Life On Cripple Creek: Essays on Living with Multiple Sclerosis

162 Pages·2003·0.64 MB·English

by  Dean Kramer

Pathak 04 1/12/03 11:41 AM Page 40
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Life on Cripple Creek
essays on living with
multiple sclerosis
Dean Kramer
new york
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© 2003 by Demos Medical Publishing, Inc.
All rights reserved.
This book is protected by copyright. No part of it may be
reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any
form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying,
recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission
of the publisher.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Kramer, Dean, 1951-
Life on Cripple Creek : essays on living with multiple
sclerosis / Dean Kramer.
p. ; cm.
isbn 1-888799-68-4 (pbk.)
1. Kramer, Dean, 1951– Health. 2. Multiple sclerosis—
Patients—United States—Biography.
[DNLM: 1. Multiple Sclerosis—Personal Narratives.
2. Multiple Sclerosis—Popular Works. wl 360 k89l 2002]
I. Title.
rc377 .k735 2002
362.1’96834’0093—dc21
2002012435
Interior designed and typeset in Fairfield by Gopa & Ted2
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Contents
Foreword by Margot Russell v
Acknowledgements ix
Introduction 1
I. Summer 5
The Stress Paradox 7
The Pitfalls of Good Health or,
Now That You’re in Remission,
Dear, Please Mow the Lawn 11
Never Forget to Remember 15
Push Comes to Shove 19
First Interlude: Contemplation 27
Who Do I think I Am? 29
Out of My Mind 32
Chicken Little and The Terminator 36
Who’s the Dummy? 40
The Dreamer 44
II. Fall 47
Everyday Heroes 49
The Jacket 52
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The Turkey 55
After the Fall 57
Second Interlude: Motion 61
She Flies Through the Air 63
Into the Closet 67
If the Shoe Fits 73
Cleanliness is Next to Impossible 77
You Wear What You Eat 81
III. Winter 85
Demolition Shopping 87
Making a List 91
On Turning Fifty 96
Observations on Dating 100
Third Interlude: Community 107
Turn About 109
Doctor, Doctor 113
The Uncertainty Principle 117
Walk This Way 121
IV. Spring 127
Shifting Gears on Shifting Sands 129
Acme Bowling Balls 134
The Abyss 140
The Red Pony 145
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Foreword
by Margot Russell
What is ordinary? How often we believe that we are
living an ordinary day in an ordinary life; we are prone to viewing
ourselves through the smallest lens of the telescope. But it’s said
that our lives are best defined by the myriad of details that mark
our days: The first thing you thought when you awoke this morn-
ing, the song that you were humming as you made your way to
work. Perhaps the largest part of who we are is revealed in this
moment—in the way we are living right now.
The most endearing quality of the book you are holding, Life on
Cripple Creek, is that Dean Kramer allows us to peek inside the
windows of her rustic home in rural Pennsylvania and share a day
in her life with a chronic illness. We follow her to the raspberry
patch, we ride across the great expanse on her scooter, we laugh
with her as she struggles to flee a swarm of bees. And what we
come away with at the end of the day transforms us: Life’s lessons
are learned from the way we are being, and not necessarily from
what we are doing. And when we keep our eyes wide open, what
may seem ordinary can become our greatest gift.
Living life with multiple sclerosis is an incredible challenge.
Our days are marked by unimaginable changes, and it’s easy to
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Life on Cripple Creek
focus on those things we’ve lost along the way. We wonder—in the
light of our illness—who we are now and where the road may
lead. Lost in these larger questions, we sometimes forget the
beauty of the smallest gesture, the importance of seeing ourselves
in the context of now, the certainty that the most profound lessons
lie in the simplest of truths. What Dean shows us, then, as we
wander up the hill, is that illness can transform us if we listen
close enough. When we start to pay attention to our lives, when
we cock our ears to the errant whispers in the wind, we begin to
view ourselves in a different light. The nuances of illness—both
subtle and provocative-become powerful tools in understanding
and grappling with our inner selves.
“Illness as a gift” is a difficult metaphor to ascribe to, but it’s
often used to illustrate the wisdom gained from those who’ve
walked that road. Often, those who journey with illness stumble
upon life’s larger truths and then find they are unwilling to trade
the lessons learned along the way. Life on Cripple Creek brings
you on that journey, leaving you back on your own doorstep; less
afraid of the unknown, more certain that the true joys in life begin
somewhere in your own backyard. The challenge lies in the exca-
vation, the digging deep for the gifts of everyday.
Illness often becomes a filter, one that all life experience must
pass through before it rearranges itself and settles into our con-
sciousness. It is important, then, to separate our true selves from
our “ill selves.” Our everyday events are much more than joint
ventures with our illness, but are a separate and very distinct part
of who we are. When we are able to view our lives this way, we are
free to discover ourselves without condition; we begin to dream
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Foreword
again, we create ourselves anew. And as Dean so poignantly
reminds us, a bit of humor and determination can go a long, long
way in getting us there.
We can imagine life on Cripple Creek, because we glimpse
ourselves on every page. These, too, are your challenges, your days
in the life with multiple sclerosis. And like Dean, perhaps you
will come to embrace the difficulties and laugh at the myriad of
trials that life presents to us. You, with all your dreams and dis-
appointments, can sit in the raspberry patch and remember the
gift that life is, no matter its twists and turns. And somewhere
near the last page, riding high above a field in Pennsylvania, I
hope you too will embrace your own path. It’s your road, after all;
it’s your Cripple Creek.
Margot Russell, author of When the Road Turns
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