Womonspace News: Our Voice in the Lesbian Community: Nov 1992

20 Pages·1992·4.8 MB·English

WOMONSPACE
NEWS
our voice in the lesbian community
Inside
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Events & Happenings............... 8
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November/December, 1992
Editorial - How Deep The Well!
by Sheryl Mclinnes
For the eight years that I was the editor of than I used to. What I'd like to see happen in
a national newsletter for parents, I had a stand- the lesbian community (at every level of it) is
ard “line” for those who found spelling errors some open discussion of the issues without
and typos ... “the errors are there for the crit- resort to silencing personal attacks or dead-
ics”, I’d say, but ... THE WELL OF LOWLI- ending comments about ‘feminist principles’.
NESS!!! was a bit much, wasn’t it (September-_ One of the most astute comments to come out
October Issue, historical note)? | of the OUTRIGHTS Conference was the obser-
After a bit of reflection, and being the sort vation that... lesbians rarely talk aboutSEX, we
who likes to make lemonade when handed a talk around it, bury it in theory and issues, but
lemon, I decided to let that title roam around in seldom talk about what it is that we are calling
my mind and see whereit would go. Inatheme ‘lesbian sexuality/sex’. The Insight ’92 films
dealing with Coming Out, “The Well of Lowli- and videos on lesbianism followed by the
ness”, had distinct possibility! Then when i. Drawing the Line presentation may be our
began to put together the report on the chance to begin an honest dialogue. I hope
OUTRIGHTS Conference it made even more many of you will send comments and opinions
sense as a metaphor for this issue of to Womonspace News after you have seen
Womonspace News. these films/videos. |
“Coming Out” may only be a meaningful. I am probably using up too much space
phraseas long as our perception of ourselvesas here but I would like to thank all those who
lesbians is something that we need to hide havecome forward to help withand contribute
inside ourselves/from others. Part of that per- to this newsletter. The process of going from
ception could be a sense of “Lowliness”; a theme to finished product is more complicated
being beneath contempt, or perhaps invisible than it might appear, and deadlines seem to
unless spoken. Itall gets tied up with the “what disappear in our busy daily lives. What is
we doin bed” issues in a society that denies all needed mostis women willing to write... either
women the privilege of deciding for herself original work or to take responsibility for a
what their sexuality will be, when, and with particular section or page.
whom. And when I use the word ‘society’ I Hapspy, Holiday, Season Toc ll!
include lesbians, because we are often our own
policing agents.
I’m not going to pretend that the bottom-
NEWS FLASH...
less pit (well?) of the pornography /S&M /cen-
The McDonald Decision will not be appealed.
sorship debates has any easy answers. Norcan
_ This means Gay and Lesbian Rights may now
I say that after two years of intensive reading
be recognized in the Canadian Charter of Rights
and internal debates, that I have come to any
& Freedoms and Canadian Human Rights Act.
rigid conclusions ... although I sway alittleless _
A Great Day For All Of Us!
WOMONSPACE NEWS is a publication on WOMONSPACE and is published every
second month. The opinions expressed in any issue do not necessarily reflect the opinion
$7)
yp
of the Directors or the Editorial Collective. Articles or letters to the editor may be sent to
Newsletter /Womonspace, Basement, 9930 - 106 Street, Edmonton, Alberta T5K 1C7.
Graphics courtesy Women's Newsletters. Special thanks to "The Womanist”
PAGE 2 WOMONSPACE NEWSLETTER NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 1992
Lovesick? Girlfriend problems?
Womonspace Presents .
Loretta Love is presently Your questions and letters are
completing a B.A. in welcome! Loretta will try to
Psychology and has exten- answer as many letters as possible.
sive experience assisting Please submit your mail to Loretta
women with their concems. Love, c/o Womonspace, 9930 - 106 St.
Edmonton, Alberta T5K 1C7
yore ta the tesa
Dear Loretta, Secondly, what are your partner’s reasons for
I havea problem and I don’t know what todo. putting pressure on you? Does she believe it’s the
My girlfriend of 1-1/2 years thinks I should reveal right thing to do politically? Would her ego be
the nature of our relationship to my family (so far sratified if she were instrumental in engineering
she’s always been known to them as my “room- this coming out? Is it a matter of control and
mate”). Naturally, this would mean telling them I power? Or does she genuinely believe that you
am a lesbian. I really feel I am not ready for this. would grow from the experience? These questions
Although my girlfriend knows that I am not are actually secondary, though discovering her
ashamed of her, she can’t understand why I’m motives would probably help you make sense of
hesitating. I get along well with her family, and your feelings.
they know we are a couple. I don’t want my The issue of primary importance in this situa-
girlfriend to think I am belittling what we have by tion is the pressure itself. It sounds as if your
refusing to tell my family, but I can’t picture myself partner has forgotten that attempting to force
using the word “lesbian” in front of my father. This someone into doing something that’s contrary to
is really becoming an issue between us, and I can’t their essential feelings is an act of oppression. If
figure out what I should do. Any advice? you give in to this and allow someone else to
willfully control your behavior, you are oppress-
Confused ing yourself. Compassionate and caring people do
not torture each other.
Dear Confused, If you really feel you cannot tell your family at
Knowing when, how and if we should tell our this point, explain your reasons to your partner.
families about our sexuality does not come easily Let her know how strongly you feel about it, that
to many lesbians. It’s impossible for anyone to tell she won’tsucceed in pressuring you into anything,
you whether you should or not, because only you and that when you are ready she will be the first to
know what's right for you. However, there are Know. If telling your family is something you want
some things you might consider in coming to your to do but feari s getting in your way, explain that as
decision. _ well, and ask for her support and understanding
First, what are the reasons for your reluc- _ while you work your way though those fears.
tance? Are they valid, or are they based on Act with your eyes open, and always remem-
fear? Saying youare “notready” implies that ber that your first responsibility is to your-
you intend to talk to your family about it at self.
some point. What do youneed to learn
about yourself to get to that point? Loretta
NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 1992 WOMONSPACE NEWSLETTER PAGE 3
Coming Out —- Our Stories
The Closetted Coming Out Story
A couple of years ago, enroute back to Edmon-
ton, I visited overnight with old friends in Regina. It
had been a while since we'd last been together but the
camaraderie was immediate. | met their third child, a
daughter, for the first time, and re-acquainted myself
with the two older boys. We feasted ona steamy Thai
stir-fry amid boisterous family dinner chatter. As the
evening progressed, with wine flowing freely, we
caught up on each others news. They were nervously
looking forward to a new job for him, and a move to
a new city for the family. I had just graduated from
college and was about to begin a career job search. It Proud Of WhoI Am
was actually a critical time in my life. My partner and
| had been involved for 1-1/2 years, and the relation- The phrase “Coming Out” holds for me a very
ship was poised forthe next serious commitment. She
oppressed connotation. It sounds to me like men and
was, and is, my first woman lover and deciding to
women are embarrassed about being gay and after
move forward with her required a self-realization
years of painful turmoil in discovering who they are,
about my sexuality. As the evening continued with
they feel the need to tell everyone and give this act a
my fairly liberal friends and as the wine loosened my
title!
inhibititions, | wondered if I could share my story. I
My story is probably similar to many. I playeda
didn’t. It must have nagged at me though, because
lot of sports through high school and college, spent
the next morning as they saw me off I chokingly
most of my time with women and slept with men.
assured them I was doing well in Edmonton as I had
After I graduated, my life revolved around partying
found someone special there. I couldn’t tell them
and enjoying life with my gay male friends at the
more, that the someone was a "she". For their part coolest clubs in town, which happened to be the gay
they both stood on their back steps with quizzical
clubs. At some point I realized I was attracted to
looks on their faces almost asking why something
women. After many dinners and late nights I suc-
important like this never came up in the intimate
cumbed to my desires and slept with a woman. The
conversation of the previous night. Eventually, the earth didn’t move that time, but Ik new I was gay, and
next Christmas over the phone, my friends asked
it was part of who I am, just like being loving and free
about my special someone. Things were going great
is part of who lam. Ihave no desire to scream it to the
with my partner, and | said so and finally managed to
world. The people who love me respect my choices,
sayi tw asn’t exactly what they thought. They finished
and my being gay is never an issue. I don’t ask the
the statement by prompting that my special someone
people I work with what they do in bed, and they
wasn'ta man. It was easy after that and we had acozy
never ask me. If they ever do, I'll probably tell them,
chat as I told them about my partner. I tell my friends
because if they can’t handle the answers they shou-
in the Lesbian community that I’m still not out to
Idn’t be asking the questions.
myself. I love and live with a female partner, but I
So I guess I’ve never “come out” in the true sense
haven't figured out if that translates to a future Les-
of this phrase. Being proud of who I am means I had
bian identity. I mayb e pretty closetted, but Idid make
the courage and respect to acknowledge my being
one foray into coming out.
gay and admit it to myself. Ina society whereeveryone
so easily finds fault in each other, knowing and loving
Closetted who | am is really up to me. @
PAGE4 WOMONSPACE NEWSLETTER NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 1992
Everything Fell Into If 1C ome Out Of The Closet,
Place How Do I Deal With The
I was in love with an incredible
woman when |w aseighteena,n d Moth Holes?
neither of us knew it. I went to
gay clubs with my brother for years, all the while I've often thought that women know more about
listening to my fears whisper, “you shouldn’t be here, closets, though some of my gay male friends keep
them more organized and have better things to putin
they can all tell you're straight.” When having sex
them. Ifthat strikes you as a double gender stereotype
with a man, I would fantasize about women. In spite
around home making, | guess that just shows how
of all this, In ever once considered the possibility that
well socialized even the marginalized can be.
I belonged with women instead of men. Then, while
My lesbian friends who areeven poorer thanl am
lying in bed one night, trying to make sense of my
retort; “My room doesn’t even have a closet!” My
confused life, | heard a voice inside my head say, ecofem friends want to know why anyone needs one.
“maybe you're a lesbian.” I was stunned and Friends whoareinGAY AA/NA talk about one closet
bewildered at the possibilities behind the door that at a time as do my friends who were abused as kids.
had suddenly swung wide open, and needless to say Some say their particular cultural or religious closet
I didn’t sleep at all that night; I spent it in reviewing suffocated more effectively. But comparative oppres-
my past and considering my future. Everything fell | Sion may not open to many doors and all I have to
into place. The answer I had been looking for was | °ffer is my own story.
simply given to myself. That was six years ago, and Coming out of the closet WASP-style did start in
since then I have told the people I love that I am a a literal closet forme. The closet wher| ceoul d hide to
: j explore my marvelous female body as a child and
lesbian. Anyone else doesn’t deserve to know. @ :
another closet where I read psychlit on sexuality at
puberty. Asa young teenager, | could put my child-
hood body pleasures, i.e. masturbation, to use in a
sleeping bag at slumber (hah!) parties in the tent of the
girl |h ad a crush on. Out of the closet and into the
sleeping bag, but still alone. My current partner had
no such inhibitions with her beloved at that age, mine
is a frostier ethnicity.
On the verge of 16, I found someone to share the
sleeping bag with but she and I| waited until everyone
else in the whole camp had gone home. Volunteering
for traditional female chores like camp clean up can
Lesbian Mothers/Gay Fathers have lusty incentives. Ask any worker at Michigan.
Children's Christmas Party! I still had no word for myself. “Homosexual
female” did not stick for some reason. And my
Where: THE ROOST
unthinking monogamy left me in sexual limbo while
When: Sunday Afternoon — Early to Mid Dec.
Alcohol Free ¢ Everyone Welcome she wasat university 100 milesaway. The letters were
Organized Games & Prizes * Pool & Video Games great, full of longing and waiting, but nary a line
X-Mas Tree & Gingerbread Cookie Decorating given to the “issue of homosexuality”.
Politics meant Mary Two-Axe Early, Salvador
If you're interested & would like more information, call Allende, Martin Luther King Jr. and The Just Society
Pat Ryley at the Roost 426-3150 or Brenda-Lee Verhulst
(sic). My identification with the feminist movement -
at 483-4720. Celebrate Christmas with other gay &
continued page 6
lesbian parents. .
ws
NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 1992 WOMONSPACE NEWSLETTER ~ PAGES
in the Philippines, no less - did not come until 1970 hurtful consequences but
after ‘she’ and | had long since parted. As a high they experienced lots of posi-
school teacher and leader of the Student Christian tive feedback forthe most part.
Movement, she could not ‘afford’ to have me move in. My favorite aunt was quite
I did not claim the word “dyke” until the 80’s for proud of me. I think my par-
Mary’s sake! I had to break up a long, nurturing ents, who are ‘anti-isms’, fi-
relationship to be out. I had managed to put women nally understood how being a
I could not move in with into my life in semi-reflected lesbian in an heterosexual society truly affects my life.
non-monogamous fashion with regularity until two Now I can live with the woman I love and walk
years ago. Women professors and ministers feel a hand in hand with her even in my own neighbour-
little vulnerable just yet. And I chose to work for the hood. I can discuss my relationships just like every-
church, albeit a liberal branch, which is the matroiska one else at work. I have no concerns about speaking
of all closets within closets. from my own lesbian life and not just on principle
Many lesbiansin thechurch are ‘selectively open’ when | fight homophobia. A lot of lesbians who were
which sometimes kept us from truly connecting. Some out for years made that possible, as well as those who
got emergency help to those who had been ‘outed’ by are creatively supportive from the closet of oppres-
Christian gay bashers. Some worked to educate folks sion. Butches, femmes, radical separatists, civil serv-
about ‘the issue’. Some even talked about how the ants, songwriters, photographers, wordchangers, or-
hatred affected our invisible families, parents, chil- ganizers, psychiatrized, healers and many more. Iam
dren, friends and lovers. The few lesbians in ‘gay’ grateful to them. 3
groups reminded the brothers that women with AIDS In honouring them and all of us, I intend to keep
was not our only health issue. We came out about cleaning out my closet, keeping and throwing out
lesbian battering within our caucuses even at the risk what is necessary to my spirit, and organizing what is
of reinforcing stereotypes used to abuse us. If the useful for living in our various communities. I share
church was going to talk justice, we tried to say what music, books and laughter in a rummage sale sort of
that meant for lesbian ministers. 1am proud of those way with others who want it. I pass on what’s been
women who ‘outed’ the issues in places not safe given to me - the joy of spring cleaning! Work, yes, but
enough to be out themselves. in lively company.
In 1990, I was finally ready. The man who had I’veenjoyed volunteering timeas a peercounselor
just hired me as a temporary preacher, turned to me at GLCCE. Many women come who are sorting out
over the lasagnaand said, “We don’t want any homo's issues from their particular closets. They appreciate
in our pulpit.” (Our??) I asked him talking to a woman who doesn’t
what his problem was with that. expect them to be any stereotypical
After ascertaining the depth of age, shape, colour, sexuality, life-
willful ignorance, factual, biblical style, income, work or ability. [am
and spiritual in the group, i.e. ‘active glad to welcome more women will-
listening’, |d ecided to give up on 15 ing to offer this accessible type of
years of trying to reform this evil as accompaniment service at the cen-
one among many related to hierar- tre. The young women renew my
chy. hope, and the old women renew my
When asked if | would be the energy so that one day we'll be
‘official lesbian’ at the national growing up without a need for clos-
church court meeting that summer, ets.
I said that | knew more articulate
lesbians but that, if | was the only Here’sto feisty truth seekers and
one available, | was willing to be spirit menders. @
‘out’. | warned my family in case of
PAGE6 WOMONSPACE NEWSLETTER NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 1992
WORD SEARCH |
Finally, a Word Search that's actually fun to play!
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INTIMACY MASOCHISM PLAY SADOMASOCHISM TOMBOYS
JEALOUSY MASSAGE PORNOGRAPHY SAPPHO TONGUES
JOY OF SEX MASTURBATION PROMISCUITY SEDUCTION TOYS
KISSING MENOPAUSE PUBERTY SEXISM TRADE OFF
LEATHER MENSTRUATION PUBIC HAIR SEXUAL ANATOMY TRIBADISM
LEGS AND THIGHS MIRRORS QUICKIES | SHARING TRUCK DRIVER
LESBIAN MOTHERS MOUNDS OF VENUS ROLE PLAYING SHAVING TUCKING
LESBIAN MYTHS MOUTH ROLES SITTING PRETTY UTERUS
LESBOS MULTIPLE ORGASMS ROMANCE SIXTY NINING VAGINA
LITTLE DEATH NAVEL PROMISCUITY SKIN VIBRATORS
LITTLE THEATER NOSE PUBERTY SMELLS VOYEURS
LOTIONS NUDITY PUBIC HAIR STANDING UP SEX VULVA
LOVE ORGASM QUICKIES STEREOTYPING WAKING
LOVEMAKING OUT ROLE PLAYING SUCKING WETNESS
LUBRICATION PERFUMES ROLES . TENDERNESS
MARRIAGE PILLOW TALK ROMANCE THERAPY
NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 1992 WOMONSPACE NEWSLETTER = PAGE 7
EVENTS & HAPPENINGS
Ioe O L I lO a BY
Women's Program & Resource Centre Be
The Resource Centre has an excellent collection of 5 4
books by or about lesbianism. x
4
Membership is $5.00 per year for borrowing privi-
AS 2 x
leges. Call 492-3093 for the fall open hours (located «x
at 11019 - 90 Avenue). A 4K
(ao D x
IE
Courses beginning in November & December:
5a d
Mothers are Feminists Too (6175), Nov 7/14; x
Be
Women & Burnout, Nov 14/15; Women - Under-
«K
standing Our Depression, Nov 14/15; Counselling
4K
Women Who Have Been Battered (6138), Nov 21/22;
5a d
Self-Esteem for Women, Nov 28/29; 5a d
Compulsive Eating & Body Image (6150), Dec 5/6 «K
x
& Celebrating Beryl Schmuiuke
K
Courses beginning in 1993:
fOOIEepE a EO K. OO a
Family Trees & Social Roots - Women Exploring Their
Families of Origin (6170), 6 Thur. starting Jan. 14; Reproductive Technology
Women of Colour - Needs, Strategies & Empower-
Film and Panel Discussion
ment (6173), 6 Tues. starting Feb. 2
Thursday, November 12, 7:30 pm
Education North 2-115
Please call to receive a detailed brochure about these
The Women's Program, Faculty of Extension and the
andother courses we will be offering.
NFB are co-sponsoring the showing of Making Per-
492-3093 or 492-3116
fect Babies, a film which looks at genetic screening
and raises questions about the social and economic
forces which may influence the development and use
of the procedure. If it becomes possible to produce
perfect human beings, would children be viewed as
commodities, and women as instruments of quality
control? Would attitudes toward the disabled grow
increasingly intolerant? Each year brings to light more
genetically related characteristics which can be evalu-
ated ina petridish on a two-day-old embryo. With the
tools to tailor-make human life, will we avoid the
temptation to use them? A panel will be present to
answer questions after the showing of the film.
Lesbian Information Line
By calling the Womonspace number, 425-0511, you
INSIGHT '92 can get a listing of women's events and happenings.
This is updated as often as possible. Please, if you
Reveals the true story (?) of unashamed lesbian lives:
need to leave a message or need more information,
L is for the Way You Look ... Forbidden Love ... True
state your nameand numberclearly so that wecan get
Inversions
back to you. If you are asking about Womonspace
November 20, 21, 22. See the full information on this
News, we will need your full address as well.
event elsewhere in this issue.
PAGE 8 WOMONSPACE NEWSLETTER NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 1992
Womonspace November Dance
Saturday, November 21, 8:00 pm
Bonnie Doon Community Hall, 83 St. & 83 Ave.
Women's Studies
Speaker's Series
Violence Against Violence Against Women
with Diane Chisholm, November 18, 4:00 pm
Senate Chamber at the University of Alberta
Town Hall Meeting
Tuesday, November 10, 7:30 pm
Oliver Community Hall, 10362 - 118 Street
The gay and lesbian community will meet with two
members of the Edmonton Police Services to identify
and discuss matters of concern and establish a formal
saw you todaayt ab us stop. My hair is differeIns tta,n d
liaison. For information call Liz at 489-7998.
much taller, and my friends tell me I am a worldly
woman, so you didn't recognize me.
Winter Solstice Woman's Dance
Saturday, December 12, 8:30 pm
But I saw you, and I remembered ... how you made me
Riverdale Community Hall, 9231 - 100 Avenue
laugh until I hurt ... sleeping curled up beside you inan
exstasy of comfort ... the loneliness and fear you trusted
Alberta Status of Women Action
me to see anid soothe ... watching the sunrise through
Committee - ASWAC swollen eyes tecause we'd fought the night before ...
Membership. New and renewal time. For informa- vowing our love and loyalty and honesty would last
tion call 421-0306.
forever and ever ...
Rocky Mountain Singers
It was a lifetime ago, and now you don't remember me.
(Gay & Lesbian Choir)
The Gay and Lesbian Community Centre is proud to But I saw you, and I remembered how you filtered
sponsor this concert: through me like pigment through water and changed the
way I saw the world. You gently expanded my heart and
Saturday, November 28, 8:00 pm
made it permanently larger. You showed me how to love.
* Convocation Hall, U of A
Tickets: $7.00 - $10.00 - $13.00
Today you stood beside me, heavy with shopping bags
and crying children, the past forgotten. The corners of
Womonspace Holiday Dance
your mouth were firmly turned down, and I helped you
Saturday, December 19, 8:00 pm
lift you stroller onto the bus.
Bonnie Doon Community Hall, 83 St. & 83 Ave.
Scarlet
Me NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 1992 WOMONSPACE NEWSLETTER = PAGE 9
—— DRAWING THE LINE ——
Lesbian Sexual Politics
The Coalition for Lesbian & Gay Studies (Graduate that the November2 4 evening is forwomen only. Tickets,
Students Association, University of Alberta) and the ata modest $3.00 or what youcan afford, will beavailable
National Film Board Women's Program, Edmonton will through Woman to Womon Books at In-Sight '92: A
be co-sponsoring a presentation by Lizard Jones, a Festival of Women's Film and Video. Wheelchair
member of Kiss & Tell, who are the creators of Drawing accessible. An event you cannot afford to miss!
The Line, an exhibition exploring lesbian sexuality. The "DRAWING THE LINE: Lesbian Sexual Politics on the
event will include a short video on Drawing The Line, Wall" — Woman to Womon Books — $12.95
slides of the actual exhibit with Jones talking about issues
of erotica, pornography and women's sexuality, and Lesbian Coming Out Discussion Group
another short video. This hour long session will be
Thursday, 7:30 pm - 9:00 pm
followed by a discussion period facilitated by Jones.
at #7, 7307 - 118 Street
WHEN? November 24 & 25, 1992 at 7:00 pm, please note
HOROSCOPE
by Renée Fulsom
For those of you who love to read your horoscope bui hate it when it says something like "a member of the opposite
sex will find you irresistible", Womonspace offers these very original astrological forecasts written just for gay women.
Scorpio Sagitarrius
(Oct. 24 - Nov. 22) (Nov. 23 - Dec. 21)
Element - Water Ruling Planet - Pluto Element - Fire Ruling Planet - Jupiter
Keyword - I Desire Masculine Keyword - I See Feminine
Scorpios have got to be one of the most complex signs of Sagittarius is symbolic of the search for wisdom and
the Zodiac. They can move from "Saint to Sinner” and will gladly go whenever and wherever they need to for
back again ina bat of an eyeand think nothing of it or the the fulfilment of their quest of the moment. As Lady
possible havoc they have just rot. They can be Luck usually sits on their shoulders they are never
temperamental and moody, loving and loyal. Having a down for very long, bouncing back quickly, their off on
Scorpion as a friend can be a true test of what friendship another scheme or project. They make the Zodiacs best
really means and they will test you to the limits. Just friends and one of the most fickle of lovers, they have a
when your totally fed up with her, she will do an about problem with the commitment that is required to make
face and charm your socks off oranything else you might a long term relationship last. The grass is always
be wearing, if she has decided she wants you as more
greener and they hate to feel they might not be able to
than just a friend. Scorpios have this really annoying check it out and see whats there. But then you have
tendency in getting whatever they set their sights on,
never hidden that fact either, as you are very open and
even if it may be to their own detriment. Historically, the
honest. As possessiveness and jealousy are not typically
Egyptians were said to have worshipped Selket, the
Sagittarius traits, you expect the same from your lovers
Scorpion-Goddess who was to have been a protectress of
and friends.
the Dead.
PAGE 10 WOMONSPACE NEWSLETTER NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 1992