Why I Didn't Say Anything: The Sheldon Kennedy Story PDF
Preview Why I Didn't Say Anything: The Sheldon Kennedy Story
WHY I DIDN'T THE SHELDON KENNEDY STORY SAY ANYTHING This page intentionally left blank WHY I DIDN'T THE SHELDON KENNEDY STORY SAY ANYTHING SHELDON KENNEDY WITH JAMES GRAINGER INSOMNIAC PRESS Copyright © 2006 by Sheldon Kennedy All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any means, with- out the prior written permission of the publisher or, in case of photo- copying or other reprographic copying, a license from Access Copyright, 1 Yonge Street, Suite 1900, Toronto, Ontario, Canada, M5E 1E5. Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication Kennedy, Sheldon Why I didn't say anything : the Sheldon Kennedy story / Sheldon Kennedy ; with James Grainger. Includes index. ISBN 1-897178-07-7 1. Kennedy, Sheldon. 2. Sexually abused teenagers—Canada. 3. Sexual abuse victims—Canada—Biography. 4. Hockey players-- Canada— Biography. I. Grainger, James, 1967- II. Title. GV848.5.K45A3 2006 796.962'092 C2005-907620-8 The publisher gratefully acknowledges the support of the Canada Council, the Ontario Arts Council and the Department of Canadian Heritage through the Book Publishing Industry Development Program. Printed and bound in Canada Insomniac Press 192 Spadina Avenue, Suite 403 Toronto, Ontario, Canada, M5T 2C2 www.insomniacpress.com Canada DEDICATION This book is dedicated to my daughter, Ryan. Thank you for giving me a reason to start looking and dealing with the abuse and addictions I suffered from. I love you and am so proud of you for just being YOU. You are my sun- shine everyday, Ryan, and for that I am grateful. I would also like to dedicate this book to the people who still suffer from abuse/addiction. I pray that you find the courage to dig deep to the pain and start to recover. I am writing this book to give people hope that there is a way out, and that we can be free inside. I never ever believed that that could come true. Only when I was left with the choice to die or surrender was I able to start working to find the way out. Rigorous Honesty, Trust, Faith all followed with action was the way I found to work. The twelve steps of AA worked for both the abuse and addiction, I am so grateful for the opportuni- ty to have found these steps. It is about living, some- thing that was distorted for me my whole life. Today I am a very grateful man. The big thing for me is always to remain teachable, and remember progress, not perfection. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." This prayer sums it up for me; Keeping It Simple is the key to my freedom. My goal was to simplify the confusion sur- rounding abuse / addiction. I feel that we are confused enough already in our heads. I wanted to get to the point and lay it out in a simple but honest way that we could all relate to. I hope this book gives you the courage to change. This page intentionally left blank ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS I have had a lot of people help me along the way and would like to thank a few that never wavered through all of my craziness. Wayne McNeil—Thank you for always believing in me. You put our friendship on the line when you wrote the letter explain- ing how bad my lifestyle really was, and for that I am grateful. You are a great friend and have always been there through the ugly, fun, desperate, and now grateful times. You are a great friend. Thanks, Wayner. Dayna, Lindsay, Braden, and Marianna McNeil—Dayna, thanks for all your kindness and dedication to the issues of abuse. You are a great lady and a good friend. Most importantly, you are a great mother, and have raised three of the most genuine kids I know. Lindsay, Braydon, Marianna, thank you for loving me for who I was, not what I was. Your friendship is more than you'll ever know. Dr. Brian Shaw—Your message was always consistent: "I am always there for you Shelly," and yes indeed you were. You have helped me and many others receive the help they need. One thing I learned was that I needed to do the work. Someone else wasn't going to get me sober. Brian, I am very grateful for all you have done for me. You are a good friend. Thanks, man. NHL/NHLPA substance abuse program: Dr. Lewis, Dan Cronin, Dr. Shaw—Thank you for never giving up. I am sure I test- ed your patience more than once. I hope at some point I can give back. Thanks for all you have done. Ryan and I are so grateful. Ali Dickson Gray—Ali, thank you for having the courage to come and rescue me from the darkness. You saw me at my darkest point and I know it wasn't pretty, so thank you for having the courage to still be my friend. Lionel and Joannie Conacher—Thanks for supporting me. I respect the two of you a lot. What impresses me is the way you raise your kids. They're great. I consider you and your family very good friends and hope it can only grow. Maybe I will teach you how to barefoot, big boy. Jeff Jackson—You've always been there, man, I can't believe I didn't scare you off. Thanks for being strong, my friend. Catherine Loubier—Thanks for all you have done. You helped me get to a point in recovery I have never been before and for that I am grateful. Lanny McDonald — Thank you for all your support. Without your help so much would not have been possible. Paul, Jana, Ryan, Niah, and Wilson Hickie—Paul, thanks for being a good stepdad to Ryan, thank you. Jana, well you were the reason that I first decided to look at the abuse. I will never be able to explain how important you were and are in my life. Thank you for all your love and thank you for never giving up on me. I am so grateful that you are happy, Jana. I will always respect you for what you have done for me. Thanks. A ARC (Alberta Adolescent Recovery Centre)—I love this place and everybody involved. Thank you all for my sobriety and I wish you all another 24. Now let's go help some kids. Brian Evans—Thanks for everything, living the way I did, good legal counsel was always a good thing. Thanks Brian. Bob Probert—Probie, I love you, man, you helped me a lot as I stumbled through life. I am grateful for the opportunity to have played and lived with you, and I am proud to call you a friend. You are a good man, Bob, I know that. You are a gentle man with a big heart when you're sober. I hope you believe you deserve to have freedom from the mind. I love you and your family. Thank you all who supported the Sheldon Kennedy Foundation. There is a lot more to do so keep on trucking. God bless all of you and your families. No, I am not religious, I am spiritual. Now that is pretty wild, eh? And my family, Mom, Troy and Sherri, thanks for always stick- ing up for me even when it was tough to do so. I am very grateful to have a family that sticks up for one another and also confronts when one needs to be confronted. Thanks and I love you all. Chapter One
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