Were You Raised by Wolves?: Clues to the Mysteries of Adulthood PDF
Preview Were You Raised by Wolves?: Clues to the Mysteries of Adulthood
DDD DDD DDD DDD 78 To my very own kind and thoughtful slackers, Edison and Atticus. I love you both more than I can say. Now, please go make your beds. 78 Contents Introduction: Hello, Brand-New Grown-up! x Home Sweet Home 1 Make Your Bed! 1 How? 2 If Nothing Else: A Clean Bathroom 5 More Unbelievable Baking Soda Tips! 8 Things for Which Baking Soda Should Not Be Used 12 Getting a Lipstick Stain Out of Your Shirt 12 Event Cleaning 14 What Is That Horrible Moldy Smell? 20 Get Your Fashion and Home Decorating Tips from the Movies! 22 In Case You Didn’t Get the Memo 25 In the Workplace 25 v 34 Contents A Note to the New Guy 26 A Quick Aside to Miss Underground Indie Girl 28 A Brief Memo to Brittany 28 A Quick Communiqué to Our New Fashionista 29 You There, with the Big Shiny Apple on Your Desk 30 Your New Job, in a Perfect World 31 A Note to the Art Dogs 33 The Working Life 33 Get a Crappy Job! 36 Your Résumé: Did You Really Climb Everest? 37 Your Wacky Boss! 38 You and Your Mentor 42 We Just Don’t Want to Wait for You Anymore 43 Getting Acquainted with Your Kitchen 47 How to Boil an Egg 47 Mayonnaise! Who Knew It Had So Many Uses? 49 Fabulous Homemade Mayonnaise Sauces 51 How in the World Do I Poach a Chicken? What Is a Poached Salmon? 53 Mea Culpa, Veggies! 56 Your Own Fast Food Kitchen: A Word on Transforming Raw Materials into a Lovely Feast 59 A Really Easy Soup (In case you’re pressed for time and can’t spend hours making chicken stock.) 62 Contents 34 vi More Kitchen Tips 63 A Damn Fine Cup of Joe 65 Do Dishes Without a Dishwasher? 68 Get Dressed! 71 Just Say No to Culottes: Rejecting the Tyranny of Fashion 71 From the Department of Duh 75 Seemingly Anachronistic Skills We Should All Have: Laundry and Ironing! 75 Why You Need to Know How to Sew on a Button 79 A Note to (Mostly) the Ladies 82 Step Away from the Cologne 82 Seemingly Anachronistic Skills We All Should Have: Thread Your Sweats 88 More Seemingly Anachronistic Skills We All Should Have: How to Tie a Bow Tie 89 You, in the World, Not Being an Embarrassment 91 Cell Phones: Just Stop It 91 Tipping 93 Attending a Party 93 Ears Are Our Friends! 100 A Note on Boredom 102 Be a Perfect Houseguest 104 Drinking 109 vii 34 Contents Oh, What the Hell! Where’s My Cocktail Dress? 115 It’s Your Turn: How to Throw a Real Grown-up Cocktail Party 115 The Mighty Martini: Don’t Mess with Perfection 118 More Drinks 122 Some Absurdly Easy Hors d’Oeuvres 122 The Smoking and Drinking Thing 125 Put on Those Big Boy Pants! 129 How to Throw a Real Grown-up Dinner Party 129 How to Set a Table: An Illustrated Guide 130 What the Hell Am I Supposed to Do with These Flowers, Anyway? 133 Making Your Own Hostess Gift 137 A Word About Carnations 140 Have a Picnic! 141 The Holidays: Starting Your Own Traditions 143 Gravy, I Mean, Oh, Good God, Gravy 145 Tools 147 Oh, Please: Thanksgiving Edition 149 Why Thanksgiving Is the Best Holiday Ever 150 How to Make Your Own Christmas Tree 153 New Year’s Eve: The Greatest Party of the Year! No Pressure at All! 159 Some Things to Do on New Year’s Day 160 Contents 34 viii Affairs of the Heart 163 Breaking Up Is Hard to Do 163 The Upside of Being Single and Lonely! 166 Your Perfect Imaginary Partner 168 Don’t Give Yourself a Haircut When You’re Depressed 172 Other Things to Avoid When Drunk 175 Sorry About the Khakis Thing 176 Dating and Your Writing Skills 176 The Bells Are Ringing: What to Do for the Happy Couple 178 Your World of Finance! 183 Five-Dollar Latte or Buy a House: How Will I Ever Decide? 183 How to Go a Whole Day Without Spending Money 192 Hey, Mr. Artsy Pants 194 Budgeting Your Life: Boring, but So Satisfying! 196 It’s April 15: Do You Know Where Your Taxes Are? 199 If You Have Lots and Lots of Money 202 Serious Self-Sufficiency: No Blow Dryer? We’re All Gonna Die! 204 Don’t Leave the Water Running While You Brush Your Teeth! 207 If Your Mom Still Chews Your Food for You 209 Whoa, Dude! Aren’t Your Roommates, Like, Kind of Old? 209 Your Very Caring Parents: Cutting Yourself off Life Support 210 Vote 212 Buy, Borrow, or Subscribe to These Magazines 213 ix 34 Contents Do You Know? 214 Special Game Show Box by Special Guest Writer Richard Goldman 215 Do You Know . . . What’s in the Bill of Rights? 216 If Only I Had Known: Things I Wish I’d Understood Before I Hit Thirty 219 A Rather Random but Excellent Book List from the Lovely Ladies of Book Group 224 In Conclusion 227 Acknowledgments 229 About the Author Other Books by Christie Mellor Credits Cover Copyright About the Publisher
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