Dealing with difficult people : fast, effective strategies for handling problem people PDF
Preview Dealing with difficult people : fast, effective strategies for handling problem people
Dealing with Difficult People CREATING SUCCESS SERIES Dealing with Difficult People Roy Lilley Decision Making and Problem Solving John Adair Develop Your Leadership Skills John Adair Develop Your Presentation Skills Theo Theobald How to Manage People Michael Armstrong How to Manage Projects Paul J Fielding How to Organize Yourself John Caunt How to Work Remotely Gemma Dale How to Write a Business Plan Brian Finch How to Write a Marketing Plan John Westwood How to Write Reports and Proposals Patrick Forsyth Improve Your Communication Skills Alan Barker Successful Time Management Patrick Forsyth The above titles are available from all good bookshops. For further information on these and other Kogan Page titles, or to order online, visit www.koganpage.com. Fifth edition Dealing with Difficult People Fast, effective strategies for handling problem people Roy Lilley Publisher’s note Every possible effort has been made to ensure that the information contained in this book is accurate at the time of going to press, and the publishers and author cannot accept responsibility for any errors or omissions, however caused. No responsibility for loss or damage occasioned to any person acting, or refrain- ing from action, as a result of the material in this publication can be accepted by the editor, the publisher or the author. First published in Great Britain and the United States in 2008 by Kogan Page Limited Fifth edition 2022 Apart from any fair dealing for the purposes of research or private study, or criticism or review, as permitted under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988, this publi- cation may only be reproduced, stored or transmitted, in any form or by any means, with the prior permission in writing of the publishers, or in the case of reprographic reproduction in accordance with the terms and licences issued by the CLA. Enquiries concerning reproduction outside these terms should be sent to the publishers at the undermentioned addresses: 2nd Floor, 45 Gee Street 8 W 38th Street, Suite 902 4737/23 Ansari Road London New York, NY 10018 Daryaganj EC1V 3RS USA New Delhi 110002 United Kingdom India www.koganpage.com © Roy Lilley, 2008, 2013, 2016, 2019, 2022 The right of Roy Lilley to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. ISBNs Hardback 978 1 3986 0622 7 Paperback 978 1 3986 0615 9 Ebook 978 1 3986 0623 4 British Library Cataloguing-in-Publication Data A CIP record for this book is available from the British Library. Library of Congress Control Number 2022008706 Typeset by Hong Kong FIVE Workshop Print production managed by Jellyfish Printed and bound by CPI Group (UK) Ltd, Croydon CR0 4YY CONTENTS About this book ix 01 A short course in human relations 1 Difficult, who me? 1 02 The seven classic difficult types 7 Recognize anyone? 7 First, the diagnosis 15 03 Dealing with difficult bosses 25 The angry boss 26 Never let them see you sweat 28 04 Dealing with difficult colleagues 31 Competition crazy 32 Rivals, antagonists and getting personal 33 It’s always the quiet ones 34 05 Dealing with difficult staff 37 Independent or stubborn? 41 When the big hand gets to 12 42 Good bosses don’t pry – but they should try 44 Waving or drowning 44 Finding out how good a boss you’ve been 47 Seriously difficult members of staff 48 06 Massaging the egoist 51 If the difficulty is an egomaniac boss 51 If the difficulty is an egoist working for you 52 vi Contents The egomaniac colleague 52 Knocking the know-all 53 07 Handling aggressive people 55 If an aggressive manager is trying to dump on your ideas 56 If you’re landed with a project that will never fly 56 If you’re being stabbed in the back 57 08 Dealing with laziness 59 Clock-watchers, rule-bookers and not invented here 60 If you are held back by an idle colleague 61 A boss who loiters 62 How you eat an elephant 62 The exceptionally lazy 63 09 Beating the bullies at their own game 65 The decibel dictator 66 When all else fails 67 The firework colleague 68 10 Moaners, groaners and critics 71 Cold water torture 72 Try building alliances, coalitions and connections 73 When critics turn the gun on themselves 74 11 Perfectionists can be a pain 77 What motivates a perfectionist 78 Rules are rules 79 The perfectionist boss 80 12 Manipulating the manipulators 81 If you’re being lined up to take the blame 82 Let’s do a deal 83 Contents vii If you’re easily flattered 85 If you’re flattered by your staff 85 13 Morale, attitude and how was it for you? 87 If you’re sick of the sick 88 Everyone having a sickie 90 Cliques 92 14 Fault-finders and nit-pickers 95 If you have a nit-picker for a boss 96 Nit-picking colleagues 96 15 Gossip: a bush fire you can do without 99 The answer to gossip problems 102 Prevention is better than cure 103 16 The customer is always right – really? 107 Dealing with difficult customers 108 You want it when? 108 Avoiding trouble 109 The really, really, really, really difficult customer 109 Remind them how good you are 110 The screamer 111 If a member of your staff blows a gasket 113 When the screamer is the boss 113 Dealing with very rude people without being very rude 114 Disguised rudeness 115 17 Complaints: we love them 117 Six steps to success 117 18 e-difficult@yourplace 125 19 Social networking 129 A word to the wise 130 Cyberbullying – what is it? 130 viii Contents Poor management 132 It’s just too easy 133 What can you do to protect yourself from cyberbullying? 133 You are not alone 134 What does the law tell us? 134 What should you do if you are bullied – electronically or face to face 136 20 Online working 141 Is it a trend that will continue? 141 Virtual collaboration will redefine how we work 143 Change how we think about meetings 143 Does everyone know how to work the technology? 144 The real enemy of a virtual meeting is boredom or lack of engagement 146 Nothing happens after the meeting? 147 21 If things don’t change, they’ll stay the same 151 There are four Cs in change 151 Dealing with difficult people through a period of change 152 22 A fast-track guide to conflict and how to handle it 159 What conflict is 159 Dealing with conflict: 10 steps to cooling it 160 23 And, finally, finally… 167 How to motivate the sales team 169 References 171 Further reading 173 ABOUT THE BOOK T his is not a book to be read from cover to cover. It is not War and Peace, although with a bit of luck it will give you some ideas on how to have more peace than war. It is a book to dip into, look for the character or situation you’re having problems with, find a solution, apply it and move on. Life is too short to spend it having a row with people. This is a book to scribble on the pages, rip bits out and do all the things with that your old school would give you detention for! This is a source book but not a reference book. A book to dive into but not to get immersed in. This is a book you can use to improve your own performance or use as a source of ideas to work in groups to improve the perfor- mance of your team. To the uninitiated, difficult people can be the bane of your life, a blot on your landscape and a real pain to work with. This book is designed to help you to enjoy difficult people. Once you have the key, you can unlock them, influence them, get them working for you, and they’ll never notice. The first rule There is no such thing as a difficult person. There are just people we need to learn how to deal with. The second rule Re-read the first rule.
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