Helping Grieving People - When Tears Are Not Enough: A Handbook for Care Providers, 2nd Edition (Series in Death, Dying, and Bereavement)

422 Pages·2011·2.38 MB·English

by  J. Shep Jeffreys

Advanced Praise for Helping Grieving People—
When Tears Are Not Enough, Second Edition
“This second edition of Jeffreys’ best-seller is a work packed with plenty of prac-
tical pointers for professional helpers, and one that is guaranteed to sharpen
one’s skill as an ‘Exquisite Witness’ to the anguish and achievements of those
whose lives are touched by loss. It offers grief professionals a helpful handbook
that is keenly observant, well grounded in innumerable stories of loss and even-
tual gain, and one that continues to draw on the growing edge of grief theory to
suggest relevant forms of assessment and intervention.”
From the Series Editor Foreword by Robert A. Neimeyer, PhD
“Making an excellent book even better, Jeffreys’ updated edition richly inte-
grates professional and personal information to provide caregivers with the tools
to best enable coping in the dying and bereaved. A superb resource!”
Therese A. Rando, PhD, BCETS, BCBT, The Institute for
the Study and Treatment of Loss, Warwick, Rhode Island;
Author of Treatment of Complicated Mourning
“In Helping Grieving People, Shep Jeffreys provides a great tool for clinicians and a
gift for individuals struggling with loss. This book offers compassionate observa-
tions and insights tempered by experience as well as an integration of the most
contemporary theories and research.”
Kenneth J. Doka, PhD, Professor, The Graduate School,
The College of New Rochelle, New York; Author of Disenfranchised Grief
“This is a wise, helpful, accessible book with excellent grounding in the litera-
ture and the author’s practice and personal experience. It is an invaluable foun-
dation for beginners at helping the bereaved, and there are also many riches for
experienced helpers.”
Paul C. Rosenblatt, PhD, Professor of Family Social Science,
University of Minnesota; Author of Parent Grief: Narratives of Loss and Relationship
“Shep Jeffreys models admirably his own ideal as an ‘Exquisite Witness’ care
provider for grieving people, drawing upon lessons learned from his own loss
experiences, sharing his knowledge of experiences of grieving people in diverse
life circumstances, and guiding providers toward useful and reassuring responses
to the broad range of needs of the bereaved. The world would be a better place if
more counselors put themselves in his able hands, and became like him.”
Thomas Attig, PhD, Past President,
Association for Death Education and Counseling; Author of The Heart of Grief
“Having already made a significant contribution to the field with his first edi-
tion of Helping Grieving People, Shep Jeffreys, in this second edition, offers more
resources and richer ways for assisting people through the grieving process. The
additional research adds greater breadth and depth to an array of outstanding
clinical and pastoral resources. As an accomplished practitioner in the bereave-
ment field, Jeffreys provides a plethora of insights that invite the care provider to
serve effectively as an ‘Exquisite Witness’ through the dimensions of the ‘heart,
head, and hands.’ As with the first edition, Helping Grieving People (2nd edition)
will prove to be a valuable clinical and pastoral reference.”
Reverend C. Kevin Gillespie, SJ, PhD, Associate Professor,
Loyola University of Chicago’s Institute of Pastoral Studies
“In Helping Grieving People, Jeffreys artfully combines theory and research with
clinical and personal experience. The result is an easy-to-read book that cap-
tures the complexity of the grief process and offers useful and practical guide-
lines for anyone supporting the bereaved. This second edition brings in the latest
research and further elaborates on the concepts presented in the first. This book
should be required reading for anyone wishing to understand grief and ways to
help the bereaved.”
Carol Wogrin, PsyD, RN, Director, National Center for Death Education,
Mount Ida College, Newton, Massachusetts
“Shep Jeffreys has presented a clear and unmistakably informative resource for
any caring adult working with the grieving population. His work personifies an
experienced professional from the heart quality of this book, to self-awareness
exercises, grieving principles, and useful interventions and resources. I highly
recommend Helping Grieving People—When Tears Are Not Enough for any profes-
sional, friend, or family member who hopes to become that ‘Exquisite Witness’
when being with a bereaved person.”
Linda Goldman, MS, LCPC, FT, Private Practice, Chevy Chase, Maryland;
Author of Raising Our Children to Be Resilient
“Some books hook a reader early. This one hooked me with a story—a story of a
boy named Steven who died too young and a family who chose to embrace grief.
Only a professional who has experienced grief so ‘close up,’ and who has spent
his career caring for grievers, can write so powerfully and so authentically. It is
a book to be read, reread, and kept within an arm’s reach for consultation. For
someone new to this field and for those who have ‘heard it all,’ Jeffreys offers a
page-turner and a book that you will dog-ear.”
Harold Ivan Smith, FT, Grief Educator
Praise for the First Edition
“Alternatively personal and poetic as well as professional, Helping Grieving People
draws with equal comfort on the author’s own rich trove of experience, on an
artistic sensibility for capturing the poignancy of reflective moments, and on a
range of contemporary theories that usefully inform our quest to understand
bereavement and the needs of those subjected to it.”
From the Series Editor Foreword by Robert A. Neimeyer, PhD
“With not one ounce of overstatement, it can be said that [this] book is one of
the finest resources ever written to explicate the experience of loss and what can
be done—and, in many cases, must be done—to effectively enable persons to
cope with it. I cannot recommend it highly enough.”
Therese A. Rando, PhD, BCETS, BCBT, The Institute for the Study
of Treatment and Loss, Warwick, Rhode Island
“In his very readable, highly personal, and broadly informative book, Jeffreys
reminds us, gently but firmly, that we all must listen and hear with our hearts
if we are to competently and compassionately perform our obligations as care
providers to those facing loss.”
Ellen S. Zinner, PsyD, Assistant to the President, Salisbury University,
Maryland; Past President, Association for Death Education and Counseling
“From sound theory to remarkable case studies, on to highly useful tools, this
book works. It works because Jeffreys has been there and back. You walk away
with a tool box, filled with all you will ever need to know.”
Sidney B. Simon, Professor Emeritus, Psychological Education,
University of Massachusetts; Creator of Values Realization
“Helping Grieving People does just that—and it does it masterfully. It is a gift to both
counselors and bereaved persons. It may well become a classic in the field.”
Kenneth J. Doka, PhD, Professor, The College of New Rochelle, New York;
Senior Consultant, The Hospice Foundation of America
“Helping Grieving People is a rich conversation with the challenges and hidden
gifts of one of the most overwhelming processes people must encounter at dif-
ferent points in their lives.”
Robert J. Wicks, PsyD, Professor, Department of Pastoral Counseling,
Loyola College, Maryland
“Well written and thoroughly researched, this is a book that will engage you in
new ways so that others may engage you afresh.”
Reverend Richard B. Gilbert, BCC, PhD, Executive Director,
The World Pastoral Care Center
“This volume overflows with good advice and good sense, clearly the work of
someone who has known both ends of the healing process, as a healer and as one
who needed healing and found it.”
Rabbi Harold Kushner, Author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People
Helping Grieving People –
When tears are not enough
THE SERIES IN DEATH, DYING, AND BEREAVEMENT
ROBERT NEIMEYER, CONSULTING EDITOR
Beder—Voices of Bereavement: A Casebook for Grief Counselors
Berger—Music of the Soul: Composing Life Out of Loss
Buckle & Fleming—Parenting After the Death of a Child: A Practitioner’s Guide
Davies—Shadows in the Sun: The Experiences of Sibling Bereavement in Childhood
Doka & Martin—Grieving Beyond Gender: Understanding the Ways Men and Women Mourn, Revised
Edition
Harris—Counting Our Losses: Reflecting on Change, Loss, and Transition in Everyday Life
Harvey—Perspectives on Loss: A Sourcebook
Katz & Johnson—When Professionals Weep: Emotional and Countertransference Responses in End-
of-Life Care
Klass—The Spiritual Lives of Bereaved Parents
Jeffreys—Helping Grieving People—When Tears Are Not Enough: A Handbook for Care Providers,
Second Edition
Jordan & McInotsh—Grief After Suicide: Understanding the Consequences and Caring for the
Survivors
Leenaars—Lives and Deaths: Selections From the Works of Edwin S. Shneidman
Leong & Leach—Suicide Among Racial and Ethnic Minority Groups: Theory, Research, and Practice
Lester—Katie’s Diary: Unlocking the Mystery of a Suicide
Martin, Doka—Men Don’t Cry … Women Do: Transcending Gender Stereotypes of Grief
Nord—Multiple AIDS–Related Loss: A Handbook for Understanding and Surviving a Perpetual Fall
Rogers—The Art of Grief: The Use of Expressive Arts in a Grief Support Group
Roos—Chronic Sorrow: A Living Loss
Rosenblatt—Parent Grief: Narratives of Loss and Relationship
Rosenblatt & Wallace—African-American Grief
Silverman—Widow to Widow, Second Edition
Tedeschi & Calhoun—Helping Bereaved Parents: A Clinician’s Guide
Werth—Contemporary Perspectives on Rational Suicide
Werth & Blevins—Decision Making Near the End of Life: Issues, Developments, and Future
Directions
FORMERLY THE SERIES IN DEATH EDUCATION,
AGING, AND HEALTH CARE
HANNELORE WASS, CONSULTING EDITOR
Bard—Medical Ethics in Practice
Benoliel—Death Education for the Health Professional
Bertman—Facing Death: Images, Insights, and Interventions
Brammer—How to Cope With Life Transitions: The Challenge of Personal Change
Cleiren—Bereavement and Adaptation: A Comparative Study of the Aftermath of Death
Corless & Pittman-Lindeman—AIDS: Principles, Practices, and Politics, Abridged Edition
Corless & Pittman-Lindeman—AIDS: Principles, Practices, and Politics, Reference Edition
Curran—Adolescent Suicidal Behavior
Davidson—The Hospice: Development and Administration, Second Edition
Davidson & Linnolla—Risk Factors in Youth Suicide
Degner & Beaton—Life–Death Decisions in Health Care
Doka—AIDS, Fear, and Society: Challenging the Dreaded Disease
Doty—Communication and Assertion Skills for Older Persons
Epting & Neimeyer—Personal Meanings of Death: Applications for Personal Construct Theory to
Clinical Practice
Haber—Health Care for an Aging Society: Cost-Conscious Community Care and Self-Care
Approaches
Hughes—Bereavement and Support: Healing in a Group Environment
Irish, Lundquist & Nelsen—Ethnic Variations in Dying, Death, and Grief: Diversity in Universality
Klass, Silverman & Nickman—Continuing Bonds: New Understanding of Grief
Lair—Counseling the Terminally Ill: Sharing the Journey
Leenaars, Maltsberger & Neimeyer—Treatment of Suicidal People
Leenaars & Wenckstern—Suicide Prevention in Schools
Leng—Psychological Care in Old Age
Leviton—Horrendous Death, Health, and Well-Being
Leviton—Horrendous Death and Health: Toward Action
Lindeman, Corby, Downing & Sanborn—Alzheimer’s Day Care: A Basic Guide
Lund—Older Bereaved Spouses: Research With Practical Applications
Neimeyer—Death Anxiety Handbook: Research, Instrumentation, and Application
Papadatou & Papadatos—Children and Death
Prunkl & Berry—Death Week: Exploring the Dying Process
Ricker & Myers—Retirement Counseling: A Practical Guide for Action
Samarel—Caring for Life and Death
Sherron & Lumsden—Introduction to Educational Gerontology, Third Edition
Stillion—Death and Sexes: An Examination of Differential Longevity Attitudes, Behaviors, and Coping
Skills
Stillion, McDowell & May—Suicide Across the Life Span: Premature Exits
Vachon—Occupational Stress in the Care of the Critically Ill, the Dying, and the Bereaved
Wass & Corr—Childhood and Death
Wass & Corr—Helping Children Cope With Death: Guidelines and Resource. Second Edition
Wass, Corr, Pacholski & Forfar—Death Education II: An Annotated Resource Guide
Wass & Neimeyer—Dying: Facing the Facts, Third Edition
Weenolsen—Transcendence of Loss Over the Life Span
Werth—Rational Suicide? Implications for Mental Health Professionals

Helping Grieving People –
When tears are not enough
A Handbook for Care Providers
Second Edition
J. Shep Jeffreys
New York London