What's My Child Thinking? PDF
Preview What's My Child Thinking?
WHAT’S MY CHILD THINKING? US_001-003_Title_Half_Title.indd 1 25/09/2018 13:40pm US_001-003_Title_Half_Title.indd 2 25/09/2018 13:40pm WHAT’S MY CHILD THINKING? PRACTICAL CHILD PSYCHOLOGY for MODERN PARENTS CONTRIBUTING EDITOR EILEEN KENNEDY-MOORE, PhD TANITH CAREY US_001-003_Title_Half_Title.indd 3 23/10/2018 12:35pm Concept Development and Planning Tanith Carey and Dr. Angharad Rudkin Author Tanith Carey Contributing Editor, US Edition Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore Senior Editor Nikki Sims US Editor Jennette ElNaggar Senior Art Editor Emma Forge Designer Tom Forge Editor Alice Horne Editorial Assistant Megan Lea Illustrator Mikyung Lee Producer, Preproduction Heather Blagden Senior Producer Luca Bazzoli Jacket Designer Nicola Powling Jacket Coordinator Lucy Philpott Creative Technical Support Tom Morse Managing Editor Dawn Henderson Managing Art Editor Marianne Markham Art Director Maxine Pedliham Publishing Director Mary-Clare Jerram This book is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute and cannot replace psychotherapy or the provision of psychological services. The views expressed in this book are the authors’ own. If you have any concerns about any aspect of your child’s behavior, health, or well-being, it is recommended that you seek professional advice. Neither the authors nor the publisher shall be liable or responsible for any loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or suggestion in this book. First American Edition, 2019 Published in the United States by DK Publishing 345 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014 Text copyright © 2019, Tanith Carey US adaptation text copyright © DK 2019 Illustrations copyright © 2019, Mikyung Lee Copyright © 2019 Dorling Kindersley Limited DK, a Division of Penguin Random House LLC 19 20 21 22 23 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 001–310527–Feb/2019 All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under the copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the copyright owner. A catalog record for this book is available from the Library of Congress. ISBN 978-1-4654-7937-2 Printed and bound in China A WORLD OF IDEAS: SEE ALL THERE IS TO KNOW www.dk.com US_004-007_Contents.indd 4 16/10/2018 17:42pm Contents Foreword .................................................................................. 8 Introduction ....................................................................... 10 3 2–3 YEARS OLD WHAT DO 1 That’s mine! ...........................................................................36 YOU WANT FOR I do it! .......................................................................................38 YOUR CHILD? No! No! No! ............................................................................40 No broccoli! .......................................................................... 42 Parents’ survival guide Eating out ................... 44 Your own childhood experience .............................. 14 Blue cup. No, yellow cup. No, blue cup. ................ 46 What are your values? .................................................... 16 Daddy, sit there! ................................................................. 48 Be your child’s emotion coach .................................. 18 No coat! .................................................................................. 50 A “good enough” parent ................................................ 20 Mommy, don’t go! ............................................................. 52 Parents’ survival guide Hitting and biting .. ..54 Want your phone! ............................................................. 56 I want more! ......................................................................... 58 Don’t like her ...................................................................... 60 Parents’ survival guide Shyness ........................ 62 Let’s pretend… ................................................................... 64 I want it now! ...................................................................... 66 I’m not finished ................................................................. 68 Please, please, please ........................................................ 70 2 HOW CHILDREN Not Mommy. Want Daddy ........................................... 72 DEVELOP Parents’ survival guide Sleep difficulties ...... 74 Want this story ................................................................... 76 I like this stick .................................................................... 78 How children learn ......................................................... 24 What does this one do? .................................................. 80 Your child’s brain ............................................................. 26 One for you, one for me ................................................ 82 Milestones: 2–3 years ...................................................... 28 Parents’ survival guide Carving out quality Milestones: 4–5 years ..................................................... 30 time ..................................................................................... 84 Milestones: 6–7 years ..................................................... 32 When is tomorrow? ......................................................... 86 US_004-007_Contents.indd 5 26/09/2018 09:27am Parents’ survival guide Dealing with a 4 sick child ....................................................................... 136 4–5 YEARS OLD They called me a crybaby ........................................... 138 I had a bad dream ........................................................... 140 I didn’t do it ...................................................................... 142 I want a cuddle ................................................................... 90 I had an accident ........................................................... 144 Look what I did! ................................................................. 92 She’s not listening .......................................................... 146 I want my pacifier! ............................................................ 94 I don’t want to clean up .............................................. 148 Are you sad, Mommy? .................................................... 96 You have to ........................................................................ 150 I’m so mad! ........................................................................... 98 You can’t come to my party ...................................... 152 I’m just going to do it .................................................. 100 Parents’ survival guide Birthday parties ..... 154 That’s so funny! ................................................................ 102 I don’t want to ................................................................. 156 Can Mr. Giraffe sit down, too? ................................ 104 I wet the bed ..................................................................... 158 Parents’ survival guide Moving away ........... 106 Will bad people hurt us? ............................................. 160 I love being with you ................................................... 108 It feels good ....................................................................... 162 Why is the sky blue? ..................................................... 110 Was that good? ................................................................. 164 But I didn’t hear you .................................................... 112 Why did Grandpa die? ................................................. 166 When I was little… ....................................................... 114 You promised ................................................................... 168 I give up .............................................................................. 116 Parents’ survival guide Separation and I’m scared of the dark .................................................. 118 divorce ............................................................................ 170 I’m telling ........................................................................... 120 I want it to be perfect .................................................. 172 Parents’ survival guide Car trips ..................... 122 No coloring on the wall .............................................. 174 You love her more ......................................................... 124 I lost teddy ......................................................................... 126 You’re always too busy ................................................. 128 I hate her ............................................................................ 130 I feel sad .............................................................................. 132 I never wanted a little brother ................................ 134 US_004-007_Contents.indd 6 26/09/2018 09:27am I’m not playing anymore! ........................................... 224 5 Parents’ survival guide The digital world ..... 226 6–7 YEARS OLD Where do babies come from? ................................... 228 Do I have to do music practice? ............................. 230 What’s a stranger? ........................................................... 232 I have to tell you something! ................................... 178 My diary—keep out! ..................................................... 234 It’s not fair! ........................................................................ 180 Why do you have to go to work? ............................ 236 I can’t do it ........................................................................ 182 You never let me do anything ................................. 238 I hate you! .......................................................................... 184 I want a phone ................................................................. 240 But Mommy said I could ........................................... 186 My legs are too fat ......................................................... 242 Parents’ survival guide Good manners ....... 188 Parents’ survival guide After-school No one likes me .............................................................. 190 activities .......................................................................... 244 They’re being mean to me ......................................... 192 I wish I had a different family ................................. 194 I don’t want to go to school ..................................... 196 References .......................................................................... 246 She’s my best friend ...................................................... 198 Index ..................................................................................... 250 Parents’ survival guide School pressure ..... 200 Acknowledgments .......................................................... 256 Homework is boring .................................................... 202 I’m the best ....................................................................... 204 You’re embarrassing me .............................................. 206 But all my friends have one ...................................... 208 I’m the worst ...................................................................... 210 Parents’ survival guide Money matters ...... 212 Stop fighting! .................................................................... 214 But I’m not tired ............................................................. 216 I’m bored ............................................................................ 218 I’m not as good as them ............................................. 220 I’ve got a boyfriend ....................................................... 222 US_004-007_Contents.indd 7 26/09/2018 09:27am 8 Foreword Foreword If you’ve ever found yourself wondering, “What in the world is my kid thinking?”, you’re in good company. Almost all parents have probably asked themselves that question at some point. Children are not just short adults. They think about things in qualitatively different ways than adults do. Some of these differences are delightful. Because they haven’t been around that long, children see the world as full of exciting adventures and discoveries. I remember one of my children, when she was about 4 years old, declaring with complete sincerity, “I love putting money in the parking meter!” But sometimes differences in how children and adults think can be baffling or exasperating for parents. My son, when he was 3 years old, was deeply attached to a ratty t-shirt that said, “Greetings from Aruba!” I have no idea where we even got that shirt, because no one in our family had been to Aruba. He liked it because there was a parrot on it. He insisted on wearing this shirt as often as possible, including to his birthday party. And who hasn’t tried to get out the door in the morning and said to the kids, “Come on! Let’s go. We’re running late”? Although schedules and appointments are a big part of our adult lives, they are meaningless to young children, who tend to live in the present moment and have only a vague understanding of time. Urging them to hurry can raise tension and cause kids to slow down. Here’s some good news: Just by asking, “What’s my child thinking?” and genuinely trying to understand your child’s perspective, you’re taking an important step toward being a caring and capable parent. Mountains of research studies show that children are most likely to US_008-009_Foreword.indd 8 27/09/2018 11:13am
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