When Perfect Isn't Good Enough: Strategies for Coping with Perfectionism PDF
Preview When Perfect Isn't Good Enough: Strategies for Coping with Perfectionism
“An excellent description of perfectionism and its self-sabotaging disadvantages. Presents many efficient and effective cognitive- behavioral methods for dealing with and minimizing this affliction. Quite practical and thorough—but nicely flexible and unperfectionistic!” —Albert Ellis, Ph.D., president of the Albert Ellis Institute in New York City and author of A Guide to Rational Living “All of us know someone who is a perfectionist and most of us have joked about it at one time or another. For some it can be a useful trait that ensures some organization in a disorganized world. But for those individuals coping with too much perfectionism, it can be a curse that takes the pleasure out of life and in some cases can lead to severe anxiety disorders. Now two leading mental health practitioners and clinical scientists provide up-to-date, scientifically validated skills for overcoming perfectionism and regaining control of one’s life. This long overdue book should relieve much suffering and enhance functioning for the millions of individuals dealing with excessive perfectionism.” —David H. Barlow, Ph.D., professor of psychology and director of the Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders at Boston University “When Perfect Isn’t Good Enough surpasses any of the other books on perfectionism in quality and scope. Antony and Swinson have synthesized what we know about perfectionism and used it to create the first well-integrated approach to reduce the suffering caused by it. The chapters clearly define perfectionism and provide concrete steps to master this demon. Final chapters focus on how perfectionism can manifest itself in other disorders, demonstrating how pernicious this phenomenon can be—and why such a book is so essential. This book will be invaluable to people suffering from perfectionism and to the therapists trying to help them.” —Randy O. Frost, Ph.D., professor of psychology at Smith College in Northampton, MA “When Perfect Isn’t Good Enough is an excellent source for people looking to adjust their standards and expectations and, by so doing, increase the joy in their lives. It is easy to read, filled with solid advice, and based on the best scientific research. Unlike most other self-help books, the many exercises suggested by the authors provide the reader with the tools to put these words into action. Antony and Swinson have produced a thorough and systemic manual to lead the perfectionist out of the misery of depression, anger, worry, and social anxiety, and into the promised land of realistic self-evaluation, self- esteem, and positive interpersonal relations. Bravo!” —Richard Heimberg, Ph.D., Adult Anxiety Clinic in the department of psychology at Temple University in Philadelphia, PA Publisher’s Note This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought. Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books Copyright © 2009 by Martin M. Antony and Richard P. Swinson New Harbinger Publications, Inc. 5674 Shattuck Avenue Oakland, CA 94609 www.newharbinger.com All Rights Reserved Printed in the United States of America Acquired by Tesilya Hanauer; Cover design by Amy Shoup; Edited by Carole Honeychurch epub ISBN: 9781608823642 Library of Congress has cataloged the print edition as: Antony, Martin M. When perfect isn’t good enough : strategies for coping with perfectionism / Martin M. Antony and Richard P. Swinson. -- 2nd ed. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references (p. ). ISBN-13: 978-1-57224-559-4 (pbk. : alk. paper) ISBN-10: 1-57224-559-X (pbk. : alk. paper) 1. Perfectionism (Personality trait) I. Swinson, Richard P. II. Title. BF698.35.P47A58 2009 158.1--dc22 2008039802 For Cynthia —MMA For Carolyn —RPS Contents Acknowledgments INTRODUCTION PART 1: UNDERSTANDING PERFECTIONISM CHAPTER 1: WHAT IS PERFECTIONISM? CHAPTER 2: THE IMPACT OF PERFECTIONISM CHAPTER 3: PERFECTIONISM AND THOUGHTS CHAPTER 4: PERFECTIONISM AND BEHAVIOR PART 2: STRATEGIES FOR OVERCOMING PERFECTIONISM CHAPTER 5: MEASURING YOUR PERFECTIONISM CHAPTER 6: DEVELOPING A PLAN FOR CHANGE CHAPTER 7: CHANGING PERFECTIONISTIC THOUGHTS CHAPTER 8: CHANGING PERFECTIONISTIC BEHAVIORS CHAPTER 9: ACCEPTING IMPERFECTION PART 3: WORKING WITH SPECIFIC PROBLEMS AND PERFECTIONISM CHAPTER 10: PERFECTIONISM AND DEPRESSION CHAPTER 11: PERFECTIONISM AND ANGER CHAPTER 12: PERFECTIONISM AND SOCIAL ANXIETY CHAPTER 13: PERFECTIONISM AND WORRY CHAPTER 14: PERFECTIONISM AND OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE BEHAVIOR CHAPTER 15: PERFECTIONISM, DIETING, AND BODY IMAGE PART 4: WHAT NEXT? CHAPTER 16: PREVENTING PERFECTIONISM FROM RETURNING Further Readings References Acknowledgments We are grateful to our editors at New Harbinger Publications for their invitation to revise the first edition of this book and for their support and help throughout the process of bringing the project to completion. Also, thanks to Valerie Vorstenbosch and Heather Hood for their assistance in researching some of the material that went into this revised addition. Finally, thank you to Lizabeth Roemer and Josh Bartok for their helpful comments on an early draft of chapter 9. Introduction The Purpose of This Book When we began our work on the first edition of this book, we struggled to decide on exactly what the scope should be. It was difficult to choose which aspects of perfectionism to focus on, because the term “perfectionist” can be applied to many different types of people. Consider the following examples: In an interview with Oprah Winfrey, Martha Stewart described herself as a “maniacal perfectionist” (Winfrey 2000). In fact, according to a 2004 article in Forbes, Ms. Stewart allegedly once threatened to fire her stockbroker because she didn’t like his company’s telephone “hold” music (Ackman 2004). People who worked with director James Cameron on the blockbuster film Titanic often described him in interviews as being a perfectionist. They told stories of how he often lost his temper when things didn’t go his way. In fact, Cameron’s apparent temper, stemming from his insistence that his film crew meet his high standards, was the subject of many stories in the media around the time of the film’s release. In 2003, French chef Bernard Loiseau committed suicide shortly after his restaurant’s rating in the Michelin Red Guide was reduced from 19/20 to 17/20. The story is chronicled in Rudolph Chelminski’s 2005 book, “The Perfectionist: Life and Death in Haute Cuisine.” In her 1995 biography, Movement Never Lies: An Autobiography, Canadian ballet dancer Karen Kain described herself as a perfectionist. Although she had established herself as one of the most respected dancers in the world, she occasionally had bouts of depression, stemming from self-imposed standards that she felt she rarely met. The character of Niles Crane from TV’s Frasier can be described as a perfectionist. He sees everyone other than himself as inferior in some way, and he goes to great lengths to make sure that things are correct—even the graffiti in the Café Nervosa toilets (which he corrected with a red pen). Other TV perfectionists include Monica Gellar (Friends), Bree Van De Kamp (Desperate Housewives), and Felix Unger (The Odd Couple). Although all of these individuals can be described as perfectionists, they are very different in the ways they express their perfectionism. In some of these
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