Forgiveness in Intimate Relationships: A Psychoanalytic Perspective

184 Pages·2013·0.527 MB·English

by  Shahrzad Siassi

FORGIVENESS IN INTIMATE
RELATIONSHIPS

FORGIVENESS IN INTIMATE
RELATIONSHIPS
A Psychoanalytic Perspective
Shahrzad Siassi
In Chapter Three, the section “Transcending early paternal loss and bitterness
through mourning and forgiveness” onwards was first published in 2004 in
Psychoanalytic Quarterly, 73: 915–937.
In Chapter Four, the section “Forgiveness, acceptance and the matter of
expectation” onwards was first published in 2007 in International journal of
Psychoanalysis, 88: 1423–40.
For convenience and clarity, throughout the book “he” is used to denote the
patient or the child or the individual; “she” is used to denote the therapist or
the mother.
First published in 2013 by
Karnac Books Ltd
118 Finchley Road
London NW3 5HT
Copyright © 2013 by Shahrzad Siassi
The right of Shahrzad Siassi to be identified as the authors of this work has been
asserted in accordance with §§ 77 and 78 of the Copyright Design and Patents
Act 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in
a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic,
mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written
permission of the publisher.
British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data
A C.I.P. for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN-13: 978-1-78049-062-5
Typeset by V Publishing Solutions Pvt Ltd., Chennai, India
Printed in Great Britain
www.karnacbooks.com
To my mother, Pari Fozouni,
and to the memory of my father, Jafar Fozouni,
with love and gratitude

CONTENTS
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS ix
INTRODUCTION xi
PART I: FORGIVENESS IN THE CLINICAL SITUATION
CHAPTER ONE
True forgiveness belongs to psychoanalysis 3
CHAPTER TWO
Forgiveness and trauma 39
CHAPTER THREE
Forgiveness and mourning 59
CHAPTER FOUR
Forgiveness and acceptance 77
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viii CONTENTS
PART II: SELF-FORGIVENESS IN ART
CHAPTER FIVE
Fyodor Dostoevsky’s Raskolnikov in Crime and
Punishment—from relentless guilt and isolation
to forgiveness and rapprochement 109
CHAPTER SIX
Woody Allen’s Crimes and Misdemeanors and Match
Point—existential flight from guilt and forgiveness 133
EPILOGUE 147
REFERENCES 153
INDEX 161
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
The idea of writing this book came from my colleague and friend
Dr. Salman Akhtar, who was the first analyst to inspire me to write on
the subject of forgiveness. I deeply appreciate his support throughout
my career and offer him my special thanks for firmly believing in me
and making this book possible.
Many people have been instrumental in my career as psychoanalyst,
starting with Iradj Siassi, M.D., who encouraged me to pursue
psychoanalytic training and was always supportive and at hand in my
formative years with his vast knowledge and superior training. I espe-
cially owe a debt of gratitude to my supervisors at Southern California
Psychoanalytic Institute, most importantly to Dr. Jack Gaines who had a
major role in strengthening my psychoanalytic identity, and to Dr. Harry
Brickman who both as dean and as supervisor always encouraged my
publications and would tirelessly go over my articles. Dr. Marvin Osman
was extremely supportive of my teaching and publishing and always
made himself available to read and comment on my work. As supervi-
sors, Drs. Ray Friedman and Bernard Brickman helped me refine my
thinking. Dr. Irwin Rosen, whose own brilliant writings on the topic of
revenge and atonement have tremendously influenced my own work,
was always engaged with my writing activities and offered many
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