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GRIEF-STRICKEN? HEAL YOUR BROKEN HEART & FIND PEACE x eo:110n SPRING 2020 * £4.70 GIVELIFE MEANING Connect and celebrate with ‘ees « people you love | SAVE THE PLANET! Be a confident public speaker Avoid disowning your relatives Discover your happiness hack having therapy and ing HRT 18-PAGE. | DOSSIER —— a q eal 4 ae f a r¢ ‘ . | % ) ‘ q ; a § WA TO) ® »VIVEK y i: \ We | Vv I fam i | | GAN a4 NO % d a Vv _ WV | L NIENODATICN = ; ' NG | ie == wes WOOL Walt Cres Va= Empower yourself with the latest tools & research §= Manage life transitions with ease & confidence jj G Wy eae” °oh JEWELLERY ae over We create mindful jewellery, designed to iakyeligem-lare mele) ities ‘Each piece symbolises a specific mantra, intended to make a positive impact on the way that you feel. Discover our new bracelet (eco) | [=Xeidlo) am 'OO-OS00 “READER OFFER 15% discount to Psychologies , y. : holo 01926 335800 on *Use code PSYCH15 at checkout. Offer valid until 30th May 2020. PHOTOGRAPH: GETTY IMAGES. Contents SPRING 2020 Cover: Kate Martin PSYCHOLOGIES leap Join us & let us treatyou! Psychologies subscribers benefit from life-changing tools, mind hacks and advice from top experts, plus free membership of the Life Leap Club — an exclusive coaching club with asupportive online community. Subscribe today, save 31% and receive apack of Dr. Lipp Superfood Tints. See page 70 18 * COVER STORY Regulars EDITOR’S LETTER LETTERS I'D LIKE TO THANK... % THE FIX HARRIET MINTER SOUNDS GOOD THE WORDS PEMA CHODRON * Interview MARTIELLA FROSTRUP 22 26 28 31 34 38 “How to build resilience in girls is the billion-dollar question” Features % TIME IS PRECIOUS Ellen Tout adds meaning to life with those she loves, minute by minute %* SPEAK WITH CONFIDENCE Voice coach Caroline Goyder's simple steps to a brilliant speech * ‘1LHATE NETWORKING’ Our agony aunt, Mary Fenwick, gives her unique perspective to three readers with dilemmas * MY SLOW YEAR Suzy Walker explores ways to cope with the loss of her best friend MEETING MOTHER Kat Connors shares her experience of finding her mum — and the bond they forged through motherhood % RESOLVE FAMILY CONFLICT Our series with the UK Council for Psychotherapy shows us how 52 * The Dossier Embrace the menopause 54 64 66 A FEEL-GREAT GUIDE In this special, in-depth Dossier, we deliver the facts about the menopause, hear women's stories of obstacles, triumphs and reinvention, and challenge the assumptions around this natural stage of a woman's life. It's agateway, not a disease, say the experts FREE COURSE: ‘MAGNIFICENT MENOPAUSE’ Subscribe to Psychologies to access Jayne Everson's programme on reframing your view of the menopause, seeing it as a time of great opportunity, without fear. Plus, connect with like-minded people in our Life Leap Club HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH TRANSITION? Change can be hard, but also empowering. Take our test to find out what mindset shift will help you flourish. Does your sense of identity or direction need attention, or are low confidence and need for stability at play? SPRING 2020 PSYCHOLOGIES MAGAZINE3 PHOTOGRAPH: GETTY IMAGES Contents SPRING 2020 Features 41 GOOD SEX 42 44 46 74 77 80 84 90 95 97 Artist Sophia Wallace on cliteracy, selfish lovers and our right to experience pleasure in bed SHARED VALUES The burning passions, guiding principles and heartfelt opinions of food writer Meera Sodha %* ‘I’M SO SCARED OF FAILING, | DO NOTHING’ Award-winning coach Kim Morgan mentors a woman trapped by her perfectionism * IT’S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD Eco anxiety is on the up and Suzy Bashford is no exception. She asks the experts how we can deal with feelings of despair over the future of the planet Real Eco REAL ECO AWARDS: YOGA MATS & CANDLES Eco Living Editor Ellen Tout and our reader panel seek great products with green credentials ECO WORRIER Ellen Tout’s advice for more conscious workplaces ECO FASHION Fashionista with a conscience Kate McGuire helps us upcycle our clothes and feel good about ourselves Real Wellness MINDFUL WELLNESS A frank and fresh perspective to revolutionise your health holistically with Ali Roff Farrar WHEN VITALITY BECOMES A CHORE Wellness Director Ali Roff Farrar has the answer HAPPY GUT Eve Kalinik sows the seeds for a healthy gut garden WALK THE TALK A forgotten landscape awaits Elizabeth Heathcote 102 110 112 120 The Retreat MONSOON HEALING Weary of her sleep issues, Alex Fisher goes ona retreat in India and tries an Ayurvedic programme 48 HOURS Where the Adriatic Sea meets ancient pines... Ali Roff Farrar takes a break on a Croation isle HAPPINESS BEGINS AT HOME Make the most of what you have, in life and in your living space, and reap the benefits EVERYBODY LOVES SOUP Easy, nutritious, fresh and tasty recipes from Belinda Williams’ kitchen PSYCHOLOGIES MAGAZINE Get your weekly fix! WHEN YOURE TRYING to create positive change, it can be challenging to stay on track. So, sign up for our weekly uplifting dose of inspiration, with videos from top coaches, practical articles on how to thrive, not just survive, and inspirational and joy-filled quotes to brighten your inbox, and your week. Go to bit.ly/2KNOB8z 4 PSYCHOLOGIES MAGAZINE SPRING 2020 wy Azulfit More than a retreat, this is your journey Award-winning Yoga & Pilates Retreats Fuerteventura, Santorini & California Retreats 365 days per yeat Retreats start from €735 |Get in touch to start your journey: +34 664 537728 | [email protected] | WWW.azulfit.com PSYCHOLOGIES MAGAZINE Kelsey Publishing Ltd, The Granary, Downs Court, Yalding Hill, Yalding, Kent ME18 6AL (01959 541444, email [email protected]) OUR TEAM Editor-in-Chief Suzy Walker Design Director Lynne Lanning Creative Director Laura Doherty Features Director Elizabeth Heathcote Associate Editor Anita Chaudhuri Production Editor Vee Sey Deputy Production Editor Leona Gerrard Wellness Director Ali Roff Farrar Eco Living Editor, Features Writer and Digital Editor Ellen Tout Food and Living Editor and Eco Panel Emma Coxon Celebrity and Podcast Editor Rachel Dobson Contributing Editors Gut Eve Kalinik Retreat Caroline Sylger Jones Digital Katherine Weir ADVERTISING & PRODUCTION TigerBee Media, Commercial Director Nikki Peterson (0782 556 1680) [email protected] Commercial Manager Faye Lisette Piper (0796 027 0329) faye [email protected] Copy Production Manager Melanie Ratcliffe (01733 362701) [email protected] MANAGEMENT Chief Operating Officer Phil Weeden Chief Executive Steve Wright Managing Director (Lifestyle Brands & Circulation) Kevin McCormick Finance Director Joyce Parker-Sarioglu Retail Director Steve Brown Subscriptions Director Gill Lambert Senior Subscriptions Marketing Manager Nick Mcintosh Events Manager Kat Chappell Publishing Operations Manager Charlotte Whittaker Senior Print Production Manager Nicola Pollard Print Production Manager Georgina Harris SUBSCRIPTIONS 13 issues of Psychologies are published per annum e UK annual subscription price: £61.10 Europe annual subscription price: £74 e USA annual subscription price: £74 Rest of World annual subscription price: £79 e UK subscription and back issue orderline: 01959 543747 Overseas subscription orderline: 0044 (0) 1959 543747 © Toll-free USA subscription orderline: 1 888 777 0275 e UK customer service team: 01959 543747; [email protected] Find subscription offers on our website: shop.kelsey.co.uk/psy Manage your subscription online shop.kelsey.co.uk/site/loginForm DISTRIBUTION & PRINTING Walstead Bicester Ltd, Chaucer Business Park, Launton Rd, Bicester OX26 4QZ; 01869 363333; walstead-uk.com Distribution in the UK: Marketforce (UK), 2nd Floor, 5 Churchill Place, Canary Wharf, London E14 SHU; 020 3787 9001; Distribution in Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland: Newspread; 353 23 886 3850 Psychologies Magazine is a registered trademark. Copyright ©2002 Psychologies Magazine's a registered trademark andis published monthly by Kelsey Media 20200 allrights reserved, Kelsey Mediaisatrading name of Kelsey Publishing Ltd, Reproduction in wholeorin partis forbidden except with permissionin writing from the publishers. Note to contributors: articles submitted for considerationby the ecitor must be the orginal work of the author and not previously published. Where photographs are included, which arernot the property ofthe contributor, permission toreproduce them must have been obtained from the owner ofthe copyright. The Editor cannot guarantee a personal response toallletters and emails received. The views expressed in the magazine are not necessarily those ofthe Editor or the Publisher. Kelsey Publishing Ltd acceptsno liability for products and services offered by tirdparties, PRIVACY NOTICE Kelsey Publishing Ld uses amultitayeted privacy notice giving you brief details about how we would lke to use your personal information. For full detals, visit kelsey.co.uk, or call 01959543524. Ifyou have any questions, please ask, as submitting your details indicates your consent, Until you choose otherwise, that we and our partners may contact you about products and services that willbe of relevance to youvia direct mail, phone, email ‘or SMS. You can opt out at ANY time via email: “ws [email protected] or 01959543524. «4 KELSEY CONTRIBUTORS Meet three of the people who have taken part in the creation of Psychologies Becca Forshaw Life and career coach Becca trained with Barefoot Coaching as a life and career coach. She has an extensive background in sales across arange of sectors, including The Sunday Times ‘100 best companies to work for’ list. Becca also contributes online blogs and tips to the Psychologies Life Labs website and, last year, she created an online coaching programme for our Life Leap Club, free to all subscribers. Journalist OBAL EDITIONS Groupe Psychologies, 2-8 rue Gaston-Rébuffat, 75019 Paris, France. Tel: 0144655800 ia PSYCHOLOGIES FRANCE PSYCHOLOGIES BELGIUM Editor-in-Chief: Laurence Folléa Edition Ventures, Chaussée de Louvain 431D, 1830 Lasne. Tel: + 322379 PSYCHOLOGIES ROMANIA 29 90 Editorial Director: Marie-Christine Ringier Magazines, 6 Dimitri De Wasseige (mc.dewasseige@ventures. Pompeiu Street, Bucharest. Tel: +40 212 be) Chief editor (French): Christiane Thiry 03 08 00. Managing Director: Mihnea ([email protected]) Vasiliu ([email protected]) Chief editor (Flemish): Barbara Van den Editor-in-Chief: luliana Alexa (iuliana. Abele ([email protected]) [email protected]) Advertising Manager: Advertising Manager: Manoélle Sepulchre Monica Pop ([email protected]) (manoelle. [email protected]) pur week fix! WANT MORE INSPIRATION, PERSO 6 PSYCHOLOGIES MAGAZINE SPRING 2020 Kia Cannons Creative coach and happiness expert Host of the popular Happy Hacks podcast and founder of Untold Happiness, a group coaching community for creative people, Kia teaches you how to do what you love. Launching this month, every week she will post a five-minute video tip about happiness on Psychologies’ free Life Labs website (lifelabs.psychologies.co.uk). This month, Kia’s Happy Hacks column also begins in The Fix on page 15. Suzy Bashford Suzy lives in Cairngorms National Park and writes this month’s feature on eco anxiety (page 46). ‘I’ve felt growing tension about the climate crisis and what I can do, she says. ‘It’s sharpened by the fact that ’ma mum and live surrounded by stunning landscapes. I wanted to find out if there wasa positive way to approach the issue. This feature inspired my one-woman show, Help! I’ve Got Eco Anxiety!, to bring my community together. PSYCHOLOGIES RUSSIA = Hearst Shkulev Media, Psychologies Russia, 31b Shabolovkaya Street, Moscow 115162. Tel: +7 495 981 39 10 President: Viktor Shkulev ([email protected]) Editor-in-Chief: Xsenia Kiseleva ([email protected]) Publisher and Advertising Manager: Ekatarina Kerova ([email protected]) LIFE-CHANGI PHOTOGRAPH: JAY MCLAUGHLIN EDITOR’S LETTER All change Spring is upon us. “The Earth is like a child that knows poems,’ says Rainer Maria Rilke so beautifully of the new season on page 32. I took a big leap, downsized and moved onto a canal boat last summer and, after a soggy winter, I’m looking forward to the first beams of sunshine, warmth and longer, lighter days. Si Izy Walker One thing in life that is certain is change. This issue, we explore Editor-in-Chief how we handle transition and, in our Dossier, we delve deeply into one change all women go through, the menopause (page 52). Our new Celebrity and Podcast Editor, Rachel Dobson, chats to the fabulous Mariella Frostrup about modern womanhood, HRT and the books that helped her through periods of transition in her life (page 18). Rachel also launches our Sounds Good slot (page 100), introducing uplifting, inspiring and life-changing podcasts that we love. We're so proud of our Wellness Director, Ali Roff Farrar, whose book, The Wellfulness Project, is out now. On page 90, she encourages us to find a wellness plan to gently make us feel good from the inside out. There has also been a sad change at Psychologies HQ - the passing of Oscar, our beloved office dog, who died peacefully last month. I say goodbye our furry friend on page 31. Whatever changes you are dealing with this : spring, we are by your side. Much love. S e e New beginnings Subscribe to ‘Psychologies’ and access online coaching for free. This month, we’re taking coach Jayne Everson’s course, “Magnificent menopause’. Learn how to reframe the menopause as a time of adventure and reinvention in your life. Join us at psychologies.co.uk/life- PSYCHOLOG] ES leap-club-new-subscribers and we'll send you a trio of |] ce ap Dr. Lipp Superfood Tints as a welcoming present. EVENTS? SIGN UP FOR OUR FREE NEWSLETTER — DELIVERED DIRECTLY TO YOUR INBOX! GO TO bit.ly/2KNOB8z SPRING 2020 PSYCHOLOGIES MAGAZINE 7 Viewpoint Send your letters to [email protected] and tell us what you love about our magazine. You could win a six-month subscription, plus access to our Life Leap Club! THERE FOR YOU Friends I found the ‘Friends reunited’ feature reunited (February issue) so relatable. When I read sere about micro connections, I reached out to . eight friends with whom Id grown out of A= = Eeeeee: touch, and I heard back from all of them. teen TImeven in the process of arranging a trip to see one of them. The idea of recording voice messages became our primary source of communication between video chats. Thank you for helping me reconnect with some wonderful people again. Paine Share with us... Share your photos and comments on Instagram @psychologiesmagazine, or tweet us @PsychologiesMag, both using #PsychologiesMagazine @BarefootCoaches: D RIGHT: MON eo i* We had a great day yesterday U) @lucytulloch mc at Barefoot HQ with our friends from coaching: When | was @PsychologiesMag, talking about approached to write in our wonderful exclusive partnership Psychologies’ coaching pages, and some exciting opportunities for thought they'd made a the year to come! mistake! I've had a fear of writing since school and ‘m plagued with impostor syndrome. But when we do he stuff we find hard, we achieve great things. Bit of a angirl of @claudiawinkle too. ty ABOVE: VY] @now_its_all_about_ me_coaching: ‘Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it's generally the by-product of other activities’ (Aldous Huxley) — especially if @divinechocolate: Have you seen us featured in @PsychologiesMag? Thank you so much @Ellen_Tout for the shout-out — #PsychologiesRealEco #bcorp @Nattehughes: | feel like this always lands in my lap at e RIGHT: @moore those other activities are reading just the right time... when I've been uniquel9: Good @psychologiesmagazine and wanting guidance on something, it's ‘0 see Woody is taking running a local Life Leap Club to as though | subconsciously order it responsibility for his life with talk about meaningful things with in @PsychologiesMag he Psychologies journal! like-minded fans of the magazine! Get your weekly fix! want ore InsPiRATION, PERSONALITY TE 8 PSYCHOLOGIES MAGAZINE SPRING 2020 TO DO: RELAX The article by Oliver Burkeman entitled ‘Being busy for busyness’ sake’ (November 2019 issue) resonated with me. As a working mum, | have endless to-do lists. After the initial satisfaction of ticking off the items, | find they are quickly replaced, leaving me feeling overwhelmed and with no time to myself. Oliver says the real skill is ‘learning to do what matters most’ as ‘there will always be more to do’ realised that by accepting this and prioritising what is important, such as spending time with family and friends, life will become more rewarding and enjoyable. Susan PHOTO COMPETITION AS | WAS SITTING breastfeeding and reading Psychologies, | had to submit this photograph. This is my seven-week-old daughter clasping her 89-year-old great-grandma’s finger. I'm grateful to have such an amazing family and feel moved to be able to share this pic with you. Four generations of unconditional love. Charlotte WOULD YOU LIKE to showcase your photographic talent in ‘Psychologies’? What moment has made you feel inspired, grateful or moved this month? Capture it and tell us why. We'll print the winner, plus you'll receive a six-month subscription and access to our Life Leap Club! Share your photograph with us and explain its inspiration on Instagram @psychologiesmagazine with the hashtag #PsychologiesPhoto or you can email [email protected] RESIDENTS ONLY. CURRENT SUBSCRIBERS MAY GIFT THE PRIZE TO AFRIEND. EMAIL [email protected]. FOR FULL TS&CS, SEE PSYCHOLOGIES.CO.UK. OPEN TO UK LETTERS MAY BE EDITED FOR LENGTH AND STYLE EVENTS? SIGN UP FOR OUR FREE NEWSLETTER — feedback Idlike to thank... My, dad, When Mum left you, she also left me and my brother. At the time, you were only in your 20s, you enjoyed nights out and had no fixed job. The responsibility was huge - to care for two young children on your own. But you did it. And although you admit that you made mistakes in the first few years, later, you more than made up for them. You have always been there for me, making me feel safe, and to this day you can reassure me in seconds. You have such a wonderful outlook on life. Yow’re a fantastic, doting grandad, loved dearly by all of your grandchildren. You taught me so much. Your energy and zest for life is both inspiring and infectious to all in your presence. You never stop doing things for your family, friends and even strangers; and still manage a full-time job, the gym, surfing and a great social life - at 64! You have been described by many as a ‘legend’. To me, you’re my amazing dad. This month’s gratitude letter, star letter and chosen photowina six-month subscription to Psychologies worth £30.55, plus access to our Life Leap Club! Send your letters to [email protected] SPRING 2020 PSYCHOLOGIES MAGAZINE 9 THE RITUAL OF JING your path to inner peace i | pal discover our relax & sleep collection Inspired by the ancient Chinese concept of Jing, representing calmness, stillness and tranquillity, The Ritual of Jing helps you to discover your path to inner peace and cultivate the art of calm and tranquillity. Create a personal sanctuary and achieve deep relaxation and restful sleep with meaningful routines. DUBLIN LONDON MANCHESTER BELFAST RITUALS.COM