Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior

208 Pages·1996·3.08 MB·English

by  Mark Goulston

for Conquering:
Procrastination,
Fear, Envy,
Obsession, Anger,
Self-pity,
Compulsion,
Neediness, Guilt,
Rebellion,
Mark Goulston, M.D.,
Inaction...
and Philip Goldberg

Praise for
Get Out of Your Own Woy
"Powerful, practical insights that can help many to
live more rewarding lives-turning weaknesses into
strengttrs. Get Out of Your Own Way to achieve more
satisfaction in yourself and all your intimate relation-
ships. Goulston & Goldberg show us specifically how
to convert problems into oppornrnities. A rewarding,
clear and pleasurable book."
Bloomfield,
-Harold
author, How to Suruiae the l-oss of a Lozse
"Get Out of Your Own Way treats this sensitive subiect
with rare kindness and common sense. The sincere
reader will benefit by learning that they are not alone
in the ways they self-interfere and will treat themselves
with greater kindness and understanding."
Gallwey,
-Tim
author, The Inner Game of Golf
"Busy entrepreneurs don't have the time or energ'y to
waste on feeling bad. This book can help you quickly
confront and solve problems that get in the way of your
success."
Applegate,
-Jane
author, Jane Applzgate's Strategies for
Small Business Szccess
(continued)
"This book offers down-to-earth insights and no-
nonsense exercises to overcome your self-defeating
behaviors and get on the road to the health and hap-
piness you deserve."
Smith,
-Kathy
Arnerica's leading hedth and fimess expert
"This is a valuable book. It provides clear insight, com-
passionate understanding and practical solutions to
forty self-defeating behaviors which can destroy your
life if left unaddressed. Use it as a manual to free your-
self from a self-imposed prison and create the life you
tnrly want."
Canfield,
-Jack
coauthor, Chichcn Soup for the Soul
Most Paigcc Books sc rvailablc rt spccial qurntity discouns for bulk
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Special boofs, or book cxcctpts, crn also bc creatcd o fit spccific nccds.
Fq &tails, wrir: Spccid Markcts, Thc Bcrkley Publishing GrouP' 375
Huds6 Strcct, Ncw Yort, Ncw Yort 10014.
GET
OT]T
OFYOT]R
OWNWAY
Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior
Mark Goulston, M.D.,
and
Philip Goldberg
A Perigee Book
., A:il:i'.ifr[0,*',
Pubrished Group
A division of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.
375 Hudson Srreet
New York, New York 10014
Copynght O 1996 by Mark Goulston and Philip Goldberg
Book design by Rhea Braunstein
Cover design by VendY Bass
All rights reserved. This book, or parts ttrereof,
may not be reproduced in any form without permission'
First edition: February 1996
The Penguin Group (USA) Inc. World t!7ide Veb site address is
http://www.penguin.com
Published simultaneously in Canada.
Llbrary of Congress Cateloging-ln'Publlcadon Data
Goulston, Mark.
Get out of your own way : overcoming self-defeating behavior /
Mark Goulston and Philip Goldberg' - lst ed.
"^ i.rir.."iloo,"
ISBN 0-399-51990-4
l. Self-defeatingbehavior. 2. Self-management (Psychology)
I. Goldberg' Philip. II. Tide.
8F637.537G58 1996
1588.1--dc20 95-22993
CIP
PRINTED IN THE TJNITED STATES OF AMERICA
27
26
In loving mmtory of
Iruing Goulston, Idcal Sntsky
and
lVilliam McNary

Contents
10 Things You Can Learn from Self-Defeating
Behavior
Inmoduction: How to Beat Self-Defeat
1. Chasing After love and Approval tlom
a Parcnt I
2. Getting Involved With the Wmng People 6
3. Procrastinating 1l
4. Expecting Otherc [o Understand How
You Feel 15
5. Waiting Until lt's Too Late 2l
6. C'etting So Angy You Make ftings Worse 25
7. Saying Yes When You Want to Say No 29
8. Holding a Grudge 33
9. Assuming firey Don't Want furything
in Return 37
Iviil
CONTENTS
10. Playrng It Safe 4l
11. Alwqys Having to Be Rieht 45
12. Focusing on What Your Partner Is
Doing Wrong 49
13. Putting up With Bnrken Pmmises 54
14. Tryine to Make up While You't€ Still Angy 59
15. Not Learning ftnm Your Mistakes 63
16. Trying to Changs Othets 67
17. Rebelling Just for the Sake of Rebelling 7l
18. Talking When Nobo0's Listening 75
19. Pretending You'tt Fine When You'rc Not 79
20. Becoming Obsessive or Compulsive 83
21. Taking Things Too Perconally 88
22. Acting Too Needy 92
23. Having UruBalistic Expectations 96
24. Trying to Take Carc of Everybo0 100
25. Refusing to "Play Games" 104
26. Putting on an Act to Make a
Good Imprcssion 108
tviii l