Getting Anger Under Control

427 Pages·2012·1.01 MB·English

by  Neil T Anderson

GETTING ANGER UNDER CONTROL
By Neil T. Anderson & Rich Miller
Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations
are taken from the New American Standard Bible®, ©
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Verses marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible:
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Verses marked NKJV are taken from the New King
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Inc. Used by Permission. All rights reserved.
Verses marked KJV are taken from the King James
Version of the Bible.
Verses marked THE MESSAGE are taken from The
Message. Copyright © by Eugene H. Peterson 1993,
1994, 1995. Used by permission of NavPress
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Cover by Terry Dugan Design, Minneapolis, Minnesota
GETTING ANGER UNDER CONTROL
Copyright © 2002 by Neil T. Anderson and Rich Miller
Published by Harvest House Publishers
Eugene, Oregon 97402
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Anderson, Neil T., 1942–
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 0-7369-0349-6
I. Miller, Rich, 1954– II. Title.
BV4627.A5 A53 2002
248.4—dc21 2001051575
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be
reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted
in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical,
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brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior
permission of the publisher.
Printed in the United States of America.
02 03 04 05 06 07 08 09 BC-VS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
A WORD OF DEDICATION
The terrorist attack of September 11, 2001, on the
World Trade Center and the Pentagon, occurred as we
were doing the final editing of this book. The shock of
this terrible tragedy was felt deeply by us as well as by
people all around the world. Americans responded in
disbelief and wondered how this could happen to us, a
peace-loving nation. But what was intended to
dishearten and destroy us took a different turn. It
brought out a heroic spirit of brotherhood and revealed
that the church is still the soul of America.
These deplorable acts of violence brought about a
righteous indignation that caused our country to unite
against godless terrorism. This act of war is evidence
of the continuing battle between good and evil being
fought on this planet. The battle is not between
Christians and Muslims, nor is it between America and
the Arab world. Sadly, however, some of our anger
over this is not righteous and has brought out the
worst of our bigotry and hatred.
We do not know at this writing what action our country
is going to take to seek justice, but we pray that we will
seek justice, not revenge. We also pray that our
response will be made not out of pride, but out of
humility. This is a time to humble ourselves, turn from
our self-centered ways, and pray. We could be on the
verge of a worldwide conflict, or we could be
witnessing the beginning of a worldwide revival.
Maybe both. But if a revival is coming, “Lord, let it
begin with us!”
This book is dedicated to the policemen and firemen
who gave their lives that others could live. It is
dedicated to the innocent victims on the commercial
airplanes used as weapons of war. It is dedicated to
the memory of the mothers and fathers, brothers and
sisters who lost their lives that tragic morning in New
York, Pennsylvania, and Washington, D.C. Finally, it is
dedicated to all those serving in the armed forces who
face the prospect of dying for their country, for the
cause of justice and freedom.
Freedom has always come with a price; it cost the life
of Jesus in order that we might be alive and free in
Him.
We know love by this, that He laid down His life for us;
and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.
—1 John 3:16
Neil and Rich
September 2001
CONTENTS
Dedication
Note From The Authors
An Anger Epidemic
Part I: How Anger Works in You
Chapter 1. Anger—A Matter of Life and Death
Chapter 2. Goals and Desires
Chapter 3. Be Angry but Don’t Sin
Chapter 4. Mental Strongholds
Chapter 5. Flesh Patterns of Anger
Part II: How Grace and Forgiveness Work in You
Chapter 6. Amazing Grace
Chapter 7. Grace for Life
Chapter 8. The Need to Forgive
Chapter 9. Forgiving from the Heart
Part III: How God’s Power Works in You
Chapter 10. It’s a Mad, Mad World
Chapter 11. A Peace of Your Mind
Chapter 12. Connecting to the Power
Chapter 13. Breaking Strongholds of Anger, Part One
Chapter 14. Breaking Strongholds of Anger, Part Two
Steps to Freedom in Christ
Notes
A NOTE FROM THE AUTHORS
In relating true stories and testimonies throughout the
book, we have changed names to protect individual
identity and privacy.
For ease of reading we have usually not distinguished
ourselves from each other in authorship or
experiences, preferring to use “I” and “we” as opposed
to “I (Rich)” or “I (Neil).” The exceptions are
illustrations referring to family.
AN ANGER EPIDEMIC
The world has a serious and growing problem with
anger, and America is no exception. A recent U.S.
News poll revealed that “a vast majority of Americans
feel their country has reached an ill-mannered
watershed. Nine out of 10 Americans think incivility is
a serious problem, and nearly half think it is extremely
serious. Seventy-eight percent say the problem has
worsened in the last 10 years.”1
In the U.S. workplace, more than 2 million people
each year are victims of crime, with 75 percent of
those cases being simple assaults. Workers aged 35
to 49 are the most common targets, with 37 percent of
them per year becoming victims of workplace violence.
From 1994 to 1996, businesses ranked violence in the
workplace as their number one concern.2
Why Are We So Angry?
Why have our offices and places of business become
hotbeds for anger? Leslie Charles, in her book Why Is
Everyone So Cranky? writes, “People say work isn’t
fun like it used to be. They don’t have time. They are
always behind the eight ball. They are always put on
the spot. They’re asked to move in one direction, then
told to completely switch and move in another
direction.”3
A recent newspaper article painted this picture of a
whitecollar worker:
You’re stuck in traffic, making you late to work for the
third time in a week. Walking in the door, you pass by
a co-worker you cannot stand, who offers you a fake
smile and a “you’re late” comment. You keep walking,
but the anger that is simmering below the surface
begins to move to the top. Upon reaching your desk,
you notice a stack of work waiting that your boss
wants done “ASAP.” You think about having a cup of
coffee, then notice someone took the last drop and
didn’t bother refilling the pot. About now, it feels like
the top of your head may come off. You are truly
cranky, and it’s not even 9 A.M.4
A recent Gallup poll found that 49 percent of those
surveyed generally experience anger at work, with one
out of six becoming so angry that he or she felt like
hitting another person.5 Adding to this, an Internet
survey conducted by Access Atlanta discovered that
67 percent of those responding had become so angry
at work that they had thought about slapping a co-
worker.
Escaping a hostile work environment by retreating to
the peace and safety of our homes doesn’t appear to
be an answer. Experts in the field of domestic violence
believe that the true incidence of “partner violence” is
around 4 million occurrences annually. Thirty percent
of American women report that their husband or
boyfriend has, at one time or another, physically
abused them.6 In fact, of the $450 billion cost of crime
each year, about one-third is accounted for by
domestic violence and child abuse. In 1995, for
instance, nearly 1 million cases of child abuse were
confirmed by child and protective services.7 And that
doesn’t include the millions of incidents of angry
outbursts, hateful words, and vicious looks, as well as
the countless unreported cases of neglect and abuse.
If the character of a nation can be measured by its
treatment of the young, the infirm, and the elderly, then
America would not be judged well. Reported cases of
elder abuse rose 106 percent from 1986 to 1994,
according to the National Center of Elder Abuse. Total
incidents range from 1 to 2 million cases annually,
though perhaps only 1 in 14 cases is actually reported
to any public agency.8 Whether they are manifested in
overt violence and abuse or covert hostility and
neglect, it’s clear that anger, impatience, frustration,
disrespect, and incivility have become a part of the
American personality. Whether it is road rage, airplane
rage, grocery-store rage, or rage at sporting events,
rage is suddenly “the rage.” And too many of us feel
our anger is justified. In a recent USA Today article, an
elementary school teacher probably spoke for many
people when she said,
If you have been sitting in traffic on freeways that have
been clogged year after year, rage might seem
rational. There are, what, more than 260 million of us
now? Our roads were not built to accommodate that.
The grocery-store parking lots are filled. It is hard to
get into the bank. The airport tells you to come 90