Woman today : success on our own terms

52 Pages·1996·10.2 MB·English

by  Alberta. Alberta Advanced Education and Career Development. Information Development and Marketing Branch

Success on our Own Terms
■A ' ii t 0
EDITION I
Surviving
the A.M
&P.
Woman
T
o
d
a
y

EDITION I
Information Development and Table of Contents
Marketing Branch
Alberta Advanced Education and
Career Development Editorial 1
8th floor, 10155 - 102 Street
The Parenting Column: Helping Around the House 2
Edmonton, Alberta T5J 4L5
The Money Column: Credit 3
Telephone: (403) 422-1794
Fax: (403) 422-5319 The Recipe File: Casseroles to Freeze Ahead 4
Internet: Ask Someone in the Know 5
careerinfo@ aecd.gov. ab.ca
Positive Plans: The Gentle Art of Creating Change
Part One: The Nature of Change 7
For additional copies please contact: Part Two: Dancing with your Dreams 9
Learning Resources Distributing Part Three: From Dreams to Action 12
Centre
Five Features of a G ood Goal 14
12360 - 142 Street
Edmonton, Alberta T5L 4X9 Transform Your Heart’s Desire 15
Telephone: (403) 427-5775 Valda’s Story 16
Fax: (403) 422-9750
Arlene’s Story 17
Help Yourself to What You Need 18
ISBN: 0-7732-1738-X Standing Tall 21
Meeting the Meeting Challenge 22
© 1 996, Her Majesty the Queen in Making Time, Saving Energy 24
right of the Province of Alberta, as Twelve Time Savers 3 1
represented by the Minister of
Surviving the A.M. & P .M. Rush Hours 32
Advanced Education and Career
Development Success Strategies: What’s Your Style? 33
Communicating with Confidence
Communication: The Real Thing 35
The opinions expressed in this
publication are not necessarily Negotiating 38
representative of the Ministry of
Getting the Answers You Need! On the Phone .....40
Advanced Education and Career
Development. Getting the Answers You Need! In Person 42
Scripts 45
09/96 - 10M Talk Yourself into Positive Change 46
12/96 - 10M
06/97 - 15M
CANADIANS
This magazine is for you.
We know you’re already on the path to success on your own terms.
You’re beginning to make positive changes in your life. You may be going
back to school, enrolling in an employment program, getting ready to look
for work — or just beginning to think about these choices. You’re learning to
play a n ew role.
valuing what
we have
What does success mean to you? Does it mean having more time and
editorial
energy to spend with friends and family? Having a sense of direction in
your life? Finding work? Having the courage to go after your dreams?
Success! On Our
Or all these things and more?
Own Terms.
As you begin to define success on your own terms, we know you’re facing
many challenges. And one of the most important is learning how to balance
Welcome to all the new demands on your time with all the old ones. How do you add
“student” or “employee” to the list of roles you already play — daughter,
Woman Today #1: mother, partner, friend? How do you manage to study on weekends, do the
shopping, the parenting, the housework, visit with friends, etc. and not feel
overwhelmed?
When you’re under pressure, how do you keep from giving up? How do
you keep from losing your way on this new and sometimes difficult path?
Our relationship with ourselves is the key to our success. When we stay in
touch with our feelings, we’re in touch with the source of our strength. As
women creating change in our lives, we won’t bring anything less than our
whole selves to the task. Well value all of our experience and the special
way we see things.
We hope that the articles in this issue of Woman Today will help you
through the challenges you’ll face as you create success on your own terms.
The world is in need of wholeness. The world is in need of women’s way of working.
— Anne Wilson Schaef
Woman Today 1
iUe
responsibility, like making sure your for everything around our house any
share of the chores are done before you more”, Tricia explains.
paKc^t/^'j
turn the TV set on.” The key to Tricia’s approach? Helping
Tricia sat down with her children, ages the children see the relationship
CoLw/^m'. 5, 7 and 12, to talk about rights and between what they want — supper on
responsibilities. The children made a time, clean clothes, time with you,
list of their rights: the right to play with etc. — and the tasks that have to be done.
their own toys, to be fed, to feel safe at
For example, if y ou’re stuck with all the
home and so on.
clean-up, you have less time to spend
with the kids after supper.
“When we talked about responsibilities,
I t old them that I c ouldn’t be responsible
Tricia
used these ideas for
sharing responsibility:
• Call a f amily meeting. Talk with • Let your children choose the jobs
your children about what jobs need they want to do. (Doing nothing is
to be done. not a choice!) Take turns with
If y ou’re like many moms, you probably
wish your children would help out more • Be fair about the number of tasks the jobs that nobody wants.
with the housework. You don’t want each child should do. You need their • Agree on a t ime limit for when a
them to do all of it. You wouldn’t even chore must be done. For example,
help. It’s not fair to expect them to
demand that they like doing it. take over adult responsibilities. the dishes have to be done before the
You just want them to realize that it’s
their mess, too. • Remember to take the child’s age TV goes on.
into account. It’s fair to expect your • Let your children help you set the
“I didn’t think I’d ever get cooperation,” five-year-old to do different kinds of consequences for not doing their
admits Tricia, a single mom of three. chores around the house than your chores. Having dirty clothes is the
consequence for not getting dirty
“I’d been a stay-at-home mom. I d id ten-year-old.
most of the housework. But when I • Little ones love to be included. clothes into the hamper! But how
went back to work, I k new I c ouldn’t Your three-year-old can push a do you decide on a consequence for
forgetting to feed the cat? Or for not
do it all myself.” broom or help set the table. A t wo-
Tricia found a w ay to help her children year-old can pick up books and toys. setting the table? When you’ve
agreed on consequences, write them
see that housework is something a • Draw up a list of chores and a down. This will prevent arguments
schedule. Trade jobs on a regular later.
family shares. “From a magazine
article, I g ot the idea to talk to my kids basis — every week, every two
weeks. This cuts down on the • Thank your helpers often. Praise
about rights and responsibilities,” she boredom. them. Let them know how good it
explains. “It made sense to help them feels to be able to count on their help.
see the connection between the two.
• Be specific. Don’t just say “The Reward your helpers now and then.
When you have a right or a p rivilege, house needs to be cleaned.” List each
A p icnic at the playground after a
like watching TV, it g oes along with a task, from taking the garbage out to
Saturday clean-up, leaving a special
cleaning the bathtub. note in a l unchbox or under a p illow,
staying up to watch a movie or even
a d ay with no chores are inexpensive
Ake yoo Keady to the ko^e^oo^k? ways to say thank you.
• Do you ever catch yourself thinking, “It’s just easier if I d o it myself’?
• Do things have to be “perfect”?
• Can you let your children learn from their mistakes?
2
The Money Column!"]
If y ou want to be suc-
cessful on y our own
terms, you’ll use credit
When you buy something
very carefully! on credit, you enter a Otherwise, you’re
legal agreement with a pata y ia n gh i gihn te rreastte
creditor. The creditor is (18-24%).
Yes, credit lets you buy a p erson or business like
• If you have to
a finance company, a department
things now and pay for store, a c redit card company, a b ank or utilities to make yopuutr ocffr e pdaity i npga y rmeennt t ,or
a f riend. The credit contract outlines:
them later. But the • how much the item costs or if y ou only pay the minimum on a
• the rate of interest (the cost of ccrreeddiitt ccraurndc h .e ach month, you’re in a
borrowing the money)
money-wise woman • how and when you must make • If you owe more than you can
manage, running away or hiding from
knows that credit is j ust Whepna y myeonut s s ign a credit agreement or your creditors isn’t going to help. Many
creditors would rather work out a p ay-
contract, legally you must follow the
another word for debt. back schedule with you than take legal
terms of the agreement. If y ou’re late action against you. Your best choice is
paying or if you don’t pay at all, to talk to your creditors. See if y ou can
depending on the terms of your
work out a d eal to pay them back on
agreement, the creditor may:
terms you can manage. For example,
• take you to court
your creditor may let you pay off your
• garnishee (take money out of) your debt over a l onger time, so your monthly
bank account or your paycheque
• take back the item payments are smaller.
• take back what you offered as • If y our credit cards are too tempting
security on the loan, eg., your car or for you, why not cut them up and throw
furniture them out? Or keep only one for
emergencies?
Going into debt to buy something you
want now can seem like a great • If y ou have a n umber of debts, your
convenience. But when you buy an item best choice could be a consolidation
on credit, you pay more for it. You pay loan. That’s where you ask your bank,
for the item and you pay to borrow the credit union or trust company to pay off
all your debts for you. Then you pay
money to buy it— the interest. For
example, if y ou buy a VCR for $500 back the bank, credit union or trust
from a s tore on a o ne-year loan at 18%, company, often with lower monthly
payments and a l ower interest rate than
you’re actually paying $590: $500 for
the VCR plus $90 in interest. your original loans. You still have to
pay the money you owe, but you may
If y ou do use credit, remember:
feel less overwhelmed. And you have
• T ry to pay the total amount owing on
only one creditor to deal with.
your credit card — before your due date.
Woman Today 3
Casseroles
to f reeze ahead
The recipe file
With a b it of p lanning, you can use your The recipes below are quick, inexpensive and tasty. Make twice as much as you
freezer to save you both time and stress.
need and freeze what you don’t use now to enjoy later.
The next time you cook a casserole, if
Quick chili over rice Debbie ’s c urried tuna casserole
you can, double or triple the recipe. Use 2-4 servings
3-4 servings
what you need and freeze the rest in
empty margarine, yogurt or cottage Cooking time: 20 minutes Cooking time: 30 minutes
cheese containers, one meal in each. 3 c ups
water 750 mL 1/2 bag egg noodles (375 g b ag) 190g
When you want to use the frozen 11 .T 5 b csupp s rice 375 mL 8 c ups water 2L
casserole, put the container in the fridge 1/4 cup oil 15 mL 1 c an mushroom soup
in the morning. It should be ready to 1/4 cup onion, chopped 50 mL (10 oz/284 mL)
heat up by that evening. (Always thaw green pepper, chopped 50 mL 1/2 cup milk
frozen food in the fridge, never at room 1 garlic clove, chopped 1 c an tuna, drained
1 c an tomato sauce 1 t sp curry (or more) 5mL
tsaefmepr.e)r ature. It takes longer but it’s (28 oz/796 mL)
1 c an kidney beans Step 1: Bring water to boil in a l arge
(19 oz/540 mL)
When you’re in a hurry, empty the pot. Add noodles. Cook until
container directly from the freezer into salt & p epper tender. Drain off water.
a d ouble boiler (or a s mall pot sitting in chili powder
Step 2: Stir soup, milk, tuna and curry
a large pot of hot water). If you’re Step 1: In a l arge pot bring water to into noodles. Heat and serve.
thawing or reheating the casserole in a boil. Add rice and stir. Bring
microwave, make sure you use a to boil again. Turn down heat Barb's chicken pizzarella
microwave-safe container. (Yogurt, to very low. Cover and cook 4-6 servings
margarine and cottage cheese for 15-20 minutes.
containers are not microwave-safe.) Step 2: Cook vegetables in oil for 5 350 degrees F/180 degrees C
minutes.
Cooking time: 45 minutes
Step 3: Add tomato sauce, kidney
2 l bs. chicken parts, skinned 1 k g
beans, salt, pepper and chili
(6-8 pieces)
powder to vegetables. 1 c an tomato sauce
Season to taste. Simmer for
(7.5 oz/213mL)
1 c an mushrooms, drained (optional)
(10 oz/284 mL)
1 T bsp onion flakes, dried
or onion chopped fine 15 mL
1/2 tsp oregano 2mL
1 garlic clove, chopped
(or 1 t sp garlic powder)
1 c up part skim mozzarella
cheese shredded 250 mL
Step 1: Turn on oven.
Step 2: 9Pu”tx l c3h”i c k(e3.n5 L p)i e pcaens. into a
Step 3: Combine ingredients and pour
sauce over chicken. Bake
uncovered for 45 minutes.
Step 4: Sprinkle cheese over chicken.
Return to oven for 5 m inutes
Recipes from Instant Chef 2: Simple Meals for Small Budgets. Renate Oddy, ed. Edmonton: until cheese melts.
Grant MacEwan Community College, 1994. Used with permission.
ask someone
in the know...
In this issue, a career counsellor answers your questions
about work, school and money management.
Next year, all three of my
kids will be in school. Our
expenses are going up and
I d on't get any more
money to cover them.
How can I m anage?
— Caroline, Pincher Creek
Dear Caroline,
Do I h ave to go back to First, look at where your money goes
each month. Is it p ossible to cut down
school if I've been out of
work for a y ear? on your expenses? Are there any
expenses you could share with another
— Dasha, Calgary person? The important thing is to have
Dear Dasha, a b udget. It will help you to see where
your money goes. This will make it
Not necessarily. It depends on the skills easier to say no to purchases that are
you have in two areas: your skills in a not essential. However, do build in
certain industry, profession or type of some fun activities and entertainment —
work, and your skills in looking for and they are an important part of living, too.
finding work. You may benefit from
Second, how could you increase your
seeing a career counsellor. He or she
income? Could you take a p art-time
will help you identify different
job? If y ou are already working, could
combinations of your skills. There are
you find a j ob that pays more? You are
many ways to combine your skills.
usually allowed to earn extra income if
Those skill combinations will help you
you are receiving money from
determine which kinds of work to
government programs. You may want
pursue. Don’t forget to consider all to check into this. Now that all your
your skills — not just those you’ve children are in school, this may be a
refined at work! You may want to get
good time for you to research your
some help with your work search,
training, educational and work
too. There are job clubs, training-
on-the-job programs and temporary
options.
employment programs that could help (c ontinued page 6...)
you get back into the job market
without going back to school. If y ou’re
on social assistance, contact an ECSS
worker to find out about the options
available to you.
Good luck!
Woman Today 5
ASK SOMEONE IN THE KNOW
Could your children help out? Involve I'm in my 40s now. Don't I've been doing all the
them in household spending decisions. employers want to hire "right" things in my job
This will help them understand why you
younger people? search but I s till can't find
must sometimes say no to their requests.
anything. The economy is
Depending on their ages, your children — Helen, Hinton.
booming in my area but
could also get a p art-time job or a p aper People in their 40s and 50s have many not for me. Any
route.
qualities that
Managing money is employers are looking suggestions?
always a challenge. for — r eliability,
— Rashmi, Grande Prairie
Hang in there! stability, maturity —
not to mention all their There are so many things to consider
My teenage work and life here. First, if y ou aren’t getting any
daughter wants experience! interviews and there are jobs available,
to drop out of you may need to take a closer look at
When you are
school. What researching work your job search tools. Does your
resume need to be reworded? Are you
advice can I opportunities, what do
targeting appropriate jobs? If y ou are
you observe? If the
give her? being invited to interviews but not
workplaces are filled
making any short lists, you may want
— Marion, with young adults, to talk to a c areer counsellor. Get some
Lloydminister these may not be the
practice answering interview questions
best options for you.
The most important Look for employers and understanding why you are being
thing is to listen to her and talk to her asked certain questions.
who value maturity and experience in
about this.
their staff. Although it m ay be difficult Even though the economy may be doing
Try not to be emotional or j udgmental. to enter some professions and well in y our community, the employers
Find out why she wants to drop out. occupations in your 40s and 50s, most you have been targeting may not be
Discuss the advantages and people in the know agree that you have hiring. Have you considered
disadvantages of her choices as she sees many years of productive work ahead contracting yourself to a variety of
them. Many school districts have of you. Your job in looking for work is employers? Can you find out which
alternative school programs (storefront to be very clear about how you can add industries are growing and figure out
schools, etc.). Your daughter might value to the organization. Can you help how your skills could benefit those
benefit from speaking to a teacher or them reduce their costs? Can you help employers? A s killful career counsellor
counsellor who works in this kind of them keep their customers or attract will help you look at all your options.
program — or to a student who has new ones? Can you help them increase
While you’re searching for work, take
dropped back in. Help her see that their profits? The answers to these
good care of yourself. This will keep
leaving school early could put many questions are more important than the
kinds of work out of reach. It does not number of candles on your birthday up your energy and your spirits!
mean she is closing the door on further cake. Best of luck!
training or education (she could enroll
later in an alternative school, an
upgrading program, distance education,
an apprenticeship program, etc.).
Hopefully, she will visit a school
counsellor, a y outh service agency or a
career centre to get more information
before she makes her decision. And
realize that it is her decision. She may
benefit from hearing your opinions but
she will continue her education if and
when she finds it has meaning and
purpose for her.
6
POSITIVE PLANS the gentle art
Making a p ositive change
in your life is exciting but of creating
it’s challenging, too.
change
Once you’re over the
thrill of signing up for
that program or landing
that job, life goes on.
You’ve got to be there Part One:
(often at the same time,
in the same place!) day The Nature of Change
after day. That’s when
your toughest challenge
f"" " — > I d on ’t k now what it is. Every
Creating change can be hard
is staying positive.
enough. We make it even day, I’m thinking, “ Ed better
more difficult when we: make that phone call, Ed better
That’s when you need to
• expect to make big
start making some fill out that form. ” But day after
changes, all at once
Positive Plans... day goes by and 1 ju st don ’t d o it.
• try to change to please I'm looking after my kids, Em
someone else
cooking meals, Em cleaning
• try to change to fit some-
one else’s timetable house. I m ean to, but I ju st can ’t
seem to take the first step.
• expect change to be a — Baljendra
step-by-step process
Have you ever felt like Baljendra? Are
you feeling this way now? You want to
make a change in your life. You think
you know what you have to do, but you
just can’t seem to make it happen. The
longer you put off taking the steps you
think you should take, the worse you
feel. You haven’t even begun to create
changes in y our life and already you’re
feeling overwhelmed.
The articles in this section can help you
create the change you want.
Woman Today 7
It’s okay to feel scared, “Sometimes I j ust lie there at night Change forces us to come to terms with
overwhelmed, nervous or any the fact that we deserve to improve our
and wish it would all go away,” says
lives. If we want to create change, we
other way you’re feeling about Baljendra. “If I don’t pick the right
program or the right hours or whatever, need to devote some time and energy
the challenges you’re facing. I worry that it will be my kids who to our own needs. We begin to do this
Many women and men find when we:
suffer the consequences.”
that making change in their life
Making changes inevitably means • find or create time for ourselves
is one of the most difficult
making decisions. As women, we may • use this time wisely
things they’ve ever done. not have had a l ot of practice making change
choices in our families and working
The good news is, it c an also
lives. We can improve our decision-
be one of the most rewarding.
making skills with practice. And the
better we know ourselves, the better
change may bring you face to we’ll be at decision making. Change has an up side and a
can be particularly tough for women
face with some of these issues:
because it means learning to behave in down side.
change ways that may be new to us, including:
Baljendra still resents the fact that a
• trusting our own feelings
divorce will force her into the world of
can be scary.
• not being afraid to make mistakes
paid work when she feels that being at
and learn from them
home with her children is her most
Baljendra has felt fulfilled in her role
as a h omemaker but now that she and • fleecttt ing go of our desire to be per- important role.
her husband are separated, she knows Baljendra feels angry sometimes.
she has to upgrade her skills so she can • loeutttcinogm e g o o off o ouurr dneeceids i toon sc ontrol the Expressing that anger in ways that
find a j ob and support her family. “I’m change aren’t harmful will be an important part
very self-conscious about going back to of her change-making process.
school,” she says. “It will also mean Creating change is like rearranging the
that the kids will have to do more for
furniture. We can’t do it and still sit in
themselves and they’re not too happy the same place. When we make
brings us f ace-to-face
about that.”
with our own needs. changes, we’re often required to find
Change carries us out of old patterns and new ways to be with old friends and old
habits and into unknown territory. We habits but we get to explore whole new
Like many women, Baljendra’s often
can never be sure we’re going to like more comfortable looking after others parts of ourselves. It’s a t rade-off.
the changes we create in our lives. We
than she is looking after herself. Every Sometimes it’s easier to see what we
can’t be sure that the other people in
couple of weeks, Baljendra and her have to give up in order to change than
our lives are going to like them, either.
sister babysit for each other. Baljendra
Moving from the known into the it is to see the benefits we’ll get out of
could use this time to learn more about the change. After all, our old life exists
unknown is an act of bravery!
the programs she’s considering. nalelw a rloiufen d y e tu.s . We haven’t created our
change Instead, she uses it to call or write her
parents, catch up on housework or
But we will! It’ll take time, energy,
shopping and look in on elderly
patience and trust in ourselves to do it,
forces us to trust relatives.
but we will create those changes. And
ourselves. Baljendra often finds it hard to focus
slowly, over time, we’ll realize that we
on her own needs. “I have all the are rearranging the furniture and it
information about going back to school looks- — and feels — pretty good.
Baljendra left her parents’ home to enter
a marriage where her husband made
but I haven’t really studied it,” she
most of the important decisions. Now
explains. “I don’t seem to have a
moment to myself. By the time the
she’s having to choose an upgrading
program, arrange child care, handle
children are in bed, I’m just too tired to
finances, deal with discipline, focus on that kind of thing. Besides, I
transportation, home and yard
usually have housework to do.”
maintenance, etc. all on her own.
8