Whole Again PDF
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ADVANCE PRAISE FOR WHOLE AGAIN “In Whole Again, Jackson MacKenzie lays open some of his own personal wounds to advise on how scars from past traumas can heal. He describes how development of a ‘protective self’ can provide acute, numbing relief from emotional pain, but at the expense of more enduring self-acceptance. MacKenzie addresses codependency, addiction, post-traumatic stress, and borderline, narcissistic, and other personality disorders, outlining pathways to achieve forgiveness and discharging shame. This book may help fill in the holes that can make you whole again.” —Jerold Kreisman, MD, coauthor of I Hate You—Don’t Leave Me “Jackson’s book is an empathetic gem of true knowing. Dismantling the effects of trauma can be a daunting undertaking. Whole Again is a compassionate guide. It takes your hand and encourages you to keep going, prompting you to build a power base of self-discovery that takes you home to yourself. All true healing happens within, which in turn offers you the miracle of hope.” —Sarah Brassard, author of Inside “In Whole Again, Jackson MacKenzie has synthesized the important basic principles and tools of healing and writes in a style that is both warm and articulate. Whole Again offers a good starting point for those not yet ready for therapy or in conjunction with therapy. It is almost impossible to deal effectively on your own with the effects of trauma and abuse, but having a supportive community and using the simple tools in this book can help you begin the journey toward healing.” —Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT) and author of Wired for Love and We Do “Accessible, profound, and inspiring, the wisdom of Whole Again guides us inward to uncover deeply buried feelings and undigested pain that, left unaddressed, prevent us from experiencing our wholeness. Through consistent and cumulative practices, Jackson offers us a powerful, heart-centered, program that helps us heal, inhabit our lives more fully, and remember our wholeness.” —Jillian Pransky, author of Deep Listening “Jackson MacKenzie so lovingly and transparently delves deeply into the trauma and sorrow that can stand in between us and our real selves. This groundbreaking, must-read book brilliantly and compassionately illuminates the path to healing. It is soul work at its finest.” —Avery Neal, MA, LPC, author of If He’s So Great, Why Do I Feel So Bad? “A powerful and moving force for good, Whole Again is grounded in the author’s own research and deep, knowing wisdom. Everyone should have this book on their shelf.” —Erin Falconer, author of How to Get Sh*t Done and co-owner of pickthebrain.com “I’ve read many books over the years about recovery from abuse, both self-help and clinical, and Whole Again is definitely one of the best. Though not a therapist himself, Mr. MacKenzie has done his homework. His descriptions of personality styles and disorders are not only accurate but also understandable. The book is filled with practical, well-researched, and well-organized suggestions to aid the recovery process. It’s clear that Jackson MacKenzie cares deeply about the unique sensitivities of each reader. I love this book.” —Catherine McCall, MS, (ret.) LMFT, author of the international bestseller Never Tell “This is a great book for recovering from any trauma or difficult relationship, including relationships with Cluster-B personalities. As Jackson MacKenzie says, it’s not what you think—it’s what you feel. To thoroughly understand what that means, read this book. With this powerful information, anyone can become whole again.” —Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq., author of 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC penguinrandomhouse.com Copyright © 2019 by Jackson MacKenzie Penguin supports copyright. Copyright fuels creativity, encourages diverse voices, promotes free speech, and creates a vibrant culture. Thank you for buying an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright laws by not reproducing, scanning, or distributing any part of it in any form without permission. You are supporting writers and allowing Penguin to continue to publish books for every reader. TarcherPerigee with tp colophon is a registered trademark of Penguin Random House LLC. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Names: MacKenzie, Jackson, author. Title: Whole again : healing your heart and rediscovering your true self after toxic relationships and emotional abuse / Jackson MacKenzie; foreword by Shannon Thomas. Description: New York : TarcherPerigee, 2019. Identifiers: LCCN 2018053138| ISBN 9780143133315 (paperback) | ISBN 9780525505082 (ebook) Subjects: LCSH: Self-actualization (Psychology) | Self. | Interpersonal relations. | BISAC: PSYCHOLOGY / Interpersonal Relations. | SELF-HELP Personal Growth Self-Esteem. Classification: LCC BF637.S4 M264 2019 | DDC 155.2--dc23 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2018053138 Neither the publisher nor the author is engaged in rendering professional advice or services to the individual reader. The ideas, procedures, and suggestions contained in this book are not intended as a substitute for consulting with your physician. All matters regarding your health require medical supervision. Neither the author nor the publisher shall be liable or responsible for any loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or suggestion in this book. Version_1 Dedicated to Granddad and Uncle Win CONTENTS ADVANCE PRAISE FOR WHOLE AGAIN TITLE PAGE COPYRIGHT DEDICATION FOREWORD THE FEELING IN MY HEART INTRODUCTION: FRACTURE PART 1: TOOLS Daily Practice Mindfulness Personal Responsibility Unconditional Love Finding Unconditional Love PART 2: IDENTIFYING THE PROTECTIVE SELF Looking for Patterns Your Protective Self The Perfectionist The Protective Self Conversation with Sarah The Cluster-B Abuse Survivor The Protective Self It’s Not About You But Why Did They Hurt Me? What If They’re Not Cluster B? But We Were So in Love Conversation with Mel Conversation with Elliot Codependent The Protective Self People Pleasing Doesn’t Work The Drama Triangle Guilt for Having Emotions Conversation with Tony C-PTSD The Protective Self Undoing Blame-Shifting How to Win Against an Abuser? C-PTSD or Borderline? Conversation with Anna Avoidant The Protective Self Conversation with a Therapist Borderline The Protective Self The Borderline Cycle of Oversharing and Rejection The Favorite Person Romanticizing Mental Illness Conversation with Linda Other Protective Selves PART 3: DECONSTRUCTING THE PROTECTIVE SELF Beyond Numbness Avoidant and Numbness BPD and Numbness External to Internal Cluster-B Abuse Survivor and Internal Focus Perfectionist and Internal Focus Resentment Codependent and Resentment Intentional Triggers BPD and Intentional Triggers The Box Fear: Anxiety and Depression The Core Wound PART 4: RESOLVING THE CORE WOUND Just Stay Toxic Shame Avoidant and Toxic Shame Self-Doubt Cluster-B Survivor and Self-Doubt Self-Forgiveness Cluster-B Survivor and Self-Forgiveness Forgiveness Beyond Victimhood Codependency and Forgiveness BPD and Forgiveness Cluster-B Abuse Survivor and Forgiveness Boundaries Codependents, Avoidants, and Boundaries Cluster-B Abuse Survivor and Boundaries BPD and Boundaries Changing Life Codependents and Changing Life Cluster-B Survivor and Changing Life BPD and Changing Life C-PTSD and Changing Life Shifting from a Dual to Non-Dual Perspective Letting Go of Separation Whole Again AFTERWORD: ANGEL ACKNOWLEDGMENTS ABOUT THE AUTHOR
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