WRONG! Retro Games, You Messed Up Our Comic Book Heroes!

234 Pages·2015·26.03 MB·English

by  Chris Baker

WRONG!
Retro Games, You Messed Up Our Comic Book
Heroes!

by Chris Baker
www.c-bake.com
@cbake76

© 2014-2017 by Christopher Michael Baker. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any written, electronic, recording, or
photocopying without written permission of the publisher or author. The
exception would be in the case of brief quotations embodied in the critical
articles or reviews and pages where permission is specifically granted by the
publisher or author.

Disclaimer
All trademarks or copyrights are recognized and used specifically for the
purpose of criticism and review. All trademarks or copyrights mentioned herein
are the possession of their respective owners, and the author does not claim to
own any right, title, or interest in the trademarks of others reproduced in this
book. Trademark and copyright holders include but are not limited to Marvel
Entertainment/Walt Disney Company (Spider-Man, Howard the Duck, Captain
America, Iron Man, Vision, Thor, Avengers, Punisher, Kingpin, Chief
Examiner, Rattan, Silver Surfer, Wolverine and all X-Men characters), DC
Entertainment/Warner Bros. (Superman, Batman, Catwoman, Thundercats,
Swamp Thing, Flash), Nickelodeon/Viacom (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles),
Rebellion Developments (Judge Dredd), Hasbro Inc. (G.I. Joe, Transformers,
Gobots), Mattel Inc. (Masters of the Universe), Kraft Foods (Kool-Aid Man),
Domino's Pizza (Noid), Atari, Twentieth Century Fox (Simpsons characters,
Flash Gordon), First Star, Kemco, Activision, Data East, SEGA (Shinobi),
Konami, Capcom, THQ, Bongo Comics, and others. Although every precaution
has been taken to verify the accuracy of the information contained herein, the
author and publisher assume no responsibility for any errors or omissions. No
liability is assumed for damages that may result from the use of information
contained within.

Cover Image: Sprite and Background by Matthew Waite
Cover and Interior Design: Chris Baker Publisher: C-Bake Publishing
Table of Contents
Title Page
Introduction
Superman (Atari 2600)
Spider-Man (Atari 2600)
Flash Gordon
G.I. Joe: Cobra Strike
Kool-Aid Man (Atari 2600)
Kool-Aid Man (Intellivision)
Masters of the Universe: The Power of He-Man
Danger Mouse
Marvel Questprobe Trilogy
(NOT-SO) SUPERVILLAIN SPOTLIGHT: Chief Examiner
Superman: The Game!
Batman (Ocean Software)
The Transformers: Battle to Save the Earth
Masters of the Universe: Super Adventure
Howard the Duck: Adventure on Volcano Island
Captain America in: The Doom Tube of Dr. Megalomann
(NOT-SO) SUPERVILLAIN SPOTLIGHT: Dr. Megalomann
Challenge of the Gobots
Judge Dredd
Masters of the Universe: The Arcade Game
Masters of the Universe: The Movie
Superman (NES)
Messed-Up Superman Villains of Kemco's Superman
Thundercats
Batman: The Caped Crusader
Samurai Warrior: Usagi Yojimbo
Superman (Arcade)
(NOT-SO) SUPERVILLAIN SPOTLIGHT: Emperor Zaas
The Amazing Spider-Man and Captain America
(NOT-SO) SUPERVILLAIN SPOTLIGHT: Rattan
The Amazing Spider-Man (PC)
Avoid the Noid
Batman (PC movie game)
The Revenge of Shinobi
Superman: The Man of Steel
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (NES)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Arcade)
The Uncanny X-Men
X-Men (PC)
The Amazing Spider-Man (Game Boy)
Baseball Stars Professional
Batman (PC Engine)
Batman: The Video Game (NES)
The Messed-Up Rogues Gallery of Batman NES
Batman: The Video Game (Game Boy)
Batman: The Video Game (Genesis)
Judge Dredd: I Am the Law
The Punisher (NES)
The Punisher (PC)
Silver Surfer
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Fall of the Foot Clan
Yo! Noid
Batman (Arcade)
Batman: Return of the Joker (NES)
Captain America and the Avengers (Arcade)
The Messed-Up Juggernaut of Lots of Games
Captain America and the Avengers (NES)
Captain Planet Games
Conan
The Flash (Game Boy)
The Punisher: The Ultimate Payback
The Rocketeer (NES)
The Rocketeer (PC, SNES)
Spider-Man (Genesis)
Spider-Man: The Videogame
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Back From the Sewers
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Manhattan Missions
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time
Wolverine
X-Men II
Batman: Return of the Joker (Game Boy)
(NOT-SO) SUPERVILLAIN SPOTLIGHT: Dark Claw, Foul Ball, and Shogun Warrior
Batman Returns (Genesis)
Batman Returns (Game Gear)
Batman Returns (PC)
Batman Returns (Lynx)
The Messed-Up Catwoman of Atari's Batman Returns
Chakan
Ex-Mutants
The Simpsons: Bartman Meets Radioactive Man
Spider-Man: Return of the Sinister Six
Spider-Man 2 (Game Boy)
Spider-Man/X-Men: Arcade's Revenge
The Messed-Up Black Queen of Arcade's Revenge
Superman (Genesis)
Swamp Thing (NES)
Swamp Thing (Game Boy)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Hyperstone Heist
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III: The Manhattan Project
X-Men (Arcade)
ABOUT THE DUDE WHO'S WAY TOO INTERESTED IN THIS STUFF
A BOOK ABOUT RETRO COMIC BOOK GAMES?
WHY WRITE THIS THING ANYWAY?
Soon after Marvel hired me in 2007 to help manage its videogame division, I felt
compelled to put together a blog entry entitled “All I Need to Know About
Marvel, I Learned From Video Games.” It was a purposeful overstatement—but
a lot of truth fueled the sentiment as well.
Before Fox Kids blessed us in the early ‘90s with animated series for Spider-
Man and the X-Men, nothing had familiarized me with the characters, their
abilities, and their archenemies more than video games. I distinctly remember a
1992 day at the arcade thinking “this guy looks awesome!”—my introduction to
Venom, thanks to Sega’s Spider-Man: The Videogame. Then I stepped over to
Konami’s X-Men cabinet for my first exposure to Magneto. He welcomed me to
die.
I loved those games—I still love
those games—but as I would come
to learn as my comic fandom
kicked into high gear, a lot of the
content was very much out of
character and just plain WRONG!.
(Get used to that. You’ll see it a lot.) Why was Spider-Man fighting Hellfire
Club minions, especially when the Hellfire Club had no further presence in the
game? Why would Cyclops bother to throw punches when simply looking at
foes yields total devastation? The same types of super-nerdy nitpicks held true
for Batman and Superman games I had played, to the point that my adolescent
mind assumed “that’s just the way it has to be.”
But why? Granted, sometimes overpowering a character like Superman could
break the gameplay, and sometimes concessions do need to be made. But to
address my earlier questions, why couldn’t Spidey have fought off minions more
in line with his own rogues gallery, not the X-Men’s? Why couldn’t Cyclops use
different degrees of optic-blast intensity to dispense of Magneto's Sentinel army?
(That fact itself feels incredibly out of character for the “Master of Magnet.”)
Some of this stuff was easily fixable and really leaves you scratching your head.
My nearly seven years at Marvel chiefly involved trying to whip any
inconsistencies like these into shape for modern games, from huge titles like
Marvel vs. Capcom 3, LEGO Marvel Super Heroes, and Activision Spider-Man
games to smaller projects such as Marvel Pinball and X-Men: Battle of the Atom
(now resting peacefully in mobile game heaven). The job involved a lot of
subtlety, but to use some extreme examples of what I might correct: If Spider-
Man’s suit was pink instead of red, I thwipped back feedback to that effect; if
Wolverine’s claws were too long or too short, I’d say, “Fix it, bub”; if the skull
on the Punisher’s shirt looked more like a smiley face, I’d send Frank Castle to
wipe out the developers responsible.
I did miss the occasional nitpick myself (Doctor Strange not wearing his
trademark yellow gloves in his Marvel Pinball table still bugs me), but I’d like
to think that my sense of absolute nerd vigilantism pertaining to such matters
made each release feel just little bit more authentic than it would have without
my input (or a lot more in some cases I’ll never speak about).
When you combine this Marvel experience with my years writing features for
videogame magazines—not to mention my love for the era of gaming I grew up
on—you get the first in what I hope to be a line of similarly themed ebooks.
(Tell me you like this, and help ensure the existence of Vol. 2, currently in
development.)
WHAT YOU’RE IN FOR
I’ve tried to make this book—as we used to say at Official U.S. PlayStation
Magazine—as “nuggetty” and reader-friendly as possible. You’re essentially
getting a magazine feature that’s almost long enough to be its own magazine,
and it's my intention to entertain you every bit as much as I'm informing you.
In a year-by-year manner, each entry kicks off with an image featuring the title
of the game followed by its publisher, platforms, and year of release. You’ll get
a screenshot that usually pertains to how the game messes up a superhero (or
supervillain...or something else about the franchise), plus the box art.
It’s worth noting that if a game is essentially
the same across multiple platforms (the
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles arcade game
and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The
Arcade Game on NES, for example), it gets
one entry based on the first North American
release of the title. However, even if a game
shares the same name and marketing
campaign across platforms, if they’re
definably different games, they will each be
treated separately (hence, six different entries
for 1989 Batman movie games).
From there, three sections:
“This Game Taught Me That…”: Followed
by a “fact” that could reasonably be
concluded due to the existence of this game,
either through the game itself or its off-brand
marketing materials. The assumption is
always that “nameless person playing” is getting their first exposure to the
superhero(es) and supervillain(s) at hand and is making a reasonable assumption
based on their experience with the game. And in the interest of this book being a
quick, fun read, this is not comprehensive. In most cases you'll read one super-
nerdy nitpick; I’ve aimed to find what’s most entertaining for you to read, not
necessarily what might rank among the most egregious offenses. Though you’ll
get plenty of those, too.
WRONG!: This is where I push up the metaphorical taped-up glasses sitting at
the edge of my nose and spell out exactly why the previous “teaching” grossly
misrepresents what was learned. Probably best read in a “Simpsons Comic Book
Guy meets Dana Carvey-as-John McLaughlin” manner.
Cool Trivia That Always Has a Unique Heading: Could be another fact about
the game. Could be a relevant piece of homebrew. Could be the story behind
why Domino’s Pizza stopped using the Noid as its mascot. Anything is fair game
here, so long as there’s some tangential facet that ties to the game in question.
And sometimes I'll have more than one for you.
You’ll get some fun extended sidebars, too. A few involve newly created
supervillains that you just know developers were hoping would catch on because
of their game…that never really did. I also noticed a recurring theme of
supervillains getting shafted in games, so I’ve called out some specific instances.
This includes the most misrepresented super-character in gaming history, so
you'll find out who that is as well.
WHAT CONSTITUTES A “COMIC BOOK GAME”?
For the purpose of this book, which covers almost every superheroic title found
on consoles, handhelds, or PC-gaming machines from 1978 through 1992,
identifying “comic book games” starts with the obvious—characters like
Superman, Captain America, Judge Dredd, etc., who originated in comic books.
But to add some variety, I’ve chosen to include the likes of He-Man,
Thundercats, and G.I. Joe., and there are even a couple of “super” advertising
icons who had their own games—they’re in here too.
Comic book/superhero games you won't see here: Basically any games where the
heroes originated in movies—no Jedi, no Aliens, no Predators, no Darkmen. If
things go well with this release, they’ll all get similar treatment in due time.
Are you still reading this intro? Really? The good stuff hasn’t even started yet.
Well, not until you turn the virtual page, anyway. So…up, up, and away!...
–Chris Baker

Like This Page if You Think This Book Is...