What Men with Asperger Syndrome Want to Know About Women, Dating and Relationships

210 Pages·2012·1.77 MB·English

by  Maxine C. Aston

‘This book provides information and wisdom on how someone with Asperger syndrome can
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achieve, maintain and enjoy a successful long-term relationship… If you have Asperger
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syndrome, or are in a relationship with someone who has Asperger syndrome, this book
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will change your life for the better.’ t

– from the Foreword by Professor Tony Attwood, Minds & Hearts Clinic, Brisbane, M
Australia and author of The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome e
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‘… Maxine gifts the autism community a resource I could have sorely benefitted from when w
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dating and in the early years of marriage. Although I have been with my wife for over two t
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decades, insights within this book contain valuable information that will help my spouse
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and me form ever closer bonds as we travel the journey of life together.’
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– Stephen Shore, EdD, Assistant Professor of Special Education, Adelphi p
University, internationally renowned author, consultant, and e
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presenter, and person on the autism spectrum g
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‘What a relief men with Asperger syndrome will feel after they’ve educated themselves S
about women and all that comes with them, through Maxine Aston’s spot on wisdom. And y
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my, oh my, how much smarter am I now that I’ve learned the meanings and motives behind
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neurotypical women’s vast array of behaviours. What an interesting and important read this r
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book is!’ m
– Liane Holliday Willey, EdD, author of Safety Skills for
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Asperger Womenand Pretending to be Normal
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‘Maxine Aston has written the book that thousands of people have been waiting for…[she] n
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enlightens readers once more with her outstanding knowledge, her incredible insight, her It t What Men
amazing sensibility and her great skill in sensing exactly what people want to know.’ No

– Katrin Bentley, AS couples counsellor and author of EK
Alone Together: Making an Asperger Marriage Work n
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This illustrated handbook provides the answers to men with Asperger syndrome’s most OA WITH ASPERGER SYNDROME
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frequently asked questions about women, dating and relationships. Including information
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and practical advice on everything from finding a prospective partner and asking them out u
Want to Know
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on a date to communicating effectively, ensuring their emotional needs are being met and
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sex, Maxine Aston lays bare the unwritten rules, giving men with Asperger syndrome the
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wisdom and confidence to enjoy successful long-term relationships. m
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Maxine Astonis a qualified counsellor, trainer and supervisor specialising in Asperger , About Women, Dating and
syndrome. She has worked with almost two thousand clients with Asperger syndrome, D
and runs workshops for therapists and professionals who come into contact with adolescents a
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or adults with Asperger syndrome. Maxine also offers assessments for clients who suspect i Relationships
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they may be on the autism spectrum. She has an MSc in Health Psychology and is the author
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of Asperger’s in Loveand The Asperger Couple’s Workbook, both also published by Jessica
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Kingsley Publishers. She is a regular speaker at national and international conferences,
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and lives in Coventry, UK. d

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Jessica Kingsley Publishers ti
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116 Pentonville Road n
London N1 9JB, UK s MAXINE ASTON
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400 Market Street, Suite 400 p
s
Philadelphia, PA 19106, USA
FOREWORD BY TONY ATTWOOD
www.jkp.com
Cover design: Black Dog Design

What Men

With Asperger syndroMe
Want to Know

About Women, dating
and relationships
by the same author
The Asperger Couple’s Workbook
Practical Advice and Activities for Couples and Counsellors
Maxine Aston
ISBN 978 1 84310 253 3
eISBN 978 1 84642 851 7
Aspergers in Love
Maxine Aston
Foreword by Gisela Slater-Walker
ISBN 978 1 84310 115 4
eISBN 978 1 84642 394 9
of related interest
22 Things a Woman with Asperger’s Syndrome Wants
Her Partner to Know
Rudy Simone
Foreword by Tony Attwood
ISBN 978 1 84905 883 4
eISBN 978 0 85700 586 1
22 Things a Woman Must Know If She Loves a Man
with Asperger’s Syndrome
Rudy Simone
Foreword by Maxine Aston
ISBN 978 1 84905 803 2
eISBN 978 1 84642 945 3
What Men

With Asperger syndroMe
Want to Know

About Women, dating
and relationships
MAxine Aston
Foreword by Tony Attwood
Illustrated by William Z. Aston
Jessica Kingsley Publishers
London and Philadelphia
First published in 2012
by Jessica Kingsley Publishers
73 Collier Street
London N1 9BE, UK
and
400 Market Street, Suite 400
Philadelphia, PA 19106, USA
www.jkp.com
Copyright © Maxine Aston 2012
Foreword copyright © Tony Attwood 2012
Illustrations copyright © William Z. Aston
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any material form
(including photocopying or storing it in any medium by electronic means and whether or not
transiently or incidentally to some other use of this publication) without the written permission
of the copyright owner except in accordance with the provisions of the Copyright, Designs and
Patents Act 1988 or under the terms of a licence issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency
Ltd, Saffron House, 6–10 Kirby Street, London EC1N 8TS. Applications for the copyright
owner’s written permission to reproduce any part of this publication should be addressed to
the publisher.
Warning: The doing of an unauthorised act in relation to a copyright work may result in both a
civil claim for damages and criminal prosecution.
Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data
Aston, Maxine C.
What men with asperger syndrome want to know about women, dating and
relationships / Maxine
Aston ; foreword by Tony Attwood.
p.cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-1-84905-269-6 (alk. paper)
1. Asperger’s syndrome--Patients--Family relationships. 2. Interpersonal
communication. 3. Man-
woman relationships. I. Title.
RC553.A88A48835 2012
616.85’8832--dc23
2012009487
British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN 978 1 84905 269 6
eISBN 978 0 85700 554 0
Dedicated to my father,
the late William E. Aston 1920–1989

You are the bravest man I have ever known
You looked Death in the eyes
You held him in your powerful hands
And decided when to die.

Contents
Foreword by Tony Attwood. ............................ 11
Acknowledgements. ................................... 16
Introduction ............................................ 17
dAting And Courtship 21
1 Where is the best place to meet a prospective partner?. ... 23
2 How do I know if she is attracted to me?. ................ 35
3 How do I ask her out? ................................... 42
4 Where do I take her on the first date and what
can I do to make a good first impression? ................ 46
5 What should I talk about on the first date? ............... 49
6 How do I know when or if to take it further? ............ 55
7 When is it OK to expect sex? ............................ 58
8 What if she rejects me? How can I avoid this happening? 60
the relA tionship 63
9 Why are women so complicated?. ........................ 70
10 I feel that whatever I do it will be wrong, especially when
she is upset. If I say nothing it is wrong, if I say something
that will be wrong too. So is it all my fault? .............. 75
11 I get to a point that I feel I want to run away, as I cannot
discuss or argue any more. Why won’t she just let me go? 77
12 She asks me what I feel or why I love her and before I
can answer she has become reactive/angry/upset/critical.
Why? .................................................... 80
13 She tells me I have a communication problem, yet I have
been complimented on my communication at work. Who
is right here?. ............................................ 84
14 I feel like she purposely pushes me until I react and then
acts the victim and blames me for getting angry. Why
does she do this?. ........................................ 87
15 Why is she always criticising me? ........................ 91
16 Why does she exaggerate so often?. ...................... 96
17 If I keep quiet it is wrong and if I speak up it is wrong!
Why? .................................................... 100
18 My only purpose seems to be to work and earn the money.
Is this all I am worth? Why doesn’t she appreciate all I do
for her (and the family)? ................................. 107
19 Why does my partner expect me to come in from work
and immediately start discussing the day with her?. ...... 111
20 My partner keeps nagging me to get rid of some of my
possessions. She does not understand how much stress
this causes me. What can I do? ........................... 116
21 My wife does not seem to know how to load a dishwasher
and yet when I rearrange the contents she gets really mad
at me. Why won’t she just do things the correct way? .... 119
22 Why does my partner constantly disrupt my plans and
routines? ................................................. 124
23 Why does my partner have to announce everything we do
on Facebook? Surely I am entitled to some privacy in my
life?. ..................................................... 130
24 She constantly accuses me of not listening to her and
forgetting what she has told me. Is she making this up to
put me down or do I really have memory problems?. ..... 133
25 My partner complains that I spend too much time on the
internet and not enough time with her, and yet when I try
to spend time with her she just wants to watch soaps! I
think she is being unreasonable. Is she? .................. 139