.2. Parenting--Handbooks,manuals,etc.3. Problemchildren--Handbooks,manuals,etc. I.Gordon, Christine.II.Title. HV875.A6822006 649'.145--dc22 2005035139 BritishLibraryCataloguinginPublicationData ACIPcataloguerecordforthisbookisavailablefromtheBritishLibrary ISBN-13:9781843102588 ISBN-10:1843102587 ISBNpdfeBook:1846424828 PrintedandboundinGreatBritainby AthenaeumPress,Gateshead,TyneandWear Caroline Archer: I dedicate this work to my husband whose quiet, rock-like character allowed me to experience a truly ‘secure base’ and learn to explore; and subsequently to my four adopted children, for allowing me to share their early hurts and ongoing struggles. Between them they have shown me most of what I needed to know. Christine Gordon: Dedicated to my mum, who gave me the security and stability that she never had in her childhood. Mum, in doing so you taught me the power of love and also that change is possible. Acknowledgments WearegratefultoAlan Burnell andJayVaughan,co-directorsatFamilyFutures Consortium,fortheirencouragementindevelopingthisguidefromplanningstage throughtocompletion.Theirbeliefandsupporthasbeeninvaluable.Ourthanks, too, go to Griselda Kellie-Smith (also of Family Futures) for reading and commentingonoureffortssocogentlyandtoCharlotteChan(nowpartofFamily Futures’ support team for families) for painstakingly untangling many of our last-minutemanuscriptknots.Inaddition, wethankSteveJones,commissioning editoratJessicaKingsleyPublishers,forbelievinginusandstickingwithusover ‘thelonghaul’and‘theshorteroverhaul’. Special mention must be made of all the friends, colleagues, parents and children who have contributed so much to our understanding over the years. We have gained immeasurably from the persistence, courage, humour and determinationofsomanyadoptivefamilies:theyhavecertainlybeenourbest teachers! We are also indebted to Adoption UK (formerly PPIAS) whose backinginitiallyenabledustoattendtrainingeventsonattachmentandtrauma, bothathomeandabroad,andsetusontrack.Finally,weoweagreatdebtof gratitudetoDrDanielHughesforhisopennessandgroundbreakingapproach to psychotherapeutic work with troubled children and families. Dan is now trainingconsultanttoFamilyFutures,flyinginregularlyfromMainetokeepus on our toes! Thishasbeen,andcontinuestobe,anexcitingandcollaborativejourney: we hope readers will join us as we meander through some of the complex bywaysofadoptivefamilylife.Pleasedon’trushtocompletethejourneyinone go.Useourguideasyouwouldanytravelguide:choosingtheareasyou’dmost liketovisitandsharingthemwithcolleagues,familyorfriends.Taketimeto rest and reflect along the way, remembering that it’s the journey that’s important, not the final destination. Contents FOREWORDBYALANBURNELL 9 ANINTRODUCTIONTOTHELANGUAGEOFTRAUMAANDPARENT MENTORING 11 INTRODUCINGTHEFAMILIES 19 Alphabet of Issues Accent on change: Jemima Crackit and the new family script 29 Aggressive and angry behaviour 32 Attention seeking/attention needing 50 Basic building blocks of the brain 57 Bedtime and sleep 62 Control issues 71 Cracking the code: Jemima Crackit and Panicchio develop a shared language 80 Cradling for closeness and comfort 83 Critical connections 86 Dealing with danger 91 Dissociative connections 100 Dissociative states 104 Eating and food issues 112 Emotional outbursts 129 F is for feelings, not just ‘fight, flight and freeze’ 136 F1 kids: Fast forward 148 Games to encourage attachment 150 ‘Good’ child (or am I being ‘good enough’?) 152 Impact on adoptive parents of living with violent and threatening behaviour 159 Looking after ourselves 164 Managing separations 166 ‘No’: When parents say ‘no’ 173 Nutrition 175 Putting it all behind us: Those ‘need to know’ questions (Why, How, Who, What?) 178 Puzzling pain responses 184 Reassurance or validation? 189 Rivalry between siblings 191 Rudeness and swearing 196 Self-regulation (managing arousal) 205 Sensory issues 209 Sexualised behaviour 212 Taking, borrowing, stealing? 219 Terrible shame 229 Think toddler think (T3) 231 What not to do! 236 Your way forward: Final reflections 239 REFERENCES,RECOMMENDEDREADINGANDRESOURCES 241 INDEX 247 Foreword Currently,greatemphasisisplacedonrecruitingadoptiveparents,inorderto increase the number of children, at present accommodated, who would benefit from the permanency of adoption. This is an important and worthy directionforsocialpolicytotake.Perhapsthemostimportantlessonwehave learnedatFamilyFutures,bothfromexperienceandfromadoptionliterature, isthatpost-adoptionsupportisthevitaldeterminantof placementoutcome. Recentadoptionsupportagencylegislationrepresentsrecognitionatgovern- mentalleveloftheimportanceofsupportingadoptivefamiliesintothefuture. Since children placed for adoption today are older and more challenging, with a wider range of attachment difficulties and unresolved early traumas thanpreviously,parentingtheseyoungstersrequiresmorethanendlesslove, good intentions and commitment. That‘somethingelse’,Ibelieve,isspecificparenteducationandsupport for adopters from experienced adoptive parents who can empathise and identifywiththeirstruggles.Parentsarenotonlythemostpreciousresource societyhasforadoptedchildren,theycanmakethedifferencebetweenlives overshadowedbycrime,prostitution,drugaddictionormentalillnessandthe integrationofvulnerablechildrenintosocietyashealthilyfunctioningadults. Inmyviewtheroleofparentmentoras‘guideandinterpreter’foradoptersis the key to the future of a successful and effective adoption service in the twenty-first century. The model for today’s adoption service is an integrated, multi- disciplinarypre-andpost-adoptionspecialistservice.Childrenbeingplaced foradoptiontodayhavemultipleneeds:neurophysiological,socio-emotional andpsychological:theirparentsneedaccesstoexpertservicestohelpaddress theseissues.However,parentsremaintheprimaryagentsofchangefortheir youngsters.The‘structure,nurture,engagementandchallenge’(Jernbergand Booth 2001) they offer to their adopted children is the vital conduit for 9
Description:The list of books you might like
