It's Not the End of the World PDF
Preview It's Not the End of the World
1 IT’S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD Breaking Up for Teens by Cynthia MacGregor ISBN: 0-7443-1604-9 13-digit ISBN: 978-0-7443-1604-9 Cover art by Dan Saunders Copyright 2011 by Cynthia MacGregor All Rights Reserved Published by SynergEbooks http://www.synergebooks.com 2 IT’S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD For Tori 1 IT’S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD Contents Introduction: A Few Words Before We Get Started 1 – The End 2 – Zipped Lips 3 – Finding Comfort 4 – “Yesterday’s Mashed Potatoes” 5 – The Beginning 2 IT’S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD A Few Words Before We Get Started This book doesn’t promise to magically soothe all the woes of a break-up. I don’t deal in bull. But this book can and will help ease the pain and make the break- up easier; help you transition out of the relationship, back into the world of not having a boyfriend again; and eventually into another relationship. This book will be your guide, your friend, and your helper, if you’ll follow the advice in these pages. A popular song back in 1962 proclaimed, “Breaking Up Is Hard to Do.” The song sold a lot of copies because it spoke a universal truth: Breaking up is hard to do. And in some ways it’s even harder for a teenager than for an adult. • It’s harder because of the fact that you are living in a time when, for hormonal and other reasons, your emotions are much more intense than they are for adults. • It’s harder because at your age you’re just learning how to handle break-ups. You simply haven’t had as much practice. But no matter how awful you feel, and regardless of whether the break-up was your idea, his idea, or something you both agreed on, you will get over it. In spite of how you feel right now, it’s not the end of the world. 3 IT’S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD 1 The End Whose idea was it that you and your boyfriend should break up: yours or his? It’s usually easier to be the “dumper” than the “dumpee.” At least when you’re the one to call it quits, you don’t have a wounded ego on top of a broken heart. But even if you were the one who said, “It’s over. We’re history,” that doesn’t mean the break-up is going to be easy on you. • There will be times you’re sure people are talking about you and your break-up. (And some of those times you’ll be right.) • There will be times you’ll see your friends (or even total strangers) walking with their boyfriends, kissing their boyfriends, dancing with their boyfriends…. You’ll see them together, and you’ll feel sorry for yourself because you don’t have a boyfriend anymore. They still have boyfriends. You used to have a boyfriend. But you don’t have a boyfriend now. And this will hurt. • If your ex-boyfriend gets a new girlfriend quickly, before you’ve had a chance to get over the break-up, it’s not going to make you feel very happy to see them together…especially during PDAs (Public Displays of Affection). • There will be times when you’ll miss him. Even if you were the one who broke up with him. Even if you did it for very good reasons. Even if you did it because he turned out to be a total jerk. There was something good about him, or you wouldn’t have been attracted to him in the first place. You had some good times with him, or the relationship wouldn’t have lasted as long as it did. (If it lasted only a week or two, you probably wouldn’t be upset enough over the break- up to be reading this book.) And there will be times you’ll remember his great sense of humor or his ability to cheer you up when you’d had a rough day. There will be times when you’ll remember the fun you had together. And you’ll miss him. But there are things you can do to make your world feel better. (We’ll talk about them at greater length in Chapter 3.) And there are 4 IT’S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD other things you need to do (and not do!) to make sure you don’t cause greater problems for yourself later on. (We’ll talk about those at greater length later on, too.) Alison and Jerry broke up around the same time that Alison’s friend Lisa broke up with her boyfriend. Alison told her friends all about the break-up. Lisa said very little about her break-up because she didn’t want people talking about her. Lisa is a private person who doesn’t like the feeling that people are talking behind her back. Alison enjoys being the center of attention. She also likes feeling that she has her friends’ sympathy; that they feel badly for her about the break-up. When stories started going around the school about why Lisa broke up with her boyfriend, Lisa got very ticked off…especially since a lot of the gossip wasn’t even accurate. “If you wouldn’t be so closed-mouthed, people would know the truth and not spread untrue stories,” Alison said to her friend. “It’s none of their business,” Lisa answered. “They’re going to talk anyhow,” Alison said. “They might as well have the story straight.” As is so often true in life, both Alison and Lisa are partly right and partly wrong. People do tend to gossip. People do talk about others. And while some people, like Alison, like being the center of attention and getting sympathy, others, like Lisa, prefer to keep their private lives private. What’s more, telling the story correctly is something of a defense against people spreading inaccurate versions. But it doesn’t work one hundred percent of the time…or even ninety percent of the time. There will always be people who hear it wrong. There will always be people who hear it right but remember it wrong. And, worst of all, there will always be people who simply make up parts of the story that they think they can guess at…even if they’re guessing wrong. Telling the story accurately will cut down the number of wrong versions that are spread around, but it will not stop them totally. Just remember: • Whether you value your privacy or not, people are going to talk. 5 IT’S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD • If you tell people the true, accurate story, there will be fewer people spreading an inaccurate version because the truth will be circulating. • But some people will always spread wrong versions, whether because they don’t know the truth or because their version is more interesting. * * * You may have thought the guy you broke up with was the love of your life. You may have thought he was your forever love. You may think you’ll never get over feeling like you have a broken heart. I’m not making light of how you feel. I’m not denying that you’re hurting. But you really will get over it eventually. And this book will help! Keep in mind that: • Very few “high school sweethearts” actually go on to get married. • And of those sweethearts who do, not all those marriages last. You may feel you’ll never get over the hurt you feel, or the anger you feel, or the empty space in your life now that you and he aren’t together. I believe you if you say you feel that way. But please believe me when I tell you that you will get over the hurt, the anger, and above all, the ache of missing that special guy. Better days are ahead. 6 IT’S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD 2 Zipped Lips Jennifer and Rob had gone together for almost six months. When Rob broke up with her, Jennifer was very hurt and very disappointed. She lashed out at Rob in talking to her friends. “He wasn’t that great anyhow,” she told them. “He bragged about himself all the time. He was always digging wax out of his ears while he talked to me. Yucchh! And did you ever see the condition of his car inside? Filthy! Gross! He’s a lousy kisser, too.” Rob had second thoughts after he broke up with Jennifer. He missed her. He began to think he shouldn’t have broken up. He began wondering if they should get back together. “Are you crazy, man?” his best bud said. “Haven’t you heard the way she’s talking about you all over school?” “No. What’s she saying?” Rob asked. And his buddy filled him in. Rob asked a couple of other friends if they had heard any such a thing. They all had heard the things Jennifer was saying about Rob. And they told Rob what they had heard. That was the end of that for Rob. He no longer thought of getting back with Jennifer. It’s easy to lash out at someone with unkind words when you’re angry with that person. And it’s very easy to be angry with a guy you’ve broken up with. This is especially true when he’s dumped you. It’s also true sometimes even when you’ve been the one to break it off. That’s especially the case if your reason for doing so was because of something he did, like flirting with other girls. (If you just stopped liking him, or grew bored with him, or met someone you liked better, you probably wouldn’t be angry with him. But, also, you probably wouldn’t be reading this book.) But even if you’re angry at your ex-boyfriend, please resist the urge to tell everyone what a lousy boyfriend, or rotten person, or terrible kisser he was. Why? • You might wind up wanting to get back together with him. 7 IT’S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD • You might scare off some other guy who’s better. Suppose there’s a really great guy who would like to date you, now that you’re no longer going with the guy you just broke up with. But suppose he hears the way you’re talking about your ex-boyfriend? He’ll be afraid of what you’ll say about him someday in the future when you and he break up. And he might just not ask you out at all. • Some people will think less of you for going out with a guy who’s as bad as all that: “If he was that gross/dumb/mean/goofy, why were you going out with him?” It makes you look bad that you had such low standards as to date a guy like that. • Your friends might start wondering if you’ll put them down behind their backs. They’ll think, if that’s the way you talk about people you used to like but don’t like anymore, what will you say about your friends if you have a fight with them? Or even if you don’t? Bree and Mark were going together for over two months when Shawna entered the picture. Shawna wanted to get Mark away from Bree…and she succeeded. She planned an all-out campaign to get Mark to like her. And she got very cozy with Mark whenever their paths crossed in the hallways at school. Shawna would stand so close to him that you could barely have fit a sheet of loose-leaf paper between them. The day she kissed Mark on the lips right in front of the school, Mark didn’t know what to do. But he didn’t push Shawna away. And Bree saw the whole thing. She realized Shawna was the instigator. But Mark hadn’t stepped away from Shawna or pushed Shawna away from himself. When Shawna broke the kiss, she slipped her arm through Mark’s arm. And Mark didn’t stop her from doing that, either. Bree was furious. She walked over to Mark and broke up with him on the spot. After that, she told everyone what a no-good, rotten rat Mark was. Mark had a friend named Drew. Drew was cute, nice, and had always liked Bree. Once Drew saw that Mark and Bree really were finished with each other, Drew asked Mark what Bree was like. He was thinking of asking Bree out. 8
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