LOVE, HATE AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN EXPRESSING EMOTIONS IN JAPANESE Mamiko Murakami Translated by Ernest Reiss KODANSHA INTERNATIONAL Tokyo o New York o London Distributed in the United States by Kodansha America, Inc., 114 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10011, and in the United Kingdom and continental Europe by Kodansha Europe Ltd., 95 Aldwych, London WC2B 4JF. Published by Kodansha International Ltd., 17-14 Otowa 1-chome, Bunkyo-ku, Tokyo 112, and Kodansha America, Inc. Copyright © 1997 by Kodansha International Ltd. All rights reserved. Printed in Japan First edition, 1997 97989900 987654321 ISBN 4-7700-2089-9 CONTENTS Preface 7 IJ: t;bf.>l.:: 9 1 P A R T FROM UNCERTAINTY TO LOVE 11 Ambivalence 12 Flattery 14 Sympathy 16 Friends and neighbors 25 Higher love 33 Thankfulness 33 Beloved things 35 Parents and children 39 Tough love 52 Love and liking 55 Coming on strong 68 Walking on air 70 L ovIm. g to excess 77 Off the beaten path 82 2 P A R T FROM UNCERTAINTY TO HATE 87 Ambivalence 88 Frosty silence 90 Derision 93 Arrogance and pride 96 6 CONTENTS Knowing no shame 100 Ingratitude 103 The cold shoulder 105 Scowling and frowning 109 Sarcasm and bullying 113 Finding fault 114 Getting mad 118 Fed up 122 Cannot stand 127 Unlikable things 133 Jealousy 137 Fighting 139 Defiance 142 Hate 144 Holding a grudge 148 Revenge 150 Betrayal 151 Horrible things 153 We've been through a lot together. 154 Now let's break up! Appendix: Proverbs and Sayings 158 PREFACE Through teaching Japanese to non-native speakers, as well as editing a number of dictionaries and what have you, I've be come somewhat particular about words. Japanese is as rich as any language in its ability to express the spectrum of human emotion. There are any number of ways, for example, to de scribe love for someone or something-depending upon whom or what is loved, how powerful that love is, and so on. This book is principally concerned with words and expres sions that pertain to love and hatred. I wonder what percentage of Japanese husbands, when told what a lovely wife they have, would respond, "Thank you. I think so, too." And how many would reply "Of course I do" to the question, "You love your wife very much, don't you?" For the most part, they'd be more likely to belittle their wives with answers like, "Are you kidding? You wouldn't want to see her without makeup! She can't cook, either," or "No, I made a big mistake when I married her." A bigger mistake, of course, would be to accept such state ments at face value, when they're actually just a facade to mask real feelings of affection. The diffidence that is such a part of social interaction in Japan has resulted in deprecation being elevated almost to an art form. At first I wondered if, since Japanese so dislike being dis liked, expressions of "hatred" weren't relatively few. In the course of compiling material for this book, however, I soon realized that that wasn't the case at all. I was confronted with a truly astonishing volume of common expressions for every thing from mild distaste to absolute abhorrence. This though all anyone really wants is to be loved ... Tolstoy's observation, in Anna Karenina, that "All happy 7 8 PREFACE families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way" may also be true, at least in Japan, for expressions of love and hate. Perhaps, to paraphrase the great writer, it's sim ply a case of all pleasant feelings being alike and each un pleasant feeling being unpleasant in its own way. In any event, the reader will find herein an abundance of ways to express every nuance of love, hatred, and everything in between. Emphasis has been placed on selecting the most commonly heard expressions and illustrating them with simple and natural-sounding sample sentences, to facilitate their im mediate use in everyday conversation. It is my greatest hope that you will find this book invaluable when it comes to whis pering words of love or declaring war. In closing I would like to offer special thanks to Yumiko Kawamoto, who provided invaluable advice throughout the course of this project. Mamiko Murakami February 1997 B$M~~OOAKft~~~. *~· -~~E~m•~~~!~& ~l ~~~~~t~~~KM~~~~~b~~M~~!*~~ WMI;:Ii.fhf:'n-fl:O>t.t~~:o;t.t~ffl~~~M~~v'*T· 11'1Jt; r~TQJ ""('t. M~li * ttnt...:~n'. ~-~f.j[Jt~ ~ ~v'Qn't.t ~-,u: ~ ~. ~ ~* t...:w H~~n"f9:!bn*i""· ~~$""('1i. !Jii:ll'l~~~. AI;:MTQ~ffl~itl~lf.IUl!i-?v'~ v'Q ~~I!·~~~;: ~~!~~Jil{ ~ .H:J'"* ~t~. 'ttO)~~Ivlii""~!t...:AtttJ; ~wbn~. 'tt,~rtt,~/v""('TJ:J ~* t;;1)1;:~~Q~t~< lif.tlr'lif'""('T. :*ltli r:n:~t;~t.tv' J:. itmHi ~ ~t~ GJ! Gnt~ t 1v t; ~ t.tv' J: . .fnl;:i/i t *f' v' L 1 ~ :0> ·~r,~ G. !!31JHi. B $AliA I;: if-< ~.bnt~ < t...: < ~. rm ~lf.J 0)~~ lilr.R< liE~* ~*t.t rm ~lf.J ~.;:;-:>lt~v'Q ~ ~ n"7t :o,~~!* ~t~. $!!31-i. lf.lvt.t~~*~~v'QI;tf't.t~lr.··----. i/>IJ)Y:.*-~ 1$1it.t*~lilf.t.t-t~H;::f~im~~v'Qn;. 1"$t.t* ~liv'i"n t ~ ~ E ~ lr.::f$""('Ir.:;kv'l;::~~ M~. *teo O*)O )~~""t" c .:.tJ·t~J "Kare no koto suki na no?" "Mii-mii tte toko ka na. " "Do you like him?" "He's all right, I guess." .. HJ;: (1j:1PS:·~t~tJ>G) rc:·?. ,:.(1)}..., t~tJ·t~iJ'v'v'l;~t~ v'?J .@.-T: r;t<~JJ:tJS:~(T)~~v'(T)'f-1'/'7-tt-t! J Haha: (shashin o minagara) Do, kono hito, nakanaka ii ja nai? Musuko: Mii-mii da ne. Chichi: Ii kagen ni shiro! Erigonomi shite iru toshi ja nai daro! Kore ga saigo no miai no chansu da zo! Mother: (looking at a photograph) How about it? She looks pretty good, don't you think? Son: Just so-so, I'd say. Father: That's quite enough out of you! At your age, you're in no position to be choosy! This is your last chance to find a wife! Manzara de mo nai "£ A.~ 6 "C" b t.t It\ To be not com pletely averse to; to be clearly pleased at having one's ego stroked .. A: !:f!tlr. <~JJt~ t.: (1)~~-t ~fid:. t.: G, "£ 1v ~ G -c: t t~ ~ .:t ? tt -:>t.:b~J B: r*-0! *~? J A: r<~JJcl"i. fii!L-(1)--'f~J A: Kare ni anata no kimochi o tsutaetara, manzara de mo nasa so datta wa yo.

Love, Hate and Everything in Between: Expressing Emotions in Japanese

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