You Must Be Very Intelligent: The PhD Delusion PDF
Preview You Must Be Very Intelligent: The PhD Delusion
Very You Must Be Intelligent Karin Bodewits Very You Must Be Intelligent The PhD Delusion KarinBodewits Munich,Germany EditedbyStewartHennessey ISBN 978-3-319-59320-3 ISBN 978-3-319-59321-0 (eBook) DOI10.1007/978-3-319-59321-0 LibraryofCongressControlNumber:2017945402 ©SpringerInternationalPublishingAG2017 Thisworkissubjecttocopyright.AllrightsarereservedbythePublisher,whetherthewholeorpartofthe materialisconcerned,specificallytherightsoftranslation,reprinting,reuseofillustrations,recitation,broad- casting,reproductiononmicrofilmsorinanyotherphysicalway,andtransmissionorinformationstorageand retrieval, electronic adaptation, computer software, or by similar or dissimilar methodology now known or hereafterdeveloped. Theuseofgeneraldescriptivenames,registerednames,trademarks,servicemarks,etc.inthispublicationdoes notimply,evenintheabsenceofaspecificstatement,thatsuchnamesareexemptfromtherelevantprotective lawsandregulationsandthereforefreeforgeneraluse. Thepublisher,theauthorsandtheeditorsaresafetoassumethattheadviceandinformationinthisbookare believedtobetrueandaccurateatthedateofpublication.Neitherthepublishernortheauthorsortheeditors giveawarranty,expressorimplied,withrespecttothematerialcontainedhereinorforanyerrorsoromissions that may have been made. The publisher remains neutral with regard to jurisdictional claims in published mapsandinstitutionalaffiliations. IllustratedbyVanessaCzerwenka Bookcoverdesignbywww.unionstudio.co.uk Printedonacid-freepaper ThisSpringerimprintispublishedbySpringerNature TheregisteredcompanyisSpringerInternationalPublishingAG Theregisteredcompanyaddressis:Gewerbestrasse11,6330Cham,Switzerland I dedicate this book to all the proud parents of PhD students. Keep your spirits up… … and please don’t read this book. Preface fi Ever since I nished my PhD, or maybe even before that point, I knew I had to write this book. However, this is not a diary of my time as a PhD student at the University of Edinburgh. Having said that, it is not quite a fi work of all- ction either. If it were, I would probably have added some Frankenstein-like personalities and mad, sleep-deprived, eccentric geniuses, as beloved by atmospheric old movies. Or I would have described secretive, non-ethical research taking place in dank basements beneath cloisters, prov- ing that scientists are amoral psychopaths. I did meet some people I could imagine creating a three-headed sheep for shits and giggles but I never actu- ally saw anyone trying it. ff However, I saw stu that was dramatically dark, barking mad and hilar- iously ridiculous, but in an everyday way. I saw the monsters beneath the meniscus of human nature surfacing in a supposedly sedate world; of fru- strated egos the size of Africa, where competition is pathological, volcanic ’ rages seethe and tin pot dictators are drunk on oh-such petty power. Its a world where glory is the goal and desperation is the order of the day; a world Lord of the Flies where young adults are forced into roles that make look like Enid Blyton. It was an education. And it taught me to be wary of education. Karin Bodewits vii Prologue The evening sky is vivid orange as if the sun is leaking colour into it. In a few minutes this warmth will disappear and the city of Edinburgh will fall into darkness. From the air I will be able to sight only lines of streetlights, Edinburgh Castle and the Forth Road Bridge. And then the plane will remove me from this island which I have come to love. When this happens “ ’ …” I let out a deep sigh, thinking Its over. It is really over The backpack, between my feet, is heavy from the thesis and copious notes I scribbled in preparation for my PhD defence. If I could open the tiny window next to me in the airplane cabin I would joyously throw it all into the night sky. My stomach feels queasy, the clothes I am wearing smell of puke, I smell of puke. It was only a few hours ago that I stood in front of the synagogue on Salisbury Road and threw up the alcohol still in my stomach from the ’ evening before. Im not anti-Semitic, I just happened to be there when I ’ couldnt keep it in any more. Friend Felix had stayed with me the whole night, to make sure I would survive. I have no memory of his presence in my room last night but he was sitting at my bedside this morning when I fl awoke in a pool of shame. When I noticed the towels on my bathroom oor – I understood why he had stayed I had indeed needed help. During the days leading up to my exam I hardly ate, owing to nerves. I only had half a pint of Guinness the evening before to calm me down and ’ help me sleep. After the exam I still wasnt hungry. I went straight to the fi … … pub, rst on campus, then in town I danced and drank mainly drank. Almost four years earlier I had started my PhD at the University of Edinburgh like a good girl. At that time I truly believed that researchers in the ivory tower were idealists driven by the desire to make the world a better ix x Prologue place through the advancement of knowledge. My faith in the university fi system, as the crucible of meritocratic re nement, was absolute: only the extremely knowledgeable and wonderfully intelligent would ever hold chairs and professorships. If you are not smart enough you would have to leave. Hence, like many other PhD students, I arrived at a high-ranked university feeling excited and privileged, brimming with hope and wondering if I could ’ prove myself worthy. I wasnt only an ambitious student, and an aspiring scientist, but also a beloved daughter and sister. I had been dating a sweet guy called Daniel for years; he would follow me to Edinburgh where we would meet our inevitable demise. I believed in the goodness of people, I believed in the goodness of the ivory tower and I saw professors as intellec- … tual role models. I would follow their path, as far as I could That seems like another person in another life. When I started my PhD I ’ had been scared I wouldnt be clever enough to become a doctor, but I did believe I had at least done enough to prepare myself for starting this degree. The truth is, I was clever enough but nothing had prepared me. Looking back, whilst cringing in embarrassment at my naiveté, I wonder now if I was actually unlucky to be accepted? I now have my title, the two letters I have been craving, I have made my – … parents proud I am a doctor What does that mean? Marginally less than ’ ’ a Girl Guides Camping Badge. This is what Ive learned. Trembling and hazy, I gaze down at my lap where there is a bread roll, whichIpromisedFelixIwouldeat.Myhandsarestillpaleandshaky,andmy legs throb with exhaustion. What course my life will now run, I know not. I only know it will be a life outside of the lab, away from university, away fromthe academicpathand, crucially,veryfarawayfrom my PhDsupervisor, Mark. Despite my physical condition, this is like a euphoric dream. Listening ’ Blowin’ in the Wind to Dylans , I look out of the window into the sea, I am … away,forever,itreallyisover Contents Part I: Before 1 Chapter 1 3 Chapter 2 15 Part II: Year 1 19 Chapter 3 21 Chapter 4 27 Chapter 5 33 Chapter 6 39 Chapter 7 43 Chapter 8 53 xi xii Contents Chapter 9 63 Chapter 10 71 Chapter 11 81 Chapter 12 89 Chapter 13 97 Chapter 14 105 Chapter 15 113 Chapter 16 119 Chapter 17 129 Chapter 18 139 Part III: Year 2 149 Chapter 19 151 Chapter 20 155 Chapter 21 163 Chapter 22 175 Chapter 23 185
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