Intimacies: A New World of Relational Life

296 Pages·2013·2.044 MB·English

by  Alan Frank, Patricia Clough, Steven Seidman

This book is exciting, important, generative. Splicing cultural theory, social
science,andpsychoanalysis,itinvitesmanysortsofreadersacrosstheclinical-academic
divide. With its nuanced takes on intimacy’s living and emergent diversity, it’s a
volume that, it turns out, we’ve been waiting for.
Muriel Dimen, Adjunct Clinical Professor of Psychology, Postdoctoral Program in
Psychotherapy and Psychoanalysis, New York University
The sphere of intimacy is where we live our lives most intensely and passionately.
Not surprisingly, it is a highly conflicted zone. This important book seeks to
explore intimacies in all their complexities, by setting up a dialogue between
sociohistorical approaches and psychoanalysis. The result is a book that is never
less than illuminating, and at its best is revelatory and often deeply moving. This
isacollectionofessaysthatwillbecomeindispensabletoourunderstandingofthe
significance of intimacies in the contemporary world.
Jeffrey Weeks, author of The Languages of Sexuality (2011)
This collection of essays—moving, exhilarating and trenchant—will fundamen-
tally alterhow academics,psychoanalysts, activists, and culturetheorists approach
‘intimacy’. An important agenda is to unsettle normative discourses around
intimacy, while revealing how the state, the legal and the economic systems are
forces in the scenes of intimate life. Queer theory, psychoanalysis and political
theory co-exist with intense personalnarratives. The book is agreat argumentfor
multi-disciplinary dialogues and encounters.
Adrienne Harris, Clinical Associate Professor of Psychology, Postdoctoral Program in
Psychotherapy and Psychoanalysis, New York University
Intimacies is both a surprising and unsurprising book. It is unsurprising because it
engages central discussions in anthropology, sociology, psychoanalysis, and
philosophy organized by how to understand the knots, projections, and incon-
stancies of the intimate ties on which we rely. It is surprising because the essays
are so intimate. A compelling, engaging read.
Lauren Berlant, George M. Pullman Professor,
Department of English, University of Chicago
This page intentionally left blank
Intimacies
In the last decade or so, there has been a shift in the popular and academic discussion of
our personal lives. Relationships—and not necessarily marriage—have gravitated to the
center of our relational lives. Many of us feel entitled to seek intimacy, an emotionally
depthful social bonding, rather than simply security or companionship from our relation-
ships. Unlike in a marriage-centered culture, intimacy is today pursued in varied relation-
ships, from familial to friends and to romances. Intimacies are being forged in multiple
venues, fromface-to-face tovirtual,cybercontexts.
Anewscholarshiphasaddressedthischangingterrainofpersonallife—thereistodaya
vast literature on cohabitation, parenthood without marriage, sex and love outside mar-
riage, queer families, cyber intimacies and friendships. However, much theorizing and
researchhasfocusedeitherontheinterior,subjectiveorsocioculturalaspectsofintimacies,
andnottheirinteraction.
This volume aims to break new ground: Intimacies explores the psychological terrain of
intimacyindepthfulwayswithoutabandoningitssociohistoricalcontextandthecentrality
of power dynamics. Drawing on a rich archive that includes the social sciences, feminism,
queerstudies andpsychoanalysis, thecontributorsexamine:
(cid:2) changingcultures ofintimacy;
(cid:2) fluid and solid attachments and intimacies from hook ups, to sibling bonds, to erotic
love;
(cid:2) apoliticsofintimacythatmayinvolvestate-enforced hierarchies,class, misrecognition,
socialexclusionandviolence;
(cid:2) embodiedexperiences ofintimacy anddynamics ofendingsandloss;and
(cid:2) apluralization ofintimacies thatchallengeestablished ethicalhierarchies.
This volume aims to define the cutting edge of this emerging field of scholarship and pol-
itics. It challenges existing paradigms that assume rigid hierarchical approaches to rela-
tional life. Intimacies will be of interest for psychoanalysts and for students or scholars in
sexualities, gender studies, family studies, feminism studies, queer studies, social class,
culturalstudies andphilosophy.
AlanFrank isapsychoanalyst practicing inNewYork City.
Patricia Ticineto Clough is Professor of Sociology and Women’s Studies at Queens
CollegeandGraduate Center,CUNY.
StevenSeidman isProfessorofSociology attheUniversityat Albany,SUNY.
This page intentionally left blank
Intimacies
A new world of relational life
Edited by
Alan Frank, Patricia Ticineto Clough
and Steven Seidman
Firstpublished2013
byRoutledge
2ParkSquare,MiltonPark,Abingdon,OxonOX144RN
SimultaneouslypublishedintheUSAandCanada
byRoutledge
711ThirdAvenue,NewYork,NY10017
RoutledgeisanimprintoftheTaylor&FrancisGroup,aninformabusiness
©2013selectionandeditorialmaterialAlanFrank,PatriciaTicinetoClough
andStevenSeidman;individualchapters,thecontributors
Therightoftheeditorstobeidentifiedastheauthorsoftheeditorialmaterial,
andoftheauthorsfortheirindividualchapters,hasbeenassertedinaccordance
withsections77and78oftheCopyright,DesignsandPatentsAct1988.
Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthisbookmaybereprintedorreproducedor
utilisedinanyformorbyanyelectronic,mechanical,orothermeans,now
knownorhereafterinvented,includingphotocopyingandrecording,orinany
informationstorageorretrievalsystem,withoutpermissioninwritingfromthe
publishers.
Trademarknotice:Productorcorporatenamesmaybetrademarksorregistered
trademarks,andareusedonlyforidentificationandexplanationwithoutintent
toinfringe.
BritishLibraryCataloguinginPublicationData
AcataloguerecordforthisbookisavailablefromtheBritishLibrary
LibraryofCongressCataloginginPublicationData
Intimacies:anewworldofrelationallife/editedbyAlanFrank,Patricia
TicinetoCloughandStevenSeidman.
p.cm.
Includesbibliographicalreferencesandindex.
1.Intimacy(Psychology)2.Interpersonalrelations.I.Frank,Alan,
Psychoanalyst.II.Clough,PatriciaTicineto,1945-III.Seidman,Steven.
BF575.I5I552013
158.2–dc23
2012050417
ISBN:978-0-415-62690-3(hbk)
ISBN:978-0-203-07018-5(ebk)
TypesetinBaskerville
byTaylor&FrancisBooks
Contents
List of illustrations ix
List of contributors x
Acknowledgements xiii
Introduction 1
ALANFRANK,PATRICIATICINETOCLOUGHANDSTEVENSEIDMAN
PARTI
Changing cultures of intimacy 11
1 State and class politics in the making of a culture of intimacy 13
STEVENSEIDMAN
2 Let me tell you who I am: Intimacy, privacy and self-disclosure 30
LINDANICHOLSON
PARTII
Between fluid and solid intimacies: Hook-ups, sex, love 47
3 Unexpected intimacies: Moments of connection, moments of shame 49
ALANFRANK
4 Hey God, is that You in my underpants? Sex, love and religiosity
among American college students 60
ROGERFRIEDLANDANDPAOLOGARDINALI
5 Queer girls on campus: New intimacies and sexual identities 82
LEILAJ.RUPPANDVERTATAYLOR
6 Intimacy and ambivalence 98
DANIELSHAW
viii Contents
PARTIII
Lateral intimacies: Siblings, surrogates, families 115
7 Intimacy, disclosure and marital normativity 117
JOHNBORNEMAN
8 Lost and found: Sibling loss, disconnection, mourning and intimacy 130
WILLIAMF.CORNELL
9 The belly mommy and the fetus sitter: The reproductive marketplace
and family intimacies 146
JOSHUAGAMSON
PARTIV
Unsettling intimacies: Anxieties, violence, misrecognition 163
10 Intimacy, lateral relationships and biopolitical governance 165
PATRICIATICINETOCLOUGH
11 Intimacy undone: Stories of sex and abuse in the psychoanalytic
consulting room 181
JEFFREYPRAGER
12 Who’s your daddy? Intimacy, recognition and the queer family story 206
ARLENESTEIN
PARTV
Phenomenology of intimacy 223
13 The search for intimacy: Nearness and distance in
psychoanalytic work 225
JANEKUPERSMIDTANDCATHERINEB.SILVER
14 Finding the addressee: Notes on the termination of an analysis 244
ANNEGOLOMBHOFFMAN
15 The intimacy of objects: Living and perishing in the
company of things 258
JOSEPHSCHNEIDER
Index 275
Illustrations
Figures
4.1 Difficulty for women of separating sex and love and alcohol
consumption during last sex, first-time sexual encounters 69
12.1 Lewis’ birth announcement 210
12.2 Cover of our family “album” 210
12.3 From “The Story of Me” 211
12.4 “The Story of Me”—continued 212
12.5 “Uncle” Charles feeding Lewis 212
Tables
4.1 Sex activity by age and gender 62
4.2 In which acts have you ever engaged? 63
4.3 Cross-tabulation of recent sex by gender 63
4.4 How many sex partners have you had? 64
4.5 In what kind of relationship did you have your last sex? 66
4.6 How easy is it for you to separate sex and emotional attachment? 67
4.7 Orgasm and love 70
4.8 Do you want or expect to stay with the same person all of your life? 71
4.9 Does romantic love brainwash women? 73
4.10 Cross-tabulation of virginity, statement of personal belief about God 74
4.11 God and erotic love 74
5.1 Sexual identities of women students, total and UCSB, Online
College and Social Life Survey, UCSB 86
5.2 Sexual practices of women students, Online College and Social Life
Survey 86
5.3 Ethnicity of interviewees 87
5.4 Sexual identities of interviewees 87
5.5 Sexual identity by ethnicity 87