ACT on Life Not on Anger: The New Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Guide to Problem Anger

198 Pages·2006·1.24 MB·English

by  Georg H. Eifert, Matthew McKay, John P. Forsyth

“Any one who sees their anger as a strug gle, as some thing to con front,
sup press, con trol—or, worst of all, ignore—will find this book to be a
gift of life and hope. The authors offer prac ti cal ways of under stand ing
the prob lem and debunki ng the myths of anger, all with gen u ine accep -
tance and com pas sion. This feel ing is trans lated into prac ti cal exer cises
which are easy to use, and most impor tantly, they really work! I have
been for tu nate to wit ness this in my own prac tice, even with cli ents
with severe trauma his to ries and self-destruc tive ness. Use these tech-
niques on your own, use them in ther apy, but by all means use them
and find a gen tle path toward heal ing in the pres ence of anger.”
—Francis R. Abueg, Ph.D., founder and owner of TraumaResource
and former associate director for research for the National Center
for PTSD at the VA in Palo Alto/Menlo Park, CA
“Empowering and com pas sion ate, this book was writ ten for peo ple who
strug gle with anger and who find it hard to con trol their feel ings of
rage. The book describes a counterintuitive and extraor di narily insight -
ful approach to liv ing effec tively with anger. In a lively and access i ble
voice, the authors describe sci en tif i cally based behavi or ther apy skills
for let ting go of our futile strug gle to con trol anger and offer strate g ies
to pro mote ‘response-abili ty’ for the one thing we can truly con trol:
our actions. Through real-world exam ples, cre ative met ap hors, and
pow er ful expe ri en tial exer cises, the reader learns to prac tice accep -
tance at even the most tryi ng times. This book essen tially is about love
and free dom from unnec es sary suf fer ing—it teaches us to open up fully
and to live comp as sion ately with what is.”
—Laurie A. Greco, Ph.D., assistant professor in the Department
of Pediatrics at Vanderbilt University Medical School and
John F. Kennedy Center for Research on Human Development
“It is pos si ble to find a place from which you can patiently and com -
passionately ride a wave of anger as it rises and falls inside you and
simult an eously choose to live a valu ed life with your hands, feet, and
mouth. This book will show you how to do that with patience and
compassion for your self and oth ers. If you reg u larly prac tice what it
teaches, you will find yours elf havi ng more LIFE in your life.”
––Hank Robb, Ph.D., ABPP, past president of the American Board
of Counseling Psychology
“Look ing for another way to help your cli ents with their anger? ACT
on Life Not on Anger is the book for you. This book adds sign ifi c antly to
the ther a pist’s options for help ing clie nts cease batt ling their anger and
the other vul ner ab le feel ings it cove rs and instead come to terms with
them as part of them selves and their lives with out judgment, eval u a-
tion, and self-con dem na tion. This book helps peo ple under stand and
accept the func tion of their own anger, the vital diff er ence between
feel ings and actions, and the respon si bil ity we all share to live our lives
to the full est, with respect and dign ity even when we don’t “feel” like
it. I have already begun using this work in my own prac tice!”
––L. Kevin Hamberger, Ph.D., professor of family and community
medicine at the Medical College of Wisconsin
“As an educ a tor com mit ted to the value of nur tur ing emo tional intel -
ligence in the school envi ron ment, I rec om mend this book part icu l arly
to stu dents as a trust wor thy life raft for nav i gati ng the end less ado -
lescent seas of pain ful thoughts and con fus ing feel ings, includ ing one of
the most bur den some and prev a lent expe ri ences of ado les cence:
persistent anger. As read ers progress through the book, they learn—
and expe ri ence—that anger need not be a prov oc a tion to destruc tive
actions with neg a tive con se quences that are some some times irre -
versible. ACT on Life Not on Anger’ is an excell ent and life-affirmi ng
resource with clear, access ib le prose, engagi ng illust rat ions, and care-
fully explained prac ti cal exer cises. This highly read able book deserves a
place in every national cur ric u lum pro gram.”
––Gary Powell, MA, head of German and 6th Form tutor at
Trinity School in Croydon, England
*
Ac t
life

on
not

on
anger
the New
*
Acceptance & commitment therapy
Guide to Problem Anger
GeorG H. eifert, PhD
MAttHew McKAy, PhD
JoHN P. forsytH, PhD
foreword by steveN c. HAyes, PHD
New HArbiNGer PublicAtioNs, iNc.
Pub lisher’s Note
This publ i ca tion is designed to prov ide accu rate and authori t at ive inform a tion in regard to
the subj ect mat ter c overed. It is sold with the under stand ing that the publ isher is not engaged
in rend eri ng psyc ho log ic al, finan cial, legal, or other prof ess ional serv ices. If expert assis tance
or coun sel ing is needed, the serv ices of a com pet ent p rofessional should be sought.
Dis tribu ted in Cana da by Raincoast Books
Copyr ight © 2006 by Georg H. Eifert, Mat thew McKay, and John P. Forsyth
New Harb ing er Publ ic at ions, Inc.
5674 Shattuck Ave nue
Oak land, CA 94609
Cover design by Amy Shoup; Acquired by Catha r ine Sutker;
Edited by Barbara Quick; Text design by Tracy Marie Carlson
All Rights Reserved; PDF ISBN: 9781608828319
Library of Con gress Cat a log ing-in-Pub li ca tion Data
Eifert, Georg H., 1952-
ACT on life not on anger : the new accept ance and comm itm ent thera py guide to
probl em anger / Georg H. Eifert, Matt hew McKay, and John P. Forsyth.
p. cm.
Includes bib lio graphi cal refe re nces.

1. Anger—Treatm ent—Popu lar works. 2. Cogn it ive thera py—Popu lar works. 3.
Behav ior ther apy—Pop u lar works. 4. Self-accep tance. 5. Comm it ment (Psy chol ogy)
I. McKay, Mat thew. II. Forsyth, John P. III. Title.
RC569.5.A53E36 2005
616.89’142—dc22
2005035658
(GHE)
To Diana, my lov ing wife.
She con tin ues to teach me about anger and
its pow er ful anti dote of patience with lov ing kind ness.
(MM)
In mem ory of Peter D. Rog ers.
Bon voy age, my sweet friend. Thank you for every thing,
espe cially for teach ing me to savor life.
(JPF)
Each day my wife, Celine, and my three child ren give me
oppor tu ni ties to nur ture the values of patience, com pas sion,
and love as vital alter na tives to hurt and anger. This book is
a tes ti mony to the les sons I have learned through them.

Contents
Foreword vii
Preface and Acknowledgments xi
In tro duc tion
A New Way of Approaching Anger 1
Chapt er 1
Debunking the Myths of Anger 13
Chap ter 2
Struggling with Anger Is Not a Solution 25
vi ACT on Life Not on Anger
Chap ter 3
The Heart of the Struggle 37
Chap ter 4
Controlling Anger and Hurt Is the Problem 53
Chap ter 5
How Your Mind Creates Anger 73
Chap ter 6
Getting Out of the Anger Trap with Acceptance 87
Chap ter 7
Practicing Mindful Acceptance 105
Chap ter 8
Taking Control of Your Life 119
Chap ter 9
Facing the Flame of Anger and the Pain 135
Fueling It
Chap ter 10
Commit to Take Positive Action in Your Life 155
Further Readings, References, and 175
Other Resources
Foreword
ANGER, ACCEPTANCE, AND ACTION
What human beings call anger is a com plex mix of thoughts, feel ings,
and urges toward actions pulled together into a thing called anger.
Most of us have expe ri enced the dan gers of anger when it is allowed to
exist entirely in that com bined form. We may have hurt oth ers in the
name of anger, and in so doing we have some times hurt our selves. We
may have been on the receiv ing end of anger and have learned to fear
its explo sive power. We may have been obsessed by past wrongs and
have allowed anger to color too many of our moments, los ing con tact
with the opport u ni ties for liv ing that are here and now.
But anger is not one thing. It is many things, loosely orga nized by
lan guage into a whole. It is worth remem ber ing that it’s not the feel ing
of anger per se that has caused harm. Rather, the cold soup of enacted
or con tem plated self-right eous ness or the hot energy of attack ing oth -
ers can eas ily lead to actions with neg at ive con se quences. But these
need not be the core fea tures of anger. Remem ber, anger is not one
thing. It is many. And there are many things to do with the var i ous
“its” that reside inside anger in all of its aspects.