When rabbit howls: Trudy

669 Pages·1996·1.89 MB·English

by  Morrison

When Rabbit Howls: The Troops for Trudi Chase, by Truddi Chase. (Jove Books, New
York, NY, 1987), 370 p.
In troduction
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This volume is a direct window into the experience we call multiple personalities. Not the
report of a professional journalist or even an interpretive study by a psychotherapist, it is
instead an autobiography constructed by the various personalities themselves. In these
pages we see through the eyes of Truddi Chase, who was sexually abused by her
stepfather from the age of two until the age of sixteen and who manifests at least ninety
personalities --personalities that developed to enable her to cope, for more than forty
years, with the emotional and physical trauma of that abuse. We are able to see the
developing awareness of her reality as it unfolded in psychotherapy and in the writing of
this manuscript.
A number of books have been written by survivors of child sexual abuse, and a few about
multiple personalities; the most notable are The Three Faces of Eve, Sybil, and The
Minds of Billy Milligan. The Three Faces of Eve was written by the therapists involved
in the process of psychotherapy. Sybil was written by a professional writer who
attempted to re-create a total early life experience and a lengthy period of psychotherapy.
The Minds of Billy Milligan is the result of interviews done by a professional writer.
When Rabbit Howls is the only book I am aware of that has been written by a victim of
child sexual abuse who developed multiple personalities. What makes this book
especially fascinating is that while it initially appears to be written about and by Truddi
Chase, it is in actuality the story and creation of the many persons who cluster within her.
You will not find here the story of one clearly identifiable person in one body. In fact,
according to our most current information, Truddi Chase--the "first-born"--has not been
present since she was two years old. She lived in a small recess, "asleep," and her place
was taken by a succession of persons. This in itself creates a dilemma: how to refer to the
person or persons whom we meet in these pages? At the least, we expect to read about
one unified person who presents herself to the world most of the time, but who "fades
out" for brief periods when others take over. Yet here we have many persons speaking
and writing the story (the original manuscript shows distinctively different handwritings),
and gradually we learn that the woman whom we see much of the time is in truth a façade
who initially knew nothing about the others. I shall deal with this dilemma in this
introduction by simply using the name "Truddi Chase." However, the reader should
remember that the original Truddi Chase "sleeps" and that I use the name to refer to the
cluster of personalities who present themselves through her body.
The persons who speak and write refer to themselves collectively as "the Troops." It is
they who created the book as part of the sorting-out process that we call psychotherapy,
and the book has been a critical element in the therapeutic process. Since it was written in
the midst of the discovery through psychotherapy it is also a unique means of examining
the process of psychotherapy itself through the eyes of the persons experiencing it. The
book then is an opportunity for the reader to see inside the painful experience of sexual
abuse. We are able to follow Truddi from the beginning of her psychotherapy, when she
was unable to recall any of her experiences, through her realization of what had happened
to her and of the way she developed multiple personalities as a creative means of coping
with that experience. The book explores how she, and I as her therapist, became aware of
the presence of multiple personalities.
For many this book will seem both unbelievable and frightening. It challenges much of
what is commonly believed about human personality, and is far beyond most people's
experience. It may even seem to have the flavor of science fiction. Certainly Truddi (and
the Troop members themselves) had to overcome her own initial disbelief concerning her
condition. Yet it is a true account of processes that researchers are only beginning to
describe and report in depth.
Among professionals there has been a great deal of controversy over the years as to
whether the condition of multiple personalities actually exists. Cases have been reported
since the seventeenth century and a significant number of examples have been discussed
and noted over the past one hundred years. There is now a growing body of empirical
data demonstrating the validity of the existence of multiple personalities. In fact, in the
American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental
Disorders (1980), which describes the established clinical categories recognized by
mental health professionals, the condition of multiple personalities has been listed as a
clinical and diagnostic category. The definition reads:
The essential feature is the existence within the individual of two or more distinct
personalities, each of which is dominant at a particular time. Each personality is a fully
integrated and complex unit with unique memories, behavior patterns, and social
relationships that determine the nature of the individual's acts when that personality is
dominant. Transition from one personality to another is sudden and often associated with
psychosocial stress.... Usually the original personality has no knowledge or awareness of
the existence of any of the other personalities (subpersonalities). (p. 257)
The entry goes on to discuss the individual's time loss, amnesia, and internal
conversations, and notes differences among the personalities found by psychological and
physiological testing.
The work of Frank Putnam, M.D., a psychiatrist who has been conducting basic research
on multiple personalities at the National Institutes of Mental Health in Bethesda,
Maryland, and Washington, D.C., and Richard Kluft, M.D., a Philadelphia psychiatrist
who has worked with over two hundred cases of multiple personalities, provides
empirically tested and clinically described data that establish the validity of the diagnosis
of multiple personality and differentiates it from other diagnostic categories with which it
has been confused. Dr. Putnam has discovered that there are significant differences in
brain wave patterns, voice tone and inflection, eye responses to stimuli, and other
responses to both physical and psychological stimuli among the personalities, even
though they are found in the same body. My own clinical observation has noted
differences in handwriting, syntax, voice, accent, facial appearance, and body stance.
Multiple personalities are quite different from those people who have been diagnosed as
schizophrenic or manic-depressive. Multiple personality, for example, does not respond
to chemotherapy (the use of psychoactive drugs). The growing body of data indicates that
the personalities (or "persons," as some multiples prefer to call them) are quite different
and in fact are unique individuals. Voices speak, yet they are not merely internal voices
but can be heard by others. Medical conditions have been observed when the body is
under the control of one personality that are not present when the body is under control of
another. In clients with whom I am familiar, medical conditions such as allergy-induced
skin rashes, tumors, cysts, severe headaches, and even the signs of pregnancy have been
noted when one personality has taken over but have disappeared when other personalities
control the body.
Multiple personality is also not merely the mood swings that most of us experience. Since
each personality is significantly different from the others (and Dr. Putnam has
demonstrated that the differences are measurable), what we see are the reactions and
actions of different people. Often in a matter of minutes a client will seem to express a
range of emotions, which on closer examination may be the crying of a small child, the
bewilderment of a young woman, the terror of a child, the rage of a man, and the carefree
laughter of an adult woman. Professional actors have been asked to express these
differences under controlled clinical conditions. The results of such tests indicate that one
person cannot simulate these differences in as distinct a manner as can the multiple. As
incredible as these findings may seem, they indicate that many persons can exist in one
body.
Multiple personality may differ in its expression from one case to another. Sybil, Eve,
and Billy Milligan all have one primary person who has existed since birth and continues
to be present and act in everyday life. But the person who was originally born as Truddi,
the "first-born," has not been present since the age of two. The person known as "the
woman" is not truly Truddi, but a person who came into being later. As the book
demonstrates, the complex structure differs in form and expression from the other cases
with which the public may be familiar.
The majority of reported cases of multiple personality occur in men and women who
have experienced severe and repeated sexual and physical abuse over a significant period
of time. My colleague Lois Valladares and I have seen clients who were sexually abused
in sadistic ways by fathers, stepfathers, mothers, stepmothers, grandparents, adolescent
siblings and cousins of both sexes, live-in partners, and babysitters. Brutal beatings and
emotional torment were part of the abuse. A child victim may cope with the emotionally
overloading experience of severe and repeated abuse through the process of dissociation.
Thus multiple personality becomes a very functional means to survive. Instead of
committing suicide or becoming psychotic, Truddi Chase survived by being able to "go
away in her mind," to create others to cope with the trauma; and, in effect, she became
many persons housed in one body. Multiple personality, as complicated and frightening
as it is to many, both among professionals and the general public, is the response of a
creative mind seeking to escape the saturation of childhood terror and pain.
It is time for us all to realize that child sexual abuse is not an isolated problem affecting
only a small number of people. Both the community of professionals and the general
public are painfully becoming aware that child sexual abuse occurs among all
socioeconomic sectors of our society. Conservative estimates suggest that at least 20
percent of all persons have experienced sexual abuse at the hands of an older caretaking
person. That translates into millions of people, men and women, boys and girls, who have
experienced or are experiencing inappropriate sexual touching, fondling, and/or
intercourse. This estimate of sexual abuse is staggering, especially since a small
percentage of abuse is actually reported.
The results of the national tragedy of child sexual abuse, virtually ignored until recently,
are seen in the millions of scarred lives of those adults who were sexually abused as
children. The impact on human lives can be seen in the offices of mental health
professionals. In my clinical practice alone, which includes a cross section of our society,
I have been amazed at the number of people who have come to me to reveal that they had
been sexually abused as children. Many of these have been students from university
classes I have taught on the topic. The students often tell me that I am the first person to
whom they have revealed their experience of abuse. Many of their abusers are
professional men and businessmen, and their families on the surface appear to be no
different from nonabusing families. And these people--students, professional men and
women, men who have molested their own children, people who come experiencing
personal and relationship problems, people who often appear to be coping well--tell me
of their fears and anxieties, their inability to trust, their difficulties in marriages or
intimate relationships, and their severe sexual problems. They come with profound guilt,
confusion, and conflict. And some come with what we know as multiple personalities.
It is important to understand that sexual abuse also includes components of both physical
and emotional abuse. Some victims tend to minimize the physically abusing aspects of
sexual abuse, especially when the abusing person limits his behavior to erotic touching or
fondling of genitals. Yet such touching or fondling is a physical invasion and has
emotionally damaging effects. There is no such thing as "harmless" abuse of a child or an
adolescent. I have interviewed younger and older women and men who have experienced
fondling, those who have experienced sexual intercourse, and those who have
experienced more violent rape, and all bear emotional scars from their experiences. In all,
trust has been betrayed and young bodies have been violated and misused. An adult has
taken advantage of a young child's natural curiosity, innocence, and desire to please. In a
significant number of cases such victims report nonsexual physical abuse as well, which
also has significant emotional consequences. Such abuse may be accompanied by
emotional abuse--abuse that may be perpetrated by not only the sexually abusing parent
but also the nonoffending parent.
Truddi Chase was born about 50 years ago in Rochester, New York. We cannot be sure
of the date of her birth because there are large gaps (at this time) in her memory. The
amnesia characteristic of individuals with multiple personalities leaves large blank spots
in personal histories. Details of family life are not remembered. In addition Truddi was so
fearful that her parents might be able to trace her that she has worked diligently over the
years to cover her past. Important papers have been lost, and much of the basic personal
data that we take so much for granted are not available.
We have pieced together a number of facts. The parents of the "primary person" (or the
"first-born child") known to us as Truddi separated when the child was two years of age,
and her mother went to live with a man on a farm near a small town in the vicinity of
Rochester. This man is the one whom we come to know in the book as "the stepfather,"
the perpetrator of the heinous acts against Truddi (and the evolving Troop members).
When only two years old the first-born child, Truddi, suffered the act of penile
penetration. The stepfather's abuse of Truddi (in truth, as we know it now, of various
other Troop members who came to take her place) continued for fourteen years, during
which time he warned her against disclosure. At the same time the mother punished the
child, without admitting she was aware of the continuing sexual abuse. There were three
other children born of this union, and it appears that two of them also were physically and
sexually abused. When Truddi was sixteen the stepfather was forced to leave the home.
Two years later Truddi herself left to begin years of work, relationships, and study, years
about which we know very little. Eventually she came to the Washington, D.C., area
where she worked as a commercial artist. She married and had one child, but after eight
years found herself unable to cope with the marriage and was divorced. During her
marriage she had tried unsuccessfully to discover a medical reason for her temper
tantrums, periodic blackouts, and a feeling of continual "dizziness." Custody of her
daughter was given to her husband, although Truddi has continued to maintain contact.
She became a real estate agent and then a broker, and in September 1980, when she
began therapy with me, she had her own firm. During and up to this time she had no
awareness that she was experiencing multiple personalities. She only knew that she was
afraid much of the time.
Since the time our therapy began, her area of the real estate business suffered because of
the changing economy, and Truddi has worked as an artist, an illustrator, and a legal
secretary. At the present time she works in that capacity for a major firm in another
metropolitan area.
Truddi Chase and the Troop members suffered severe and sustained sexual abuse. The
feelings and sensations associated with such experiences are beyond the developmental
ability of a young child to understand and assimilate. The feelings are too intense and the
experiences too bewildering, especially when the abusing parent warns against
disclosure. For some children a process of dissociation begins to take place in order to
cope with the overwhelming emotional overload. In Truddi's case, we think that the first-
born child "died" almost immediately after being subjected to penile penetration at the
age of two. It was at this point that the other selves began to evolve, selves who "took
over" during that child's life all of the daily tasks of living. Overwhelmed by conflicting
messages from its parents, the child simply "went away" while alternate persons
developed to serve the major function of the dissociation--the protection of the child.
The alternate persons developed into a structure comparable to the walls of defense in a
medieval fortress. As nonsexual physical abuse increasingly became part of the
experience, there came to be the need for even more protection. Persons developed to
control and to embody powerful but separate emotions. Other persons had developed to
experience the trauma of the abuse. And still others developed to deal with the various
stages of the life cycle. The reader may ask, What happened to Truddi, the primary
person, during the periods of time when the others took over? As the Troops explain, she
"slept" so that she would not have to experience the conflict and the pain.
Over much of the past ten years, my own clinical practice of psychotherapy has focused
on the tragic consequences of sexual abuse as seen in the lives of both men and women.
The woman whom I believed to be Truddi Chase called me, as a therapist who had
experience working with sexual abuse and its aftermath, for help in dealing with the
consequences of the sexual abuse suffered at the hands of her stepfather. She was also
aware of nonsexual physical and emotional abuse from her mother. When I began to take
a psychosocial history, usually my first step in a new therapeutic relationship, Truddi
appeared to have few memories. In fact, after six years, we have yet to obtain a complete
history. There were major blank periods in her life. As we began to develop the
therapeutic relationship, and she began to trust me more, she told me, though hesitant and
afraid, of an awareness of different "sides" of her.
During the initial therapy sessions that were videotaped at the university where I taught,
there was no way for me to know that I would be treating over the next six years not
merely one woman but more than ninety separate, distinct individuals, ranging from
children to adults, both male and female, some of different ethnic backgrounds, and all
sharing the body of one woman.
Had I been looking for multiple personality I might have recognized various clues: the
major blank periods in the woman's life, her distress at any reference to "time" in general,
the mention of headaches that "didn't hurt," an enormous amount of
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driving energy, the expressions "us" and "we," seemingly in reference to herself, and
what I initially perceived to be varying sides of her personality.
At the same time during this early period of psychotherapy, in an effort to remember the
details of the sexual abuse, Truddi began writing a book about her life. Yet her initial
draft made no mention of sexual behavior. She had no clear memories of any sexual
experiences, including the one that led to her conceiving a daughter. She could not even
use words with sexual connotations, which made it very difficult to communicate about
the sexual abuse. As we together explored her special world, a world haunted by vague
memories of sexual abuse, I came to learn that this world was peopled by distinct
alternate persons who shared the same body. As therapy progressed, and as Truddi came
to be better able to trust me, she began to reveal an awareness of those other distinct
persons who in a sense took over and continue to take over the person whom we know as
Truddi. I was told that the persons to whom I spoke were not Truddi, and that Truddi
very seldom was present or even available for contact.
The "presenting" person, whom I assumed was Truddi Chase, had few memories or even
an awareness of the sexual abuse. It was the others who held the keys to those memories.
The others slowly emerged and they remain. Who are they? We refer to them by name in
the manuscript although most of them were afraid to be known by name and will still not
admit their identities elsewhere. Rabbit, Miss Wonderful, Catherine, Elvira, Lamb Chop,
Ean, Mean Joe Green, Twelve, Sister Mary Catherine, Nails, the Zombie, the Front
Runner, the Interpreter, and the others are persons in their own right. They insist on their
individuality. As I came to know them I began to realize that they were complex persons,
and I followed their desire to be referred to as such and not as personalities. At times
some were one-dimensional, but they appeared as separate from each other yet sharing.
In time it became clear that each performed certain functions for Truddi.
Even after I became aware of the dissociation--what I initially called multiple facets of
her personality--I was not able clearly to state that this was a woman with multiple
personalities. My training had included minimal information about multiple personalities,
but Truddi did not appear to be like the textbook cases. And the manifestations of the
others (when one person took over from another) did not occur as did those in the popular
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books and movies. There were no parades of personalities who would introduce
themselves. In Truddi's case, the various persons would make themselves known in a
session only by a different facial expression or tone of voice, and a reference to "her"
when Truddi was discussed.
After working with other persons with multiple personalities I have discovered that they
differ in the ways in which they present themselves and in the basic structures of the
ways in which they organize themselves. Some come forth only while the primary person
is in a state of hypnosis. Some come when called by name. In Truddi's case the
transitions during the initial sessions occurred with more subtle changes and often lasted
only a brief time.
Truddi had undergone psychotherapy previously and had been given drugs to deal with
what her doctors labeled mood swings. She had been tested for epilepsy. But such
treatment had not uncovered the basic awareness of her personal difficulties. In most
ways her body was in perfect health, and the drugs could not affect her changing
behaviors, moods, and emotions which others saw as inconsistent. And then there were
the memory lapses that could not be explained. A counselor recommended that she see a
therapist with a clinical, working knowledge of incest and physical child abuse in order to
resolve "a case of extreme anxiety."
When Truddi first came to see me in the fall of 1980 her real question was, Am I insane?
She did not voice this directly, but the underlying question was there. As I began to know
Truddi, and gradually became aware of the Troops, I found no evidence of psychosis.
There was anxiety and confusion, but there was also tremendous strength and ability to
cope. The Troops served their function well: they were able to handle brutal and
overwhelming experiences.
It is important for the reader to realize that the book is not the product of one person.
Most especially, it is not the product of the first-born child. The Troops cooperated to
bring back the memories and compose the pages. It has been a way of sorting out and
making sense out of a very complex series of experiences, a way for various persons to
reveal themselves and to explain themselves. The book became a vehicle by which they
could work together in a common, concrete effort to tell their stories and to share their
awarenesses. Over time they all have had to decide whether they were willing to
cooperate and then
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decide how to do so. The original manuscript appeared to be disjointed, and avoided
reference to anything sexual. It displayed significantly different handwritings and
expressed differing conflicting concerns. As new levels of awareness were reached the
Troops rewrote the manuscript incorporating the new memories that surfaced. Over the
period of the first three years of therapy the manuscript was rewritten a number of times,
and each time new awareness of the details of the sexual abuse were incorporated. In
each writing, what began as a skeletal outline became filled out until the manuscript as it
is presented in this book was completed. Initially the manuscript focused only on the
memories of the sexual abuse. Then the focus changed to a description of the therapeutic
process and how the memories of the abuse came and the awareness of the multiple
others grew. Writing this book has been an important part of the unfolding "healing"
process in that it became a means of integrating awareness and spurring new awareness
by opening new memories.
The therapy sessions gradually became a safe place to come out, to explore, to test, and to
share. I attempted to create a nurturing environment where the Troops could gradually
begin to feel trust. They had never dared to trust enough to depend on anyone but
themselves. The first step in therapy was for them to trust themselves, and, as their self-
esteem grew, to begin to look at the world as a less frightening place. Initially no Troop
member trusted either herself or another Troop member, so I began by trusting each one.
Each member of the Troop formation had to be reached on this issue. Especially for the
children (of whom there are more than seven, to date), risking trust and therefore possible
rejection (or even "death") was in and of itself an enormous step forward. I encouraged
them to test out new people and situations, and to learn to differentiate between safety
and danger.
The need to talk to someone in order to bring out into the open the secret that has been
held for so long begins the critical process of trust, but the client is constantly attuned to
the reaction of the therapist to the revelations. The underlying fear of a client is that she is
responsible for all of the horrible things that happened to her. She fears that when her
story is heard the listener will recoil with disgust. I find that most child abuse victims
have been manipulated into silence with threats and negative messages about themselves
and are all too ready to blame themselves rather than anyone else.
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As a therapist I try to create an atmosphere in which clients feel accepted no matter what
their experiences have been. The client needs to be reassured that the fact that adults have
done evil things to her does not make her an evil child who deserved the abuse or brought
it on herself. Initially, much of the therapy with Truddi involved listening and reassuring,
supporting and affirming. It was necessary for her to learn to trust her awareness,
experience, feelings, and fears as credible. She needed assurance that she was not "crazy"
as she feared but that, given her experience of having lived through severe sexual and
physical abuse as a child, her feelings and responses were "normal."
Sexual abuse destroys a very basic trust. It violates the child at an essential level, creating
a natural defense against the perceived dangers of trusting. As a child Truddi did trust
persons who were expected to be trustworthy, and gradually over time she learned that
she had been betrayed. When she was sexually misused on a day-to-day basis by the
stepfather whom she was taught to obey and believe, the capacity for basic trust was
destroyed.
For Truddi to trust herself would be contrary to all she was taught in her family. Truddi
was told daily that she was bad and that she lied. There was no escape, no one to turn to
for consistent nurturing. She had a sense of complete powerlessness and aloneness, and
with it a tremendous fear and confusion. What better way to cope than to "go away," to
find a hiding place in the recesses of ... where we cannot be sure. But she went
somewhere safe, and someone came to take her place.
This is my dilemma as a therapist: to create the atmosphere in which Truddi would trust
me enough that she would lower her defenses and let me inside the walls surrounding her.
When I first met Truddi I became aware that I had to get through layers of defenses. I
now realize that I had to convince whomever was in control that I would do no harm. I
accepted whatever came out in our sessions and reassured Truddi that her responses were
similar to those of other women who had been abused. I could open doors for her to
reveal more by sharing in general terms the feelings and experiences of other women. At
times she would appear greatly relieved and indicate that she had had similar feelings but
had been afraid to speak of them.
When Truddi began to talk about her awareness of the others I could also confirm the
reality of her experiences. My acceptance of what appeared to her as "craziness" did
much to help
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her risk telling more. As the picture of multiple personalities developed I made strong
efforts to reach out to the alternate persons to affirm their reality and to accept what they
remembered as real. I did not press them to give me their names, because to them that
would give me more control than they could feel comfortable with.
As I worked with Truddi I concentrated on the strengths and positive aspects of her
ability to cope. I often had to challenge the negative messages that she had received as a
child and had internalized. At times she spoke so vehemently of how vile, dirty, and
horrible she was that it seemed that my positive affirmation could not counteract the force
of the ego-destructive messages her parents had given to her. Every time she concentrated
on her "bad" aspects I would point out her strengths. Eventually she began to gain some
perspective on herself and to believe that she had been brainwashed by her parents in
order to keep her under control.
Therapy was complicated by the fact that Truddi was in actuality not one but many
victims. I was working with people of varying ages, intelligence, fears, interests, desires,
needs, capabilities, and memories. Methods that worked with one Troop member did not
necessarily work with the others. I had to try to convince over ninety persons that trusting
themselves and others was no longer dangerous to their well-being, and that punishment
would not be meted out for talking. Since they had been warned daily as children that
they would be killed if they told, the fear that they were bad and would not be believed
had colored every moment. For many Troop members fear remains. Some of these give
evidence of their presence in the sessions only peripherally, and refuse to come forth
openly. Their overriding concern was and is to escape any form of communication or
closeness to any human being. I have come to understand that these particularly reticent
Troop members carry the burden of the utmost rage and fear, and seldom appear in
public. Instead they have "mirror-images" who handle their specific daily living chores.
One Troop member in particular felt that as soon as the decision was made to enter
therapy and divulge details to a stranger, "something awful" was going to happen. As
therapy progressed and the Troops became better able to trust me, the apprehensive
Troop member began to reveal what was for her a new and growing awareness of the
other distinct persons. Only as time
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went on and the Troops began sorting themselves out was I told that the persons to whom
I spoke were not the primary person or the first-born child. As we delved more deeply
into the relationship of one person to another and explored their memories of the abuse,
they and I slowly became aware that the abuse not only "destroyed" a number of very
young selves but left the primary person or first-born child in a state of "sleep" after the
second year of her life. Coming to grips with that and with Troop reality as a whole was
difficult both for them and for me as their therapist.
The woman whom I had met, whom I had considered Truddi, had been created and had
grown up as a façade to present to the world. It was she who experienced the amnesia and
therefore was free of all memory of the abuse. She lived in the shadow of a vague daily
apprehension that she did not understand, but was able to present herself to the world in
which she lived as a normal and proper woman. She was meant to hide from the world