Copyright Copyright © 2017 by Jeffrey Jenkins and David Sedaris Foreword copyright © 2017 by David Sedaris Introduction, essays, and accompanying text copyright © 2017 by Jeffrey Jenkins Cover design by Jeffrey Jenkins Cover art: carbon paper illustration by David Sedaris; collage by David Sedaris and Jeffrey Jenkins Cover copyright © 2017 by Hachette Book Group, Inc. Hachette Book Group supports the right to free expression and the value of copyright. The purpose of copyright is to encourage writers and artists to produce the creative works that enrich our culture. The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book without permission is a theft of the authors’ intellectual property. If you would like permission to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), please contact [email protected]. Thank you for your support of the authors’ rights. Little, Brown and Company Hachette Book Group 1290 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10104 littlebrown.com twitter.com/littlebrown facebook.com/littlebrownandcompany First ebook edition: October 2017 Little, Brown and Company is a division of Hachette Book Group, Inc. The Little, Brown name and logo are trademarks of Hachette Book Group, Inc. The publisher is not responsible for websites (or their content) that are not owned by the publisher. The Hachette Speakers Bureau provides a wide range of authors for speaking The Hachette Speakers Bureau provides a wide range of authors for speaking events. To find out more, go to hachettespeakersbureau.com or call (866) 376- 6591. Rights and Permissions: For inquiries about rights and permissions related to material in the book, please contact [email protected]. Selections from David Sedaris’s 153 diaries, photography, and book design by Jeffrey Jenkins. ISBN 978-0-316-43170-5 E3-20170919-JV-PC CONTENTS COVER TITLE PAGE COPYRIGHT EPIGRAPH Foreword: KEEP OUT INDEED by David Sedaris Introduction: CABINET OF CURIOSITY by Jeffrey Jenkins PAGES COVERS INDEX CREDITS DEDICATION ACKNOWLEDGMENTS EPHEMERA ABOUT THE AUTHORS “If you read someone else’s diary, you get what you deserve.” —David Sedaris No. 140 September 21 – December 20, 2012 No. 17 July 28 – September 7, 1982 FOREWORD KEEP OUT INDEED David Sedaris