Escape from the shadows An autobiography by Robin Maugham

305 Pages·1973·36.97 MB·English

by  Robin Maugham

..
f.
Frederic Maugham.
Lord Chancellor of England W. Somerset Maugham
An AutObiography by
An Autobiography by
ROBIN MAUGHAM
After a long career of writing novels
and plays, Robin Maugham turns now
to his own life and gives us a stirring,
a
rather harrowing autobiography, story
of persistent suffering and disappoint
ment. Sparing no intimate details, he
recounts the constant struggle to escape
from the -shadows-the shadow of his
father, Lord Chancellor of England,
and the shadow of his uncle, Somer~et
Maugham. But it even goes deeper than
that, and his own words tell it better
than any others: "My story is of a lonely
child. It deals with an adolescent who
was more attracted toward his own sex
than toward girls, yet who was so im
bued by the strict upper-middle-class
conventions in which he lived that he
was stricken with guilt by his homo
sexual desires and tried to make himself
normal-and at times succeeded. The
war years between 19·39 and 1945
made me realize that I was predomi
nantly homosexual. The guilt of that
realization turned me to drink .... My
life has been a .struggle to escape from
the shadows which were cast over me,
a struggle to cope with my homosexual
passions, a struggle to deal with my de
sire to drink myself into oblivion. Over
shadowed, queer, alcoholic, I should
have been a complete failure. To this
( continued on back flap)
-
day I am still surprised when the critical
or p.nancial success of one of my novels,
or plays, or films in various countries
would seem to suggest that I am a suc
cess. But I am not a success in my own
eyes for reasons which this book will
. 1 1 "
certain y revea . . . .
"Of all Robin Maugham's books that
I've read, I like this one much the best.
He makes a relatively small group of
episodes and characters stand for all the
experiences and people in his life. The
descriptions of people are wonderful. ....
Above all, this is an admirably frank _and
extremely sympathetic self-portrait."
-Christopher Isherwood
Robin Maugham was educated at Eton
and Trinity Hall, Cambridge, where he
read English Literature and Law. Dur
ing World War II he took part in some
of the fiercest tank battles in the Libyan
Desert and was mentioned in dispatches
for gallantry under fire. In 1945 he
wrote his first book, Come to Dust, and
was called to the Bar as well. The suc
cess of his book determined Lord
Maugham to devote his life to writing.
Subsequently, he has written some six
teen books-novels and works of non
fiction-among the most notable being
The S~rvant, Somerset and All the
Maughams, and, more recently, The
Second Window, The Link, and The
Wrong People, all of which were highly
praised .
. jacket design by Herb Lubalin
back cover photograph by Peter Burton
ESCAPE
FROM T H E
SHADOWS
-·-
An Autobiography
by
ROBIN MAUGHAM
McGRAW-HILL BOOK COMPANY
New York St. Louis San Francisco
Diisseldorf Mexico Toronto
First published in Great Britain by
Hodder and Stoughton Limited, London.
First printed in the United States in 1973.
Copyright © 1972 by Lord Maugham. All rights
reserved. Printed in the United States of America.
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored
in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form
or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying,
recording, or otherwise, without the prior written
permission of the publisher
123456789 BPBP 79876543
Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data
Maugham, Robin, date
Escape from the shadows.
Bibliography: p.
I. Title.
PR6025.A858Z5 1973 823.'9'14 [BJ 72-7418
ISBN 0-07-040969-2
For
Honor and Diana
with my love
B-YTHE
SAME AUTHOR
-·-
NOVELS
THE SERVANT
LINE ON GINGER
THE ROUGH AND THE SMOOTH
BEHIND THE MIRROR
THE i\1AN WITH TWO SHADOWS
NOVEMBER REEF
THE GREEN SHADE
THE SECOND WINDOW
THE LINK
THE WRONG PEOPLE
TRAVEL
CO1\1E TO DUST
NORTH AFRICAN NOTEBOOK
APPROACH TO PALESTINE
JOURNEY TO SIWA
THE SLAVES OF TI1\1BUKTU
THE JOYITA l\1YSTERY
BIOGRAPHY
SO1\1ERSET AND ALL THE MAUGHAl\1S
ESCAPE FROl\1 THE SHADOWS (autobiography)
PREFACE
....
~e new-found liberty and the
new license which have been granted to writers in the United
States and in England have been used to the full by various novel
ists. But many biographers are still oddly reticent, and so are almost
all autobiographers.
Yet the n1ain in1pulse ,vhich moves a writer is the desire to tell
the truth-the desire to reveal the anxiety and pleasures of his
n1ind, to express the pains and joys of his spirit, the meanness and
nobility of his life, and thus to purge himself by placing on paper
once and for all the passions of his body and the inclinations of his
heart.
Surely the new dispensation afforded to ,vriters should extend
not only to novelists but to those who feel in1pelled to tell the
true story of their lives? Certainly the young reject the con
ventional hypocrisy of even a few years ago. They demand the
truth-bare and ugly though it n1ay be.
In this autobiography, accordingly, I will try to use the same
freedom of expression as a novelist enjoys today. I intend to reveal
the whole truth about n1yself, about those whom I knc,v well,
who are dead, and-subject to the dictates of discretion and to
the laws of libel-about those who are alive and whon1 I knovv
well. On the few occasions when these t,vo dictates interfere ,vith
the true story of my life, I have either altered a character so that
the person concerned will be unrecognizable, or I have fused t,vo
characters together. But the truth has not suffered.
Let n1e explain.
Both in my novel and in my play The Servant all of the four
n1ain characters ,vere, in fact, partly based on people ,vho existed
in real life. But I took traits fron1 other people I knew, and I
..
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changed the external appearance of all the real persons involved
so much that they did not. even recognize themselves. But the
essential truth of their relationship with each other and with me
has remained.
Most writers "\Vait until -they are sixty or seventy before writing
their autobiographies. I am fifty-five. I am beginning the story
of my life now for three reasons. First, because I feel an intense
desire to rid myself, once and for all, of the ghosts from the
past which still haunt me. Secondly, because I have longed to
explain my true character and how it came to be formed. Lastly,
because I believe that memory fades far quicker than is generally
supposed. But in this respect I am lucky, because ever since the
war I have made notes and kept a diary. Moreover, I have used
many incidents from real life in my novels, so I have only to
re-read a novel for incidents from my past to come flooding back
into my memory. I have made considerable use of this material
and of material from my book S0111erset and All the Maughams.
I know I shall be accused of repeating myself in the various
passages from my "family book" that I have used. But how can
I omit essential scenes from· my life? How can I write them in
different words and with different dialogue? If my father, for
instance, made a certain remark in 1945 and I reported it in 1966,
how can I possibly change his words in 1972? I must repeat myself
for the sake of the truth.
I am calling this book Escape From the Shadows. Two of the
shadows are those of my father, former Lord Chancellor of Eng
land, and of my uncle, William Somerset Mangham, perhaps the
most successful writer of this century. For the last forty years I
have been trying to escape from the shadows of their fame. I hope
that this book will at last release me from their ghosts. The third
shadow has been more dangerous: I will try to describe its nature
in the course of the pages that follow.
-·-
Overshadowed, queer, and alcoholic, I should have been a com
plete failure. To this day, I am still surprised when the critical or
financial success of one of my novels, plays, -or films-in vari~us
countries-would seem to suggest that I am a success. But I am not
a success in my own eyes for reasons which this book will
certainly reveal.
My story begins as a very lonely child with elderly parents. As
-Vlll-
I grew up I entered the quite natural phase of being more at
tracted toward my own sex than toward girls; yet I was so imbued
with the strict upper-middle-class moral conventions of my family
that I was stricken with guilt by my apparently perverse in
clinations and tried to make myself "normal"-and at times suc
ceeded. The war years between 1939 and 1945 made me realize
that I was predominantly homosexual. The anxiety of that realiza
tion turned me to drink. Perhaps it was fortunate that I did not
suffer from the same delusion as my Uncle Willie, who told me
in his old age that his greatest mistake had been to persuade him
self that he was three-quarters normal and only a quarter queer
"whereas really it was the other way round." But though I came
to accept my own similar nature-that I was mainly, but not
wholly, homosexual-the torment and the guilt remained .
.
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