What Matters Most: The Get Your Shit Together Guide to Wills, Money, Insurance, and Life’s "What-ifs"

304 Pages·2016·2.2 MB·English

by  Chanel Reynolds

Dedication
For Gabriel and Lyric
Epigraph
Keep the snarl open and loose at all times and do not pull on the end;
permit it to unfold itself. As the process is continued the end gradually
emerges. No snarl is too complicated to be solved by this method; only
patience is required.
Clifford Ashley, The Ashley Book of Knots
Contents Cover
Title Page
Dedication
Epigraph
A Note to the Reader
Introduction
Part I: Before
Life Goes Sideways
Guide: When Life Goes Sideways
Waiting for the Dice to Roll
Guide: When the Shit Hits the Fan
Family Meeting
The Last Day
Reentry Protocols
Guide: Quality of Life, Death, and Dying
Tell the Truth; Not Too Much
Found and Lost
Part II: After
Aftershocks
Meridians
The Celebration-of-Life Memorial-Funeral-Ceremony-Service
Guide: After Death
Strangers in a Strange Land
Border Crossing
Death by a Thousand Paper Cuts
Guide: The Tangled Web We Leave
1. Essentials
2. Insurance
3. Money
4. Legal
Practice Makes Progress
The New Normal(ish)
Drink, Fuck, Run
Missed Connections
Part III: Always
The Overview Effect
What Would Cher Do?
Guide: What Makes a Difference
Message in a Bottle
Where’s the Bear?
Guide: What Matters Most
A Small Series of Losses
Departure
Jump
Afterword: Finding Shore
The Guidebook
Acknowledgments
Notes
Index
About the Author
Copyright
About the Publisher
A Note to the Reader
I
never wanted to have to write this book. And yet, even though I find myself
here completely by accident—here we are. So, friend, a couple of quick things.
No, I am not a lawyer, financial planner, or insurance agent. Other than this
book, I’m not here to sell you anything, just to tell you what I learned over the
last nine years.
Yes, it’s a little embarrassing to share my lowest moments after one of my
biggest fears came true, the mistakes I made, and how wrong I got it. However,
if it really is the truth that sets us free, here is every inch of it. My hope is that
this path becomes a little easier for you if (or when) you find yourself (or
someone you love) walking down this road. Besides, if it weren’t all too true,
you can bet I would have made myself look much, much better. Struggle isn’t
pretty, so we might as well just get honest about it.
And being honest is exactly what getting your shit together means in this
book. Serious topics require real-life language and talking like humans. I don’t
have my shit together were the actual words I said standing five feet away from
my husband, who wasn’t waking up from a coma. Giving all or none of the
fucks or swearing up a marketing trend was never the point. I was entirely
terrified. That’s all.
In fact, because my memory was, let’s be clear, not exactly reliable on
occasion, I triple-checked facts, toured the hospital, and interviewed dozens of
people who were there in order to describe as accurately as I can what really
happened. But the only story I’m telling is my own, as I experienced and
remember it. Excavating and mapping friends’ memories and asking what the
kids remember revealed that we were often in the same room but completely in
our own heads, our brains interpreting wildly different meanings, feeling entirely
opposite emotions.
However, what we all remember is, everything really sucked after José died.
For a long time. But even during the moments when I felt like I might die, too, I
knew that I wanted to live, be happy again, and come out the other end alive and
whole. There is hard stuff in here, but you can absolutely get your shit together.
You can do this. We all can.
We don’t drown by falling into the water. We drown by staying there.