Complaining, Teasing, and Other Annoying Behaviors

208 Pages·2003·0.77 MB·English

by  Robin M. Kowalski

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Complaining, Teasing, and
Other Annoying Behaviors

Complaining,
Teasing, and
Other Annoying
Behaviors
● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●
Robin M. Kowalski
YaleUniversityPress
NewHavenandLondon
Copyright(cid:2)2003byYaleUniversity.Allrightsreserved.
Thisbookmaynotbereproduced,inwholeorinpart,including
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Table2.2copyright(cid:2)byRobinM.Kowalski
DesignedbyNancyOvedovitzandsetintypebyBinghamton
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Kowalski,RobinM.
Complaining,teasing,andotherannoying
behaviors/RobinM.Kowalski.
p.cm.
ISBN0-300-09971-1(alk.paper)
1. Interpersonalrelations. 2. Interpersonalconflict. I. Title.
HM1106.K692003
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R.M.K.(Mommy)

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Contents
Preface ix
1 TheOffensiveSideof SocialInteraction 1
2 Complaining 25
3 TeasingandBullying 52
4 Egocentrism,Arrogance,andConceit 77
5 IncivilityandBreachesof Propriety 100
6 ExcessiveWorryandReassurance-Seeking 124
7 DeceitandBetrayal 142
Epilogue 166
References 181
Index 193

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Preface
When respondents to a survey were asked what they considered
mostimportantingivingmeaningtotheirlives,themajoritysin-
gledouttheirinterpersonalrelationships.Whentheywereasked
whatcausedthemthemoststress,dissatisfaction,anddisappoint-
ment, their answer was the same: their interpersonal relation-
ships. How is it that the most important source of meaning in
ourlivescanalsobethesourceof ourgreatestdistress?
Alargepartoftheansweristhatattimespeopleareannoying,
unpleasant, and downright mean to one another. Strangers, co-
workers,friends,familymembers,andthelovesofourlivesalike
frequentlybehaveinawidevarietyofwaysthatannoyanddistress
us. They mercilessly tease us, embarrassandhumiliateus,com-
plainincessantly,constantlyworryandseekreassurance,lietous,
betrayus,andputusdown.Thesewaysofbehavingarenotmerely
annoying; research has shown that they can have disproportion-
ately disturbing effects on our mental health and on the quality
of our relationships. Offensive encounters make us feel unloved
and unwanted.Dissatisfactionwith personalrelationshipsisone
of theprimaryreasonsthatpeopleseekprofessionaltherapy.
This book explores in depth annoying interpersonalbehaviors
insixcategories:complaining,teasingandbullying,egocentrism