To all my babies and former babies— Deke, Frederica, Parker, Bixby, Walker, and Griffin —but they all have to wait till they’re grown-up to read it! And to my inspiring and loving wife, Michelle. Contents Preface to the Third Edition How This Book Was Conceived . . . Again Introduction Why This Book Was Conceived CHAPTER ONE: What to Expect When . . . “You’re What?” “You’re What?” What It’s Darn Important to Know about Prepregnancy Tests What You Should Have Known About Home Pregnancy Tests Before You Bought This Book What You May Be Concerned About The Job of Sex Goo Goo Google Emotional Maturity A Bundle of Joy CHAPTER TWO: Throughout Your Pregnancy The Eight Danger Signals The Monthly Prenatal Checkups in Review How Big? Sooo Big! High-Tech Pregnant What You May Be Concerned About Eating Right When Not to Call the Practitioner Exercise What Not to Do Quitting Smoking Now CHAPTER THREE: The First Month What Your Wife May Look Like What Your Wife Will Be Complaining About A Couple of Things to Say to Let Her Know You’re Caring, Sensitive, and Up On the Required Reading What to Buy This Month The Minefield: A Guide to the Wrong Gifts for Your Pregnant Wife What You May Be Concerned About Sex During Pregnancy Tippling for Two Genetic Counseling Genetic-Issues Pop Quiz Gender Preference Weight Gain Toxoplasmosis CHAPTER FOUR: The Second Month What Your Wife May Look Like What Your Wife Will Be Complaining About A Couple of Things to Say to Let Her Know You’re Caring, Sensitive, and Up On the Required Reading What to Buy This Month The Right Stroll What You May Be Concerned About Or What a Friend of Yours May Be Concerned About The Interim Name Avoiding Couvade Syndrome College Maternity Fashion Lucky Guesses The New Place What You May Be Freaked Out About Vanishing-Twin Syndrome CHAPTER FIVE: The Third Month What Your Wife May Look Like What Your Wife Will Be Complaining About A Couple of Things to Say to Let Her Know You’re Caring, Sensitive, and Up On the Required Reading What to Buy This Month Making Not Working Work A New Father’s Spiritual Journey What You May Be Concerned About Varicose Veins Boy or Girl? Her Food Cravings Telling Special Celebrity Feature! Celebrity Baby Name Guide CHAPTER SIX: The Fourth Month What Your Wife May Look Like What Your Wife Will Be Complaining About A Couple of Things to Say to Let Her Know You’re Caring, Sensitive, and Up On the Required Reading What to Buy This Month Your Social-Media Pregnancy and Birth What You May Be Concerned About Public Displays of Affection Am I a Sexist? The Antidog Contingent Being Concerned About Everything The Ring Toys! Faking Couvade CHAPTER SEVEN: The Fifth or Sixth Month—Somewhere Around There What Your Wife May Look Like What Your Wife Will Still Be Complaining About A Couple of Things to Say to Let Her Know You’re Caring, Sensitive, and Up On the Required Reading What to Buy This Month, Whatever Month It Is What You May Be Concerned About Sex During Pregnancy Diapers and Landfills Becoming a Father Things That, It Turns Out, Are Not Funny Taking the Pledge Perineal Massage Staying Married CHAPTER EIGHT: The Seventh Month What Your Wife May Look Like What Your Wife Will Constantly Be Complaining About A Couple of Things to Say to Let Her Know You’re Caring, Sensitive, and Up On the Required Reading What to Buy This Month Special Quiz: Trick Questions What You May Be Concerned About Let’s Be Alarmist Sex During Pregnancy Doing the Lamaze Putting Together the Crib Home Alone Pregnancy Simulations Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers Breast Is Best The Minivan (What You Are Really, to Be Honest, Most Concerned About) CHAPTER NINE: The Eighth Month What Your Wife May Look Like What Your Wife Will Be Complaining About A Couple of Things to Say to Let Her Know You’re Caring, Sensitive, and Up On the Required Reading What to Buy This Month What You May Be Concerned About Sex During Pregnancy Fetal Anger Photographing the Belly The Baby Book The Least Complete Baby Name Guide What to Name Your Baby When You’re Not Serious About Naming Your Baby Special Revised Edition Baby-Naming Notes Restless Leg Syndrome It’s Just a Dream CHAPTER TEN: The Ninth Month What Your Wife May Look Like What Your Wife Will Be Complaining About A Couple of Things to Say to Let Her Know You’re Caring, Sensitive, and Up On the Required Reading What to Buy This Month What to Take to the Hospital What You May Be Concerned About The Due Date Pregnancy Brain The Nesting Instinct Crib Notes from Childbirth Class Advanced Paternal Age The Baby Cold Feet CHAPTER ELEVEN: Labor and Delivery What Your Wife Will Be Complaining About A Couple of Things to Say to Let Her Know You’re Caring, Sensitive, and Up On the Required Reading Videotaping Your Delivery The POPGAR Test In The News: The Latest Reports What You May Be Concerned About Fear of Switching Painkillers What to Say During Labor Taking Pictures Circumcision CHAPTER TWELVE: The First Weeks What Your Wife Will Be Complaining About A Couple of Things to Say to Let Her Know You’re Caring, Sensitive, and Up On the Required Reading What Did You Expect? The Silver Linings of Sleeplessness What You May Be Concerned About Crying Taking Care of Mom Hair Loss Going Back to Work Working Woman Fear of Changing The Name Wisdom of the Fathers The Balloons Child Care CHAPTER THIRTEEN: Life with Baby What Your Wife Will Be Complaining About A Couple of Things to Say to Let Her Know You’re Caring, Sensitive, and Up On the Required Reading What to Buy During the First Year Total Childproofing What to Read What to Expect in Your Cart What You May Be Concerned About Going Back to Work Safety Can Be Fun Let’s Do It Again Flying Babies The Farmer in the Dell Superman Syndrome Postpartum Medical School Syndrome Success AFTERWORD: What Did You Expect? Recommended Reading
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