Making the Connection: Strategies to Build Effective Personal Relationships

555 Pages·2012·2.64 MB·English

by  Jonathan Herring

Making the Connection
Strategies to Build Effective Personal
Relationships (Collection)
Jonathan Herring
Sandy Allgeier
Richard Templar
Samuel Barondes
Vice President, Publisher: Tim Moore Associate Publisher and Director
of Marketing: Amy Neidlinger
© 2013 by Pearson Education, Inc.
Publishing as FTPress Delivers
Upper Saddle River, New Jersey 07458
Company and product names mentioned herein are the trademarks or
registered trademarks of their respective owners.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, in any form or
by any means, without permission in writing from the publisher.
ISBN-10: 0-13-334612-9
ISBN-13: 978-0-13-334612-1
For more information, please contact us at [e-mail]
Contents
How to Argue: Powerfully, Persuasively, Positively
Introduction
Part 1: The ten golden rules of argument
1 Golden Rule 1: Be prepared
2 Golden Rule 2: When to argue, when to walk away
3 Golden Rule 3: What you say and how you say it
4 Golden Rule 4: Listen and listen again
5 Golden Rule 5: Excel at responding to arguments
6 Golden Rule 6: Watch out for crafty tricks
7 Golden Rule 7: Develop the skills for arguing in public
8 Golden Rule 8: Be able to argue in writing
9 Golden Rule 9: Be great at resolving deadlock
10 Golden Rule 10: Maintain relationships
Part 2: Situations where arguments commonly arise
11 How to argue with those you love
12 How to argue with your children
13 Arguments at work
14 How to complain
15 How to get what you want from an expert
16 Arguing when you know you’re in the wrong
17 Arguing again and again
18 Doormats
19 How to be a good winner
20 To recap
The Personal Credibility Factor: How to Get It, Keep It, and Get It Back,
(If You’ve Lost It)
Introduction
Part I. The Three Secrets to Personal Credibility
Tell Everyone: There Are Actually Three Secrets!
Reading for All It’s Worth...
Chapter 1. Secret #1: Forget Power, Position, Status, and Other Such
Nonsense
Same Ideas, But Very Different Results
It’s What You Do, Not What You Say
Secret #1 Applies to Other Life Experiences
Credibility in Parenting
Chapter 2. Secret #2: I Can See Right Through You
The Human Invisible Fence
Authenticity: We Know It When It’s Not There
The Silent Alarm System
It All Begins with Accepting Our Own Human Warts
Invisible Fences Don’t All Look Alike
Authentic Results, Even During Tough Times
Taking It Personally
A Final Word of Encouragement
Chapter 3. Secret #3: The Decision to Suspend Judgment
A Frustrating Situation for Dad
Hold Your Thoughts...Just for a While
Thinking Through Your Tendencies
The Thought Process for Suspending Judgment
For Personal Credibility: Know the Secrets!
Part II. Stepping Up with Credibility: Seven Steps Influence Credibility
Understanding Influence and Personal Credibility
Chapter 4. Step #1: Know Your “Stuff”
Learning As She Goes
How Do I Make Sure That I Know My Stuff?
Gain an Appetite for Knowledge—Consider It Credibility Survival!
Read!
Seek Wise Counsel
Know the Enemy (Its Name Is Apathy!)
Chapter 5. Step #2: Keep Commitments
Commitments Break Down and Invisible Fences Go Up
Keeping Small Commitments Adds Up to Big Credibility
Commitment Difference Makers
Chapter 6. Step #3: Honor Confidences and Avoid Gossip
With the Best of Intentions
The Truth Behind the Gossip
Chapter 7. Step #4: Know Yourself—the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly!
She Knew Herself and Understood
Third Time Is the Charm
Section 1: Ideas or Evidence?
Ideas
Evidence
Section 2: Direct or Diplomatic?
Direct
Diplomatic
Section 3: Retreat or Engage?
Retreat
Engage
Section 4: Options or Plans?
Options
Plans
Chapter 8. Step #5: Choose to Value Others—the Good, and Yes, Even
the Bad and the Ugly!
Ideas or Evidence?
Direct or Diplomatic?
Retreat or Engage?
Options or Plans?
Some Final Thoughts on Style Differences and Personal Credibility
Chapter 9. Step #6: Ask More and Listen Most
Tip #1: Stop and Connect
Tip #2: Restate or Paraphrase
Tip #3: Ask, Ask, Ask...
Chapter 10. Step #7: Create Credible Interactions
Interaction Technique: Maximize Your Agreements
Interaction Technique: Create Productive Disagreements
Scenario #1: There’s More Than One Way to Look at Numbers
Scenario #2: She Was Always Late!
Interaction Technique: Express Your Thoughts with Credibility
Who Am I Speaking To?
What Am I Saying?
How Do I Say It Effectively?
Part III. Face the Truth and Begin Anew
Chapter 11. The Truth Shall Set You Free—When You Avoid Truth
Traps!
Trap #1: The Little White Lie
Trap #2: The Need to Be “In the Know”
Trap #3: Loose Lips Sink Ships... and Our Credibility
Trap #4: Don’t Worry...It’s Done!
Truth Trap Tips
#1: Make the Decision to Be a Truthful Person
#2: Don’t Overexplain or Create Excuses—Just Stick with the Facts!
#3: If You Are Clueless...Say So!
#4: The Truth Doesn’t Need Stretching—It Just Needs Doing
Chapter 12. Credibility: I’ve Lost It—Can I Rebuild It?
Rebuilding Is a Process, Not an Event
A Simple Statement: “You Were Right”
“I Meant Well, but I Blew It!”
From Problems to Progress
Chapter 13. Rebuilding: One Step at a Time
Step 1: Objectively Acknowledge Your Own Actions
Step 2: Identify Your Options for the Next Action
Step 3: Verbally Take Ownership with Those Impacted
Step 4: Manage Your Expectations
Step 5: Share What You Learn from the Rebuilding Process
Starting Over...Every Day
Tapping Into the Power of the Three Secrets to Personal Credibility
Stepping Up with Credibility: Seven Steps Everyone Can Take to
Increase Personal Credibility and Impact
How to Get What You Want: Without Having to Ask
Introduction
PART 1 Be the Kind of Person Who Gets What They Want
Know What You Want
Know Why You Want It
Know How Much You Want It
Want What You Get
Don’t Be a Fuzzy Thinker
Know What It Takes
Work Out Who You Need on Your Side
Break Big Ambitions into Chunks
Set Up Some Milestones
Celebrate Every Step
Write It All Down
Analyze Your Sticking Points
Set Your Deadlines
Check Out the Back Door
Don’t Make Excuses
Think Positive
Don’t Hang Out with Naysayers
Say It Out Loud
Believe in Yourself
Expect Ups and Downs
Enjoy It When You Get It
PART 2 Be the Kind of Person People Want to Say Yes To
Don’t Fake It—Have Real Confidence
Sound Confident
Look Confident
Learn to Say No
Give Them an Alternative
Be a Broken Record
Be Sure You’re Sorry
Say What You Mean
Think Before You Speak
Be Prepared to Disagree
Control Yourself
Express Yourself
Don’t Use Emotional Blackmail...