Mike and Maddie, a young couple with a new baby, are rushing home to prepare for their first family New Year's Eve party. When they arrive, however, they're shocked to find their apartment has been robbed. Even worse, the burglar is still there -- sound asleep on their bed!

But it's New Year's in Chicago, which means that they're on a wait list for the cops and Maddie's anti-Chicago, pro-suburbs family is due to arrive any minute. So Mike and Maddie tie up the burglar and hide him in their room, hoping to fake their way through the party until midnight.

When Mike's born-again Wiccan grandmother unexpectedly shows up with her new boy-toy husband, things go from weird to wacky. Then, when the cops arrive right before midnight and arrest Mike and Maddie for unlawful detainment and kidnapping, things go from wacky to worse.

Soon, Mike, Maddie and Maddie's best friend, Rio, are down at the police station, each pleading their view of events, about the New Year's Eve party that none of them will ever forget.

From the Author

The story behind this story is kind of unusual. I originally wrote this piece as a TV pilot, but the way it came to be was unique. Every time I would fall asleep, a scene would play out in my head and I would have to wake up and write it down. This is probably the only thing I've ever written entirely while I was sleeping, in fifteen-minute increments. Which I thought was fitting for a story about a narcoleptic burglar.

And now here's the part where truth is stranger than fiction.

When I was much younger, I worked in a Savings and Loan in a suburb of Chicago, and they accidentally locked me in after hours. When I called the cops to report that I wanted to break out of a bank, it was a source of much amusement. And absolutely no help. Finally, I was able to reach the President of the S&L and he told me how I could get out of the building. But I've always loved the idea of using that type of response to a 9-1-1 call in a story.

And, even stranger in a serendipitous kind of way, at the time I wrote this as a pilot script, I was working at NBC. When I told my boss about it, he told me about a friend of his whose cousin was known as the narcoleptic burglar of New York -- he had a very short-lived career, since he kept falling asleep on the job and getting picked up by the cops.

So, yes, truth can be -- and often is -- stranger than fiction! And I hope that reading the story will amuse you as much as writing it has amused me.

From the Inside Flap

It was New Year's Eve, Chicago-style. Which meant loud, raucous and cold. Forget New York, Chicago was the city that never slept. Mainly because if it ever did, everyone would freeze to death. The wind chill coming off Lake Michigan could be brutal.

Don't get me wrong -- I've always loved Chicago. It's a city where the bizarre is normal, the dead lead active social and political lives, and crime is inventive. But the weather's gotta be some kind of karmic payback.

But this story isn't about me. It's about my friends, Mike and Maddie, who live in Chicago, and the New Year's Eve party that almost destroyed their marriage.

Mike and Maddie had one of those marriages that could make your blood sugar spike. He adored her, she adored him, and after their white-picket-fence wedding, they were blessed by a pink-cheeked baby. So who could blame them for thinking that happily ever after was what was going to come next.

Of course, as any parent knows, what actually did come next were sleepless nights, sex as a distant memory and the inevitable invasion of the in-laws.

On this particular New Year's Eve, Maddie's parents had descended earlier in the evening, hoping to baby-nap Sophie for a few hours. Although they called it getting quality bonding time with their granddaughter. Since Mike and Maddie needed time to get ready for the New Year's Eve party they were hosting, it turned out to be a win-win all around.

Well, that's what Mike and Maddie were supposed to be doing. Instead, they snuck out for a romantic evening together -- their first since Sophie had been born. And who could blame them? Although, if it was me, my first taste of freedom, I would have been high-tailing it to a spa for some quality alone time. But then, I've never been as stupidly in love as Mike and Maddie were.

Honestly, with the way those two were always so kissy-face with each other, I was shocked that they didn't just go straight into the bedroom for hours of wild monkey sex. Going anywhere with them was embarrassing. Parties, dinners, movies, no matter where they were, they were attached at the lips. You never knew where to look.

But what Maddie missed most wasn't the sex -- make of that what you will -- it was the ooey-gooey, double-thick, deep-dish pizza at Zeke's Tavern. So, that's where they went, for pizza, a pitcher of sangria and a game of pool. Afterwards, they took the elevated train back to Wrigleyville. It was while they were walking home that their evening really started going haywire.

The Thief Who Stole Midnight

Similar The Thief Who Stole Midnight