I am Spock

179 Pages·1996·1.48 MB·English

by  Leonard Nimoy

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
To Stoats,
Thanks to Jason Sloane, Russell Galen, and
For the love
Brian DeFiore for opening the door;
and
To Larry McCallister and Harry Lang, for
laughter.
All STAR TREK elements ™, «, and * 1996 Paramount Pictures. providing images;
All Rights Reserved. STAR TREK is a registered trademark of To Cyndi Mladinov, for managing my
Paramount Pictures. Front cover photo used under schedule, reading my writing, and controlling the
authorization. madness;
And to Jeanne (J.M.) Dillard, for her
Photo on page ii ° 1995 Paramount Pictures.
Photo on page iii and back cover ® Jeffery Newbury extraordinary talent, tact, and taste.
Photos from Never Forget provided by Turner Pictures
Worldwide
and Turner Network Television. Photos from
Three Men and a Baby and The Good Mother
courtesy of Touchstone Pictures. The letters of
Isaac Asimov courtesy of the Isaac Asimov estate.
Copyrighte 1995 Leonard Nimoy
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or repro-
duced in any manner whatsoever without the written
permission of the Publisher. Printed in the United States of
America.
For information address
Hyperion, 114 Fifth Avenue, New York,
New York 10011.
Nimoy, Leonard,
I am Spock / by Leonard Nimoy. — 1st ed.
p. cm. ISBN 0-
7868-8910-1
1. Nimoy, Leonard. 2. Actors—United States—Biography. 3.
Star Trek (Television program) 4. Star Trek Films. I. Title.
PN2287.N55A3 1995 791.45"028"092-dc20
[B] 95-24504
CIP
First Mass Market Edition
10 987654321

DESIGN BY ROBERT BULL DESIGN
FOREWORD

NUMBER ONE SUBAK PLAZA, S H I K A H H
VULCAN 43 ERIDANI STARSYSTEM

1lTasmeen 156,093 V.O.D.*
Stardate 496123.3
Mr. Leonard Nimoy
c/ Hyperion Publishers
0
New York NY 10011
Earth
Sol Starsystem
Dear Mr. Nimoy:
I write this note in response to yours, which asks:
"Would you consider writing a foreword to my new
book?"
This book, you inform me, contains the saga of your
experiences in your various capacities as actor, writer,
director, and producer of Star Trek stories. It is to be called I
Am Spock.
I must admit to some degree of confusion. By all
accounts, I am in full possession of my memory—and I
distinctly recall the title of your previous book on the
above subject. It was, in fact, entitled I Am Not Spock,
which seemed both logical and accurate—since, indeed, you
are not Spock, and I have always believed and shall continue
to believe that Iam. To indulge in a human colloquialism:
Have you lost your small glass gaming spheres?

ONE
HUMAN
VERSUS
VULCAN

or Of Luck and Probability
LET'S OPEN THIS BOOK with a couple
of shattering confessions right up front:
1. I talk to myself; and
2.1 hear voices in my head.
Or rather, I sometimes talk to an aspect
of myself, and I often hear one specific voice
replying in my head—a very calm, very rational
voice, one I suspect many of you are familiar
with. And if you were to listen in on the silent
conversation taking place in my head at this
very moment, you might hear the following
exchange:
NIMOY: Spock, do you have any idea how
lucky we are to have each other?
SPOCK: I do not believe in "luck." I believe every
event is statistically predictable.
NIMOY: Really? So—at the moment I was born,
what were the chances that I would
grow up, go to Hollywood, meet Gene
Roddenberry, and become famous as
a green-blooded, pointy-eared alien
from outer space?
SPOCK: At the moment of your birth?
Approximately 789,324,476.76 to 1.
I shook his outreached hand and thanked
NIMOY: Aha! You see? It was luck, after all! The
him, then found my way to the shuttle, which
odds were against it!
would take me to my gate. Once again, I was
SPOCK: Hardly. Because with each passing
welcomed cordially. "I'm afraid I can't beam you
moment of your life, one event precipi-
up," the driver said with a grin, "but I'm happy to
tated another, which made each subse-
drive you."
quent occurrence more probable. For
When at last we arrived at the gate, the
example, by moving from Boston to Los
smiling attendant greeted me with, "The flight
Angeles and working hard to perfect
crew's been coming out to ask me whether
your craft, you increased your chances
you've checked in yet."
of a successful acting career by a sub-
And here I sit in my seat, comfortable and
stantial margin, from 1,726,534.2 to 1, to
well taken care of, knowing that more pleasant
351,233.82 to I—just as, by attending
receptions await me in Florida.
Starfleet Academy, I increased my
Why all the good will and warm feelings
chances of serving aboard the
from total strangers?
Enterprise. As your own Miguel de
Well, a great deal of it comes because of my
Cervantes said, "Diligence is the mother
relationship with a certain extraterrestrial—a
of good fortune."
supposedly unfeeling character who claims he
NIMOY: Yes, but even once I got to
can't return the enormous groundswell of
Hollywood, what were the chances I'd
public love directed at him. Even those few
play a space alien—from the planet
hardy souls who have never seen a single Star
Vulcan?
Trek episode somehow know all about that guy
SPOCK: (small sigh) Approximately
with the pointed ears.
3,400,679,929.936 to 1 . . .
Should I be jealous of him?
NIMOY: I rest my case!
I joked about that, in a book I wrote in the
mid-seventies called I Am Not Spock. I
As I write these words about fortune and
described my conversation with a group of
statistics, I'm sitting on a plane bound for
actors, and how, as I was leaving, one of the
Florida, with pen in hand and yellow legal pad
actresses said, "Leonard, we love you." I was
balanced on one knee. And I can't help thinking
very warmed and thanked her, but at the time,
that I'm one lucky guy. You see, I'm on my way
wanted to add: "I'll tell him when I see him." As I
to speak at a Star Trek convention, where I will
said in the book:
be greeted with an incredible outpouring of
affection and warmth.
. . . standing silently behind my shoulder is a very
And earlier this morning at the airport when I
jealous, ever-present Vulcan!!
stepped from the car, the sidewalk baggage
handler recognized me at once and gave me a SPOCK: Tell her I accept her compliment, emotional
though it may be.
broad smile. "Good morning, Mr. Nimoy. Have a
NIMOY: What compliment?
good trip."
SPOCK: She said they love me.
NIMOY: That is not what she said. She So I recalled an incident mentioned in the
specifically said, "Leonard, we love book, when a woman pointed me out to her
you." And I know there's nothing wrong young son and said, "That's Mr. Spock." The
with your hearing! little boy had stared at me blankly, without
SPOCK: If you're so certain of her intent, why are
recognition because I wasn't in costume as the
you becoming agitated?
Vulcan. I had used that event—and the fact
NIMOY: That's ridiculous. Every time I'm paid a
that I was often asked to sign autographs as
compliment, you grab it away. You grab
it up for yourself! "Spock" rather than myself—as cornerstones for
SPOCK: Would she have paid you that a chapter entitled "I Am Not Spock," where I
compliment if not for me? had fun with a philosophical discussion about
NIMOY: No ... whether or not an actor "was" the character he
SPOCK: Then how can you claim it for your own? played. It began:
I enjoyed writing the book and creating I am not Spock.
the dialogs between myself and Spock. I Then why does my head turn in response
wanted to answer a lot of often-asked to a stranger on the street who calls out that
questions and also explore the relationship name? Why do I feel a twinge when someone
between an actor and the character he says, "What happened to your ears?" I am not
breathed life into—especially since that Spock.
character seemed to take on an existence of his
Then why do I feel a wonderful warmth
own. when I hear or read a compliment aimed at the
But I made an enormous mistake in choosing
Vulcan?
the title for the book. I've made a lot of mistakes
Spock for President reads the bumper sticker
in my lifetime, but this one was a biggie and
on the car in front of me. I'm filled with pride
right out there in public. Perhaps it wasn't
and I smile. I'm not Spock.
quite as bad as Roseanne Arnold singing
But if I'm not, who is? And if I'm not Spock,
the "Star-Spangled Banner" off-key, grabbing
then who am I?
her crotch, and spitting in a stadium full of
baseball fans, but mine did start a firestorm
Now, in discussing title possibilities with the
that lasted several years and caused a lot of
publisher, I thought I Am Not Spock might
hard feelings. In fact, it almost prevented me
work. Certainly, it would attract the attention of
from having a directing career—but I'll deal
potential readers and arouse their curiosity. But
with that later.
the publisher was worried and explained, "It's a
When I wrote that book and handed it in to
negative title, and negative titles don't sell well."
the publisher, we discussed the title, and
Clever guy that I am, I shot back with,
agreed that Spock should be mentioned.
"What about Gone With the Wind?"
We tossed around ideas like "Spock and I"
I won that argument. And I'm sorry now that I
and "My Life with Spock," but they seemed
did, because I was completely wrong.
insipid. I wanted a title with some bite.
J Am Not Spock was published in 1975, at a
time
w hen the Star Trek phenomenon had just good copy: "Actor rejects character who
taken hold. Having had only marginal success threatens to consume him."
on NEC, where we limped along for three For some years afterwards, the public
years, the show took on new life in syndication. assumption was that more Star Trek was not
Local stations were able to schedule it at times forthcoming because I had vowed never to play
that made it more accessible to their viewers the Vulcan again because I hated Spock.
and gradually the show and its audience found
One of the reasons I'm writing this book is
each other. By the mid-seventies, it was
so I can forever put those ugly and unfounded
becoming a media event. Colleges avoided
rumors to rest. Here it is in print: I don't hate
scheduling classes during Star Trek hours to
the Vulcan. In fact, I've always been
avoid predictable absenteeism! Some
downright fond of him, and as I mentioned in I
professors took to using episodes in teaching
Am Not Spock, if someone came up to me
their classes, and even today, entire courses
and said, "You can't be Leonard Nimoy
on aspects of the Star Trek phenomenon are
anymore. But you can be anyone else you
taught at many universities. Some television
want," I wouldn't hesitate a beat with my
stations ran Star Trek marathons on the
answer. I'd want to be Spock. I like and respect
weekends, and in many cities the show was
and admire him.
"stripped"—airing every evening at 6 or 7
And as for Star Trek, I'm enormously proud
P.M. Mothers jokingly complained that we were and pleased to have played a role (literally) in a
destroying the family dinner hour, since no one
television series that has become a cultural
would eat when Trek was on!
event. I talked earlier about feeling a surge of
Thousands and thousands of new devotees
pride when I saw a SPOCK FOR PRESIDENT bumper
sat in front of their TV sets, memorizing each
sticker; this morning, I felt the same emotion
episode's dialog word-for-word. Soon,
(sorry, Spock!) when I casually leafed
throughout the land came a heartfelt cry:
through the Los Angeles Times. The front-
"Give us more Star Trek!"
page photo of the American astronaut Norman
And in the midst of this desperate demand, I
Thagard and his cosmonaut buddies aboard
won my little disagreement with the publisher
the space station Mir was captioned: "The
and sent my book, my child, into the streets.
Next Generation." And flipping back to the Life
And this child spoke with a naive, gentle voice,
& Style section, I found a review of a new
and said: "I am not Spock."
Chrysler vehicle: "Boldly Going Where No
Clever, all right. My timing and choice of title
Minivan Has Gone Before." Star Trek, it seems,
couldn't have been worse. What came back
has permeated our culture and is moving right
was a deep, sad moan of public frustration
along with us into the future. Log on to any
followed by outbursts of anger, even hatred. I
major computer network, and you'll find the Star
got some vicious mail, most of which said, "We
Trek section is one of the busiest, with
made you and we can break you!"
messages from fans discussing all of the myriad
Unfortunately, press articles followed which
forms of Trek, from the original series to the
served to fuel that anger. After all, it made
movies to the three spin-off shows. Some time
ago,
to Shatner, the question dealt with our
I saw a taped interview with the co-founder of
usefulness to Star Trek.}
Apple Computers, Steve Wozniak. As he sat
In that moment, I felt a complete merger
talking in his office, I couldn't help noticing the
take place; the separation between myself
large poster on his wall, of that green-
and Spock disappeared. Not only did Spock
blooded patron saint of computer scientists,
speak to Kirk, but with one and the same
Spock.
voice, Nimoy spoke to Shatner. Spock and I
I'm thrilled to have played a part in such a
had become one.
phenomenon.
Now here's an interesting twist on an old
But yes, if you want to get technical, I am
story. Remember the story from I Am Not Spock
not Spock. I'm an actor named Leonard
about the mother with the little boy who didn't
Nimoy who plays that character.
recognize me? A few days ago, I stepped into an
At the same time, a perfectly good
elevator and there was a woman with her
argument could be made that I am Spock.
young son. (No, not the same pair from
After all, as an actor, I've used my own
twenty years ago!) This little boy was around
emotional (or unemotional) resources to help
the same age as the first had been, though—
create the character. I brought parts of
myself to the role; and frankly, over the around six or seven years old.
The woman's eyes widened almost
years, a lot of the Vulcan's mannerisms and
philosophy have rubbed off on me. immediately, and she gave her son a gentle
Is Spock simply a "mask" I wear, like the nudge. I smiled, waiting patiently until she got
ancient Greeks wore in their amphitheater his attention and pointed at me.
presentations— or is there more to it than Well, he took a good hard look, but displayed
that? Present-day performers no longer sport not the faintest sign of recognition. I was sure
the large, stylized masks; modern acting I was destined for a replay of the event that
demands realism. Does this mean we're created the title for the last book.
looking directly into the heart and soul of the His mother finally gave up, smiled shyly at
actor during the performance, or is there an me, and asked, "Could I have your autograph
invisible facade, a "mask," in place? for my husband, Mike? He's a big fan of yours."
Perhaps the answer is both. I'm reminded I took the pen and paper she offered, signed
of a scene in Star Trek VI, which Bill Shatner my name (wondering all the while if I shouldn't
and I played in Spock's quarters. In a just sign "Spock"), then winked at the little
moment of self-examination, Spock asked boy, who was still frowning, perplexed.
Kirk, "Is it possible that we two, you and I, have When the elevator reached my floor, I
grown so old and inflexible that we have outlived stepped off. And as the door was closing
our usefulness?" behind me, I heard the mother say, "That's
As the camera rolled, I suddenly felt all sense Leonard Nimoy!"
of "mask" slip away—as though it were I was pleasantly surprised, but at the same
Leonard Nimoy asking the question of Bill time, taken aback; I had honestly expected
Shatner. (That, indeed, was the subtext. her to say, "That's Mr. Spock!"
Spock's question had to do with our usefulness
to the Federation; but as Nimoy
And this time, I would have been
Half Vulcan. But part of you is
completely comfortable with it. In fact, I
human. Let me put it another way.
almost wished she had called me Spock, If I didn't exist, would you? (pause)
because that might have made it easier for Perhaps.
the boy. If another actor had brought you to
And if, after the mother had identified me
life. But then you wouldn't be
as Leonard Nimoy, the boy had asked me:
exactly the same Vulcan you are
"Are you Spock?" I would happily have today, would you?
responded: (reluctantly yielding) No. I suppose I
"Yes, I am." would not.
We're both very lucky, Spock. Lucky
to have lived the lives we have, and
lucky to have had each other, (brac-
ALOT HAS HAPPENED to me—and ing for the anticipated lecture on

Spock— since the publication of I Am Not luck versus statistics) (softly) Yes, I
Spock in 1975; that's another reason I wanted suppose we are . . .
to share this book with you. Looking back on
the past thirty years, I'm incredibly grateful for
my involvement with the Vulcan. Because of
him, I've had a number of wonderful
opportunities. And I'd like to think that, just as
his Vulcan logic has had a tempering effect on
me, my emotional human personality has
rubbed off on him a bit. I know we've both
matured and mellowed a great deal over these
three decades.
And if I could rewrite the quote from I Am
Not Spock that began this chapter, I would say to
him:
NIMOY: Spock, I hope you realize that I don't
harbor any feelings of jealousy or
competition toward you. After all, I am
you. And you're me.
SPOCK: I beg your pardon?
NIMOY: You sprang from who I am. From
parts of my own personality.
SPOCK: (stiffly) I fail to see any obvious connec-
tion. You, after all, are an emotional
human. And I —
NIMOY: Yes, yes, I know. You're a Vulcan.
T W O

CONCEPTION

AND
GESTATION

SPOCK: As my parents were of different species, my conception
occurred only because of the intervention of
Vulcan scientists. Much of my gestation was spent out-
side my mother's womb, in a heated, specially
designed environment.
NIMOY: The environment was heated, all right—by the camera
lights on The Lucy Show set.
SPOCK: I beg your pardon?
ALMOST THIRTY YEARS AGO, a group of
visitors came to the Star Trek set while we
were shooting the series. It was a common
event, something we actors were used to. But
that day, something uncommon happened.
One of the guests, a dreamy-eyed young
woman, came up to me during a break from
filming and introduced herself, then revealed
some information that took me completely
aback.
"I represent a group of people in New
Mexico who are in contact with an alien
intelligence," she told me, very earnestly. "You
may not be aware of the importance of the work
you're doing. You have been chosen, in a
metaphysical sense, to house the alien entity
called Spock."
I don't remember exactly what I responded,
but I was struck by the intensity of her belief.
And as I