Will You Still Need Me?: Feeling Wanted, Loved, and Meaningful as We Age

270 Pages·2010·1.37 MB·English

Will You Still Need Me?
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Will You Still Need Me?
Feeling Wanted, Loved, and
Meaningful as We Age
Angela Browne-Miller
Foreword by Evacheska deAngelis
Copyright 2010 by Angela Browne-Miller
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval
system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy-
ing, recording, or otherwise, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review,
without prior permission in writing from the publisher.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Browne-Miller, Angela, 1952–
Will you still need me? : feeling wanted, loved, and meaningful as we age /
Angela Browne-Miller.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 978-0-313-35390-1 (alk. paper) — ISBN 978-0-313-35391-8 (ebook)
1. Aging—Psychological aspects 2. Older people—Psychology. I. Title.
BF724.55.A35B76 2010
155.6—dc22 2009051235
ISBN: 978-0-313-35390-1
EISBN: 978-0-313-35391-8
14 13 12 11 10 1 2 3 4 5
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Praeger
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ABC-CLIO, LLC
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This book is printed on acid-free paper
Manufactured in the United States of America
To Lee and Louisa, and E. Lee
The Great Unfolding
By what truth
do we see truth.
By what eye
do we see
time passing.
By what thread
is woven
all we know
and
all we do not know
we know.
We are the
never ending stream
of all things
transforming through
life and time
to be in their own
life and time.
—Angela Browne-Miller
Contents
Foreword by Evacheska deAngelis xi
Preface xiii
Acknowledgments xv
Note: The Stories Herein Are Our Stories xvii
Stories List xix
Introduction 1
Story #1: Dan W., Age 59 6
I TOUCHING THE TENDER ISSUE OF AGING
Story #2: Nona M., Age 27 10
Story #3: Millicent D., Age 30 12
Story #4: Andrea M., Age 34 14
Story #5: Burton G., Age 29 16
Story #6: Steven L., Age 32 18
Story #7: Sharon J., Age 39 20
Commentary 22
1. Growing Up and Up and Up 24
2. When Is Getting Older Aging? 26
3. The Desire Not to See Aging 28
viii Contents
4. What Aging Is (Or Is It?) 30
5. Companionship and the Prospect of Aging 33
II BEING ALONE BEFORE BEING OLDER
Story #8: Esmirelda Y., Age 38 38
Story #9: Patricia V., Age 45 40
Story #10: Devin P., Age 39 42
Story #11: Greg T., Age 44 44
Story #12: Barbara H., Age 38 46
Story #13: Emily W., Age 47 48
Story #14: Jeff B., Age 45 50
Commentary 52
6. Midlife Looks at Aging 54
7. Divorce and Being Alone 57
8. Welcome to the Delicious Sandwich Generation Years 59
9. Worklife, Career Loss, and Not Feeling Needed 61
10. Empty Nests 66
III SOCIAL PATTERNS, RELATIONSHIPS, AND AGING
Story #15: Peter S., Age 49 72
Story #16: Katy B., Age 45 74
Story #17: George L., Age 51 76
Story #18: Mark R., Age 56 78
Story #19: Sally S., Age 52 80
Story #20: Sandra M., Age 55 82
Story #21: Geraldo H., Age 54 84
Commentary 86
11. The Aging Self within Surrounding Networks 88
12. Families, Patterns, Networks, and Aging 91
13. Intimate Partner Relationship Patterning and Aging 94
14. Patterns of Behavior that Continue 98
15. Hollowing to Patterns 101
IV AGING ON AGING
Story #22: Marcia G., Age 64 108
Story #23: Linda B., Age 62 110
Story #24: Tom M., Age 56 112
Contents ix
Story #25: Anton Y., Age 58 114
Story #26: Ben D., Age 66 116
Story #27: Jane Z., Age 60 118
Story #28: Cristie S., Age 60 120
Commentary 122
16. Mind-Brain Living through Aging 124
17. Social Isolation in Aging 127
18. Loneliness and Aging 130
19. Living Environments, Health, and Well-Being in Aging 133
20. Older Persons’ Thoughts on Social Contact 135
V THE MIND, LEARNING, AND MENTAL
FUNCTIONING IN AGING
Story #29: Arle H., Age 65 138
Story #30: Arisha T., Age 65 140
Story #31: Sten O., Age 68 141
Story #32: Carla B., Age 67 142
Story #33: Giselda A., Age 73 144
Story #34: Rene M., Age 78 145
Story #35: Walt M., Age 68 146
Commentary 148
21. The Brain Does Age 149
22. Inner Thinkings and Age 153
23. Problem-Solving Strategies and Aging 156
24. Rethinking through Things and Mental Aging 158
25. Learning to Learn Again, in Later Years 160
VI WILL YOU STILL NEED YOU?
Story #36: Stanton Q., Age 89 168
Story #37: Ida J., Age 84 170
Story #38: Louis E., Age 87 172
Story #39: Derrick G., Age 80 174
Story #40: Lisa Lynn C., Age 77 176
Commentary 178
26. Youth for Sale: The Distraction of Anti-Aging
Consumption 179
27. Thinking Positive: Prescription for Aging Well? 181