Young people's experiences of loss and bereavement : towards an interdisciplinary approach

251 Pages·2006·36.58 MB·english

by  Ribbens McCarthy

Y
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Young People’s Experiences
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of Loss and Bereavement
P
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TOWARDS AN INTERDISCIPLINARY APPROACH
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❚What is the significance of death for young ’s

people in contemporary western society? E
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❚How do young people come to terms with p
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loss and bereavement? r
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e
n
Evidence shows that bereavement is an issue that touches the lives
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of the majority of young people, and yet it is often left to the e
province of specialists. This timely book provides the first in-depth, s
interdisciplinary overview of our knowledge and theorizing of o
f
bereavement and young people including the voices of young
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people, as well as major statistical studies of cohorts of young o
people followed over many years. s
s

Taking a broad sweep across a great range of relevant literatures, a Young People’s
this book breaks new ground in spanning theoretical issues and n
empirical research to examine critically what we know about this d
important – but often neglected – issue. It also features in-depth B
original case studies of young people who have experienced e
r Experiences of Loss
bereavement and uses these as a basis for exploring how loss and e
bereavement impact upon young people’s lives. In considering this a
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difficult and potentially disruptive issue, the author demands that
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we seek new ways to provide interdisciplinary knowledge and m
and Bereavement
understanding that is both academically robust and practically e
relevant. n
t
Young People’s Experiences of Loss and Bereavementis core
reading for a range of health and social care students and
professionals, including those working and studying in palliative JA
care, social work, youth work, counselling and family therapy, and N
E
those studying death, dying and bereavement within sociology, R
social policy and psychology. IB TOWARDS AN
B
E
Jane Ribbens McCarthyis Reader in Family Studies in the N INTERDISCIPLINARY
Department of Social Policy at the Open University. Her research S
M
interest lies in the area of contemporary family lives as they are APPROACH
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experienced and understood in everyday contexts, with particular C
A
focus on parent-child relations. R
T
H
Y
Cover design Hybert Design •www.hybertdesign.com
JANE RIBBENS M CARTHY
C
www.openup.co.uk
Young People’s
Experiences of Loss
and Bereavement

Young People’s
Experiences of Loss
and Bereavement
Towards an interdisciplinary
approach
Jane Ribbens McCarthy
Open University Press
Open University Press
McGraw-Hill Education
McGraw-Hill House
Shoppenhangers Road
Maidenhead
Berkshire
England
SL6 2QL
email: [email protected]
world wideweb: www.openup.co.uk
and TwoPennPlaza, New York,NY10121–2289,USA
Firstpublished 2006
Copyright #Jane RibbensMcCarthy2006
All rightsreserved. Except forthe quotationof short passagesfor the purposesof
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A cataloguerecord of thisbookisavailablefrom theBritish Library
ISBN 10: 0335216641 (pb)0335216 65X(hb)
ISBN 13: 9780335 216642(pb) 9780335 216659(hb)
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To Suzie and Peter

Contents
Frontispiece Rebecca Willis
Virginia Ironside
PART 1
Contexts
1 Knowledge production incontext 3
2 Youngpeople, death andbereavement incontemporary
westernsocieties 20
PART 2
Evidence
3 Theperspectives ofyoung people 53
SueSharpe, JaneRibbens McCarthy and Julie Jessop
4 Bereavement asa ‘risk’factor in youngpeople’s lives 94
5 Thesocial contextsof bereavement experiencesand
interventions 142
JulieJessop and Jane RibbensMcCarthy
PART 3
Conclusions
6 Knowledge,‘meaning’, andinterdisciplinarity 179
References 213
Index 235
Tragedy, no one could prepare you, words seem muffled, your chest splits
open, the heart skips a million beats then falls slowly but surely to the
ground. You trytograbit butit’sgone, you’rehollow, empty.
You’rejoking...Aclassiclinethat’ssaidwhenfacedwithsuchnewsandof
course they’renot.
The feeling is like someone pushing hard on your chest, there’s air in there
but you can’t breathe, it’s trapped like your state of mind, you’re in a thou-
sandplacesat one timeand there’sno way out,notnow.
Soyou’reonthefloor,tearsstreaming,theyrollgentlydownyourcheekuntil
youcantastethesaltinthecreaseofyourmouth.Itwasagrazedkneethelast
time youtastedit,so much sweeter then.
You’re lifted, you’re standing, you’re stitched up and beating again, then
suddenlyitallbecomestoomuchandyou’rebackwhereyoustartedonlyten
times worse.
Back straight, head hung low, eyes wide and puffy, nose running and lips
quivering. You find yourself staring at a plant, it’s ugly but you look at it
anyway, both hands held,both legscrossed all eyesonyou.
You’re in shock now, there’s no realisation, it can’t be true, how could it,
thingslikethisdon’thappentomeIhearyousay,buteverysooftenyougeta
sudden rush of fear, it encloses youwithall its power,that’s thefeeling you
get when youbelievethat thiscouldactually behappening which itis.
Two months, six months, it still comes, that feeling and that tear rolling.
Certainthings,asmell,asong,amemory,butyougrabyourheartthistime
and stickit backinyour chest.
No one canprepare youfor atragedy.
Rebecca Willis, aged15, six months afterthe death ofher stepfather
Beforemyfatherdied,IthoughtIknewabitaboutbereavement.AndIdid.A
bit.Iknewabouttheshockandthecrying;Iknewaboutfeelingspecial,andI
hadalsogotawhiffofmyownmortality.Iknew,intellectuallyatleast,about
theangerpeoplearemeanttofeelwhenthey’rebereaved,andinmyjobasan
agony aunt I would blithely send out leaflets to bereaved people – leaflets
whichtoldofthestagesofgriefandwerefullofkindly,sympatheticadvice.
Then my father died. And nothing made sense any more. I was in a new
world, with a new language and new emotions. Perhaps he was resting in
peace,butIwasinutterturmoil.Iwasstunned,andcrazy.Notwithgrief,but
with other shameful feelings of rage, greed, loathing, hatred for life – and
withnew, surprising interestsinreligionand theafterlife...
In the same way that a relationship between two people consists of much
more than just romantic love (it may not include romantic love at all) and
probably includes all kinds of complications – projection, sexual attraction,
emotionalcrutches,trust,neuroticandselfishneeds–sothereisagreatdeal
more to bereavement than just grief, which is what, of course, makes it so
difficult.
Virginia Ironside (1997 p.ix)