It's Just A F***Ing Date: Some Sort of Book about Dating

271 Pages·2013·1.77 MB·English

by  Greg Behrendt

It’s Just a F***ing Date!
(Some Sort of Book about Dating)
By Greg Behrendt & Amiira Ruotola
It’s the Inside That Really Matters
Copyright
Diversion Books
A Division of Diversion Publishing Corp.
443 Park Avenue South, Suite 1004
New York, NY 10016
www.DiversionBooks.com
Copyright © 2013 by Itzy
All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or
portions thereof in any form whatsoever.
For more information, email [email protected].
First Diversion Books edition July 2013
ISBN: 978-1-62681107-2
Contents
Foreword: We Didn’t Think We Had to Do This
Introduction: A Call to the Winner Dater Within
PART ONE: PREPARE YOURSELF FOR DATING EXCELLENCE
The 8 Super Extraordinary Principles of Ultra-Successful Winner
Dating
Principle #1 Like yourself and know you’re worthy
Principle #2 Get a life, have a life …
Principle #3 Pretty is as pretty does
Principle #4 Don’t accept less than an actual date
Principle #5 Don’t freak people out with your need
Principle #6 Doormats finish last and end up in the dirt
Principle #7 Don’t show the movie before the trailer
Principle #8 Not every date is going to turn into a relationship
PART TWO: CARPE DATEM—SEIZE THE DATE!
The Essence of Keeping It Cool, Known as Zen and the Art of Carpe
Datem
Essence #1 There is no one place to meet guys
Essence #2 The power of suggestion
BONUS SECTION! Internet Date-tacular!
Essence #3 It’s just a f***ing first date!
Essence #4 First date follow-up
Essence #5 2nd date and beyond
Essence #6 Sexclusivity
In Closing
Foreword
We Didn’t Think We Had to Do
This
The book you hold in your hands or are reading on your phone, shoe,
holographic portal or other technology breakthrough reading device
that used to be called a book wasn’t originally written for you. It was
conceived for territories like the UK and Australia where people are
more likely to go the pub, have a pint then wind up with a couple of
kids. We don’t need to worry about the Americans! We know that
because they’re reading our other books. They’re breaking up with
guys that aren’t that into them and learning that a breakup means a
relationship is broken and not fixable. There’s this new superhuman
race of empowered relationship ninjas that drink green juices, go to
Soul Cycle and Cardio Barre and don’t settle for anything less than a
guy that meets the standards they set for themselves. We can retire
from writing relationship books and go raise our girls in the new
utopian world of healthy relationships … or so we thought. Along
comes a more robust Internet, reality television that devalues the
human relationship, apps to upload your every thought, birds to
slingshot across your phone, electronic dance music, and suddenly
we are a compromised people. Too lazy to date, too busy tweeting to
actually meet people, too self-obsessed to squeeze another person
into our “selfie,” yet requiring little more than a thumbs up “like” or
emoji flirtation to assume a connection with another human being.
Relegating our self-esteem to our social networking status rather
than actual human contact. “ENOUGH!” we shouted from our old
people chairs. This won’t do! We have daughters who will someday
“date,” and we’d like there to be dating when they do; otherwise, they
are in for many nights at home playing celebrity with their sad, but
always well-dressed, parents. Look, we are not against technology, in
fact quite the opposite! We love that there are more ways for people
to meet than ever but there’s a difference between your relationship
with your best friends and with your accumulated (using the term
loosely) “friends,” “tweeps,” “likers” and “followers.” Your best friends
know you, love you and support you. Your “friends,” “tweeps,” “likers,”
and “followers” know what your morning coffee foam art or sleeping
dog looks like. Can you see the difference? There’s “knows you” and
then there’s “KNOWS” you. The same should go for the people you
decide to enter into any kind of romantic or sexual relationship with.
That’s why we’ve decided to put out It’s Just a F***ing Date! Because
even though we know you’re smart enough to know better, you still
do dumb things. And by the way, you’re the only one. The rest of us
are perfect. With that in mind, know that we have your best interest
at heart and want you gorgeous natives of the electronic age to get
the most out of your life by attracting QUALITY people, not just
QUANTITY. You know how everything old is new again, like
moustaches, Pabst Blue Ribbon and banjos? Hey, Coachella
generation, why not embrace dating? Make that the new old thing
that’s cool again!
Introduction
A Call to the Winner Dater
Within
So your dating life is in the crapper and you’ve just about given up on
the idea altogether at this point. And seriously, what’s with guys,
right? Why don’t they ask women out? Why does it have to be so
damn hard to date? Or what ever happened to dating, for that
matter? Used to be that a guy would have the sack to ask a girl out.
Then he’d pick her up at her house and take her out for dinner, a
movie, or a cup of coffee and some conversation. Then both parties
would decide if they wanted to do it again next week. There was
protocol. A courtship. A standard set of guidelines to follow for this
age-old ritual outlined by our “Foredaters.” Now who even knows
what dating is?
What Is a Date?
If you hook up at a bar and go home together, are you dating? If he
text messages you “What are you wearing?” are you dating? If he tells
you where he’s going with his friends after work and tells you to bring
your friends, are you dating? If he changes his status on his
homepage to “it’s complicated,” are you dating? If he sends you an
emoji of a smiling pig, are you dating? If he uploads a photo of your
shoes, are you dating? It’s not cut and dry any more; in fact, it’s
become completely absurd. Sadly, dating has become somewhat
obsolete having been edged out of the lineup by hooking up, hanging
out, texting pictures of your boobs or penis, and random sex. Why is
that? Because both men and women have said by their actions and
willingness that they don’t need the formality of a date to give their
time, the privilege of their company or even their bodies. We’ve
become a world of non-daters, and judging from the masses of
unsatisfied singles that we hear from and about, we’d surmise that
the whole non-dating thing’s not going that great. It’s too confusing,
too casual, too grey and not enough black and white. Courtship has
gone so far astray that it’s come down to proximity and laziness. Like
if you stand next to someone long enough at a concert then
eventually you’ll pair up and be in a relationship with them without
any actual effort, action or decision having been put into it.
Back to Basics
It’s time for a change and aside from non-dating, the only other
option to dating would be arranged marriages or marriage by lottery
system. So it seems like now’s the time to figure out how to date
again because you may not like ending up with #4 8 15 16 23 42. You
obviously like yourself enough to pick up this book and consider the
idea of improving your dating or non-dating life, and for that we love
you. Hooray, we just hugged! Now having said that, we will not coddle
you. This is not a touchy-feely “you’re great so everyone should think
you’re great” book. This is a “how bad do you want it and to what
lengths will you go to achieve what you truly deserve and then be
willing to throw it all away because after all It’s Just a F***ing Date!”
kind of book. We have made our living being straight with you about
our experiences and we’ve done it wrong ourselves enough times. But
ONLY after you’ve done it wrong so many times will you have that
moment of awakening, of clarity, where you admit, “I do it wrong. I
need to do it differently.”
By reading this book you are entering a no bullshit area. Unlike
some of your friends, we will not sign off on your questionable
behavior and will continually demand better of you. We will not buy
the rationalizing that you do to make it okay nor the excuses you
make for yourself or someone else who’s giving you less than you
deserve. Now is the time to redefine what kind of dater you are and
how you date. So buckle up ladies because you’ve come to the right
place. You know what we’ve got? We’ve got answers and we’ve got
plans for you.
Reality Check!
The reality of dating is that almost every date you go on is not
going to work out or turn into a lasting and meaningful relationship.
In fact, every date and relationship won’t work out until you find the
one that does. That’s how it works. That’s how life works and dating
works. There are no shortcuts or loopholes and absolutely everyone
is in the same boat as you. The only difference is how you approach
these dates and the attitude you have when you get there. You can
continue to dread them, be annoyed by the whole process, have
expectations that are sure to disappoint you and project the futility
you feel about the whole thing. OR you can let go of all of it, tell
yourself that It’s Just a F***ing Date! and not the rest of your life; that
it probably won’t work out in the long run but might be fun
nonetheless. With those expectations you’ll have a much better time