Unrequited: The devil's heart Nikita Kerkmez had always been in love with Yto Consunji. She had

160 Pages·2016·0.69 MB·English

Unrequited: The devil's heart

Nikita Kerkmez had always been in love with Yto Consunji. She had always
believe that after she faced all the obstacles - she will have Yto as her
prize but something happened that made her realize that no matter how
hard she tries, Yto will never be hers...

Witness how Niki puts herself back together. Will she be able to take the
pieces back or will she forever be broken?
Day One

Class meet the newest addition to our family. Yza Joan and Yto Jose.
“
Kambal sila. Say Good morning.
”

Good morning new classmates!
“ ”

I couldn’t wipe the smile on my face when I first saw the boy with those
pesky cute cheeks. Ang taba-taba ng pisngi niya tapos ang haba pa ng
buhok niya. Ang cute niya. Gusto ko siyang maging kaibigan.

Nginitian ko siya noong napadaan siya sa tapat ng chair ko pero hindi
naman niya ako nipansin. Sinundan ko siya ng tingin. Naupos sila noong
kakambal niya sa likod. Siya pa mismo iyong nagtanggal ng bag ng kakambal
niya sa likod nito tapos nilagay sa tabi. Naupo silang dalawa. Nakita
kong hinawakan niya pa iyong kamay noong kakambal niya.

Napatingin siya sa direksyon ko. Ngumiti ako. Gusto kong ipakita sa kanya
iyong dimple ko pero hindi naman siya nag-smile back. Napanguso ako. Ang
sungit naman niya.

Huy, Niki, anong nititingnan mo? Tumingin ako sa tabi ko. Nakita ko si
“ ”
Zachary Drew. Nakatingin siya sa akin. Penge ng candy.
“ ”

Tse! Ang panget mo. Dinilaan ko siya tapos sinilip ko ulit iyong boy na
“ ”
may cute na cheek.

Class, listen. What are odd numbers? Tanong ni Teacher Cheska. Nakita
“ ”
kong nagtaas ng kamay iyong bago naming classmate. Kahit nakataas na ang
kamay niya hawak niya pa din iyong kamay ng batang babae.

Yes, Yto Jose? Tawag sa kanya ni Teacher Cheska. Tumayo siya.
“ ”

Odd numbers cannot be divided evenly, examples of these are 1, 3, 5, 7,
“
9, 11, 13, 15, 17, 19 and so and so forth.
”

Namilog ang mga mata ko. Ang talino pa niya. Ako hindi ako masyadong

matalino sa math pero si Yto Jose…

Tumingin muli siya sa direksyon ko. Ngumiti ulit ako. Nakita kong lumabi
siya tapos ay umupo ulit. Napahagikgik ako. Ang cute niya. Crush ko na
siya.

Narinig kong nag-ring ang bell. Recess time na pala. Kinuha ko iyong
baunan ko tapos nilapitan ko iyong mga bago kong classmates.

Nagugutom ka na noh, Yto. Naririnig ko iyong tyan mo. Sabi noong batang
“ ”
bungi.
Hi! Binati ko sila. Tumingin sa akin iyong batang bungi. Ako si Nikita
“ ” “
Cyrene Kerkmez. Pakilala ko sa sarili ko.
”

Ako si Yza Joan Ybarra siya naman si Yto Jose Ybarra. Kambal kami.
“ ”
Pakilala naman niya sa kanya at sa kapatid niya.

May baon ako, gusto ninyo share tayo? Alok ko sa kanila. Lumabi ang
“ ”
bago kong crush.

Sabi ni Nanay, Yza baon lang natin ang kainin natin. Bad manghingi.
“ ”
Sabi niya sa kapatid niya.

Hindi naman kayo nanghihingi, Binibigay ko. Sabi ni Momsi, always share
“

food with your friends. I’m sharing kasi friends ko na kayo.”

Talaga friends na tayo? Tanong sa akin ni Yza.
“ ”

Oo naman basta friends na rin kami ni Yto. Ngumiti ako sa kanya.
“ ”
Ipinapakita ko talaga ang dimple ko kasi sabi ni Popsi ko, mas maganda
ako kapag nakalabas ang dimples ko pero parang hindi siya nagagandahan sa
dimple ko.

Ngumiti na lang ako.

Di bale, crush ko naman siya at alam kong darating ang panahon, magiging
crush niya din ako.

Day two thousand seven hundred fifteen

Yto bakit ba ang sama ng ugali mo sa akin? Grade seven na tayo pero
“
hindi mo pa rin ako crush?! What’s wrong with you? Kulang pa ba na
ipangalandakan ko sa buong Marian na ikaw ang ultimate crush ko?!
”

Hindi huminto si Yto sa paglalakad. Dala pa rin niya iyong bag niya.
Kipkip niya pa rin iyong mga librong hiniram niya sa library, mukhang
ayaw niya talagang makausap ako. Galit na naman siya sa akin dahil
isinigaw ko sa library na crush ko siya. Wala namang masama doon.

Tinanong kasi ako ng librarian kung anong sinisilip ko sa gitna ng mga
bookshelf. Inamin ko naman na nagpunta lang ako sa library para sa kanya.
Hindi ako nagpunta doon para mag-aral. Gusto ko lang siyang titigan
Layuan mo na ako Niki, pwede? Kahit kailan hindi lalagpas sa classmate
“

ang tingin ko sa’yo.”

Ah ganoon? Sinasabi mo lang iyan dahil nabubulagan ka ng kagandahan ni
“
Samantha, pero mas maganda naman talaga ako sa kanya especially when you
look at my dimple! I yelled. Napapadyak pa ako. Nasa gitna kami ng
”
pathwalk at hindi ako nangingiming ipagsigawan na gusto ko siya dahil
iyon ang turo ni Momsi at ni Popsi: kapag may gusto kailangan sabihin,
doing.
life is short to live it in fear and that’s exactly what I’m

Just go home, Niki. Uuwi na rin ako.
“ ”

Tinalikuran niya ako. Okay lang naman sa akin iyon. Darating din ang
panahon, mapupunta sa akin si Yto Jose Consunji.
Day five thousand eight hundred eighty-eight

Ano? Girlfriend ni Yto si Anna? Anong meron kay Anna na wala sa akin?!
“ ”

Gigil na gigil ako habang kausap ko si Yza sa telepono. Nasa bahay ako
noon, nilalagnat, sabi ni momsi huwag na daw muna akong lumabas dahil
baka lalo akong magkasakit.

Kumalma ka, Nikita. Wala na, sinagot na daw siya ni Anna.
“ ”

Hindi ko na nagawang magpaalam kay Yza sa telepono. Wearing my hello
kitty slippers and my hello kitty jammies I got out of my room and went
down stairs. Sinilip ko muna si Momsi, nasa kusina siya at naamoy ko na
ang chiken soup na niluluto niya para sa akin. Tumakbo ako palabas ng
bahay. Nilalagnat ako tapos medyo umaambon pa pero hindi ko alintana.
Nakasalalay dito ang nararamdaman ko para kay Yto. Hindi na lang ito
simpleng crush. Mahal ko na kaya siya. Na-realize ko iyon noong day three
thousand five hundred fifty seven ko na siyang kakilala.

I know I’m too young pero okay lang naman. Popsi said that love comes in
a much unexpected time and this is my unexpected time. Wala namang
problema sa akin kung mahal ko si Yto at the age of fifteen. Alam ko at

naniniwala ako na si Yto at ako ay para sa isa’tisa.

Narating ko ang village nila Yto kahit na mabagal akong maglakad.
Nagtuloy ako sa bahay nila at doon nakita ko si Yto na kausap si Zachary
Drew sa labas ng gate. Nagtatawanan ang mga ito. Nilapitan ko siya tapos
ay hinampas sa balikat.

How dare you! Sigaw ko sa kanya. Bakit nakipag-girlfriend ka kay Anna?
“ ” “
Alam mo naman how much I love you! Malat na malat man ako, sinisigawan
”
ko pa rin siya.

Niki, ano bang ginagawa mo dito? Tanong niya na mukhang gulat na gulat.
“ ”

Anong ginagawa ko? This is me fighting for you! Hindi ako papayag na
“
makuha ka ng iba! Akin ka Yto!
”

Day twelve thousand two hundred seventeen

Yes! Graduate na ako ng college!
“ ”

Iyon ang una kong sinigaw pagkalabas ko ng PICC kung saan ginanap ang
graduation rites namin. Agad kong niyakap si Momsi at si Popsi tapos ay
lumipat ako kay ate Lindy at kuya Daniel. Kumpleto ang pamilya ko ngayon
dahil nagtapos ang pinakamagandang supling ni Hanna and ni Antoy Kermez.

Momsi, look oh, ang ganda ko talaga dito sa picture taken by Kuya.
“ ”

Siyempre, baby girl, mana ka kay Popsi. Hinalikan ako ni Popsi sa
“ ”
pisngi.

Narinig ko si Momsi. Natawa na lang kami nila Ate.
“Ano sa’yo na naman?”
Nagyaya na si Kuya Daniel na umalis. Kakain pa kasi kami sa labas but
then I saw Yto with his new girlfriend Mindy. Nagkiss pa sila. I made a
face.

Tumalikod iyong babae. Ang kapal ng mukha.
Momsi, Popsi susunod na lang ako sa car. Paalam ko. Pinuntahan ko si
“ ”
Yto. Nakatayo lang siya doon habang tinatanggal ang necktie niya. Nang
makita niya ko sumimangot agad siya.

Sabi ko sa kanya sabay yakap. I was actually
‘Congratulations Yto ko!”
expecting that he would push me away pero hindi at natuwa ako dahil doon.
He let me hug him for like a minute ako na rin ang kumalas matapos noon.
Kinikilig ako.

Masaya ka na? There was a hint of smile on his face. I shrugged.
“ ”

Mas masaya kung sasagutin mo na ako, Yto ko. Lumapit ako sa kanya. I
“ ”
put my arms around his neck and shove myself closer to him. I saw his
cheeks turn a little bit scarlet. Napahagikgik ako. I think I’m affecting
him in a way na nakakilig.

“Yto ko…”

Niki, stop. He said. I could hear the warning bells on his voice but I
“ ”

didn’t listen.

Wala ka pang graduation gift sa ----
“ “

my Yto kissed me. My
I wasn’t able to finish my sentence because Yto – –
eyes were wide at fist. Of course naman! Bakit hindi? He’s my first kiss.
I actually reserved my first everything for him.

I want him to be my first boyfriend, first kiss, the first and the last
man in my life. I only want Yto Jose Consunji. I love him with all my
heart.

He whispered in between his kisses.
“Kiss me back…”

I whispered back. He stopped for a while and
“I don’t know how too…”
looked at me. Akala ko tapos na iyong magical moment but then he kissed
me again this times I imitated the brush of his lips against mine and a

little while later, we’re both gasping for breath.

He said before letting me go. Tumalikod na
“That’s your gift, Nikita.”
siya. I was left alone in the middle of the parking lot holding my lips,
feeling the touch of his.

First kiss ko si Yto!

Day twenty thousand ninety nine

I know I wanted him to be my first everything. And that happened. Yto
Jose Consunji is really my first everything. As I look at him sleeping
beside my bed inside my room in a certain chateau in mid town Paris,
France I asked myself for the hundred time if I was only dreaming.
–

I have waited for him for almost twenty years of my life and the joy I
felt when we finally happened was indescribable. I moved a little but
“ ”
closer to him. Inilagay ko ang ulo ko sa dibdib niya. I put my arms
around him. Bakit kaya kahit tulog si Yto ang init ng katawan niya. I
smiled.
I have given myself to him again that night. Hindi ko na alam kung ilang
beses nang nangyari iyon. Masaya naman ako dahil sa kanya. He makes me
feel special and loved. Sa tingin ko, kahit hindi niya pa sinasabi iyon
three words eight letters na iyon, nararamdaman na niya. Hindi naman siya
mag-a-
act ng ganito kung hindi niya ako mahal. We’ve been doing this for
a year and a half. Hindi ko na nga alam kung paano nagsimula. I guess
that night with the scotch started it all. That was the night when he put
his mark on me. Hindi ko maintindihan kung anong mark iyon pero kahit ano
pa iyon, kanya naman talaga ako.

I heard him moan. Tiningnan ko siya. He opened his eyes and
“Hmnn…”
hugged me tighter.
“Gising ka pa…”

Naalimpungatan lang, Yto ko. I said to him. He kissed my hair.
“ ”

Tulog na.. Maaaga ka pa bukas. Ihahatid kita doon. Tapos babalik ako ng
“
London. I have exams, you know. He kissed my hair again. Napapikit ako.
”
Kinikilig talaga ako. Ang sweet ng Yto ko.

Day twenty thousand five hundred seventy seven

“You’re breaking up with me?”

I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. Niyakap ko ang mga tuhod ko. I
was sitting in the middle of the bed while watching Yto as he gets
dressed. He faced me afterwards.

Hindi. Why would I break up with you, wala naman tayong relasyon.
“ ”
Malamig na sabi niya. My mouth parted. Wala kaming relasyon? Wala?
Ibinalot ko ang kumot sa katawan ko at saka tumayo. I slapped him hard.
–
He deserves that.

“Asshole! Wala tayong relasyon but you… you…”

Ano bakit hindi mo ituloy? He grinned. We just fucked Niki. Malungkot
“ ” “
ka, nalulungkot din ako we found each other. Isa’tisa ang naging sandalan
natin but that doesn’t mean na mamahalin na kita. Kaya mo bang tanggapin
sa sarili mo na minahal lang kita dahil tayong dalawa ang laging

magkasama? Love doesn’t work like that, Nikita!”
I said in between sobs. I saw him take his coat.
You’re a jerk!”

“I’m a Consunji, Niki. Have a good life.”

Tinalikuran niya ako. He left my room. He left me alone. I could feel my
heart literally being ripped apart inside my chest. Akala ko okay na ang

lahat. Everything was perfect but the…

I sat on the floor, crying, feeling so bad for myself. I couldn’t believe
that Yto broke my heart. On the twentieth thousand day, he broke my heart
a
nd left me broken. Paris is supposed to be the city of love but now, I’m

having doubts about that…
Paris, France

I couldn’t get over how desperate I was on forgetting him. I guess that
rt
it’s just the right thing to do. It’s been seven months. If I conve
that into days it will be two hundred and ten days, and if I convert that
into seconds it will be eighteen million one hundred forty four seconds
–
that’s the duration of my very first heartbreak from the devil in a black
suit named Yto Consunji.

I d
on’t get why I couldn’t just shake the feeling off. I used to shake so
many things off like in my firs declamation program I was so nervous
– –
that time. I was only eight years old but I shook the feeling off by
looking at Yto who was by that time sitting on the front row watching me.
I shook my head. Damn, I’m thinking of him again. I guess, there are
just some things in the world that people just couldn’t shake off easily
and one of those things is this nagging love I feel for Yto Consunji.

Mademoiselle, do you want another cup of tea? I looked at the waiter
“ ”
standing next to me holding a porcelain thermos. He was aiming for my
cup. I just smiled and shook my head. I looked at the Eiffel tower again
and I silently wished for him to be here tonight with me. I fucking miss
him so much.

“Mademoiselle, where is that good looking boy you’re always with? The
Of course, he was talking about Yto. Yto again.
tall man in a dark coat…”
I rolled my eyes. I almost forgot that this coffee shop by the Eiffel
tower is his favorite and I only came here to think about him more. Ang
hirap. I am on the verge of moving on from the heart ache ha had given me
and yet I keep on coming back to the place where I can remember him us
–
or what I thought we had.

Can you just let me be? I asked him nicely. Umalis naman siya at iniwan
“ ”
ako. Muli kong itinuon ang mga mata ko sa Eiffel tower. I had been living
in Paris for almost six years and I love my life here. I love Paris. Dito
kasi nangyari iyong mga bagay na akala ko hanggang tanaw ko na lang. But
as much as I love Paris I also dreaded this place now. Kahit saan kasi
–
ako tumingin, siya lang ang nakikita ko.

And that’s not good. Kinakalimutan ko na siya pero hanggang ngayon nasa
isip ko pa rin siya. Paano ko siya makakalimutan noon? I rolled my eyes.
I used to love dusks like this. Hindi gaanong malamig ang klima, I used
to love sitting right here in this very spot with him, his arms were
then he would whisper
around me, we’re both watching the Eiffel tower –
sweet nothings in my ear. He would make me feel special paanong hindi
–
ko mararamdaman na mahal niya ako. I sighed. I really thought my lifelong
dream had finally came true that Yto Consunji will love me back the way
–
I love him.

ing pero hanggang doon na lang iyon.
He’s literally my first everyth
Loving him gad thought me life lessons. Lessons that I never thought
would make me who I am today. No, I didn’t become cynical, I didn’t
become a non-believer. What Yto did to me only opened my eyes to the
reality of life. He made me see the real things. He made me realized that
that no matter how hard you
love doesn’t always have a happy ending –
hope
– the things you believe in doesn’t always happen. He made me see
. He had hurt me
that life isn’t always about rainbows and butterflies

senseless and yet… and yet…

I am still hopeful.

What for? I’m hoping that one day, when I finally shake my feeling off
for him, someone much better so much better than him preferably not
– –
some guy with a shining surname like him would come along and save me
– –
from this situation I am in.
I am hopeful for another happy ending with another man who would love me
and would not hurt me. I am hopeful for that. I am looking forward for
that moment. I will not lose hope. I will dream again.

But right now… I’m still busy picking up the pieces of my broken heart. I
will put myself together and after that I will dream again… I will dream

and that dream won’t be Yto Consunji anymore.

-------------------------

Le Dante Park, Manila Philippines

Baby, bakit hindi ka makipag-date kay Lukas Anton?
“ ”

I glared at my beautiful mother Hanna Kerkmez who was sitting beside
– –
me at the dining table that Monday morning. We were both having
breakfast. She was sipping her coffee while I was savoring my energy
shake. I am on a diet. For the last months that I have been fighting the
depression Yto Consunji gave to me, I have gained ten pounds and I’m
trying to lose that. I was still staring at my mom. She was just looking
back.
Seryoso?
“ ” I couldn’t believe it. Lukas Anton Ronaldo is the son of my
Ninong Caleb. Lukas Anton is a very
Popsi’s band mate and also ninong –
successful photographer and artist. His works are all over Asia and the
southern part of Europe. I have seen him many times back while I was in
Paris but I didn’t have the time to spend with him because I was always
pre occupied by Yto.

Momsi! I reacted. Tumaas naman ang kilay niya.
“ ”

-six
“At bakit? You’re not getting any younger. Twenty —“

I corrected her.
“Five…”

“Whatever, baby. Why don’t you date Lukas Anton? O kaya man si Xander.
You were always spending time with him. Why not him?
”

Momsi, incest iyon! Sigaw ko pa.
“ ”

At bakit incest iyon? Tanong niya sa akin. Hindi naman anak ng Popsi
“ ” “
mo sa ibang babae ang mga iyon. At kung nagkaanak man ang Popsi mo sa
Kalmadong sabi ni Momsi. I just
iba, malamang matagal na kaming hiwalay…”
rolled my eyes.

Sabi ni Popsi, Momsi kapag pastel to pastel bad. Kasi halos
“ –
magkakapatid na sila nila Ninong Caleb. So, almost cousins na kami ni
Lukas Anton at ni Xander. Although I like Xander momsi, his biceps re
just really hard. Pure muscles.
”

Talaga? Nahawakan mo? Tanong pa sa akin ni Momsi. I nodded.
“ ”

Hindi lang nahawakan, Momsi, nayakap ko pa! Humagikgik ako. Momsi
“ ”
seemed to be enjoying the conversation we were having. Aaminin kong close
ako kay Momsi tulad nga ng tawag niya sa akin baby niya pa rin ako
– –
hanggang ngayon pero mas close ako kay Popsi , si Popsi kasi iyong
–
spoiler naming nila Kuya Daniel noon. Kapag nagagalit si Momsi, tatakbo
kami kay Popsi, at first he would tell us why Momsi si mad then
afterwards, he would give us what we want. Ganoon magmahal si Popsi, may
kasamang sermon pero bibigay din.

Alam ko rin na ako talaga ang favorite sa family. I have two other
siblings, si Ate Lindy and si Kuya Daniel pero kahit sila alam nila na
ako ang paborito kasi paborito din nila ako. But contrary to what others
were thinking hindi ako spoiled brat. I know how to work hard for the
–
things I want in life. Iyon ang unang tinuro sa akin ng mga magulang ko.

To work hard. Kaya nga tigas talaga ang pagwo-work hard ko kay Yto pero

sa huli nabigo pa rin ako. I guess that’s just how life operates.

I exclaimed. Naalala kong
“Uhm! Momsi, I have a ten o’clock thing pala!”
may usapan kami ni Yza Consunji
– Yto’s twin sister who also happens to
be my best friend. I sighed. Tuwing naalala ko iyong connection niya sa
lalaking nanakit sa akin, iniisip ko kung paano ako agad makakalimot.

I kissed momsi goodbye. She told me to take care of myself and to not
turn my phone off. I just smiled at her. I got in my car and drove fast
so I could be with Yza immediately. I don’t know kung saan kami pupunta,
she said that it had something to do with her lifelong dream.

After ten minutes, nakarating ako sa bahay ng mga Consunji. I looked at
the rear view mirror to check my makeup and my hair. Bumaba ako ng
sasakyan when I realized that my makeup is just fine.

Binati ko iyong guard sa gate
“Lalalala…. Good morning, manong guard!”
nila Yza. May guard sila, may mga body guards din. Ganoon sila kayaman.
Tito Sancho Consunji owns the biggest Empire in the country.
Yza’s dad –
Feeling ko nga sa yaman nila, kaya nilang bilhin ang buong Pilipinas
–
ut although mayaman sila, Yza my best friend is
and I’m not kidding. B – –
really down to earth. Something I like so much about her. Wala siyang ere
sa katawan hindi katulad ng kakambal niya.
–

If Yza is down-to-earth and kind Yto naman is the total opposite. His
presence demands attention. Kahit hindi siya nagsasalita, mapapansin mo
siya. His simple move can mean too much. Isang tingin palang malalaman na
kung sino siya maski hindi siya kilala.
–
Ate Niks!
“ ”

para ko
I smiled when I heard Yna’s voice. Yna is Yza’s little sister –
na rin siyang kapatid. She hugged me.

Ate Niks, pwede ba sa prom ko ikaw ang mag-design ng shoes ko. Tanong
“ ”
niya sa akin. Ginulo ko ang bangs niya.

Sure, baby doll! Kailan ba iyan? Naku, dalaga ka na! May boyfriend ka na
“
ba?
”

Nanlaki ang mga mata niya. Wala pa noh! Bawal pa sabi ni Tatay. Sabi pa
“
ni Kuya Yto, kapag nagboyfriend ko, bubugbugin daw niya at isasama niya
pa si kuya Yvo at si kuya Yllak.
”

Maniwala ka naman doon! Sabi ko sa kanya. Si Nanay? Tanong ko. Nanay
“ ” “ ”
na rin ang tawag ko sa mommy nila.

“Nasa kitchen. She’s making lunch for Kuya and Tatay. Ay! First day ni
Kuya ngayon as GM ng Consunji Hotels! Greet him! Ay teka, magbibihis ako.
Thanks, Ate Niks!
”
Tumakbo na siya paakyat sa taas. Tinungo ko naman iyong kitchen at doon
ko nakita si Nanay Sheena.

Nay! I greeted her. Niyakap ko siya at hinagkan sa pisngi.
“ ”

Nagbibihis pa si Yza. Kumain ka na ba? Tanong niya sa akin.
“ ”

Natatawang sabi
“Yes po. Diet ako, Nanay. See lumalaki ang balakang ko…”
ko. Umiling lang siya sa akin. Tinulungan ko siyang mag-prepare ng
pagkain.

“Fried rice and egg rolls, para kay Yto. Plain rice para kay Tatay…”
Nakangiting sabi niya sa akin. I looked at Nanay Sheena and I realized
that she was still pretty much in love with Tatay Sancho. Namumula pa
iyong cheeks niya habang pinaghahanda ng lunch ang one and only niya.

Sus, kinikilig ako! Sabi ko na lang. She looked at me.
“ ”

Inginuso niya sa akin ang
“Kailangan pabaunan ng pagmamahal. Ikaw din…”
baunan ni Yto. Tumawa ako.

Nanay, kahit naman pabaunan ko ng pagmamahal iyan walang mangyayari.
“
Hindi naman ako mahal ni Yto at kahit kailan ay hindi na niya ako
mamahalin. Nanay talaga!
”

Why are you speaking with so much finality in your voice? Tapos na ba
“
ang laban?
”

Gusto kong sumagot nang oo. Tapos naman na talaga ang laban. It ended
almost a year and a half ago in my hotel suite in Paris at ten thirty in
the evening, Friday night and it was the same night when the winter
season started.

h me and remembering days and times.
I sighed. I don’t know what’s wit
Masyado akong nagte-take note sa oras at sa panahon kaya siguro mabagal
–
din akong makalimot.

“Nay, I can’t fix my tie!” I took a deep breath when I heard Yto’s voice.
I looked back at the kitchen entrance and I saw him walking towards me. I
took a step back dahil hindi naman niya ako napansin kaya tuloy-tuloy
siya.

He called again.
“Nanay…” “Iyong tie ko…”

Anak, madumi ang kamay ko. Paayos mo kay Niki. Sabi ni Nanay Sheena. My
“ ”
eyes widened.

Niki? Parang doon pa lang siya naalarma na nadoon ako. He looked around
“ ”
and he found me standing behind him. Dumilim ang mukha niya. Nandyan ka
“
pala.
”

Kaswal na sabi ko.
“Oo. Hinihintay ko si Yza. She’s so bagal!”

O, ayusin mo na. Sabi niya lang sa akin. Napatingin ako kay Nanay
“ ”
Sheena. Wala na siya sa kinatatayuan niya. I wanted to make a face.
Iniwan niya ako kay Yto. Si nanay talaga.

Nikita did you hear me? Fix my tie?! He exclaimed. I rolled my eyes.
“ ”

“Don’t you dare roll your eyes on me!”
Oo na, oo na. Akin na nga iyan! Kinuha ko sa kanya iyong tie na ka-
“ ”
match ng Armani suit niya. I looked at the shoes he’s wearing. It doesn’t
go with his suit.

Do you remember the Italian shoes you bought in Le Shaondel? I asked
“ ”
him.

What about it.
“ ”

Wear that. It will look better on this suit. Isinuot ko ang tie sa
“ ”
kanya. Sa tie ako nakatingin at hindi sa mukha niya pero I feel that he’s
looking at me.

He said. Doon ako napatingin sa kanya. Hindi ko siya
“Say it…”
maintindihan.

What? My heart beat faster.
“ ”

“The thing that you told me that morning before my final exam. Say it…”
He said. I remember what I told him that morning. Ganito rin kami noon. I
was fixing his tie. We were talking about the shoes he should wear and
then out of the blue he
told me that he’s nervous, that he’s afraid he
might fail his finals. I looked at him, I smiled and I said to him:
If ever you forget who you are, just remember that I am Nikita Kerkmez
“

and I’m so in love with you no matter how cruel you are.”

After that, he kissed me. Muntik pa nga siyang ma-late noon because the
kiss led to another mind blowing making love sa akin lang pala making
–

love iyon. For Yto, it’s just sex.

Good luck on your first day, Yto! I exclaimed happily. Hindi maipinta
“ ”
ang mukha niya pagkasabi ko noon.

He hissed.
“That’s not what you said!”

Tanong ko sa
“I know. But do you think I’ll ever say that again to you?”
kanya. Siyempre sasabihin ko na iyon sa susunod na lalaking mamahalin
“
ko.
”

iled at him.
Yto’s eyes turned dark. I just sm

Galit ka sa akin. He concluded.
“ ”

“Oo na hindi. It’s okay. What you did to me was an eye opener, Yto.”
Ngumiti ako. -te-thank you ako
“Don’t worry, kapag hindi na masakit, mag
Kinindatan ko siya.
sa’yo.”

Good luck on your first day!
“ ”

I turned my back on him. Pinakiramdaman ko ang sarili ko. Yes, there’s

pain pero bearable na. Napangiti ako. Alam ko, kaunti na lang…

Malapit ko nang marating ang goal ko.

To forget Yto…

like the other
I woke up the next morning feeling just okay. It’s not
mornings when I’m really happy and jolly. Today, I’m just feeling okay
and that’s a good thing. My mornings in Paris are even worse than this.