Why Girls Can't Throw: ...and Other Questions You Always Wanted Answered PDF
Preview Why Girls Can't Throw: ...and Other Questions You Always Wanted Answered
Why Girls Can’t Throw . . . and Other Questions You Always Wanted Answered M I T C H E L L S Y M O N S Contents Introduction v Why Girls Can’t Throw 1 About the Author Other Books by Mitchell Symons Credits Cover Copyright About the Publisher INTRODUCTION Blame it on my father. He was a great bloke and all that, but he was also one hell of a contrary fellow. He’d contradict anything anyone said just for the hell of it. He’d even disagree on the weather, which, let’s face it, is the one thing upon which every- one always agrees. Anyway, along with the old man’s bloody gout and his dou- ble chin, I’ve clearly inherited his predilection for looking at the flip side of just about everything. So, while the rest of the world strains to hear the latest news on the perils of smoking, I’m the one saying, “Yes, but what are the benefits?” For some time now, I’ve wanted to write a book that would answer the sort of questions you don’t even find asked elsewhere—let alone answered. Obviously, in the interests of eclecticism, I’ve also included some of the more mundane, workaday questions—what you might call the curriculum for a book of this type—but even here, I have at least tried to bring a fresher, less reverent approach to bear. Still, there’s no disguising the fact that it’s the more esoteric questions that really grabbed my attention and these are, inevitably, the ones to which I have devoted the most energy. vi INTRODUCTION That’s because I really do need to know whether it’s morally right or wrong to copy a CD bought for a friend’s birthday, why the word “bastard” is only ever used as a term of abuse to men, whether it’s dangerous to suppress a fart, whether you can actu- ally lose weight by eating celery, whether it’s possible to knock yourself out using just your own fist, why men don’t use elec- trolysis to remove their beards, what would happen to airplane passengers if someone opened the emergency exit while it was in the air, and, of course, why girls can’t throw. But I haven’t just been pondering my own queries: friends and readers of my magazine and newspaper columns have asked me such posers as, Why do I need a cigarette before I can have a crap? Is it true that Keith Richards used to get his blood entirely replaced? Are you better off running or walking through the rain? Do two wrongs make a right? What’s the kindest way to tell a friend that he or she has halitosis? Do women who live/work together menstruate at the same time? Is it cheaper to send yourself as a parcel to Australia rather than fly on an air- plane? and What is the sound of one hand clapping? Where possible, I went to primary sources for the answers. More often, I’d approach an expert—or, indeed, experts, who were then, for the sake of narrative flow, amalgamated into a sin- gle person. My thanks to them all. I also, of course, used my large library of reference books as well as the Internet (although I tried to use this to corroborate facts rather than, as is so tempt- ing, as a tool of first resort). So I would like to take this opportunity to thank all the extremely clever people who helped me—intentionally or inad- vertently (and why don’t we say “advertently”?)—to answer these extraordinary questions. Introduction vii Now, for some even more important acknowledgments. Usu- ally, to be fair, I do these things in alphabetical order, but it strikes me that this isn’t particularly fair to people who, like me, find themselves at the far end of the alphabet. So, first up, I want to thank my kind and wise editor Doug Young, whose (seem- ingly) limitless faith in me is appreciated more than I can ever express. Now that I have thanked the wonderful Doug, the rest of the key cast members can take their chances in alphabetic order: Luigi Bonomi, Penny Chorlton, Patrick Janson-Smith, Jeanette Perez, Mari Roberts, and David Roth-Ey. In addition, I’d also like to thank the following people for their help, contributions, and/or support (moral or otherwise): Gilly Adams, Russell Ash, Jeremy Beadle, Marcus Berkmann, Paul Donnelley, Chris Ewins, Jonathan Fingerhut, Jenny Garri- son, Sam Jones, Keith Kendrick, Richard Littlejohn, Kirsty MacArthur, Tricia Martin, Emanuel Mond, William Mulcahy, Rex Newman, Chris Pilbeam, Nicholas Ridge, Charlie Symons, Jack Symons, Louise Symons, David Thomas, Martin Townsend, Katrina Whone, and Rob Woolley. If I’ve missed anyone, then please know that—as with any mistakes in the book—it’s entirely due to my own stupidity. Mitchell Symons [email protected]
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