Table Of Content

a) ~~ Danie CARNES, Ph.D. “... a formidable yet worthwhile and pioneering task in a dlfficult, unpopular area of disturbed human behavior Interesting, readable, original... OF value to begin to under- stand these age-old complex sexual behaviors.” ~Domeena C. Renshaw, M.D. Journal of American Medical Association “This is an affliction that affects lange numbers of men and Phil Donahue “Patrick Carnes has pioneered a treatment for sex addiction.” USA Today “What's significant about the {sexual addiction} concept is that it gives people a label for understanding their very pu- ling and destructive patterns of sexual behavior.” —John Grace, therapist St, Paul Pioner Prss/Dispatch “Patrick Cames is the acknowledged expert in a field that "until recently didn’t exist.” Philadelphia “Lust want to say thank you for understanding me. It's the first time that I elt my problem crystallized for me. I not only [speak] as a professional, but as an addict. Is the frst step for me.” Anonymous ‘Other books by Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. .. ‘The Betrayal Bond: Brooking Free of Explotive Relationships (Health Communications, 197) Contrary to Love: Helping the Sexual Addict (Hazelden, 1989) Don't Call It Love: Recovery from Sexual Addiction (Bantam, 1992) Pacing the Shadow: Stating Sexual and Relationship Recovery (Gentle Path Pres, 2001) AGontle Path though the Teloe Steps: The Classic Guide for All People in the Process of Recovery (Hazelden, 1993) Open Hearts: Renewing Relationships with Recovery, Romance, ‘and Reality, with Mark R. Laaser and Debra J. Laaser (Gentle Path Press, 1999) In the Shadows ofthe Net: Breaking Free of Compulsive Online Sexual Behavior, with Elizabeth Griffin, David L. Delmonico, and Joseph M, Moriarty (Hazelden, 2001) Sexual Anorexia: Overcoming Sexual Self Hatred, with Joseph M. Moriarity (Hazelden, 1997) Out of the Shadows Understanding Sexual Addiction Patrick Cares, Ph.D. Third Edition HazeLDeN Hazelden Center City Minnesota 5512-0176 ann 28.008 {481-218-4990 (Fa) ‘woe hazelden org (2195, 192, 2001 by Pateck Cares, PD. All ght serve. ist eon 1983 as The Sera Adition ‘Thin edition 201. Originally published by CompCare Publishers Fist published by Hazelden 1958 Printed in the United States of America ‘No portion ofthis publication may be reproduced in any manner ‘without the ween permission of the publisher Library of Congress Cataloging im Publication Data (Cares Patch 944 ‘Out of the shadows : understanding sexual addicton/ Patrick Cames ede pom [itd criginally published in 1983 by ComnpCaze under the ie “The seul adation ISON TE SPR ST 1. Sex addiction. Carnes, Patrick, 1944-.Sexualadtion. IL Te RCSé0S C38 2001 stead amine Eaitors note ‘All he sores inthis book are based on actual experiences, The names fand deals have been changed to protect the privacy of the people Involved. In some cases, composites have been cate, “This book intended as gulde to understanding bot the sexual addiction and the Twelve Steps as a means of recovery. Nether the ‘ook, is author, nor its publicher endorses ary specie Twelve Step {10up for sental compulsvenes. Readers ae encourages wo ivestigate Thoroughly any such goup as appropriates for ther “The Twelve Steps ate epeitted and adapted wth Permission of Aloholcs Anonymous World Servis, Ine: (AWS). Permission to reprint and adapt the Twelve Steps sce not mean that AAWS has ‘viewed or approved the content of ts plistion, or that AAWS recescariy ages with the siews expressed herein. AA 3 program of ‘covery from alcohols ony-use of the Twelve Sps in connection ‘eth programe sn acvites which re patere te? AA, but which ‘Manes ther problems, dows not mpi errs BRM WBBM Cover design by Theres Gs Ietror deign by Sinton Palicton Servos. ‘Typeeting by Tarso Companies ‘This book is written to help the many addicts who have been afraid to admit their pain. One of the strongest bonds ofthe Addiction is its secrecy. Perhaps, with the secret broken, Addicts can know the peace and self-acceptance that comes ‘with knowing if canbe talked about. Contents List of Iustrations Preface tothe 2001 Edition Preface tothe 1983 Edition Introduction: A Moment Comes for Every Addict Chapter 1: The Addiction Cycle Chapter 2: The Levels of Addiction Chapter 3: Cybersex and Addictive Behavior (Chapter 4: The Family and the Addict’s World (Chapter 5: Condition Chapter 6: The Belief System, Chapter 7: Twelve Steps to Recovery Chapter 8: The Future is Conditional Notes Resource Guide Index About the Author Illustrations Figures 11 The Addictive System 21 Levels of Addiction 41 The Abuse Checklist 42 The World of the Sexual Addict 51 The Coaddietive System 52 The Coaddict’s Checklist 533 The World of the Coaddict 6.1 The Male Sexual Addicts Beliefs about Sex, Men, and Women, 74 The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous 72 The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous Adapted for Sexual Addicts 73 The Twelve Steps and Changing Beliefs 74 The Addict’s Worksheet