Table Of Content

WRONG! Retro Games, You Messed Up Our Comic Book Heroes! by Chris Baker www.c-bake.com @cbake76 © 2014-2017 by Christopher Michael Baker. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any written, electronic, recording, or photocopying without written permission of the publisher or author. The exception would be in the case of brief quotations embodied in the critical articles or reviews and pages where permission is specifically granted by the publisher or author. Disclaimer All trademarks or copyrights are recognized and used specifically for the purpose of criticism and review. All trademarks or copyrights mentioned herein are the possession of their respective owners, and the author does not claim to own any right, title, or interest in the trademarks of others reproduced in this book. Trademark and copyright holders include but are not limited to Marvel Entertainment/Walt Disney Company (Spider-Man, Howard the Duck, Captain America, Iron Man, Vision, Thor, Avengers, Punisher, Kingpin, Chief Examiner, Rattan, Silver Surfer, Wolverine and all X-Men characters), DC Entertainment/Warner Bros. (Superman, Batman, Catwoman, Thundercats, Swamp Thing, Flash), Nickelodeon/Viacom (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles), Rebellion Developments (Judge Dredd), Hasbro Inc. (G.I. Joe, Transformers, Gobots), Mattel Inc. (Masters of the Universe), Kraft Foods (Kool-Aid Man), Domino's Pizza (Noid), Atari, Twentieth Century Fox (Simpsons characters, Flash Gordon), First Star, Kemco, Activision, Data East, SEGA (Shinobi), Konami, Capcom, THQ, Bongo Comics, and others. Although every precaution has been taken to verify the accuracy of the information contained herein, the author and publisher assume no responsibility for any errors or omissions. No liability is assumed for damages that may result from the use of information contained within. Cover Image: Sprite and Background by Matthew Waite Cover and Interior Design: Chris Baker Publisher: C-Bake Publishing Table of Contents Title Page Introduction Superman (Atari 2600) Spider-Man (Atari 2600) Flash Gordon G.I. Joe: Cobra Strike Kool-Aid Man (Atari 2600) Kool-Aid Man (Intellivision) Masters of the Universe: The Power of He-Man Danger Mouse Marvel Questprobe Trilogy (NOT-SO) SUPERVILLAIN SPOTLIGHT: Chief Examiner Superman: The Game! Batman (Ocean Software) The Transformers: Battle to Save the Earth Masters of the Universe: Super Adventure Howard the Duck: Adventure on Volcano Island Captain America in: The Doom Tube of Dr. Megalomann (NOT-SO) SUPERVILLAIN SPOTLIGHT: Dr. Megalomann Challenge of the Gobots Judge Dredd Masters of the Universe: The Arcade Game Masters of the Universe: The Movie Superman (NES) Messed-Up Superman Villains of Kemco's Superman Thundercats Batman: The Caped Crusader Samurai Warrior: Usagi Yojimbo Superman (Arcade) (NOT-SO) SUPERVILLAIN SPOTLIGHT: Emperor Zaas The Amazing Spider-Man and Captain America (NOT-SO) SUPERVILLAIN SPOTLIGHT: Rattan The Amazing Spider-Man (PC) Avoid the Noid Batman (PC movie game) The Revenge of Shinobi Superman: The Man of Steel Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (NES) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Arcade) The Uncanny X-Men X-Men (PC) The Amazing Spider-Man (Game Boy) Baseball Stars Professional Batman (PC Engine) Batman: The Video Game (NES) The Messed-Up Rogues Gallery of Batman NES Batman: The Video Game (Game Boy) Batman: The Video Game (Genesis) Judge Dredd: I Am the Law The Punisher (NES) The Punisher (PC) Silver Surfer Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Fall of the Foot Clan Yo! Noid Batman (Arcade) Batman: Return of the Joker (NES) Captain America and the Avengers (Arcade) The Messed-Up Juggernaut of Lots of Games Captain America and the Avengers (NES) Captain Planet Games Conan The Flash (Game Boy) The Punisher: The Ultimate Payback The Rocketeer (NES) The Rocketeer (PC, SNES) Spider-Man (Genesis) Spider-Man: The Videogame Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Back From the Sewers Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Manhattan Missions Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time Wolverine X-Men II Batman: Return of the Joker (Game Boy) (NOT-SO) SUPERVILLAIN SPOTLIGHT: Dark Claw, Foul Ball, and Shogun Warrior Batman Returns (Genesis) Batman Returns (Game Gear) Batman Returns (PC) Batman Returns (Lynx) The Messed-Up Catwoman of Atari's Batman Returns Chakan Ex-Mutants The Simpsons: Bartman Meets Radioactive Man Spider-Man: Return of the Sinister Six Spider-Man 2 (Game Boy) Spider-Man/X-Men: Arcade's Revenge The Messed-Up Black Queen of Arcade's Revenge Superman (Genesis) Swamp Thing (NES) Swamp Thing (Game Boy) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Hyperstone Heist Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III: The Manhattan Project X-Men (Arcade) ABOUT THE DUDE WHO'S WAY TOO INTERESTED IN THIS STUFF A BOOK ABOUT RETRO COMIC BOOK GAMES? WHY WRITE THIS THING ANYWAY? Soon after Marvel hired me in 2007 to help manage its videogame division, I felt compelled to put together a blog entry entitled “All I Need to Know About Marvel, I Learned From Video Games.” It was a purposeful overstatement—but a lot of truth fueled the sentiment as well. Before Fox Kids blessed us in the early ‘90s with animated series for SpiderMan and the X-Men, nothing had familiarized me with the characters, their abilities, and their archenemies more than video games. I distinctly remember a 1992 day at the arcade thinking “this guy looks awesome!”—my introduction to Venom, thanks to Sega’s Spider-Man: The Videogame. Then I stepped over to Konami’s X-Men cabinet for my first exposure to Magneto. He welcomed me to die. I loved those games—I still love those games—but as I would come to learn as my comic fandom kicked into high gear, a lot of the content was very much out of character and just plain WRONG!. (Get used to that. You’ll see it a lot.) Why was Spider-Man fighting Hellfire Club minions, especially when the Hellfire Club had no further presence in the game? Why would Cyclops bother to throw punches when simply looking at foes yields total devastation? The same types of super-nerdy nitpicks held true for Batman and Superman games I had played, to the point that my adolescent mind assumed “that’s just the way it has to be.” But why? Granted, sometimes overpowering a character like Superman could break the gameplay, and sometimes concessions do need to be made. But to address my earlier questions, why couldn’t Spidey have fought off minions more in line with his own rogues gallery, not the X-Men’s? Why couldn’t Cyclops use different degrees of optic-blast intensity to dispense of Magneto's Sentinel army? (That fact itself feels incredibly out of character for the “Master of Magnet.”) Some of this stuff was easily fixable and really leaves you scratching your head. My nearly seven years at Marvel chiefly involved trying to whip any inconsistencies like these into shape for modern games, from huge titles like Marvel vs. Capcom 3, LEGO Marvel Super Heroes, and Activision Spider-Man games to smaller projects such as Marvel Pinball and X-Men: Battle of the Atom (now resting peacefully in mobile game heaven). The job involved a lot of subtlety, but to use some extreme examples of what I might correct: If SpiderMan’s suit was pink instead of red, I thwipped back feedback to that effect; if Wolverine’s claws were too long or too short, I’d say, “Fix it, bub”; if the skull on the Punisher’s shirt looked more like a smiley face, I’d send Frank Castle to wipe out the developers responsible. I did miss the occasional nitpick myself (Doctor Strange not wearing his trademark yellow gloves in his Marvel Pinball table still bugs me), but I’d like to think that my sense of absolute nerd vigilantism pertaining to such matters made each release feel just little bit more authentic than it would have without my input (or a lot more in some cases I’ll never speak about). When you combine this Marvel experience with my years writing features for videogame magazines—not to mention my love for the era of gaming I grew up on—you get the first in what I hope to be a line of similarly themed ebooks. (Tell me you like this, and help ensure the existence of Vol. 2, currently in development.) WHAT YOU’RE IN FOR I’ve tried to make this book—as we used to say at Official U.S. PlayStation Magazine—as “nuggetty” and reader-friendly as possible. You’re essentially getting a magazine feature that’s almost long enough to be its own magazine, and it's my intention to entertain you every bit as much as I'm informing you. In a year-by-year manner, each entry kicks off with an image featuring the title of the game followed by its publisher, platforms, and year of release. You’ll get a screenshot that usually pertains to how the game messes up a superhero (or supervillain...or something else about the franchise), plus the box art. It’s worth noting that if a game is essentially the same across multiple platforms (the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles arcade game and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Arcade Game on NES, for example), it gets one entry based on the first North American release of the title. However, even if a game shares the same name and marketing campaign across platforms, if they’re definably different games, they will each be treated separately (hence, six different entries for 1989 Batman movie games). From there, three sections: “This Game Taught Me That…”: Followed by a “fact” that could reasonably be concluded due to the existence of this game, either through the game itself or its off-brand marketing materials. The assumption is always that “nameless person playing” is getting their first exposure to the superhero(es) and supervillain(s) at hand and is making a reasonable assumption based on their experience with the game. And in the interest of this book being a quick, fun read, this is not comprehensive. In most cases you'll read one supernerdy nitpick; I’ve aimed to find what’s most entertaining for you to read, not necessarily what might rank among the most egregious offenses. Though you’ll get plenty of those, too. WRONG!: This is where I push up the metaphorical taped-up glasses sitting at the edge of my nose and spell out exactly why the previous “teaching” grossly misrepresents what was learned. Probably best read in a “Simpsons Comic Book Guy meets Dana Carvey-as-John McLaughlin” manner. Cool Trivia That Always Has a Unique Heading: Could be another fact about the game. Could be a relevant piece of homebrew. Could be the story behind why Domino’s Pizza stopped using the Noid as its mascot. Anything is fair game here, so long as there’s some tangential facet that ties to the game in question. And sometimes I'll have more than one for you. You’ll get some fun extended sidebars, too. A few involve newly created supervillains that you just know developers were hoping would catch on because of their game…that never really did. I also noticed a recurring theme of supervillains getting shafted in games, so I’ve called out some specific instances. This includes the most misrepresented super-character in gaming history, so you'll find out who that is as well. WHAT CONSTITUTES A “COMIC BOOK GAME”? For the purpose of this book, which covers almost every superheroic title found on consoles, handhelds, or PC-gaming machines from 1978 through 1992, identifying “comic book games” starts with the obvious—characters like Superman, Captain America, Judge Dredd, etc., who originated in comic books. But to add some variety, I’ve chosen to include the likes of He-Man, Thundercats, and G.I. Joe., and there are even a couple of “super” advertising icons who had their own games—they’re in here too. Comic book/superhero games you won't see here: Basically any games where the heroes originated in movies—no Jedi, no Aliens, no Predators, no Darkmen. If things go well with this release, they’ll all get similar treatment in due time. Are you still reading this intro? Really? The good stuff hasn’t even started yet. Well, not until you turn the virtual page, anyway. So…up, up, and away!... –Chris Baker Like This Page if You Think This Book Is...