Astronomers Anonymous: Getting Help with the Puzzles and Pitfalls of Practical Astronomy

232 Pages·2010·3.97 MB·English

by  Steve Ringwood (auth.)

Astronomers Anonymous
Steve Ringwood
Astronomers Anonymous
Getting Help with the Puzzles and Pitfalls
of Practical Astronomy
1 3
SteveRingwood
SchoolGreenLane31
CM166EHEpping
NorthWeald
UK
ISBN978-1-4419-5816-7 e-ISBN978-1-4419-5817-4
DOI10.1007/978-1-4419-5817-4
SpringerNewYorkDordrechtHeidelbergLondon
LibraryofCongressControlNumber:2010928644
#SpringerScienceþBusinessMedia,LLC2010
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This book is warmly dedicated to amateur
astronomers who have stood drenched beneath
driving rain during an eclipse, dropped an
expensive eyepiece to an untimely doom, watched
apreciselytimedlonelycloudsnuffoutanessential
observation, or suffered any of the maladies (self
inflicted or otherwise) that befall those who
sacrifice all to glimpse the universe. Yes, that’s
every single one of us. We are not alone.
Preface
Duringmorethanfourdecadesofinvolvementinamateurastronomy,Ihaveenjoyed
theprivilegeofrubbingshoulderswithnumberlessamateurandprofessionalastron-
omers. In so doing I have encountered at first, second, and third hand many of the
joys and pitfalls that sky watchers can experience in pursuit of the universe’s
wonders.Ihaveoftenhowledattalltalesthatwouldnotdisgraceapirate’stavern.
ManyoftheseastoundingstorieshavebecomethekernelsofmyDearStevecolumn
items.
Learninghowtooperatethetechnologyforobservingandimagingtheuniverseis
workenoughforanyaspiringastronomer;however,manyhaveproblemsoftheirown
making. Notonly do they share these troubles with other astronomers, they areon
thereceivingendofcolleaguesandfriendsdoingthesame.Withalltheseagonized
communicationsflyingabout,itishardtounderstandhowanyonegetsanyrealwork
done!
For the amusement of my peers I have long fondly parodied these imagined
literary exchanges. These fantasy ‘‘Agony Aunt’’ questions began appearing in the
pages of the Loughton Astronomical Society’s monthly (and Christmas Special)
journals about 30 years ago, in the guise of The astronomer’s problem page. This
wasbythekindindulgenceofthetheneditor,namelymyself.
Happily,evenwhenthemagazineoftheLASevolvedintosomethingmuchbetter,
underthetenderandlovingcareofthosewhocameafterme,theseproblemletters
werestillindemandandevennowoccasionallyappear.
Inthisomnibuscollectionofletters,hereinaddressedtomy‘‘virtual’’self,Ihave
excludedmanyoftheoriginallettersbecausetheyweretooscandalous,libelous,or
inciteful (and even insightful). Some barely made it under the wire only by dint of
subtleamendmenttoprotecttheguilty!Inspiredbythepresentopportunitytoreveal
further mental tortures of my contemporaries, a large number of new correspon-
dencesmaketheirfirstappearancehere.
vii
viii Preface
Manyofthefeaturedproblemsareheavilydisguisedauthenticonesexperienced
byrealamateurastronomers,thoughitneedhardlybesaidmanyarenot;especially
(headdshurriedly)thoseofadeviantordiseasednature.Infactitdisturbsmealittle
tofindaninordinatenumberofthosethatsurvivedtheinitialcullstillembodybothof
these! After all, their conception has been forged by my own experiences. Quite a
few are barely fictionalized versions of real problems related by professional
astronomers.Ileaveittoyoutoguesswhichtheseare.
Thisworkservesthreemasters.First,itcanbereadwithknowingamusementby
experiencedamateurastronomers,whonodoubtwillseeinthesepagesanalarming
but reassuring reflection of themselves. Second, it can act as a warning to the
unwary novice, teetering momentarily in the balance between a vague, barely
indulged astronomical curiosity and reckless abandonment into scientific enthu-
siasm.Thirdly,itoffersvaluable insightfor those interestedoutsiderswho wantto
knowwhatonEarthmakesthesestrangepeopletick.
Above all, this book’s purpose is to entertain. I have liberally laced it with
supplementaryfactualinformationthatmayhopefullyproveinformative,thoughtful,
and even useful. So turn the page (with trepidation) and hopefully enjoy. But warn
yourfriends.Sparethemthepain.
NorthWeald,England SteveRingwood
Fall2009
Acknowledgements
Imustexpressmyhugeappreciationtotwopeoplewhocorruptedtheirsensibilities
by reading through the more than 130 original correspondences to weed out those
thatwereeitherunsuitableorsimplyinadequate.
FellowastronomerMartinPestonriskedarrestbyreadingthemwhiletravelingon
publictransport.Regardlessofthecommuterdensity,hisfrequentmaniacallaughter
ensuredthatoncehestartedreadinghealwayshadaseat–achoiceofseveral,in
fact.
MywifeGillian,akeenastronomerinherownright,hasnoblysufferedmyhumor
from the first, so ploughed through this task with typical patient resignation and
compassion. I am also grateful for her sterling work on the final stages of the
manuscript, pointing out many errors, ambiguities, and omissions. She having just
earnedherOpenUniversitydegree,Iwasforcedtotakenotice.
Mydad(okay,that’sthree!)unwiselyconsentedtoreadthroughthemanuscriptin
order toconfirm thatmostpeople willknowwhat thehellIamgoing onabout. He
passedit,butIthinkhemaybeputtingmeupforadoption.
So far as some of the factual material goes, I must recognize the unwitting
contributionoftwopeople.
Firstly, I give a nod of appreciation to a professional astronomer at the South
African Astronomical Observatory. His peripatetic discovery and publication of odd
storiesfromastronomy’sprofessionalarchivesinformssomeoftheitemsIalludeto.I
need hardly add that he is a prime example of that scientific principle known as
nominativedeterminism–beingamanwhousestelescopes,calledI.Glass!
The second silent contributor is the greatly missed historian of science Colin
Ronan, who in the years I knew him was a constant fund of wonderfully humorous
andscandalousstoriesfromthescientificworld.IonlywishthatIcouldrecallmore
ofthem.
ix
x Acknowledgements
Last,butnotleast,thisbookwouldnothaveseenthedarkofnighthaditnotbeen
for John Watson (Astrobooks), who wanted to find out if Springer had a sense of
humor.MaurySolomonofSpringer,too,deservespraiseformirthfullyfallingoffher
stooltoconfirmthattheyhave.
Pre-release Reviews ............
AristarchusofSamos–UnliketheSun,thiswillbethecentreofno-one’sUniverse.
Eratosthenes–Thisauthorwritestotalrubbish.TheEarthistoosmallfortheboth
ofus.
Ptolemy–AnepicyclicpieceofworkifeverIsawone.Iamcompletelyindeferent.
TychoBrahe–Iwouldcutoffmynoseratherthanreadthisdrivel.
NicolausCopernicus–Hiscentralargumentsarecompletelycircular.Iwouldnever
besosilly.
GalileoGalilei–You’dthinkthatwithmy’scopesI’dhaveseenthisbookcoming!
EdmondHalley–Ifhewritesanotherbookwithin76yearsit’llbe80yearstoosoon
IsaacNewton–ThisupstartRingwooddoesnotgivehissubjectsufficientgravity.
JohnDollond–Completelylackingincolor.
CharlesMessier–Ihaveplacedthisobjectatonceinmycatalogue-toavoidits
confusionwitharealbook.
GiovanniCassini–Myopinioniscompletelydividedonitsmerits.
WilliamHerschel–Idiscoveredaplanet,thendiscoveredthisbook.Whataletdown.
JohannesBode–He’sjustplayingwithnumbersItellyou.Theymeannothing
JosephFraunhofer–Thereareafewlineshereofinterest,butlittleelse.
PercivalLowell–Hemaythinkhiswisecracksarefunny,butlookwhathappened
whenIdescribedmine!
LordKelvin–Notahotproduct,toanydegree.
HeinrichOlbers–Ifthebookissogreat,whyisn’titselling? Definitelyaparadox
here.
EdwinHubble–ThefurtherawayIgetfromthisbook,thefasterIcanforgetit.
EdwinSchrodinger–Iputthisbookinacatbox.NowIcan’tdecideifit’sreadable
ornot.
AlbertEinstein–Thisbookiscompletefudge,afactorIwouldneveruseinmywork.
xi